Category Archives: Violence Against Women

April 19, 2026 · 1:00 am

Rationalization

Diagram “The Thinking Human” by Rene Descartes Source Scanned by Dagfinn Døhl Dybvig & Magne Dybvig from “Descartes:  The World and Other Writings”, (PD)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

It is difficult for most of us to understand the reasoning of abusers (pedophiles among them).

What lies do they tell themselves?  How can they reconcile their actions and the harm they inflict with a positive self-image, and avoid being overcome by guilt and shame?

Psychologists tell us this is accomplished through rationalization and a series of related defense mechanisms which include minimization, reframing, projection, entitlement, externalization, and moral disengagement [1][2].

Rationalization

Rationalization is the umbrella mechanism which allows abusers to justify their actions, rather than acknowledging the uncomfortable truth [3].  “He was asking for it.”  “She made me do it.”

Many abusers will focus on their own intent, rather than the harm actually done to victims. “I never meant to hurt her.”

Associated with this, some abusers will use self-loathing as a means of manipulation. But statements like “I’m toxic”, “I hate myself for what I do to you”, and “I don’t deserve you” are no guarantees of changed behavior.

Minimization

Minimization allows the abuser to downplay the severity of the harm he is inflicting.  “It wasn’t that bad.”  “He’s too young to remember, anyway.”

Abusers will refer to trauma they may have experienced in the past as justification for the trauma they, themselves, are inflicting in the present.  “After all, I only used my hand on the boy.  My father used to beat me with a belt.”

Reframing

This approach shifts the focus from the abuser to the emotion which supposedly overwhelmed him, making it sound as if the abusive behavior was unintentional.  It ignores the ongoing pattern of abuse.  “I just snapped.” “It was in the heat of the moment.”

Alternatively, the abuse is mischaracterized as a form of instruction or correction.  “I was only teaching her about sex.”  This is, also, applied to emotional abuse.  “It was tough love.”  “I was only being real.”

Projection

Projection allows the abuser to attribute his own undesirable traits, feelings, or inclinations to others [4].  “I don’t care if she was only 9 y.o.  She wanted sex.  I could tell by the way she looked at me.” Continue reading →

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April 12, 2026 · 1:00 am

Witnessing Evil – Secondary Trauma

Plate No. 9 (“They Do Not Want To”) from the series “The Disasters of War” by Francisco Goya (1810s), Source Arno Schmidt Reference Library (PD)

The impact of witnessing trauma of any kind is profound. This is known as secondary or vicarious trauma. It leaves a scar on the psyche. Symptoms can range from sadness, fear, and guilt, to anxiety and emotional numbness [1A].

Secondary Trauma

Of course, trauma takes many forms and is not limited to abuse. We may, for instance, witness an auto accident, seeing victims removed from the scene. Those in law enforcement, emergency care, and frontline journalism frequently experience this [1B][2].

But many of us will encounter secondary trauma simply through life experience.

A. Domestic Violence

Children who witness domestic violence in the home are exposed to evil firsthand, and are most vulnerable to the effects of vicarious trauma. It shapes their character and their view of the world even if they, themselves, are not the victims.

Boys are far more likely to become abusers; girls, to seek out abusers as partners. The statistics are appalling [3].

B. Bullying

We may as children have seen others bullied, feeling powerless, ourselves, to intervene.

C. Vicarious Abuse

Whether as children or adults, we may see a beloved friend or relative gradually worn away by domestic violence, her self-esteem eroded.

Though we may never actually see the blows struck, this is for us, in effect, vicarious abuse. If we try unsuccessfully to persuade that friend or relative to leave her situation, we are bound to feel frustrated, angry, and helpless.

What We Can Do

If we do lose a loved one to abuse, we are not as helpless as we may feel.

A few of us may become advocates, as a result, in or out of the courtroom. Far more will go on to interact with countless other women we can educate about domestic violence. While we may never give formal lectures, we can share our experience with friends, coworkers, and a host of others.

As important, we can treat them the way they should be treated. And we can raise our own children to know they deserve better from a relationship.

That has the power to save lives.

—

[1A and 1B] Office for Victims of  Crime (OVC), “The Vicarious Trauma Tool Kit — What Is Vicarious Trauam?”, https://ovc.ojp.gov/program/vtt/what-is-vicarious-trauma.

[2] ACLS, “Understanding Secondary Trauma: The Impact of Witnessing Traumatic Events” by Melanie Kolmetz, DFAAPA, EMT-P, https://acls.com/articles/the-impact-of-witnessing-traumatic events/.

[3] Domestic Shelters, “Children and Domestic Violence”, 1/17/15, https://domesticshelters.org/resources/statistics/children-and-domestic-violence.

The US Supreme Court has ruled against a Colorado law which prohibited so called “conversion therapy” in cases of gender dysphoria.  The Supreme Court considers such counseling “free speech,” therefore, protected. 

See, https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/national-international/supreme-court-rules-conversion-therapy/4081114/.

Some 23 states have prohibited licensed Christian counselors from exploring underlying issues with patients suffering from this condition, or advising how they might align their perceived gender and biological sex.  

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT:  https://alawyersprayers.com

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April 5, 2026 · 1:00 am

Easter Sunday

Children dressed for Easter, Tallahassee, FL (1957), Source/Author Florida Memory, State Library and Archives, https://floridamemory.com/items/show/261196 (PD per Section 257.35(6) Florida Statutes)

Easter Sunday was an important day on the calendar when we were children. 

We would be dressed in our best Spring finery for church – Easter bonnets, white cotton gloves, starched dresses, lace anklets, patent leather shoes.  With trees coming into bud and daffodils in bloom, the whole world seemed fresh and new.

Of course, appearances can be deceiving.  Child abuse can be disguised for the world.  But no amount of chocolate eggs or jelly beans can make up for it.

These days the focus seems more on the Easter bunny than the Resurrection.  Which is a tragedy, since it is Christ who offers abuse victims genuine comfort and healing. 

He offers us, in fact, a new life (whatever may have caused our scars).

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Cor. 5: 17).

Wishing you all a Happy Easter!

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

 

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March 29, 2026 · 1:00 am

Sins Against Self, Part 2

“Jesus of the Stripped Loyalty with Green Tunic” (10th Station of the Cross), Source/Author Aendomekio3 (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

We continue our examination of sins against the self to which abuse victims are prone [1].

Self-Pity/Self-Hatred/Self-Harm

We hate ourselves not only for the sins against us, but for the sins we have committed, and the mistakes we have made – sometimes wallowing in self-pity, sometimes consumed with self-contempt [2][3].  This manifests as a harshly self-critical inner dialog or continuous stream of negative thoughts.  We may even contemplate self-harm [4].

Self-Reliance

In fleeing from a God we hold responsible for our abuse or believe abandoned us, we may choose extreme self-reliance [5].  This is a brittle defense which fails to take into account the fact that all we are, and all we have, is from God.  Endurance, itself, is a form of His grace.

Suffering as a Gift

Whether we realize it or not, we are engaged in a lifelong spiritual battle.  Not because we were once victimized, but because Satan wants all of us (abuse victims or not) to feel victimized for the rest of our lives.  He wants us focused inward on ourselves and our wounds, rather than outward toward God and others.

That is not, however, God’s plan for us.  Which is why He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for us – for our sins, the whole long list.  And to offer us instead an abundant life. Continue reading →

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March 22, 2026 · 8:48 am

Sins Against Self, Part 1

Medieval flagellants as pictured in Nuremberg Chronicle by Hartmann Schedel (1440-1514) (PD)

As abuse victims, we are, for the most part, more sinned against than sinning.  Abuse leaves a devastating scar across our lives.  About that there is no doubt.

That does not, however, mean we do not sin, ourselves.  Many of our own sins are against the self, a direct result of the abuse we suffered [1][2].  And God loves us so much He wants better for us than that.

Low Self-Esteem

Believing ourselves worthless, we treat ourselves that way.  We view any kindness toward ourselves as undeserved, and turn aside those who would love us (sometimes causing unintended pain to others, in the process).

Disordered Sexuality

In a desperate effort to find the love we were denied, we seek it in all the wrong places.  Far too often, we are drawn to partners who re-enact the abuse so familiar to us.  Or we settle for less than we deserve, giving ourselves away to any comers, rather than respecting our own bodies. 

A few of us take the other direction, and forego the sexuality with which God endowed us or reject the gender God assigned us.  That is no wiser, though it may temporarily feel safer.

We may assume this does not grieve God, but it does [3].  He suffers with us, and weeps for us. Continue reading →

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March 1, 2026 · 1:00 am

Baby Trafficking

Pregnant woman, Source https://www.flickr.com/photos/aurimas_m/3423098686/, Author Aurimas Mikalauskas of Paliūniškis, Lithuania (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

In a joint operation between the United States and Mexico, authorities last year captured Martha Mendez Aguilar, known as “La Diabla” (“The Devil”), the head of a grisly baby trafficking ring called the Jalisco New Generation Cartel [1A].

“[This is an] example of what terrorist cartels will do to diversify their revenue streams and finance operations [1B].”

–Joe Kent, Dir. of National Counterterrorism Center

Pregnant women, often from impoverished circumstances, were lured to remote locations.  Once there, the mothers were murdered, and their organs and infants harvested for sale.  The infants were sold to couples for around $14,000 each.

Tragically, this cartel was not the only one to pursue baby trafficking.

Indonesian police uncovered an international baby trafficking ring believed to have sold at least 25 infants to buyers in Singapore since 2023 [2A].  Using Facebook, WhatApp, and other channels, this syndicate targeted expectant mothers who allegedly did not want to raise their infants.

Delivery costs were covered and a small amount of compensation paid to the mothers.  Then the infants were handed over.

In some cases, infants were actually reserved in the womb for purchasers and housed for as long as a year after birth, while fraudulent birth certificates, parental consent forms, medical records, and immigration documents were prepared.

Desperate Straits

“These clinics or shelters use language that sounds compassionate at first, such as ‘you can give birth and take your baby home’.  But in reality, they offer money and illegally transfer custody of the baby [2B].”

— Ai Rahmayanti, Commissioner of the Indonesian Child Protection Commission (KPAI)

Child trafficking cartels are extremely sophisticated, often posing as maternity clinics, orphanages, or shelters which appear to care for vulnerable women and children [2C].

Typically, they target women in desperate straits – those suffering from financial hardship, trapped in debt bondage, abandoned by a spouse or partner, pregnant as the result of sexual violence whether by a partner or stranger, or simply pregnant from a casual sexual relationship [2D].

When manipulation fails, cartels will resort to criminal approaches including direct abduction (whether from hospitals, schools, playgrounds, or other public spaces), and crisis exploitation (natural disasters, civil unrest, or refugee settings) [7A].

Purposes

Infants and children may be trafficked for illegal adoption, prostitution or other sexual abuse, forced marriage, forced organ donation, forced labor or slavery, use in the drug trade, use as beggars, and use as child soldiers [3][4][5].  These can overlap [6]. Continue reading →

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February 22, 2026 · 1:00 am

The Trouble with Throuples

File:ST TroubleWithTribbles.jpg

Screenshot of William Shatner as Captain James Kirk surrounded by tribbles, Source Star Trek:  The Original Series, Episode “The Trouble with Tribbles”, Copyright © 1967 Paramount Pictures (Fair Use)

There was an old Star Trek episode titled “The Trouble with Tribbles” [1].  Cute and furry little creatures, tribbles multiplied rapidly when fed, and had the potential to destroy entire ecosystems as a result.  The trouble with throuples is not dissimilar.

Throuples, for those unfamiliar with the term, are sexual relationships comprised of three individuals [2].  The fad is a modern variant on polygamy which is again in vogue, as People Magazine and reality TV reflect.

The concept may at first seem titillating.  Why not explore our sexuality to the fullest extent?  It’s “obvious” no single individual can fulfill all our needs.  And why should we have to fulfill the needs of someone else, when that burden can so easily be shared?

Theoretically, each member of a throuple is an equal partner.  Presumably, however, the group can decide to distribute power differently.  With or without consent, both power and attraction can, also, shift within the group.

Unfortunately, tensions that can exist between a married couple are multiplied in the context of a throuple, not diminished. That applies whether the group involves one man/two women, one woman/two men, three women, or three men (and whatever the sexual orientation within the group). Continue reading →

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February 8, 2026 · 1:00 am

Minimizing Pain

FACES_English_Blue_no copyright info

As abuse victims, we will often minimize our pain.  We may downplay our pain out of fear, guilt, or a desperate need to believe that the parent/caregiver or partner who caused that pain “deep down” loves us.

This is a short-term coping mechanism, a way of assuring ourselves that we will survive the harm done to us.

It is, also, a way of minimizing the responsibility of those who inflicted that harm on us (and avoid or defer dealing with the anger and grief their betrayal caused us).

Denial v. Reality

Both the victims of childhood abuse and the victims of domestic abuse may employ this coping mechanism, sometimes despite clear evidence to the contrary [1].  A woman whose partner blackened her eyes and knocked her teeth out may, nonetheless, seek to assure concerned family members, “Really, it’s not so bad.”

The problem with this coping mechanism is that it does not address the abuse.  The victim denies the reality that he or she has been seriously harmed; may fail to obtain necessary medical treatment; and continues to remain in the abusive situation. Continue reading →

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February 1, 2026 · 1:00 am

The Dangers of So Called “Freebirth”

18th Century anatomical illustration of a pregnant woman, possibly a plate to Gautier d’Agoty’s “Exposition Anatomique”, Marseille, Paris, and Amsterdam (1759). Source/Photographer The Wellcome Collection https://wellcomecollection.org/works/m5jaykde (Photo No. L0036026),  (CC Attribution 4.0 International)

Women have died in childbirth since time immemorial.  Complications can develop even in low risk pregnancies.

But the rate of maternal mortality has dropped 99% in the last hundred years, since the advent of prenatal care [1].  Prenatal care has likewise been crucial in reducing infant mortality [2].  Advancements in medical training and infection control were key to this.

Free Birth Society

The Free Birth Society founded by Emilee Saldaya promotes the radical concept of “freebirth” without medical assistance of any kind during pregnancy or childbirth, whether from a physician (even a female physician) or from a midwife.  This supposedly serves to reclaim the sacredness of childbirth, and assert a woman’s autonomy over her own body.

The messaging resonates with women who have had traumatic experiences with maternity services or unnecessary medical interventions, and those seeking to live “off the grid”.

Maternal and Infant Deaths

Investigation has, however, linked the Free Birth Society to dozens of cases of maternal and infant harm or death across the globe [3][4][5][6]. Continue reading →

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December 21, 2025 · 1:00 am

Good Tidings

“Nativity of Christ a/k/a Holy Night” by Antonio de Correggio (c. 1529-1530), Staatliche Kunstsammlungen (Accession No. Gal.-Nr. 152), Dresden, Source/Photographer Google Arts & Culture https://artsandculture.google.com/asset/7wGhio0LPVXb_g Hans Peter Klut/Elke Estel (PD)

“Then the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people.  For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.  And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger’” (Luke 2: 10-12).

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas!

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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