Domestic violence has again been in the news lately. But I received the following response from an old friend, on the topic:
I don’t claim to understand the violence in society. I do know there are many men out there who are as outraged as I am. I am lucky enough to go to a church with many good men.
We have a monthly men’s lunch to talk and share stories. Guess who organizes this group?Don’t give up on us!Steve
With that in mind, I thought it worthwhile to republish the following post.
Despite what some women may have experienced, there are good men out there. The trick can be finding them. For that, we have to apply appropriate criteria [1] [2].
While this is not a dating guide, I offer you some of the Bible’s advice on the topic. The language may sound old fashioned, but the sentiments apply to our day.
A good man exemplifies integrity, both in his public and private life. This should be the standard women, also, demand of themselves.
“If I have walked with falsehood, Or if my foot has hastened to deceit, Let me be weighed on honest scales, That God may know my integrity” (Job 31: 5-6).
A good man deals justly with others, whatever their status.
“If I have despised the cause of my male or female servant When they complained against me, What then shall I do when God rises up?…Did not He who made me in the womb make them? Did not the same One fashion us in the womb?…” (Job 31: 13-15, 21-22).
A good man sets godly priorities in his life, actively living out his faith. This means more than his just attending church on Sundays. It involves forgiving others; extending help to the needy; and trying to do right in all things. It does not involve a pompous or superior attitude.
“If I have kept the poor from their desire, Or caused the eyes of the widow to fail…If I have raised my hand against the fatherless…Let my arm by torn from the socket…If I have made gold my hope…This also would be an iniquity deserving of judgment, For I would have denied God who is above. If I have rejoiced at the destruction of him who hated me…If my land cries out against me, And its furrows weep together; If I have eaten its fruit without money…Then let thistles grow instead of wheat…” (Job 31: 16, 21-22, 24, 28-29, 38-40).
A good man does not view fidelity as an imposition. Moses was faithful in the face of opposition; Ruth was faithful in the face of loss. God, Himself, is described in the Bible as faithful (1 Cor. 1: 9). In fact, faithfulness and self-control are considered fruits of the Holy Spirit.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love…kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (Gal. 5: 22-24).
As these biblical standards make clear, character is a great deal more important than, say, looks. Sadly, both men and women can be deceptive…which is why we need to pay special attention before our hormones kick in.
By the way, the Bible holds women to comparable standards.
—
[1] Young women may worry about losing a relationship, if they ask “too much” of a man. Ironically, the women who use men only for purposes of material gain never seem to give this issue much thought. Kindness, in any case, is not too much to ask.
[2] Women who have been abused may be fearful of beginning a new relationship. A high degree of caution is both wise and natural, in view of what these women have endured.
Originally posed 8/24/14
Earlier this month, former Virginia Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax shot and killed his wife then himself with the couple’s teenage children in the home.
For more information, see https://wtop.com/fairfax-county/2026/04/2-dead-after-domestic-incident-in-annandale/.
Last week, in Louisiana, Shamar Elkins shot 10 individuals, hunting down and killing 7 of his own children, along with another child, as the result of a domestic dispute. Elkins (who was killed by police) is thought to have had mental health issues.
For more information, see https://apnews.com/article/shreveport-louisiana-shooting-children-981e69dcfee2361fe81e27199c8b9b05.
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com
A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse and More 
Thoughtful & excellent post, as always 🩷
You are so kind, Cynthia. ❤
Just telling the truth ❤
🙂
I really enjoy seeing this interaction, and your decision to address it. Despite how sideways things have gotten, we do have evergreen examples and guidance from Him on how we should behave, and what we should all strive to be. It’s as simple, and apparently complicated, as that. Have a great week, Anna!
You, too, Scott.
Excellent as always, Anna. This is a subject that really hits home with me. As a child and into my teen years, I was surrounded by men who were mean, extremely prejudiced, and sometimes violent. There is no question that had I not come to Christ I would have repeated the actions of those around me.
I suppose that is why I came to understand many years ago that if there was any good in me or about me, it was only because of the Christ within me. Even after I gave my heart to Him most people would tell me that it won’t least, that I would never be anything except what I came from.
Thanks be to God, however, that He has been a faithful guide in my life for now almost 50 years. He has shown me the good way and given me a life I could have never dreamed I could have. I am living proof that men do not have to stay in the clutches of violence and cruel abuse. God has provided an escape from all of that lifestyle in his son Jesus Christ, and for that I give him praise!
Thank you for sharing, Ron.
There are many good men in the world!
Add, A good man who is married is off limits.
If HE does not know THAT, he is NOT a good man!😉
❤️&🙏, 🤠
Thank you as always Anna for touching on such an important subject (I feel incredibly blessed to have so many good men in my life!)
In the grace of God go I ..
Or rather, ‘There but for the Grace of God, go I’
John Bradford ?
There are good men out there and they struggle to find a good women. I have an adult Grand daughter and Grand son who need good mates with the qualities you named. Both are mature enough to know there are no perfect mates. As an older women in the family of God I get a lot of younger women talking to me about the stress to being single. I pray younger men are seeking out older men for help. When we mess u and seek help we need someone to say, I get this, I have been there, I know how this feel and no, you are not crazy and yes there is help. Let me walk alone side you, you are not alone in this life, God has your back. I have a couple of books I reorder a lot to give for those really seeking help. Words, books, are a waste to that one who does not want help, just wants to blame everyone and everything else and not willing to take a look at their own heart. Great post.
Flannery O’Connor wrote a short story entitled “A Good Man is Hard to Find.” She takes that saying to make an ironic comment (on how we take our religion seriously only when pushed to it) in her usual shocking way. This is my tangential way of saying, I agree with you on all your points, Anna.