Category Archives: Emotional Abuse

The Side of the Angels

Do Babies Become Angels When They Die? Billy Graham Responds

Cherubs from the “Sistine Madonna of San Sisto” by Raphael, Gemaldegalerie Alte Meister, Dresden, Germany (1513/1514),
(PD-Art, PD-old)

“In the absence of light, darkness prevails.”

-Motto of the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense, “Hellboy” (Dark Horse Comics)

Heart wrenching tales of abuse could easily fill these pages.  Generally, I try to stay away from stories of that kind.  Too often, they leave us feeling helpless and hopeless.

When I do write about lost lives, the words are my poor attempt to honor those lives and bear witness to the loss.

It may be some small consolation that such children have gone home to God.  Their pain is over.  That should not, however, diminish our outrage.

There are, of course, countless unreported cases of abuse.  Names we will never know, though God is familiar with them all.

While those victims are gone, their struggle ended, our obligation is to fight on.  It is a way of fighting darkness and death, fighting evil.  We may not have been in a position to save the lives of those children.  But we can try to save our own.

Our struggle with darkness is not insignificant.  We may feel isolated, may feel that our scars are overwhelming.  And, in truth, those scars may last a lifetime.  Which makes our struggle all the more heroic.

If the lost children could speak, they would applaud our efforts.  They would wish us Godspeed.  They were not able to live in this sad world any longer.  But we may yet triumph for their sake.

In fighting the scars, the darkness, we are on the side of the angels.

“Praise the Lord, you His angels, you mighty ones who do His bidding, who obey His word.  Praise the Lord, all His heavenly hosts, you His servants who do His will…Praise the Lord, my soul” (Ps. 103: 20-22 NIV).

Originally posted 9/24/17

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Abandonment

Abandoned teddy bear, Author Ryan Hodnett (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

Brittany Gosney, a 29 y.o. Ohio woman charged with murdering her 6 y.o. son James Hutchinson, has pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity [1]. 

In a confession now being contested, Gosney alleged that her boyfriend, James Hamilton, urged her to abandon all three of her children.  She proceeded to do this, leaving the children in a parking lot at Rush Run Wildlife Area.  The youngest grabbed the car door as Gosney gunned the engine, and was apparently dragged. 

Gosney turned the vehicle around to check on the boy, and found he was dead.  She then loaded the body and her two living children (7 y.o. and 9 y.o.) back into the car, and returned home.  Gosney and Hamilton later tossed the little boy’s remains into the Ohio River, and attempted to pass his absence off as a disappearance.

Abandonment

Child abandonment is the practice of relinquishing interest in and legal rights over one’s children in an illegal manner, the intention being never to resume guardianship [2A].  As in the Gosney case, this is often done in such a reckless way that the children’s welfare and their very lives are placed at risk.

The term “abandonment” is generally used to describe physical abandonment of a child.  It can, also, however, include severe neglect and emotional abandonment, as when parents fail to provide financial and/or emotional support to  minor children for a prolonged period of time.

Apart from the damage severe neglect can cause, this particular form of abandonment may expose a child to sexual abuse by other adults with whom the child then comes into contact.  It is not unheard of for addicted parents to trade their young children to sex traffickers in exchange for drugs. Continue reading

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Forbidden Music

Afghan women, Author Eric Draper (PD as federal work product)

Many fear the withdrawal of US forces from Afghanistan will place in jeopardy the advances girls and women have made there in the past 20 years [1].

If the Taliban resumes control of the country (as now seems inevitable), women are likely again to be penalized for infractions such as failure to wear a burka, leaving home unaccompanied by a male, and adultery [2].  Even music will again be forbidden, since the Prophet Muhammad is thought by some to have criticized the use of musical instruments [3].

Punishments have, in the past, ranged from beating or flogging, by religious police, to death by stoning [4].

Radical Islam v. Christianity

The Taliban argues that the harsh restrictions placed on women are meant to revere and protect them.  Taliban leaders have, however, been known to engage in human trafficking, selling women into slavery and forced prostitution [5].

The contrast between Radical Islam and Christianity could not be more clear.

When Christ was confronted with a woman caught in adultery, He defended her against her accusers, then instructed her to go and sin no more (John 8: 3-11).

He…said to them, ‘He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first’ ” (John 8: 7).

[1]  CNBC, “US withdrawal of troops puts Afghan women’s education in peril” by Richard Engel, 5/3/21, https://www.cnbc.com/video/2021/05/03/u-s-withdrawal-of-troops-put-womens-education-in-peril.html.

[2]  Wikipedia, “Women in Afghanistan”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_in_Afghanistan.

[3]  Wikipedia, “Islamic music”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islamic_music.

[4]  Radio Free Europe Radio Library, “Afghan Rights Group Investigating Video of Woman Being Stoned to Death” by Frud Bezhan, 2/3/20, https://www.rferl.org/a/afghan-rights-group-investigates-video-of-woman-being-stoned-to-death/30414665.html.

[5]  Time Magazine, “Lifting the Veil on Taliban Sex Slavery” by , http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,201892,00.html.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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Filed under Abuse of Power, Child Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, sex trafficking, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Strength

Weakness vs. Strength - Our Side of Suicide

Image courtesy of Our Side of Suicide http://www.oursideofsuicide.com/2016/05/09/weakness-vs-strength/

Some abuse victims want as adults only to forget their past.  That is an entirely legitimate response, and their prerogative.

By contrast, a surprising number of us want to use our suffering to ease the suffering of others.  We want to make something purposeful – even beautiful – out of what was painful and ugly.  That is a lofty goal which may or may not be achievable [1].

In either case, a few things should be clear.

A Strong Spirit

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak” (Isaiah 40: 29).

Those who somehow survive abuse – physical, emotional, sexual abuse, and neglect or domestic violence – have a strong spirit.  This is true no matter the scars we carry forward from abuse or the fears abuse bequeathed to us. We would not otherwise be here.

To say that we are strong does not denigrate the abuse victims who did not survive.  Even heroes are mortal.  If anything, we are their witness regarding the horrors inflicted on abuse victims (not to mention the  long-term consequences of abuse).

Layers

Abuse can be multi-layered.  While we may consider a single individual responsible for our abuse, many are likely to have contributed to it.

The abuse of a first individual will begin the lesson that we are undeserving of love and concern.  As others follow in the same footsteps, we come to believe this untruth.

Then there are those in our lives who could have intervened, but for reasons of their own did not.  This is another aspect of the tragedy of abuse.  While a non-offending parent may wield less power in the family dynamic than an offending-parent, an adult is always more powerful than a child.

We had every right to look for rescue to the adults aware of our situation.

Excuses

And still we make excuses for the loved ones who abandoned, battered, and raped us.

They didn’t understand the harm they were doing.  They led hard lives, were under a great deal of strain.  It was our fault.  We deserved it.  We were disobedient, rebellious.  We expected too much.  We complained too often.  We were too pretty, too flirtatious.  Deep down, they “really” cared.

Excuse after excuse after excuse…none sufficient to justify abuse. Continue reading

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Child Identity Theft

Anthem Breach Notification (security breach reportedly exposing the data of tens of millions of children), Author Tony Webster of San Francisco, CA (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

We do not give it much thought, but child identity theft is a growing threat.

According to the FTC, 4%-6% of the identity theft complaints received from 2014 to 2016 involved minors [1A].  At least 1 million children were victimized last year [2].

Personal Data

Child identity theft occurs when personal data like a child’s date of birth or Social Security number is stolen for the purpose of fraud.

A Shadow Identity

A child’s credit history is unmarred, and likely to go unchecked for years.  Because of that, child identity theft may go undetected for an extended period.

During that time, thieves can use the child’s identity just as they would an adult’s.  They can obtain driver’s licenses, sign leases, establish utility service, open bank accounts, qualify for credit cards, and purchase vehicles or property – meanwhile racking up debt in the child’s name.

Having developed this “shadow identity”, criminals can then sell and resell the child’s identity.  At that point, the process starts all over again. Continue reading

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Battery Acid

Car battery, Author Towel401 (PD)

The victims of child abuse often wrestle with the question of forgiveness.  Forgiveness can feel like defeat – another surrender to a predator who has already taken so much from us, including our self-respect.

Strength v. Weakness

But forgiveness is NOT a sign of weakness.  Nor is it a warm and cozy feeling.

Forgiveness is a deliberate decision to put the past behind us [1].  That requires enormous strength on the part of victims.  Most of us cannot accomplish it until we have first mourned our losses (a fact those urging forgiveness upon us must not overlook).

Unforgiveness

Emotionally speaking, unforgiveness is akin to the sulfuric acid used in storage batteries.

Battery acid is a dangerous substance.  It dissolves the skin, causing chemical burns.  Heavy scarring can result.  Contact with the eyes will cause blindness.  Long-term exposure to fumes is toxic.

Like battery acid, unforgiveness eats us up inside, creating scars that further tie us to the past, exacerbating rather than easing our pain.  And the longer our bitterness lasts, the deeper the scars.

Bitterness blinds us to the possibilities before us.  Forgiveness, by contrast, opens our eyes.  It clears our head, and cleanses our heart.  We can once again breathe freely.  The past no longer has power over us.

Release

Forgiveness is NOT salt in the wound, NOT an added stripe from the lash, NOT a final humiliation [2].  Nor is it an argument that predators’ horrendous behavior should be excused away at victims’ expense.

Significantly, forgiveness is not inconsistent with criminal prosecution, should victims choose to pursue that.  Prosecution may prevent others from being victimized.

Instead, forgiveness implies release for the victim…release from bitterness, from anger, from hatred.  From the groundless self-condemnation the abuse to which we were subjected left in its wake [3].

Victims deserve that.

But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” (Matt. 5: 44).

[1]  Prevention, “How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You – Even When It Feels Impossible” by Cassie Shortsleeve, 12/13/19, https://www.prevention.com/life/a29995725/how-to-forgive-som.eone/

[2]  NPR, “Why Forgiving Someone Else Is Really About You” by Stephanie O’Neill, 7/30/20, https://www.npr.org/2020/07/28/896245305/why-forgiving-someone-else-is-really-about-you.

[3]  This is not to suggest that we were responsible for our abuse.  Children, however, blame themselves for the actions of the adults around them.  Victims carry that misplaced sense of guilt into adulthood.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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Babies for Sale

Baby For Sale – Gag-Signs.com

Image courtesy of Gag-Signs.com.

German police earlier this year arrested a Bulgarian couple believed to trade in infants. 

The 58 y.o. man and his 51 y.o. wife whose names were not disclosed are thought to belong to a criminal ring that engages in the sale of infants.  At least eight women in an advanced stage of pregnancy but willing to hand over their newborns for cash were transported from Bulgaria to Greece for that purpose [1][2].

Human trafficking is an ugly business under any circumstances.  When there are children involved, it takes on a whole new dimension.  But infants would not be offered for sale, if there were not a market for them.

Many couples anxious for a child are willing to pursue adoption by any means, if they can secure an infant.  Even more sinister are the countless pedophiles and pornographers salivating to get their hands on a child – no questions asked.

Meanwhile, thousands upon thousands of older children await legal adoption.

How much is a human life worth?  Clearly, we have no concept, since we treat children like commodities in this consumer culture of ours.  Can we quantify the value of a child?   Evidently, older children have depreciated in value as compared with infants.

In God’s view, all children are priceless – even those being discarded and sold.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations” (Jer. 1: 5).

[1]  CNN,  “German police arrest couple suspected of trading newborn babies” by Claudia Otto and Stephanie Halasz, 5/3/21, https://www.cnn.com/2021/05/03/europe/germany-newborn-trading-arrests-intl-grm/index.html.

[2]  We do not know the dire circumstances of these women, or the promises they may have been made that their children would be placed in good homes.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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Alternative Girls

Singer Melanie Martinez, Author DeShaun Craddock, Original Source flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

Definition: Alternative Girls – Girls with colored hair, tattoos and piercings [Surgical decoration of the body, esp. the ears, nostrils, eyebrows and navel; sometimes the tongue, nipples, or genitalia.  Considered attractive by some, disgusting by others].

They usually started out as a scene [good, amazing, fun, etc.], punk or goth chick in High School.

Melanie Martinez is an alternative girl singer.

– Urban Dictionary

There is a cultural phenomenon these days known as the “alternative” girl.  Alternative girls favor a lifestyle different from the norm [1].  They have a fashion sense, musical tastes, and opinions different from those of the population in general.

Whatever the origin of this phenomenon, it closely parallels the experience of many child abuse victims.

Desperate for love, we offer up to the world the worst possible aspects of ourselves in the forlorn hope of acceptance and redemption. Continue reading

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Chaos

Poor child, Author Pankajauyangoda (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

They are like straw before the wind, and like chaff that a storm carries away” (Job 21: 18).

Often, those of us not raised in dire poverty fail to understand the chaos of that environment.

The electricity is turned off, and homework is not done.  The ceiling falls in, literally.  The grocery bag rips, the eggs smash, and there is no dinner.  Children sleep in the bathtub as their only defense against drive-by shootings.  An intoxicated neighbor sets the house on fire.  An argument over sneakers escalates into a shooting.  Police arrest a parent, and the children go into foster care.

No Safety Nets

There are no safety nets.  There are no margins for error.  What to the rest of us might be an inconvenience, at worst a minor hardship, can be devastating to the poor.  Progress is impossible.  A youthful indiscretion may cost a life.

Is there any wonder that long range consequences are imperfectly understood?  These children have not been in a position to predict from one hour to the next what may befall them.

Disappointed and Discouraged

Children in poverty face constant disappointment, and daily discouragement from the adults around them.  Promises must be broken again and again.  Some of the criticism may actually be an attempt by adults to protect their children against the bias they are expected to face.  Underachievement is perceived as “safer” than success. Continue reading

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Elder Abuse

Image courtesy of ARAD Insurance https://www.araglegal.com/individuals/learning-center/topics/caring-for-others/how-to-identify-elder-abuse.

Elder abuse has become so common that older adults write into public forums for advice [1].

Adult children moved back in with parents with increasing frequency during the COVID-19 pandemic [2].  Less than 25% of parents asked that their children contribute to increased household expenses such as food and utilities.  This has strained some relationships, both financially and emotionally.

Other abusers may include partners, spouses, relatives, neighbors, friends, volunteer or paid workers, lawyers, and individuals intent on theft or fraud [3A].

Forms of Elder Abuse

As parents grow more frail with age, they become increasingly vulnerable to abuse.  Abuse can range from rudeness and disrespect, to financial mismanagement, threats, intimidation, and outright violence. Continue reading

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Filed under Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Religion