Category Archives: Religion

June 7, 2026 · 1:00 am

Gestating and Non-Gestating Parents

Noun Affected Population, Source The Noun Project https://thenounproject.com/browse/collection-icon/ocha-humanitarian-icons-16/, Author United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs, (PD)

Both chambers of the New York State legislature have passed a bill eliminating the terms “mother” and “father” from Family Law, i.e. that category of law governing parental rights, custody, visitation, support, etc.) [1].  

Once the bill is signed into law, those terms will be replaced with the gender neutral terms “gestating parent” a/k/a mother, and “non-gestating parent” a/k/a father.

Gender Neutral Trend

This is part of a growing trend.  Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, and Hawaii have already done something comparable [2].

The change is more than a matter of political correctness, like the term “pregnant people”.  It is an attempt by the law to acknowledge the new norm in which two Dads, two Moms, egg donors, sperm donors, and gestational carriers (surrogates) are all a reality. 

In effect, it is a recognition that the terms “mother” and “father” have become outdated.  It broadens the legal definition of “parent” to those who lack any biological bond with a child.

Parenthood and Biology

Society is rapidly detaching parenthood from biology, just as it has detached gender.  It is simultaneously elevating non-parental relationships to the level of parenthood, while diminishing the importance of the parental relationship.

Certainly, children can be loved by those without a biological connection to them.  Certainly, some biological parents are bad parents.

But bearing and raising children involves more than mechanically incubating an egg.  Biological parenthood creates a special bond.  That is part of God’s design.

The profound emotional connection between a mother and her child is supported by a complex of hormones which promote trust, caregiving, and emotional regulation [3A].  The quality of this early bond lays the groundwork for the child’s future emotional well-being and function in society [3B].

  • Oxytocin is knowns as the “love” hormone [3C].  Oxytocin surges during labor, breastfeeding, and skin-to-skin contact between mother and child.
  • Prolactin, known for milk production, induces a state of calm and sleepiness, working alongside Oxytocin to promote attachment [4].
  • Vasopressin, which is related both to bonding and protective behavior, reinforces caregiving instincts [3D].
  • Dopamine, which activates the brain’s reward circuits, make caregiving feel pleasurable, reinforcing parental behavior [3E].

Cardiac synchrony during close contact further strengthens the mother-child bond by aligning heartbeats and breathing patterns [5].

This complex hormonal interaction is not limited to women. 

Testosterone levels in men decrease during pregnancy and after childbirth [6A][9A].  This is thought to reduce aggression and competitiveness, while increasing nurturing behavior.  Oxytocin from skin-to-skin contact helps fathers feel more connected to their babies [6B][7][9B].  Prolactin rises in fathers during pregnancy and postpartum, increasing sensitivity to infant cues [6C].  Vasopressin likewise influences paternal caregiving [8]. 

Fathers who interact more often with their infants undergo more pronounced biological changes, which may explain why some biological fathers take little or no interest in their children [9C].

Moreover, for a variety of reasons, a high proportion of adopted children seek out their biological parents [14].

Risk of Child Abuse and Neglect

Research has consistently shown that children are at higher risk of abuse and neglect when an unrelated adult male, such as a boyfriend or cohabiting partner, lives in the home, as compared with married biological parents.

The National Incidence Study of Abuse and Neglect actually found that the rate of abuse or neglect for children living with a single parent and that parent’s partner was 8.4 times higher than the rate for children living with married biological parents, irrespective of whether that partner was the biological father [10]!

A Fragile Families Study in 2009 found that families with a man who was not the biological father of all children were significantly more likely to be contacted by Child Protective Services than families with a biological father in the home [11].

Non-parental custody is not inherently unsafe.  However, the risk of child abuse or neglect in such situations can be increased by a prior history of abuse on the part of the adult in the caregiver role, mental health issues, substance abuse, high stress, isolation from familial support, and a justification for violence [12].

Risk of Sex Trafficking

Sex trafficking occurs when sex offenders are permitted to abuse a child in exchange for money, drugs, or shelter; when a child is used in pornography; or when a child is forced into sex work with the proceeds going to the adult charged with caring for that child [13]. 

Tragically, this can happen both in a biological and non-biological setting.

Society today is rending the traditional family asunder, in the effort to expand it.  That is not likely to benefit our children in the long run.

—

[1]  Snopes, “New York bill would replace ‘mother’ and ‘father’ with gender-neutral terms in family law” by Anna Rascouet-Paz, 6/5/26, https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/new-york-mother-father-gestating/.

[2]  Factually, “Which US States Have Adopted Gender-Neutral Parentage or Custody Language?”, 6/5/26, https://factually.co/fact-checks/law/gender-neutral-parentage-custody-laws-by-state-02bb80.

[3A through 3E]  Biology Insights, “The Science of Mother-Infant Bonding and Attachment”, 12/8/25, https://biologyinsights.com/the-science-of-mother-infant-bonding-and-attachment/.

[4]  Science Insights, “The Science and Strategies of Mother-Infant Bonding”, 11/27/25,  https://scienceinsights.org/the-science-and-strategies-of-mother-infant-bonding/.

[5]  Discover Wild Science, “From Hormones to Heartbeats:  The Science of Bonding on Mother’s Day” by Maria Faith Saligumba, 6/4/26, https://discoverwildscience.com/from-hormones-to-heartbeats-the-science-of-bonding-on-mothers-day-4-307592/.

[6A, 6B, and 6C]  TNT Wellness, “The Hormonal Bond:  How Men Connect with Their Babies” by Mandi Green, 10/4/24, https://tnthealthyhormones.com/the-hormonal-bond-how-men-connect-with-their-babies/.

[7]  Center for Babywearing Studies (CBWS), “The Potential for Oxytocin to Enhance Bonding in New Families”, 2/12/25, https://www.cbws.org/blog/Potential-Oxytocin-Enhance%20Bonding.

[8]  Science Direct, “Oxytocin, a parenting hormone” by Ruth Feldman and Marian Bakermans-Kranenburg, June 2017, https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2352250X17300325.

[9A, 9B, and 9C]  Psychology Today, “How Becoming a Dad Changes Men” by Jutta Joormann PhD, 4/9/23, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thoughts-and-feelings/202304/being-more-involved-affects-new-fathers-biologically.

[10]  Hope 4 Hurting Kids, “Risks of Child Abuse and Neglect Based on Family Structure” by Wayne Stocks, https://hope4hurtingkids.com/trauma-tragedy/abuse/risks-of-child-abuse-and-neglect-based-on-family-structure/.

[11]  National Center for Health Research, “Child Abuse and Father Figures:  Which Kind of Families Are Safest to Grow Up In?” by Diana Zuckerman PhD and Sarah Pedersen,  https://www.center4research.org/child-abuse-father-figures-kind-families-safest-grow/.

[12]  Centers for Disease Control (CDC), Child Abuse and Prevention, “Risk and Protective Factors”, 5/15/24, https://www.cdc.gov/child-abuse-neglect/risk-factors/index.html.

[13]  US Dept. of Justice, “No One Can Hurt You Like Family:  What We Know About Familial Trafficking Identification and Response”, January 2024, https://cops.usdoj.gov/html/dispatch/01-2024/familial_trafficking.html.

[14]  How We Became Family, “How Many Adoptees Search for Their Birth Parents?” by Teresa Villegas, 4/7/26, https://howwebecameafamily.com/how-many-adoptees-search-for-their-birth-parents.html.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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May 31, 2026 · 1:00 am

The OTHER Church Sex Scandals, Part 3

“Cases of Child Sexual Abuse in the Church” by Christian Seebauer, (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

We conclude our examination of the numerous sexual abuse scandals in America’s churches and elsewhere.

A Failure of Faith?

These scandals are not isolated incidents.  They represent thousands upon thousands of lives impacted.  The scale of the betrayal is staggering.

Tragically, children make ideal victims.  They are small, vulnerable, powerless, and easily convinced (or coerced) into keeping their abuse secret. 

And the wounds inflicted on children by sexual abuse are not readily visible, though the scars may last a lifetime.

Everywhere the pattern here was the same.  Sin was carried out under the guise of piety. 

When it was uncovered, the predators were deliberately shielded from punishment by manmade institutions that claim to be Christian.  Steps were taken to protect those manmade institutions, rather than the members of the Body of Christ.

This was not a failure of Christianity as a religion, though it undoubtedly resulted in many victims losing their faith.  It was a monumental failure of the manmade institutions established for the very purpose of honoring and protecting that faith.

The Appropriate Christian Response

“It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles…And you are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he who has done this deed might be taken away from among you”(1 Cor. 5: 1-2).

As Christians, we are required to submit to the authority of God, and instructed even to submit to others in the interest of harmony (1 Peter 2: 13 – 3: 37) [1]. 

Justice, however, is a biblical mandate (Isa. 1: 17; Micah 6: 8).  That involves advocating for the oppressed, defending the rights of the weak, and working towards a society that reflects God’s own character [2A][3A].

We are not required to remain silent in the face of evil, and simply endure its consequences.  We are to pursue what meager justice this world has to offer, for justice is a reflection of God’s concern for the vulnerable [3B].

We are to root out sin, confront, and expose it, especially in the church (1 Cor. 5: 4-5; Eph. 5: 11-13) [2B][4].  Immorality defiles the church.

As for forgiveness, that is a personal matter between each victim and abuser, as well as between each victim and God. No church of whatever denomination has the right to pressure a victim into forgiveness.

Forgiveness, in any case, does not preclude prosecution under the law.

—

[1]  Bible.org, “Taking a Second Look at Submission 1 Peter 2: 13 – 3: 37); https://bible.org/seriespage/15-taking-second-look-submission-1-peter-213-37.

[2A and 2B]  BibleHub, “The Role of Justice in Christian Life”, https://biblehub.com/topical/t/the_role_of_justice_in_christian_life.htm.

[3A and 3B]  Inspiration Portal, “Justice and the Bible:  A Christian Perspective on Pursuing Righteousness”, 3/7/25, https://inspirationportal.org/justice-and-the-bible-a-christian-perspective-on-pursuing-righteousness/.

[4]  Got Questions, “How should sin in the church be handled?”, https://www.gotquestions.org/sin-in-the-church.html.

Parts 1 and 2 in this series were posted 5/17 and 5/24/26, respectively.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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May 24, 2026 · 1:00 am

The OTHER Church Sex Scandals, Part 2

Hunter Street Baptist Church, Hooverville, AL, Author Helmsb, (Public Domain)

We continue with our examination of the sex scandals in America’s churches and elsewhere.

Anglican Church (Church of England)

A. Anglican Church in North America

The Anglican Church in North America, which broke with the Episcopal Church in 2009 over gay clergy and the authority of Scripture, is confronted by scandals involving both Archbishop Stephen Wood (the denomination’s chief official) and Bishop Stewart Ruch III, who leads a Midwestern diocese [1A]. 

Claier Buxton, a former children’s ministry director, has accused Wood (a 62 y.o. married father of four) of sexually harassing her in 2024, shortly before his election [1B].  Buxton, also, alleges Wood gave her thousands of dollars from church funds [1C]. 

After parishioners and clergy accused Ruch of enabling men with histories of violence or sexual misconduct to serve in church roles, he was unanimously acquitted in 2025 by an ecclesiastical court [1D][2].

B. Canada

In 2015, the Anglican Church of Canada finally issued an apology for its failure to report to police a written confession in 1994 by priest and serial predator Gordon Goichi Nakayama who abused over 300 children, primarily boys ages 3-20, over the course of 62 years in ministry [3A].

C. England and Wales

There have been many cases of child sexual abuse in the Church of England and Anglican Church in Wales [3B]. 

In the 1970s, Jeremy Dowling, a lay minister and member of the general synod, was accused of sexual abuse and sadistic behavior at schools [3C].  Peter Halliday, a choirmaster and schoolmaster who had informed the church he had abused children in the 1990s, was allowed to continue working with children [3D].  Halliday was at last convicted in 2007.  In 2008, Colin Pritchard, a vicar, was convicted of sexually abusing two boys [3E]. 

The Church of England issued a rare public apology in response to a damning report about its failure to protect and care for abuse victims [3F][4].  

D. Australia

A 2013 Australian study found that Anglican child sexual abuse cases were 1/10 the number of those in the Roman Catholic child sex abuse scandal [3G]. 

This is far from consoling, particularly since a 2016 investigation centering on the Church of England Boys’ Society prompted Peter Hollingsworth, the former Anglican Archbishop of Brisbane, to acknowledge that his handling of such cases between 1989 and 2001 involved serious errors of judgment [3H].

E. New Zealand

The Anglican Church in New Zealand has historically had instances of sexual abuse of children.  This abuse took place both in churches and church-run schools [3I].  In 2021, as part of a nationwide inquiry, it was determined that many documents regarding such abuse in the 1990s had gone missing [3J].

Southern Baptist Church

In 2022, an investigation by Guidepost Solutions revealed a widespread pattern of sexual abuse in the Southern Baptist Church from 2001 to 2021 [5][6].  Approximately 380 clergy, lay leaders, and volunteers faced allegations of sexual misconduct, leaving over 700 victims in their wake [7A].  

The misconduct was abetted by the Southern Baptist Convention’s transfer of sex offenders to other communities, and its reluctance to address the culture of abuse [7B][8].  At least, ten Southern Baptist churches unknowingly welcomed pastors, ministers, and volunteers who had already been charged with sexual misconduct [7C].

Some survivors of sexual assault were asked to get abortions for the children conceived during encounters with clergy [7D].

Methodist Church

The United Methodist Church acknowledges that clergy and staff committed acts of sexual misconduct [9].  Adults were sexually harassed by their pastor.  Children were abused.  Staff members viewed pornographic material on their church computers. 

An apology was issued in 2024 for the way the denomination prevented predators from being held accountable [10].

—

[1A through 1D]  Religion Unplugged, “Archbishop Wood Accused of Misconduct” by Mark Kellner, 10/25/25, https://religionunplugged.com/news/2025/10/25/anglican-church-archbishop-wood-accused-of-misconduct-abuse-of-power.

[2]  American Anglican Council, “Summary of the Final Order in the Trial of Bishop Stewart Ruch”, 12/16/25, https://americananglican.org/summary-of-the-final-order-in-the-trial-of-bishop-stewart-ruch/.

[3A through 3J]  Wikipedia, “Anglican communion sexual abuse cases”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglican_Communion_sexual_abuse_cases.

[4]  Independent Inquiry Child Sexual Abuse, “The Anglican Church Investigation Report” by Prof. Alexis Jay OBE, Prof. Sir Malcolm Evans KCMG OBE, Ivor Frank, and Drusilla Sharpling OBE, October 2020, https://www.iicsa.org.uk/reports-recommendations/publications/investigation/anglican-church.html.

[5]  Helping Survivors, “Southern Baptist Church Sexual Abuse” by Kathryn Kosmides, 5/8/26, https://helpingsurvivors.org/clergy-sex-abuse/southern-baptist/.

[6]  Scribd, “Southern Baptist Sexual Abuse Overview”, https://www.scribd.com/document/576005098/Baptist-church-s-sex-offenders.

[7A through 7D]  Wikipedia, “Sexual abuse in Southern Baptist churches”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_abuse_cases_in_Southern_Baptist_churches.

[8]  The Gospel Coalition (TGC), “The FAQs:  Report Reveals Sexual Abuse Cover-Up by Southern Baptist Entity” Joe Carter, 5/23/22, https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/faqs-sexual-abuse-southern-baptist/.

[9]  United Methodist Church, “Sexual misconduct at church:  what every member should know”, 6/9/15, https://www.umc.org/en/content/sexual-misconduct-at-church-what-every-member-should-know.

[10]  UM News, “Church apologizes for sexual misconduct” by Jessica Brodie, 5/3/24, https://www.umnews.org/en/news/church-apologizes-for-sexual-misconduct.

This series will conclude next week.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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May 17, 2026 · 1:00 am

The OTHER Church Sex Scandals, Part 1

Joseph Smith, founder of Mormonism, photo by Lucian Foster (1843), Source http://comevisit.com/lds/faq-dld.htm, (Public Domain)

The Roman Catholic Church child sex scandal has received a good deal of press – justifiably so.  But it is by no means the only sex scandal in America’s churches and elsewhere.

Mormon Church

We begin with sexual abuse in the Mormon Church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS). 

The 17 million members of the Mormon Church value marriage and family above all [1A].  The church has a strict moral code which includes abstaining from alcohol (even caffeine) and premarital sex, while fostering a deep sense of community [1B].  Unfortunately, this outward appearance of virtue hides a dark underbelly.

A culture of secrecy has enabled decades of unchecked sexual abuse [1C].  Institutional protection prioritizes the church’s reputation over the safety of its most vulnerable members [1D].  According to Mormon sexual abuse database Floodlit, at least 4195 reports of abuse have been made [2A]. 

One of the earliest publicized cases involved Joseph Bishop, a former president of the LDS Church’s Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah.  Although Bishop was accused of having sexually assaulted a missionary sister in the 1980s, he was allowed to continue in ministry. 

Bishop was never criminally charged because the Statute of Limitations had run.  After the legal deadline for filing rape charges was extended, a civil lawsuit was dismissed by agreement between the plaintiff and the LDS church.  Just days after the release of a trove of documents by a whistleblower website, Bishop finally admitted sexual impropriety in 2018 [1E]. 

Mormon church members who have been convicted of child sexual abuse and/or rape include Jacob Bowers, Scott Bowers (his son), Arvid Oakely, and Gerald Salcido [2B].  Salcido, a former police officer, was excommunicated.  However, the church never informed law enforcement.

Unfortunately, those who point to the fact that the Mormon Church is not a genuinely Christian denomination (with the Book of Mormon contradicting the Bible in many key respects) [3][4], and comfort themselves with the thought that evil like this is only prevalent among non-believers are merely deluding themselves.

Amish Church

Sexual abuse is widely regarded as an open secret in many Amish communities [5A]. 

Some communities have begun supporting victims [5B].  However, guided by the principle of “forgive and forget”, many continue to silence survivors, pressuring them to forgive their abusers publicly, while at the same time discouraging police involvement [5C]. 

One survivor, Lizzie Hershberger, has broken her silence, in the hope of encouraging others to come forward [5D].  Her story is told in a recently released documentary film titled “Keep Quiet and Forgive” [5E][6].  Her book “Behind Blue Curtains” is available on Amazon.

—

[1]  Survivors Rights, “The LDS Church Sexual Abuse Scandal:  A History of Cover-Ups, Betrayal, and the Fight for Justice”, 2/7,25, https://survivorsrights.com/lds-church-sexual-abuse-scandal-coverup/.

[2]  FloodLit, “Sexual Abuse in the Mormon Church”, https://floodlit.org/.

[3]  Bible Ask, “Does the Book of Mormon Contradict the Bible?”, 1/20/17 (updated 11/28/25), https://bibleask.org/does-the-book-of-mormon-contradict-the-bible/.

[4]  Institute for Religious Research, “Contradictions Between the Book of Mormon and the Bible” by Luke Wilson and Robert Bowman Jr., 7/6/11 (updated 12/1/25), https://mit.irr.org/contradictions-between-book-of-mormon-and-bible.

[5A through 5E]  KPBS Public Media, “Independent Lens:  Keep Quiet and Forgive” by Jennifer Robinson, 3/10/26, https://www.kpbs.org/news/2026/03/10/independent-lens-keep-quiet-and-forgive.

[6]  Fillmore County Journal, “Amish Sexual Abuse Survivor Shares Story in PBS Documentary” by Charlene Corson Selbee, 3/23/26, https://fillmorecountyjournal.com/amish-sexual-abuse-survivor-shares-story-in-pbs-documentary/.

Part 2 in this series re: the Anglican, Baptist, and Methodist Churches will be posted next week.

Taxpayer funded sexual harassment settlements involving federal lawmakers totaled $550,000 in recent decades, with the largest settlement for $220,000 made on behalf of Democratic Rep. Alcee Hastings (now deceased).

For more information, see https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/previously-unaccounted-for-case-shows-taxpayers-bankrolled-more-than-550000-in-congressional-sexual-harassment-settlements/ar-AA238iVv?ocid=BingNewsSerp,

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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May 10, 2026 · 1:00 am

Coerced Abortion

Hand holding a generic abortion pill pack containing 1 mifepristone and 4 misoprostol, Author plancpillsdotorg (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

Catherine Herring of Texas was unknowingly given the abortion pill seven times by her husband, in his attempt to kill their unborn child [1A][2A].  Thankfully, the baby girl, Josephine, survived.  Tragically, this was not an isolated incident.

Coercion

Forced abortions are employed by men seeking to evade the responsibility of having fathered a child, by parents seeking to avoid social stigma, by child abusers seeking to hide their crimes, and by sex traffickers seeking to eliminate the inconvenience of a pregnancy among their victims [2B].

“Abortion clinics cannot claim to be pro-woman while at the same time allowing the majority of their clients to be pressured into unwanted abortions [5B].”

-David Reardon, PhD

A 2023 peer reviewed study published in the Cureus Journal of Medicine found that nearly 70% of abortions in the United States were unwanted, coerced, and/or inconsistent with the mother’s values [2C][3][4].

That confirms earlier research which indicated over 60% of women who had abortions faced high levels of external pressure to end their pregnancies [5A].

Aftermath

These women afterwards experienced negative emotions, including feelings of loss, grief, and/or sadness about the abortion [5C].  Intrusive thoughts, including flashbacks to the abortion, interfered with their daily lives, work, and relationships [5D].

These findings run counter to the Turnaway Study which had reported a 99% post-abortion satisfaction rate by women, but had a low participation rate and relied on a single query [5E].  It, also, runs counter to the pro-abortion rallying cry “My Body, My Choice”. Continue reading →

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April 26, 2026 · 1:00 am

Good Men

Domestic violence has again been in the news lately.  But I received the following response from an old friend, on the topic:

I don’t claim to understand the violence in society. I do know there are many men out there who are as outraged as I am. I am lucky enough to go to a church with many good men.

We have a monthly men’s lunch to talk and share stories. Guess who organizes this group?
Don’t give up on us!
                                        Steve

With that in mind, I thought it worthwhile to republish the following post.

Despite what some women may have experienced, there are good men out there. The trick can be finding them. For that, we have to apply appropriate criteria [1] [2].

While this is not a dating guide, I offer you some of the Bible’s advice on the topic. The language may sound old fashioned, but the sentiments apply to our day.

A good man exemplifies integrity, both in his public and private life. This should be the standard women, also, demand of themselves.

“If I have walked with falsehood, Or if my foot has hastened to deceit, Let me be weighed on honest scales, That God may know my integrity” (Job 31: 5-6).

A good man deals justly with others, whatever their status. 

“If I have despised the cause of my male or female servant When they complained against me, What then shall I do when God rises up?…Did not He who made me in the womb make them? Did not the same One fashion us in the womb?…” (Job 31: 13-15, 21-22).

A good man sets godly priorities in his life, actively living out his faith. This means more than his just attending church on Sundays. It involves forgiving others; extending help to the needy; and trying to do right in all things. It does not involve a pompous or superior attitude. Continue reading →

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April 19, 2026 · 1:00 am

Rationalization

Diagram “The Thinking Human” by Rene Descartes Source Scanned by Dagfinn Døhl Dybvig & Magne Dybvig from “Descartes:  The World and Other Writings”, (PD)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

It is difficult for most of us to understand the reasoning of abusers (pedophiles among them).

What lies do they tell themselves?  How can they reconcile their actions and the harm they inflict with a positive self-image, and avoid being overcome by guilt and shame?

Psychologists tell us this is accomplished through rationalization and a series of related defense mechanisms which include minimization, reframing, projection, entitlement, externalization, and moral disengagement [1][2].

Rationalization

Rationalization is the umbrella mechanism which allows abusers to justify their actions, rather than acknowledging the uncomfortable truth [3].  “He was asking for it.”  “She made me do it.”

Many abusers will focus on their own intent, rather than the harm actually done to victims. “I never meant to hurt her.”

Associated with this, some abusers will use self-loathing as a means of manipulation. But statements like “I’m toxic”, “I hate myself for what I do to you”, and “I don’t deserve you” are no guarantees of changed behavior.

Minimization

Minimization allows the abuser to downplay the severity of the harm he is inflicting.  “It wasn’t that bad.”  “He’s too young to remember, anyway.”

Abusers will refer to trauma they may have experienced in the past as justification for the trauma they, themselves, are inflicting in the present.  “After all, I only used my hand on the boy.  My father used to beat me with a belt.”

Reframing

This approach shifts the focus from the abuser to the emotion which supposedly overwhelmed him, making it sound as if the abusive behavior was unintentional.  It ignores the ongoing pattern of abuse.  “I just snapped.” “It was in the heat of the moment.”

Alternatively, the abuse is mischaracterized as a form of instruction or correction.  “I was only teaching her about sex.”  This is, also, applied to emotional abuse.  “It was tough love.”  “I was only being real.”

Projection

Projection allows the abuser to attribute his own undesirable traits, feelings, or inclinations to others [4].  “I don’t care if she was only 9 y.o.  She wanted sex.  I could tell by the way she looked at me.” Continue reading →

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April 5, 2026 · 1:00 am

Easter Sunday

Children dressed for Easter, Tallahassee, FL (1957), Source/Author Florida Memory, State Library and Archives, https://floridamemory.com/items/show/261196 (PD per Section 257.35(6) Florida Statutes)

Easter Sunday was an important day on the calendar when we were children. 

We would be dressed in our best Spring finery for church – Easter bonnets, white cotton gloves, starched dresses, lace anklets, patent leather shoes.  With trees coming into bud and daffodils in bloom, the whole world seemed fresh and new.

Of course, appearances can be deceiving.  Child abuse can be disguised for the world.  But no amount of chocolate eggs or jelly beans can make up for it.

These days the focus seems more on the Easter bunny than the Resurrection.  Which is a tragedy, since it is Christ who offers abuse victims genuine comfort and healing. 

He offers us, in fact, a new life (whatever may have caused our scars).

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Cor. 5: 17).

Wishing you all a Happy Easter!

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

 

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March 29, 2026 · 1:00 am

Sins Against Self, Part 2

“Jesus of the Stripped Loyalty with Green Tunic” (10th Station of the Cross), Source/Author Aendomekio3 (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

We continue our examination of sins against the self to which abuse victims are prone [1].

Self-Pity/Self-Hatred/Self-Harm

We hate ourselves not only for the sins against us, but for the sins we have committed, and the mistakes we have made – sometimes wallowing in self-pity, sometimes consumed with self-contempt [2][3].  This manifests as a harshly self-critical inner dialog or continuous stream of negative thoughts.  We may even contemplate self-harm [4].

Self-Reliance

In fleeing from a God we hold responsible for our abuse or believe abandoned us, we may choose extreme self-reliance [5].  This is a brittle defense which fails to take into account the fact that all we are, and all we have, is from God.  Endurance, itself, is a form of His grace.

Suffering as a Gift

Whether we realize it or not, we are engaged in a lifelong spiritual battle.  Not because we were once victimized, but because Satan wants all of us (abuse victims or not) to feel victimized for the rest of our lives.  He wants us focused inward on ourselves and our wounds, rather than outward toward God and others.

That is not, however, God’s plan for us.  Which is why He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for us – for our sins, the whole long list.  And to offer us instead an abundant life. Continue reading →

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March 22, 2026 · 8:48 am

Sins Against Self, Part 1

Medieval flagellants as pictured in Nuremberg Chronicle by Hartmann Schedel (1440-1514) (PD)

As abuse victims, we are, for the most part, more sinned against than sinning.  Abuse leaves a devastating scar across our lives.  About that there is no doubt.

That does not, however, mean we do not sin, ourselves.  Many of our own sins are against the self, a direct result of the abuse we suffered [1][2].  And God loves us so much He wants better for us than that.

Low Self-Esteem

Believing ourselves worthless, we treat ourselves that way.  We view any kindness toward ourselves as undeserved, and turn aside those who would love us (sometimes causing unintended pain to others, in the process).

Disordered Sexuality

In a desperate effort to find the love we were denied, we seek it in all the wrong places.  Far too often, we are drawn to partners who re-enact the abuse so familiar to us.  Or we settle for less than we deserve, giving ourselves away to any comers, rather than respecting our own bodies. 

A few of us take the other direction, and forego the sexuality with which God endowed us or reject the gender God assigned us.  That is no wiser, though it may temporarily feel safer.

We may assume this does not grieve God, but it does [3].  He suffers with us, and weeps for us. Continue reading →

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