Category Archives: domestic violence

April 12, 2026 · 1:00 am

Witnessing Evil – Secondary Trauma

Plate No. 9 (“They Do Not Want To”) from the series “The Disasters of War” by Francisco Goya (1810s), Source Arno Schmidt Reference Library (PD)

The impact of witnessing trauma of any kind is profound. This is known as secondary or vicarious trauma. It leaves a scar on the psyche. Symptoms can range from sadness, fear, and guilt, to anxiety and emotional numbness [1A].

Secondary Trauma

Of course, trauma takes many forms and is not limited to abuse. We may, for instance, witness an auto accident, seeing victims removed from the scene. Those in law enforcement, emergency care, and frontline journalism frequently experience this [1B][2].

But many of us will encounter secondary trauma simply through life experience.

A. Domestic Violence

Children who witness domestic violence in the home are exposed to evil firsthand, and are most vulnerable to the effects of vicarious trauma. It shapes their character and their view of the world even if they, themselves, are not the victims.

Boys are far more likely to become abusers; girls, to seek out abusers as partners. The statistics are appalling [3].

B. Bullying

We may as children have seen others bullied, feeling powerless, ourselves, to intervene.

C. Vicarious Abuse

Whether as children or adults, we may see a beloved friend or relative gradually worn away by domestic violence, her self-esteem eroded.

Though we may never actually see the blows struck, this is for us, in effect, vicarious abuse. If we try unsuccessfully to persuade that friend or relative to leave her situation, we are bound to feel frustrated, angry, and helpless.

What We Can Do

If we do lose a loved one to abuse, we are not as helpless as we may feel.

A few of us may become advocates, as a result, in or out of the courtroom. Far more will go on to interact with countless other women we can educate about domestic violence. While we may never give formal lectures, we can share our experience with friends, coworkers, and a host of others.

As important, we can treat them the way they should be treated. And we can raise our own children to know they deserve better from a relationship.

That has the power to save lives.

—

[1A and 1B] Office for Victims of  Crime (OVC), “The Vicarious Trauma Tool Kit — What Is Vicarious Trauam?”, https://ovc.ojp.gov/program/vtt/what-is-vicarious-trauma.

[2] ACLS, “Understanding Secondary Trauma: The Impact of Witnessing Traumatic Events” by Melanie Kolmetz, DFAAPA, EMT-P, https://acls.com/articles/the-impact-of-witnessing-traumatic events/.

[3] Domestic Shelters, “Children and Domestic Violence”, 1/17/15, https://domesticshelters.org/resources/statistics/children-and-domestic-violence.

The US Supreme Court has ruled against a Colorado law which prohibited so called “conversion therapy” in cases of gender dysphoria.  The Supreme Court considers such counseling “free speech,” therefore, protected. 

See, https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/national-international/supreme-court-rules-conversion-therapy/4081114/.

Some 23 states have prohibited licensed Christian counselors from exploring underlying issues with patients suffering from this condition, or advising how they might align their perceived gender and biological sex.  

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT:  https://alawyersprayers.com

14 Comments

Filed under bullying, Child Abuse, Child Molestation, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , ,

April 5, 2026 · 1:00 am

Easter Sunday

Children dressed for Easter, Tallahassee, FL (1957), Source/Author Florida Memory, State Library and Archives, https://floridamemory.com/items/show/261196 (PD per Section 257.35(6) Florida Statutes)

Easter Sunday was an important day on the calendar when we were children. 

We would be dressed in our best Spring finery for church – Easter bonnets, white cotton gloves, starched dresses, lace anklets, patent leather shoes.  With trees coming into bud and daffodils in bloom, the whole world seemed fresh and new.

Of course, appearances can be deceiving.  Child abuse can be disguised for the world.  But no amount of chocolate eggs or jelly beans can make up for it.

These days the focus seems more on the Easter bunny than the Resurrection.  Which is a tragedy, since it is Christ who offers abuse victims genuine comfort and healing. 

He offers us, in fact, a new life (whatever may have caused our scars).

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Cor. 5: 17).

Wishing you all a Happy Easter!

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

 

12 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , ,

March 29, 2026 · 1:00 am

Sins Against Self, Part 2

“Jesus of the Stripped Loyalty with Green Tunic” (10th Station of the Cross), Source/Author Aendomekio3 (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

We continue our examination of sins against the self to which abuse victims are prone [1].

Self-Pity/Self-Hatred/Self-Harm

We hate ourselves not only for the sins against us, but for the sins we have committed, and the mistakes we have made – sometimes wallowing in self-pity, sometimes consumed with self-contempt [2][3].  This manifests as a harshly self-critical inner dialog or continuous stream of negative thoughts.  We may even contemplate self-harm [4].

Self-Reliance

In fleeing from a God we hold responsible for our abuse or believe abandoned us, we may choose extreme self-reliance [5].  This is a brittle defense which fails to take into account the fact that all we are, and all we have, is from God.  Endurance, itself, is a form of His grace.

Suffering as a Gift

Whether we realize it or not, we are engaged in a lifelong spiritual battle.  Not because we were once victimized, but because Satan wants all of us (abuse victims or not) to feel victimized for the rest of our lives.  He wants us focused inward on ourselves and our wounds, rather than outward toward God and others.

That is not, however, God’s plan for us.  Which is why He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for us – for our sins, the whole long list.  And to offer us instead an abundant life. Continue reading →

11 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

March 22, 2026 · 8:48 am

Sins Against Self, Part 1

Medieval flagellants as pictured in Nuremberg Chronicle by Hartmann Schedel (1440-1514) (PD)

As abuse victims, we are, for the most part, more sinned against than sinning.  Abuse leaves a devastating scar across our lives.  About that there is no doubt.

That does not, however, mean we do not sin, ourselves.  Many of our own sins are against the self, a direct result of the abuse we suffered [1][2].  And God loves us so much He wants better for us than that.

Low Self-Esteem

Believing ourselves worthless, we treat ourselves that way.  We view any kindness toward ourselves as undeserved, and turn aside those who would love us (sometimes causing unintended pain to others, in the process).

Disordered Sexuality

In a desperate effort to find the love we were denied, we seek it in all the wrong places.  Far too often, we are drawn to partners who re-enact the abuse so familiar to us.  Or we settle for less than we deserve, giving ourselves away to any comers, rather than respecting our own bodies. 

A few of us take the other direction, and forego the sexuality with which God endowed us or reject the gender God assigned us.  That is no wiser, though it may temporarily feel safer.

We may assume this does not grieve God, but it does [3].  He suffers with us, and weeps for us. Continue reading →

10 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , ,

March 15, 2026 · 1:00 am

Radicalization

We are all too familiar with radicalization these days.  It is the process by which an individual or group adopts views so extreme that they involve the use of violence [1]. 

Those radicalized are willing to use any means to achieve the overthrow of existing systems, whether political, social, or religious [2A][3A].  They swallow then spew forth hate-filled rhetoric, as if it were self-evident truth [2B][3B].

The real question is why?  What makes some (especially our young people) vulnerable to radicalization?

The Specter of Hitler

The fantasy/sci-fi series The Twilight Zone was prescient, in this regard [4A]. 

In an episode by Rod Serling titled “He’s Alive”, which first aired in 1963, an aspiring American Nazi who was once a lonely and abused child receives advice from Adolf Hitler’s specter about how to gain a following: 

“Speak to them as if you were a member of the mob, speak to them in their language, on their level.  Make their hate your hate.  If they are poor, talk to them of poverty.  If they are afraid, talk to them of their fears.  And if they are angry, Mr. Vollmer, if they are angry give them objects for their anger [4B].”

Not all lonely or abused children become radicalized, of course.  Nor were all those who become radicalized formerly lonely and abused children.  But there is a clue here.

Vulnerability

Children from all ethnicities and all levels of society can become radicalized. 

But those struggling with identity; those who lack purpose; those questioning their place in society; those becoming distanced from their cultural or religious backgrounds are more vulnerable [2C][3C]. 

Likewise, those isolated; those with low self-esteem; those with family issues; those who have been bullied; and those who have experienced trauma, racism, or discrimination are more vulnerable [2D][3D]. 

Many of these are the same factors that make children vulnerable to grooming for sexual exploitation.

Children who have difficulty understanding the consequences of their actions; lack empathy for others; are fascinated by conspiracy theories; and/or are obsessed with massacres and mass violence are particularly open to believing extremist claims are the answer to their problems [2E][3E]. Continue reading →

19 Comments

Filed under bullying, Child Abuse, Child Molestation, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Terrorism

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

March 1, 2026 · 1:00 am

Baby Trafficking

Pregnant woman, Source https://www.flickr.com/photos/aurimas_m/3423098686/, Author Aurimas Mikalauskas of Paliūniškis, Lithuania (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

In a joint operation between the United States and Mexico, authorities last year captured Martha Mendez Aguilar, known as “La Diabla” (“The Devil”), the head of a grisly baby trafficking ring called the Jalisco New Generation Cartel [1A].

“[This is an] example of what terrorist cartels will do to diversify their revenue streams and finance operations [1B].”

–Joe Kent, Dir. of National Counterterrorism Center

Pregnant women, often from impoverished circumstances, were lured to remote locations.  Once there, the mothers were murdered, and their organs and infants harvested for sale.  The infants were sold to couples for around $14,000 each.

Tragically, this cartel was not the only one to pursue baby trafficking.

Indonesian police uncovered an international baby trafficking ring believed to have sold at least 25 infants to buyers in Singapore since 2023 [2A].  Using Facebook, WhatApp, and other channels, this syndicate targeted expectant mothers who allegedly did not want to raise their infants.

Delivery costs were covered and a small amount of compensation paid to the mothers.  Then the infants were handed over.

In some cases, infants were actually reserved in the womb for purchasers and housed for as long as a year after birth, while fraudulent birth certificates, parental consent forms, medical records, and immigration documents were prepared.

Desperate Straits

“These clinics or shelters use language that sounds compassionate at first, such as ‘you can give birth and take your baby home’.  But in reality, they offer money and illegally transfer custody of the baby [2B].”

— Ai Rahmayanti, Commissioner of the Indonesian Child Protection Commission (KPAI)

Child trafficking cartels are extremely sophisticated, often posing as maternity clinics, orphanages, or shelters which appear to care for vulnerable women and children [2C].

Typically, they target women in desperate straits – those suffering from financial hardship, trapped in debt bondage, abandoned by a spouse or partner, pregnant as the result of sexual violence whether by a partner or stranger, or simply pregnant from a casual sexual relationship [2D].

When manipulation fails, cartels will resort to criminal approaches including direct abduction (whether from hospitals, schools, playgrounds, or other public spaces), and crisis exploitation (natural disasters, civil unrest, or refugee settings) [7A].

Purposes

Infants and children may be trafficked for illegal adoption, prostitution or other sexual abuse, forced marriage, forced organ donation, forced labor or slavery, use in the drug trade, use as beggars, and use as child soldiers [3][4][5].  These can overlap [6]. Continue reading →

11 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, human trafficking, Justice, Law, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Poverty, Prostitution, Rape, Religion, sex trafficking, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Slavery, Terrorism, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , ,

February 22, 2026 · 1:00 am

The Trouble with Throuples

File:ST TroubleWithTribbles.jpg

Screenshot of William Shatner as Captain James Kirk surrounded by tribbles, Source Star Trek:  The Original Series, Episode “The Trouble with Tribbles”, Copyright © 1967 Paramount Pictures (Fair Use)

There was an old Star Trek episode titled “The Trouble with Tribbles” [1].  Cute and furry little creatures, tribbles multiplied rapidly when fed, and had the potential to destroy entire ecosystems as a result.  The trouble with throuples is not dissimilar.

Throuples, for those unfamiliar with the term, are sexual relationships comprised of three individuals [2].  The fad is a modern variant on polygamy which is again in vogue, as People Magazine and reality TV reflect.

The concept may at first seem titillating.  Why not explore our sexuality to the fullest extent?  It’s “obvious” no single individual can fulfill all our needs.  And why should we have to fulfill the needs of someone else, when that burden can so easily be shared?

Theoretically, each member of a throuple is an equal partner.  Presumably, however, the group can decide to distribute power differently.  With or without consent, both power and attraction can, also, shift within the group.

Unfortunately, tensions that can exist between a married couple are multiplied in the context of a throuple, not diminished. That applies whether the group involves one man/two women, one woman/two men, three women, or three men (and whatever the sexual orientation within the group). Continue reading →

11 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, sex trafficking, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

February 8, 2026 · 1:00 am

Minimizing Pain

FACES_English_Blue_no copyright info

As abuse victims, we will often minimize our pain.  We may downplay our pain out of fear, guilt, or a desperate need to believe that the parent/caregiver or partner who caused that pain “deep down” loves us.

This is a short-term coping mechanism, a way of assuring ourselves that we will survive the harm done to us.

It is, also, a way of minimizing the responsibility of those who inflicted that harm on us (and avoid or defer dealing with the anger and grief their betrayal caused us).

Denial v. Reality

Both the victims of childhood abuse and the victims of domestic abuse may employ this coping mechanism, sometimes despite clear evidence to the contrary [1].  A woman whose partner blackened her eyes and knocked her teeth out may, nonetheless, seek to assure concerned family members, “Really, it’s not so bad.”

The problem with this coping mechanism is that it does not address the abuse.  The victim denies the reality that he or she has been seriously harmed; may fail to obtain necessary medical treatment; and continues to remain in the abusive situation. Continue reading →

28 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , ,

December 21, 2025 · 1:00 am

Good Tidings

“Nativity of Christ a/k/a Holy Night” by Antonio de Correggio (c. 1529-1530), Staatliche Kunstsammlungen (Accession No. Gal.-Nr. 152), Dresden, Source/Photographer Google Arts & Culture https://artsandculture.google.com/asset/7wGhio0LPVXb_g Hans Peter Klut/Elke Estel (PD)

“Then the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people.  For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.  And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger’” (Luke 2: 10-12).

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas!

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

16 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , ,

November 30, 2025 · 1:00 am

Grooming – The Manipulation of Children

“Garden of Deception” by Andrew Blucha  (2022), Courtesy of https://www.reddit.com/r/ImaginaryHorrors/comments/uyxcoo/the_garden_of_deception_andrew_blucha_2022/ 

Grooming refers to the deliberate process by which an abuser builds a relationship with a child for the purpose of manipulating, exploiting, and abusing that child [1A][2A].  It involves gaining the victim’s trust over time while desensitizing the child to abusive behaviors, so that the child is less likely to reject them and report the abuser to authorities. 

Significantly, grooming can take place both in person and online.  It can take place at home, at school, in clubs, on teams, in religious settings, and elsewhere [2B].  Online, it can involve social media (Instagram, Tik Tok, Snapchat, etc.) or gaming platforms (PlayStation Network, Xbox Live, Discord, etc.) [2C].

Dynamic

Grooming is the result of a power differential within the relationship, which the abuser uses for his/her own gratification [1B].  Authority can create such a differential, for instance, where the abuser is a teacher, coach, or physician.  But age, itself, can create a power differential. 

Most caring adults will be sensitive to the fact children are easily influenced.  Predators, by contrast, use this vulnerability to their advantage, coupling it with appropriately tailored lies.  “This is how all Daddies teach their little girls about sex.”  “This will make Uncle Frank very happy.  You want to make him happy, don’t you?”  “This is what big boys do.”

Grooming Situations

Grooming is most commonly employed in cases of child sexual abuse.  Even adults, however, can be groomed [1C].  That may be the case where the abuser is a family “friend” (a charming predator with whom parents are led to believe their child will be safe), or where an adult victim comes under the sway of a narcissistic partner [3][4].

Children old enough to flee physical or sexual abuse at home will find it brutally hard to live on the streets.  Not surprisingly, they, too, are susceptible to grooming which is precisely why pimps and sex traffickers rely on the tactic.  A homeless young person offered “free” room and board will find it difficult to refuse sex in exchange. Continue reading →

26 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Prostitution, Religion, sex trafficking, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,