Category Archives: Sexual Abuse

August 11, 2013 · 1:00 am

In the Aftermath of Abuse, Part 5 – Forgiveness

From a human perspective, it is inconceivable that abuse victims would consider forgiving so grievous a violation as abuse. Only with God’s intervention can abuse victims hope to forgive the perpetrator, and successfully move on with their lives.

Forgiveness begins with a decision to put the violation in the past. It may be necessary to re-address forgiveness as life events bring other areas of unforgiveness to the survivor’s awareness.  This does not mean that the victim should be placed again in harm’s way.

Forgiveness cannot be forced (and does not preclude criminal prosecution). But without it, victims run the risk of being consumed by bitterness. God wants more for them than that.

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July 28, 2013 · 1:00 am

Monster

A monster pled guilty to his despicable acts in open court this week.

To avoid the death penalty, Ariel Castro – the man who held three young women in Cleveland captive for 10 years, who brutally beat, raped, and starved them, killing one of his children in the womb – pled guilty to 977 counts.  Castro was sentenced to life in prison plus 1000 years.  The plea deal spares the women from testifying at trial.

Castro attempted to lay the blame for a decade of voluntary, heinous acts on supposed sexual abuse in his own past and an addiction to pornography.  This was nothing less than slander against the many child abuse survivors who would give their lives rather than harm a child.

According to Childhelp[i], about 30% of child abuse and neglect victims abuse or neglect their children.  This tragic figure tends to mask the fact that 70% of victims do not abuse or neglect their children.

Evil is, in other words, a result of choice.

The Abel study of non-incarcerated sex offenders (those offending against both child and adult victims) found individuals from every walk of life, and all levels of education; 80% between the ages 20 – 49; 53% married, formerly married, or at some point in a partner relationship; and the majority employed[ii].  In some 59% of cases, intense interest in sex with a non-consenting person (child or adult) began in adolescence[iii]  apparently without a trigger.

In studies of juvenile sex offenders, Johnson and Schreir reported prior physical or sexual abuse by 66%; Longo reported prior abuse by 47%[iv].  To the extent these figures are accurate, they suggest 34% – 53% of juvenile sex offenders were never themselves abused.

Admittedly, many factors influence our choices.  But the choices remain in our control.  Monsters make themselves.

[i] Childhelp, National Child Abuse Statistics, http://www.childhelp-usa.com/pages/statistics.

[ii] The Future of Children, Judith V. Becker, PhD, Princeton University http://www.princeton.edu/futureofchildren/publications/docs/04_02_09.pdf.

[iii] As above.

[iv] As above.

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July 21, 2013 · 1:00 am

In the Aftermath of Abuse, Part 4 – Scriptural Consolation

While abuse victims have not sinned, it can be helpful for them to recall that God encourages even sinners. He sent His Son to save, not condemn us.

“For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved. He that believeth on Him is not condemned…” (John 3: 17-18).

“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit” (Romans 8: 1).

It is the adversary who condemns the saints, his goal being to paralyze them. It is his voice that victims hear when the darkness presses in on them, not God’s.  But the adversary is a liar.  Lies are his stock in trade.  Abuse victims are the more vulnerable, since early in life they did not receive the nurturing that God intended.

“And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, ‘Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony…’ ” (Revelation 12: 10-11).

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July 14, 2013 · 1:00 am

In the Aftermath of Abuse, Part 3 – Families

Not all families will be supportive of the abused child. Some will actually blame him/her for the abuse. Victims may be accused of lying or labeled as delusional for making such accusations. This is experienced by victims as another betrayal.

Victims may, also, be told that they are “dirty” (or be treated by their families as if that were the case).  In effect, victims can be made scapegoats for the very crimes to which they were subjected.

None of this behavior is biblical.

“But Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven’ ” (Matt. 19: 14).

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July 7, 2013 · 1:00 am

In the Aftermath of Abuse, Part 2 – Guilt and Shame

Sexually abused child (1910), Author Dr. P. Langenscheidt, Source “Der Sexualverbrecher” [“The Sexual Criminal”], (PD, published before 1/1/23)

“ ‘If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in Me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea’ ” (Matt. 18: 6).

It is easier for children to believe they “deserve” the evil done to them, than to take in the fact an adult who should care for them actually has little or no regard for their well-being.

The Statute of Limitations and other obstacles can make it difficult to hold child abusers and molesters accountable legally.  Even with a conviction, however, the feeling of “sinfulness” may rebound from an abuser to his victims.

This in no way implies that they were at fault. Victims, however, relive the trauma of having been treated as worthless. They are often left with a vague sense of unworthiness that can permeate their lives, and undermine subsequent relationships.

Though this feeling of their own “sinfulness” can be overwhelming to abuse victims, the conclusions they draw from it are not accurate.  Victims did not warrant or invite the abuse.  They remain deserving of love.

The feeling of “sinfulness” is just one of the scars left in the wake of abuse.  Other symptoms can include anxiety, depression, alcohol or drug addiction, eating disorders, and sexual dysfunction.  These behaviors either stem from the pain or are attempts to numb it.  All of them “punish” the victim, who was never at fault in the first place!

The symptoms of abuse may, themselves, become a cause of shame to victims.  Self-destructive behaviors shift the focus away from the abuse, while silently declaring it to the world.  Imperfect as coping mechanisms, these behaviors can have dire consequences but are, in effect, a cry for help.

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June 30, 2013 · 3:27 pm

In the Aftermath of Abuse, Part 1 – Victims and Predators

” ‘Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father…’ ” (Matt. 18: 10).

Each year, some six million children in the United States are sexually or physically abused.

This 6-part series will explore the emotional and spiritual ramifications of abuse, with a view toward assisting the survivors of abuse and those who care for them in dealing with its long-term effects.

Those of us who have decades of experience with abuse and its aftermath are all too familiar with these details.  But for each new generation of victims, these truths must be restated.

It must be said at the outset that children are NEVER responsible for the abuse inflicted upon them. The idea of a “bad” or “seductive” child is a lie perpetrated by child molesters, a rationale to excuse their heinous actions.

Predators are often manipulative, convincing child victims that they brought on the violation; consented to the violation; will not be believed, if the violation is reported; will be sent away from home, if the violation is reported; will place their parents (or pets) in danger, if the violation is reported, etc.  Some of these same arguments are made to women by the husbands and boyfriends who perpetrate violence against them.

As a consequence, victims often experience a misplaced sense of guilt and shame.  This will be further discussed in our next segment.

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June 19, 2013 · 8:00 am

Wrongly Convicted

“Happy is he…whose hope is in the Lord his God…Who keeps truth forever, Who executes justice for the oppressed…The Lord gives freedom to the prisoners” (Ps. 146: 5-7).

An Associated Press story recently highlighted the fact that bite mark evidence has lost credibility. At least two dozen of the men arrested and/or convicted on such evidence have since been exonerated by DNA testing. Many of the men were imprisoned for a decade or more.

Levon Brooks was sentenced to life after being convicted of the sexual assault and murder of his ex-girlfriend’s 3 year old daughter. Kennedy Brewer was sentenced to death in a similar case. The “human” bite marks on the little girls were later attributed to crayfish and insects in the water where the bodies were found. DNA testing in both cases matched Justin Johnson who, also, confessed. Johnson had a history of rape.

Cases involving the assault and death of children are particularly heinous. While moved to seek justice for these young victims, we must not jump to conclusions about guilt from a desire for closure. Joseph and the prophet, Jeremiah, were two of the biblical figures falsely imprisoned.

Jesus, Himself, was denied due process and convicted on the basis of perjured testimony. Worth remembering, as we pursue justice.

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June 12, 2013 · 6:12 am

Scandal at the State Department

Just the latest in a series of scandals, an Inspector General’s Report accuses the State Department of having quashed several attempts to investigate sexual misconduct by overseas officials, including an ambassador.  Some of that misconduct is said to have involved sex with prostitutes, some of them minors, which would make the activity criminal, as well as despicable.

A genuine  investigation is now, we are told, underway.  Evidence of criminality is to be referred to the Justice Department.  That will make a refreshing change from empty posturing, and a ceremonial slap on the wrist.

It is easy to become cynical in the face of such scandals.   That power corrupts hardly comes as a surprise.

A few observations, however:

  1. Assuming that grounds exist for these allegations, it took courage for the whistleblower(s) to come forward.
  2. The children who were violated are no mere fiction.  Their youth and potential are daily being squandered.
  3. The women who sold their bodies to powerful men, for lack of anything else to offer, are more than the smutty jokes made at their expense.  They are human beings living out a tragedy.

It is dangerous to become jaded.  As we become hardened, less and less can shock us.  We begin to pride ourselves in that fact.  Gradually, we lose the feeling in our hearts, in the same way diabetics lose the feeling in their extremities.  Both processes are deadly.

At very least, we should demand accountability, both from those involved in such misconduct and those who tolerate it.

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September 21, 2012 · 7:03 pm

Boundary Violation

No matter how far we may have come in our recovery, as abuse victims we retain scars.  Many of us, for instance, are vulnerable to boundary violation.

Since our boundaries were not respected, the ability to defend ourselves (especially against someone who “should” be trustworthy) may be diminished.  When that line is crossed – even in adulthood, even in a non-sexual context – we are often flooded with shame for having “failed” to protect ourselves…as if the fault were ours.

It is worth reminding ourselves that we live in the shell crater, the aftermath.  The scars we retain are evidence of that – not evidence of our supposed defects.

But we need not let that reality defeat us.  We have value and purpose.  And lives yet to live to the fullest.

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September 17, 2012 · 6:54 pm

A New Pope

Hopes are high for Pope Francis and his impact on the Catholic Church.

While the new pope’s agenda should include additional measures to root out, redress, and report sexual misconduct by priests, that agenda should focus, also, on the poor.  The gap between rich and poor grows ever wider.

We may mistakenly measure the value of life by wealth, power or fame.  We may be impressed by zip code or square footage.  But to God all life is priceless.

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