Tag Archives: eating disorders

August 9, 2026 · 1:00 am

Valor and PTSD

Tattered American flag at scene of devastation following F-5 tornado in Oklahoma, Image released by US Armed Forces (ID DF-SD-00-03241), Author Sgt Bill Kimble, (Public Domain)

Valor, noun – strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness : personal bravery

Valor may be an old fashioned word these days. It is something quiet. Something internal.

Society applauds courage – a much prized quality that involves action in the face of danger, action despite fear. We picture it on the battlefield, flags waving and bullets flying. Civic associations award medals for it, as well they should.

But there are all kinds of battlefields. Many of us carry our battlefields inside. They are no less perilous, no less grimy, no less bloody for that. Only the blood, the sweat, and the tears are our own.

We carry scars from the battles fought and lost, many when we were grossly outmatched as children. All our failures remain present with us; they haunt us like ghosts. Our victories vanish like soap bubbles. Yet we continue to look death in the face almost daily, and persevere to survive another day [1][2][3].

This is life with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The wounds inflicted on us – whether from childhood abuse and neglect, or domestic violence – were undeserved. The guilt for them is not ours, but we carry the shame regardless.

The demons we wrestle – anxiety, depression, self-doubt, self-loathing – rarely sleep.

At times, we seek to numb the pain. The anesthetics we use for this vary – drugs, alcohol, razor blades, food, sex, work. But they provide little relief. We simply harm ourselves further.

What we fail to recognize is the sheer valor required to endure in the face of such an unrelenting onslaught. There is no better word for the strength of mind and spirit required to remain steadfast and carry on.

Medals or no, we deserve to hold our heads up.

—

[1] Psychiatry Advisor, “Trauma and Suicide”, https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/factsheets/trauma-and-suicide/.

[2] PTSD UK, “Suicide amongst people with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder”, https://www.ptsduk.org/suicide-amongst-people-with-ptsd/.

[3] US Dept. of Veterans Affairs, National Center for PTSD, “The Relationship Between PTSD and Suicide”, https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/cooccurring/suicide_ptsd.asp.

A New Mexico court has ordered Meta (the parent of Instagram and Facebook) to pay $567 million for harming children. The social media giant must eliminate push notifications at night and during school hours, reduce time limits on its apps to no more than 90 hours/month, and put AI chatbox safeguards in place for users under 18 y.o.

For more information, see https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-08-07/meta-ordered-to-pay-us567-million-in-new-mexico-/107008246.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

9 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as alcohol abuse, anxiety, courage, cutting, depression, drug abuse, eating disorders, endurance, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), self-doubt, self-harm, self-injury, self-loathing, sexual addiction, strength, workaholism

November 16, 2025 · 1:00 am

Wounds

Colored stipple etching of a forearm with three open wounds, WOUNDS by J. Stewart after J. Bell (c. 1826), Wellcome Collection (Library Reference ICV No 9908), Source/Photographer https://wellcomeimages.org/indexplus/obf_images/b3/e5/19f609d2570b60390b8f1a0e2f55.jpg, (Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International)

When sex is viewed merely as another human appetite – powerful perhaps, but devoid of emotional content; when it is shared with any number of casual strangers, rather than with the beloved in a lifelong committed relationship as intended by God, then it is devalued and we with it.

Instead, a profound wound is created, a wound that reaches to the soul.

We may deny the existence of this wound. Certainly, our culture does. But the wound is a reality, nonetheless, a gaping void no substitute can fill.

We may try to fill that void by increasing the number of our sexual partners, a fruitless exercise. We may try to fill it with food, alcohol, or drugs in an effort to numb the pain. The effort, itself, can become a compulsion. But the wound remains.

For the victims of abuse, sexual or otherwise, the very same wound is created. We know at the deepest level that we were seen as worthless by the parents or guardians who should have loved us. The grief and shame are overwhelming, and can last a lifetime.

Christ is familiar with wounds. He, too, bore them. Not due to His own fault, but for our sakes. And He can heal them.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

12 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as casual sex, drug addiction, eating disorders, healing from abuse, lack of self-esteem, promiscuity, sexual addiction, shame

December 1, 2024 · 1:00 am

The Rose Garden, Chapter 16 – The Weight of Sorrow

Clothing rack of women’s jeans, Source https://www.publicdomainpictures.net, Author Peter Griffin, (CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain Dedication)

“…Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God” (Matt. 4: 4).

It is late in the season. I wander from one clothing rack to another, searching for my size. The coats have been picked through. There are few remaining. It is unlikely I will be able to find a coat that fits, let alone flatters, me.

Please, God, I pray. Please, let me find something. I promise to lose weight. I promise to try harder.

One scar of the incest has been of such magnitude in my life that it warrants separate discussion. This is weight control. I have prayed as fervently in the Women’s Department as in any cathedral.

For an abuse victim, the difference between size 8 and size 18 is no mere matter of discipline. A child who is molested feels like offal. Whatever impulses drive her abuser, she is less than nothing in his eyes, and — despite his soothing words to the contrary — she knows it.

Against this backdrop, weight often becomes a problem. Eating disorders are common — anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, etc. [1][2][3][4]. In this, I am typical.

Distress, Defense, Punishment, and Shame

Food is a natural source of comfort for the sexually abused child, maladaptive when weight becomes an issue.

Weight serves many purposes. It is a distress signal: silent evidence of the molestation, the secret exposed. It is a defense, the child’s feeble attempt to create a physical barrier against the predator; later, an emotional barrier to adult relationships.

Increased weight is a psychological way of hiding from rejection. Failed relationships can be blamed on weight. However painful this approach may be, it is less painful than rejection of the “true self.”

Weight is punishment for misplaced guilt. The little girl cannot be forgiven for having engendered the violation (as if she did), and cannot forgive herself for being “unlovable.” So her anger turns inward, with depression the result.

The cycle repeats itself — over and over — as weight is gained, lost, and regained. In the process, weight becomes an alternate focus for the shame of the abuse.

All this is unconscious.

A Symbol of Rage and A Test

As the child grows into a woman, weight takes on even more shades of meaning. It embodies rage at men; shouts, in effect, “Damn them all! They’re vapid and shallow, anyway — unable to recognize real worth.”

It serves as a test for the woman. It serves as a test for the man she hopes will love her. It serves as punishment for the woman’s failure to be lovable, yet again.

Food as Love – An Analgesic and An Anesthetic

Food offers instant gratification while love, in her experience, does not.

Food is, of course, nourishment. As the body requires food, so the soul requires love. Love is vital. The soul craves it. Deprived of love, the soul starves. Food becomes the unsatisfactory substitute for love denied, an analgesic against the pain.

In terms of our anger at having been abused, food is more like an anesthetic. Unable to express that anger appropriately at the time, we forced it down with food, then “forgot” why we were eating (or denying ourselves food) so compulsively. Attempts to diet are futile because they do not address the underlying rage.

Distrust of God

While we may not think in such terms, at a deeper level, a disordered relationship with food by abuse victims reflects a distrust of God.

Since our needs were not met as children by those who stood in God’s shoes, we have little reason to believe that God will meet them now. So we try to meet them ourselves, try to assure that we will at least have as much (or little) food as we want.

But we cannot satisfy our hunger — our desire not only for love and justice, but for control over our own lives — since that hunger is emotional rather than physical.

God is capable of filling our needs. However, we must first put our trust in Him. For abuse victims, that can be a lifelong challenge.

All this applied to me; took me decades to decipher. Continue reading →

16 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Tagged as "The Rose Garden" by Anna Waldherr, abuse and depression, abuse and self-esteem, abuse and self-image, abuse and weight issues, abuse scars, anorexia, binge eating, bulimia, codependence, eating disorders, false guilt, food as love, incest, misplaced guilt, shame

August 27, 2023 · 1:00 am

Punishing Ourselves, Part 2 – Emotional Hunger

Shopping mall, Sarasota, FL, Author PCHS-NJROTC (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

“But his brothers hated Joseph because their father loved him more than the rest” (Gen. 37: 4 NLT).

Human beings inherently crave connection. When our basic need for relationship is denied, abuse victims can develop an intense emotional hunger. Some of us attempt to satiate that hunger with food, others with possessions, still others with sex.

But these will not satisfy us. So the emotional hunger returns, and the cycle begins all over again – each time destined to fail.

Punishment and Reward

“…the wandering of desire…is vanity and grasping for the wind” (Eccl. 6: 9)..

The reward – whether of food, material things, or sex – becomes punishment. Each stop gap measure has negative consequences. Each leaves us feeling empty [1]. Our sense of worthlessness resurfaces with renewed force.

Then the reward used to stem our emotional hunger becomes, itself, a source of shame. It takes more and more food/things/sex to bring us even temporary relief. Our desperation increases.

Punishment and Self-Forgiveness

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” (John 16: 33).

Consciously or not, we ache for forgiveness, someone to take the guilt away. And there is Someone who can do that. In fact, He longs to do that. He died on a cross to do that.

But we did nothing to “deserve” abuse. We do not, therefore, need forgiveness for our abuse. What Jesus Christ does to relieve us of the false guilt for which we have been punishing ourselves is reveal a truth it would have been too painful for us to accept as children, i.e. that our parents and caregivers were the ones at fault.

Where their love failed us, His will not. And the life He offers us is everlasting.

—

[1] Got Questions, “What does the Bible say about eating disorders?”, https://www.gotquestions.org/eating-disorders.html.

Originally posted 10/8/17

This series began last week with “Punishing Ourselves, Part 1 – Numbness and Deprivation”

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

12 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Tagged as bad parenting, Biblical patriarch Joseph, binge eating, bulimia, eating disorders, false guilt of abuse victims, self-forgiveness, self-punishment, sexual addiction, shame, shopping addiction, unmet emotional needs

May 22, 2022 · 1:00 am

Psychedelics for Anxiety, Depression, and PTSD, Part 1

File:Ecstasy monogram.jpg

Ecstacy a/k/a Molly, Author DEA, Source https://www.dea.gov, (PD as work product of federal govt.)

“I am more convinced than ever that psychiatric medications, over the long term, cause net harm. I wish that weren’t the case, but the evidence just keeps mounting that these drugs, on the whole, worsen long-term outcomes…The inventor of frontal lobotomy…was awarded a Nobel Prize for inventing that surgery, which today we understand as a mutilation.”

-Award-winning science author and journalist, Robert Whitaker [1][2]

Recently, a number of drug trials have been conducted re-assessing the effectiveness of psychedelics for anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

While the results of these trials have been heralded as providing new treatment options for tenacious illnesses, there are serious dangers associated with psychedelics.

Serotonin

Psychedelics act on receptors in the brain for serotonin, a neurotransmitter that effects mood.

There is some thinking that psychedelics enhance the brain’s capacity to form and reorganize synaptic connections, especially following injury [3A]. But this hypothesis needs further research.

In the therapeutic setting, psychedelics cause a receptive, dream-like state during which memories are readily accessible [3B]. The theory is that this state opens the door to fresh ideas the therapist can introduce.

Unsupervised use is not recommended. Continue reading →

5 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as addiction, alcoholism, anorexia, anxiety, bulimia, depression, drug-based psychiatric approach, eating disorders, ecstacy, hallucinogens, magic mushroom, MDMA, methamphetamine, molly, psychedelic drugs for mental illness, psychosis, PTSD, serotonin

April 21, 2019 · 1:00 am

Ice Cream

Strawberry ice cream, Source sxc.hu, Author Lotus Head, Johannesburg, South Africa (Free use per OTRS ticket #2007062510004765)

“I scream
You scream
We all scream
For ice cream”

– “Ice Cream” by Howard Johnson, Billy Moll, and Robert King

We have all at one time or another over-indulged, whether in a pint of our favorite ice cream or a family size bag of chips. And will again. Food may not be a substitute for love, but it is readily available.

The need for love and connection is closely related to that for sustenance. The need to reproduce is equally primal. Human beings could not have survived without these needs being met, which is why they are so deeply ingrained in our nature.

Weight, however, is tied to self-loathing in our culture. What American woman has not stood naked on the scale, waiting with bated breath for the dial to stop?

As many abuse victims know, the shame of abuse can be transferred to our weight. The ongoing battle with weight provides us a permanent opportunity to vilify ourselves. Inversely proportional to our weight, our self-esteem can, quite literally, be measured by the pound.

When the damaged self-esteem resulting from abuse and the pressure on American women to be a certain size coincide, eating disorders frequently result. Anyone acquainted with anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating knows these are often hidden. The shame of these disorders coupled with the shame of abuse can be overwhelming.

There is worse. Some of us have eaten out of the garbage can. This practice is not limited to the homeless among us [1]. There could hardly be a more apt symbol of low self-esteem. Continue reading →

7 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse

Tagged as anorexia, binging, bulimia, constant dieting, eating disorders, low self-esteem, weight as a substitute for abuse, weight as shame

March 18, 2018 · 1:00 am

In the Aftermath of Abuse, Part 2 – Guilt and Shame

“ ‘If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in Me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea’ ” (Matt. 18: 6).

It is easier for children to believe they “deserve” the evil done to them, than to take in the fact an adult who should care for them actually has little or no regard for their well-being.

The Statute of Limitations and other obstacles can make it difficult to hold child abusers and molesters accountable legally. Even with a conviction, however, the feeling of “sinfulness” may rebound from an abuser to his victims.

This in no way implies that they were at fault. Victims, however, relive the trauma of having been treated as worthless. They are often left with a vague sense of unworthiness that can permeate their lives, and undermine subsequent relationships.

Though this feeling of their own “sinfulness” can be overwhelming to abuse victims, the conclusions they draw from it are not accurate. Victims did not warrant or invite the abuse. They remain deserving of love.

The feeling of “sinfulness” is just one of the scars left in the wake of abuse. Other symptoms can include anxiety, depression, alcohol or drug addiction, eating disorders, and sexual dysfunction. These behaviors either stem from the pain or are attempts to numb it. All of them “punish” the victim, who was never at fault in the first place!

The symptoms of abuse may, themselves, become a cause of shame to victims. Self-destructive behaviors shift the focus away from the abuse, while silently declaring it to the world. Imperfect as coping mechanisms, these behaviors can have dire consequences but are, in effect, a cry for help.

Originally posted 7/7/13

Of Note: A Vatican tribunal has found Archbishop Anthony Apuron of Guam guilty of abusing minors and removed him from office. Apuron was suspended in June 2016 following accusations that he sexually abused altar boys as a parish priest during the 1970s.

Thus far, the Archdiocese of Guam has been named in 159 sex abuse lawsuits involving Apuron and others.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

12 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse

Tagged as alcoholism, anxiety, Catholic Church sex scandal, depression, drug addiction, eating disorders, false guilt of abuse victims, guilt of predators, promiscuity, sexual addiction, shame, unworthiness

October 8, 2017 · 1:00 am

Punishing Ourselves, Part 2 – Emotional Hunger

“Joseph’s Coat of Many Colors Brought to Jacob after Joseph Is Sold into Slavery” by Diego Velazquez (1630), El Escorial (PD-Art l Old-100)

“But his brothers hated Joseph because their father loved him more than the rest” (Gen. 37: 4 NLT).

But these will not satisfy us. So the emotional hunger returns, and the cycle begins all over again – each time destined to fail.

Punishment and Reward

“…the wandering of desire…is vanity and grasping for the wind” (Eccl. 6: 9).

Then the reward used to stem our emotional hunger becomes, itself, a source of shame. It takes more and more food/things/sex to bring us even temporary relief. Our desperation increases.

Punishment and Self-Forgiveness

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” (John 16: 33).

Consciously or not, we ache for forgiveness, someone to take the guilt away. And there is Someone who can do that. In fact, He longs to do that. He died on a cross to do that.

Where their love failed us, His will not. And the life He offers us is everlasting.

—

[1] Got Questions, “What does the Bible say about eating disorders?”, https://www.gotquestions.org/eating-disorders.html.

This series began last week with “Punishing Ourselves, Part 1 – Numbness and Deprivation”

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

5 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

November 6, 2016 · 1:00 am

Anxiety, Phobias, and PTSD – Part 1

“The Scream” by Edvard Munch (1893), National Gallery, Norway (Accession No. NG.M.00939), Source WebMuseum (PD)

“God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea…” (Ps. 46: 1-2).

Most people have experienced anxiety, in one situation or another.

The death of a loved one, divorce, serious illness, job loss, and moving are recognized as major stressors [1]. Other anxiety producing occasions include public speaking (always a favorite), waiting on approval for a mortgage, meeting a girlfriend’s parents for the first time, and having the in-laws over for Thanksgiving.

Then, of course, there are a host of phobias. As a general rule narrowly focused, phobias are no small matter for those suffering from them. Phobias include the fear of heights, spiders, snakes, birds, tight spaces, bridges, flying, and blood [2].

Purpose of Anxiety

Anxiety is intended to alert us to potential danger, and prepare the body for it.

A part of the brain called the amygdala releases neuro-transmitters that initiate the so called “fight of flight” response, producing the sensations of anxiety [3]. The heart rate climbs; blood rushes to the muscles; the lungs work harder. This process is largely autonomic. We have, by design, very limited control.

For most, the panic associated with stressful situations quickly subsides. Shallow breathing deepens and slows. Rapid heartbeat subsides.

The audience does or does not throw tomatoes. The in-laws smile or grimace – it’s sometimes hard to tell the difference – and swallow their turkey. We eventually get the mortgage.

In short, the body figures out we are going to survive.

Anxiety Disorders

About 40 million Americans, however, suffer from anxiety disorders [4]. Severe anxiety, whatever form it takes, is debilitating and can be crippling.

A. PTSD

The severe anxiety resulting from traumas such war, rape, or child abuse is better known as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) [5].

Whatever its origin, PTSD can cause recurrent, powerful, panic attacks, with or without an identifiable trigger. These attacks are typically accompanied by heart palpitations, chest pain, the sensation of being smothered, and a feeling of dread. A panic attack can, also, be experienced as paralysis and overwhelming fear.

PTSD sufferers may, in addition, experience flashbacks (vivid and disturbing memories, re-experienced involuntarily). I have discussed these elsewhere [6]. Continue reading →

34 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as anorexia, anxiety, bingeing, bulimia, courage, cowardice, eating disorders, effects of abuse, effects of trauma, emotional scars, fear, OCD, panic attacks, phobia, psychological impact of combat, PTSD, purging, Rape, self-criticism, social anxiety, war wounds, worry

June 7, 2015 · 1:00 am

Ice Cream

Chocolate chip ice cream, Source sxc.hu, Author Lotus Head, Johannesburg, South Africa (Free Use per OTRS Ticket #2007062510004765)

“I scream
You scream
We all scream
For ice cream”

– “Ice Cream” by Howard Johnson, Billy Moll, and Robert King

Weight, however, is tied to self-loathing in our culture. What American woman has not stood naked on the scale, waiting with bated breath for the dial to stop?

Tag Archives: eating disorders

Valor and PTSD

Wounds

The Rose Garden, Chapter 16 – The Weight of Sorrow

Punishing Ourselves, Part 2 – Emotional Hunger

Psychedelics for Anxiety, Depression, and PTSD, Part 1

Ice Cream

In the Aftermath of Abuse, Part 2 – Guilt and Shame

Punishing Ourselves, Part 2 – Emotional Hunger

Ice Cream

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