Tag Archives: self-loathing

August 9, 2026 · 1:00 am

Valor and PTSD

Tattered American flag at scene of devastation following F-5 tornado in Oklahoma, Image released by US Armed Forces (ID DF-SD-00-03241), Author Sgt Bill Kimble, (Public Domain)

Valor, noun – strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness : personal bravery

Valor may be an old fashioned word these days.  It is something quiet.  Something internal.

Society applauds courage – a much prized quality that involves action in the face of danger, action despite fear.  We picture it on the battlefield, flags waving and bullets flying.  Civic associations award medals for it, as well they should.

But there are all kinds of battlefields.  Many of us carry our battlefields inside.  They are no less perilous, no less grimy, no less bloody for that.   Only the blood, the sweat, and the tears are our own.

We carry scars from the battles fought and lost, many when we were grossly outmatched as children.  All our failures remain present with us; they haunt us like ghosts.  Our victories vanish like soap bubbles.  Yet we continue to look death in the face almost daily, and persevere to survive another day [1][2][3].

This is life with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  The wounds inflicted on us – whether from childhood abuse and neglect, or domestic violence – were undeserved.  The guilt for them is not ours, but we carry the shame regardless.

The demons we wrestle – anxiety, depression, self-doubt, self-loathing – rarely sleep.

At times, we seek to numb the pain.  The anesthetics we use for this vary – drugs, alcohol, razor blades, food, sex, work.  But they provide little relief.  We simply harm ourselves further.

What we fail to recognize is the sheer valor required to endure in the face of such an unrelenting onslaught.  There is no better word for the strength of mind and spirit required to remain steadfast and carry on.

Medals or no, we deserve to hold our heads up.

—

[1] Psychiatry Advisor, “Trauma and Suicide”, https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/factsheets/trauma-and-suicide/.

[2] PTSD UK, “Suicide amongst people with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder”, https://www.ptsduk.org/suicide-amongst-people-with-ptsd/.

[3] US Dept. of Veterans Affairs, National Center for PTSD, “The Relationship Between PTSD and Suicide”, https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/cooccurring/suicide_ptsd.asp.

A New Mexico court has ordered Meta (the parent of Instagram and Facebook) to pay $567 million for harming children. The social media giant must eliminate push notifications at night and during school hours, reduce time limits on its apps to no more than 90 hours/month, and put AI chatbox safeguards in place for users under 18 y.o.

For more information, see https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-08-07/meta-ordered-to-pay-us567-million-in-new-mexico-/107008246.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

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November 26, 2017 · 1:00 am

Filth

Ancient Jewish bath for ritual immersion (“mikveh”), Author Arie Darzi to memorialize the Jewish communities in Spain, Source http://yavan.org.il/pws/gallery!82 (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

“We have been made as the filth of the world, the offscouring of all things…” (1 Cor. 4: 13).

Filth pours out of the wall.  It may look like water, cool clear water, but it is filth.

In fact, the entire bathroom is contaminated.  God knows when it was last cleaned.  The room reeks of the sweat of prior occupants, is covered in a fine white powder from the predator’s own ablutions.

The door cannot be locked; the predator has seen to that.

You take your clothes off preparing to shower, but cannot find a place to lay down the cotton pajamas into which you plan to change.  Perhaps the toilet seat will suffice, if the clothes do not touch the floor, do not touch the wall, do not touch the tank.

You stand naked on the throw rug, an old shag which is, also, filthy, and prepare to step into the tub.  You grit your teeth, avoid looking at yourself in the small mirror that hangs over the sink.  The tub, too, is contaminated.  You know this must be done, so you step over the edge, cringing, toes curled under.

In the shower, you scrub your skin till it is raw.

You dread having to use the only towels available, stiff and worn, rough and faded towels.  You pull one down onto the floor, in order to be able to step out of the tub.  You carefully avoid touching the walls, touching the toilet tank.

You dry yourself awkwardly, as if drying off a stranger, avoid making eye contact with your image in the mirror.  Then you dress, step into slippers, gather your clothes and the used towels in a bundle for the hamper, and step over the threshold, out of the room.

You can never really get clean.  The bathroom may be contaminated by the predator.  But the dirt, the sin, is inside you.

No Escape

“…and though the…young woman cried for help there was no one to rescue her” (Deut. 22: 27).

This is how a victim of sexual abuse feels.  We despise ourselves, loathe our bodies, would shed them if we could [1].  This flesh is what he wants.  His hands have been all over it, taking possession of what is no longer ours.

Desperation alternates with hopelessness.  But there is no sign of rescue and no escape. Continue reading →

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Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

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