Spaghetti and Meatballs, Author John Freeman
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The Weight-Loss Battle
Again and again, you resolve to lose weight. At times, you make heroic efforts in this direction. You try fad diets, and supervised weight loss programs. You try home exercise equipment and gym memberships. You fast, may occasionally purge.
And you do lose weight, sometimes substantial amounts. But as soon as you have acquired an attractive wardrobe in a smaller size, your weight shoots up again. It is as if you were fighting a force outside yourself.
The pain of this is excruciating. Giving away – one after another – the pretty items of clothing that no longer fit, you feel as if the flesh were being ripped from your bones, piece by piece.
This happens time after time, over the years, stripping you of hope.
Self-Control and a Negative Inner Dialog
Disciplined in other areas of life, you revile yourself for a lack of self-control where food is concerned, further contributing to an inner dialog which is already wholly negative.
You do your best to live a life of integrity. But nothing you accomplish has value in your eyes, so long as you continue to have weight issues.
Scalding encounters with those who make clear their disgust at your appearance only reinforce your sense of worthlessness.
Weight Issues/Eating Disorders as a Substitute
Weight problems and eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, etc.) can arise from other causes than abuse . But when abuse of some kind has occurred, they frequently serve as substitutes – an alternate focus for our shame, safer places to put our pain.
We may agonize over the difficulty of losing weight. But, chances are, that is preferable to agonizing over the incest to which we were subjected. The difficulty of the struggle reflects the depth of the wound. Continue reading