Rationalization

Diagram “The Thinking Human” by Rene Descartes Source Scanned by Dagfinn Døhl Dybvig & Magne Dybvig from “Descartes:  The World and Other Writings”, (PD)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

It is difficult for most of us to understand the reasoning of abusers (pedophiles among them).

What lies do they tell themselves?  How can they reconcile their actions and the harm they inflict with a positive self-image, and avoid being overcome by guilt and shame?

Psychologists tell us this is accomplished through rationalization and a series of related defense mechanisms which include minimization, reframing, projection, entitlement, externalization, and moral disengagement [1][2].

Rationalization

Rationalization is the umbrella mechanism which allows abusers to justify their actions, rather than acknowledging the uncomfortable truth [3].  “He was asking for it.”  “She made me do it.”

Many abusers will focus on their own intent, rather than the harm actually done to victims. “I never meant to hurt her.”

Associated with this, some abusers will use self-loathing as a means of manipulation. But statements like “I’m toxic”, “I hate myself for what I do to you”, and “I don’t deserve you” are no guarantees of changed behavior.

Minimization

Minimization allows the abuser to downplay the severity of the harm he is inflicting.  “It wasn’t that bad.”  “He’s too young to remember, anyway.”

Abusers will refer to trauma they may have experienced in the past as justification for the trauma they, themselves, are inflicting in the present.  “After all, I only used my hand on the boy.  My father used to beat me with a belt.”

Reframing

This approach shifts the focus from the abuser to the emotion which supposedly overwhelmed him, making it sound as if the abusive behavior was unintentional.  It ignores the ongoing pattern of abuse.  “I just snapped.” “It was in the heat of the moment.”

Alternatively, the abuse is mischaracterized as a form of instruction or correction.  “I was only teaching her about sex.”  This is, also, applied to emotional abuse.  “It was tough love.”  “I was only being real.”

Projection

Projection allows the abuser to attribute his own undesirable traits, feelings, or inclinations to others [4].  “I don’t care if she was only 9 y.o.  She wanted sex.  I could tell by the way she looked at me.”

Entitlement

Entitlement is a belief that the abuser is owed special treatment, that he deserves more “respect” than others.  When this is not recognized by the world, the abuser feels wronged, provoked, or unappreciated and takes his frustration out on family members.

This is what might be termed the King of the Castle Syndrome.  “After everything I’ve done for them, this is how they treat me?”

On the other hand, some abusers simply view their wives and children as possession with which they can do as they will.  Empathy does not enter the picture.

Externalization

This mechanism allows the abuser to shift blame to the victim or the circumstances.  Abusers will often point to stress to explain their abusive actions.  “My boss was on my back everyday.  Then my wife burned the chicken.  That was the last straw.  So what if I hit her?  What did she expect?  It was her own fault.”

Moral Disengagement

This approach creates distance between the abuser and the abusive behavior.  He convinces himself that the behavior is not “really” abuse; that it is, in fact, morally neutral – as natural as breathing.  He does not dwell on it.

Those who advocate on behalf of pedophilia fall into this category.  Christians refer to this state of mind as a seared conscience.

Whatever form it takes, however, abuse is NEVER justified.

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[1]  Wikipedia, “Rationalization”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rationalization_(psychology).

[2]  Authentic Living Therapy, “Inside the Abuser’s Mind:  How They Rationalize Abusive Behavior” by Stacey Alvarez, 9/15/25, https://www.authenticlivingtherapy.co/inside-the-abuser-s-mind-how-they-rationalize-abusive-behavior#:~:text=They%20engage%20in%20sophisticated%20psychological%20and%20emotional%20maneuvers,abuse%20without%20being%20overwhelmed%20by%20guilt%20or%20remorse.

[3]  Related Psych, “Understanding Rationalization as a Defense Mechanism” by Dr. Carly Claney, 11/26/24, https://www.relationalpsych.group/articles/understanding-rationalization-as-a-defense-mechanism.

[4]  Simply Psychology, “Psychological Projection (+ Examples)” by Saul McLeod PhD, 10/10/24, https://www.simplypsychology.org/psychological-projection-defense-mechanism.html.

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