Category Archives: Violence Against Women

September 7, 2014 · 1:00 am

Subjugation

Sadly, the Bible has often been misused to support the subjugation of women. Such abuse is never justified, and is certainly not endorsed by the Bible. It reflects the patriarchal nature of our society (and the sins of individual men), rather than any directive from God.

For those who may wish to challenge this mistaken approach when confronted by it, here are a few observations from the Bible.

In His Image

God created both men and women in His image (Gen. 1: 27). Women are not pets or some lesser form of being, useful only for propagating the species without contributing anything to it.

That woman is described later in Genesis as having been created from the rib of Adam (Gen. 2: 21-22) reinforces, rather than undermines, this equality. Adam describes Eve as flesh of his flesh; marriage is said to require that a man leave his parents, to be joined to his wife as “one flesh” (Gen. 2: 23-24).

Hearts, Minds, and Souls

Both men and women have hearts, minds, and souls with which to love and serve God (Matt. 22: 37). Women have no less an obligation than men to do this. A just and holy God would not have made this command applicable to women, had they not been as capable as men of complying with it.

Equally Responsible

Though the nature of their punishment differed, God punished Adam and Eve to an equal extent for their sin in eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Gen. 3: 16-19).

Whether the story of the Fall is interpreted literally or figuratively, it confirms God’s view of Adam and Eve as equally responsible for their infraction. And it offers an explanation, i.e. sin, for the distortion of the relationship between men and women [1].

Female Role Models

The Old and New Testaments contain a surprising number of female role models, including women in leadership positions and women active in the early church.

Esther was a Jewish queen who saved her people from destruction (Book of Esther). Deborah served as a judge, successfully working with her general, Barak, to defeat the enemies of Israel (Judg. 4: 4-8). Both Jael (Judg. 4: 21) and Judith (Judith 13: 7-8) took it upon themselves to kill enemy commanders. Continue reading →

Leave a comment

Filed under Christianity, Justice, Religion, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , ,

August 31, 2014 · 1:00 am

Above Rubies

Cut Ruby Gemstone, Photo by Humanfeather (CC Attribution 3.0 Unported)

Universally, abuse undermines the self-esteem of its victims, often destroying self-worth entirely. This applies whether victims are male or female, children or adults when the abuse takes place.

Erosion

We view ourselves as deficient, defective, often as responsible for the abuse (which we definitely were not), and sometimes as deserving of it (which no one is).

Predators rely on this erosion, actively seeking to engineer it. Damaged self-esteem makes victims more vulnerable, more pliant, increasing a predator’s power over his/her victims.

We may be told that we are “ugly, stupid, worthless turds” and “whores” at the age of 3. Reality has no bearing on the insults and accusations hurled against us. And the closer our relationship is with the abuser (a parent, for instance), the deeper the wound.

Pain and Misperception

The pain can be unbearable, leading many victims to drug and alcohol abuse, cutting, eating disorders, and other self-destructive behaviors. All too often that pain clouds our perception of ourselves. We can see only the negative, our mistakes and shortcomings…even when they are non-existent.

Self-Hatred

Self-loathing will persist long after the physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or neglect has ended. The self-hatred stemming from abuse can interfere with subsequent relationships, and contribute to suicide years later. Continue reading →

Leave a comment

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , ,

August 24, 2014 · 1:00 am

Good Men

Despite what some women may have experienced, there are good men out there. The trick can be finding them. For that, we have to apply appropriate criteria [1] [2].

While this is not a dating guide, I offer you some of the Bible’s advice on the topic. The language may sound old fashioned, but the sentiments apply to our day.

A good man exemplifies integrity, both in his public and private life. This should be the standard women, also, demand of themselves.

“If I have walked with falsehood, Or if my foot has hastened to deceit, Let me be weighed on honest scales, That God may know my integrity” (Job 31: 5-6).

A good man deals justly with others, whatever their status. 

“If I have despised the cause of my male or female servant When they complained against me, What then shall I do when God rises up?…Did not He who made me in the womb make them? Did not the same One fashion us in the womb?…” (Job 31: 13-15, 21-22).

A good man sets godly priorities in his life, actively living out his faith. This means more than his just attending church on Sundays. It involves forgiving others; extending help to the needy; and trying to do right in all things. It does not involve a pompous or superior attitude. Continue reading →

Leave a comment

Filed under Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Religion, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , ,

August 17, 2014 · 1:00 am

Depression Rules

Dark Sky, Photo by Antero Pires, Source flickr (CC A-SA, 2.0 Generic)

“O my God, my soul is cast down within me…” (Ps. 42: 6).

There is as yet no known cure for depression, a mood disorder from which many abuse victims suffer.

Depression is a serious medical condition, and potentially fatal, as the recent death of comedian, Robin Williams illustrates.  Depression sufferers should be under the care of a medical professional.

That said, here are a few practical suggestions for coping. I cannot take credit for having developed these, but I have employed them.  I hope they may assist you, as well.

Whatever has caused or contributed to your depression, you are not alone. There is help available. There are people who will understand. Reach out. You are worth the effort.

1. Have a medical work-up.

Depression can be caused by a large variety of factors. Rule out such physical causes as heavy metal exposure, hypoglycemia, and drug side effects.

2. Be kind to your body.

Eat nourishing meals at regular intervals. Go to bed and rise at regular hours (even if you’re tempted to stay up all night, and wander the house). The patterned behavior will help your body (and mind) regain health.

3. Make sure of daily human contact.

The tendency will be to self-isolate. Let friends know you may not have the energy to call them. Ask that they call, text or email you. If nothing else, chat briefly with the mail carrier or store clerk.

4. Exercise.

Research increasingly points to exercise as an antidote for depression. This can involve a walk around the block or something more vigorous. As a secondary benefit, exercise will aid with sleep. Continue reading →

2 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , ,

July 20, 2014 · 1:00 am

Bitter Pill

“‘…and the truth shall make you free‘” (John 8: 32).

One particularly tenacious scar of abuse is the vicious criticism victims direct at themselves. In most cases, this criticism continues long after the abuse, itself, has ended. It undercuts our relationships, our endeavors, and our peace of mind.

Because the rationale behind self-criticism is not immediately clear, victims are tempted to take the criticism at face value. This can be a crippling mistake (even a fatal one, if the criticism feeds depression).

When those who preyed on us expressed their criticism of us – our behavior, our hopes and dreams, our very being – verbally, it does not require a great leap of faith to draw the conclusion that our critical inner voice is actually theirs.

What of those among us who were not verbally abused? Abuse by any other name remains abuse. Victims are not unfeeling lumps of clay. They know what is being done to them is wrong, whatever blandishments accompany the violation, whatever labels are applied.

As Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes famously put it, “Even a dog distinguishes between being stumbled over and being kicked.”

Why then is it so difficult for victims to still that inner critic?

The truth at the very heart of abuse, the reason we continue to excoriate ourselves long after the abuser has gone, is that we would rather destroy ourselves than believe we meant so little to someone who should have loved us.

That is a bitter pill to swallow. But it is the medicine we need to heal from this scar.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com

11 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , ,

July 13, 2014 · 1:00 am

Madame Mayor

“Now Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, was judging Israel at that time” (Judges 4: 4).

In Turkey, a Muslim woman with a 5th grade education, married at 15 y.o. to an abusive husband, and largely confined to home all her married life, has been elected co-mayor of her district [1].

Technically, men and women have equal rights in Turkey. The reality is far different. Four in ten Turkish women polled in 2009 said they were victims of domestic violence.

Long isolated from the outside world by her husband, Berivan Kilic somehow found the courage to divorce him after fourteen years of marriage. Turkish women do have the legal right to divorce. Since employment is not widely available to women, however, they must either remarry or “fall into the streets”.

Aisan, Berivan’s mother, brokered a third alternative. Aisan convinced Berivan’s father to let Berivan move back home.

With her two young sons, Berivan returned to the house where she grew up. To support herself, she began cutting hair. And she resumed her education by studying at home. This shocked, but intrigued the small town of Kocakoy.

Along the way, Berivan joined the Kurdish Peace and Democracy Party (BDP). The party, whose core values include gender equality, urged Berivan to run for office. Astonishingly, she won.

Local women now have a representative who understands their needs. One of Berivan’s priorities is, in fact, creating employment opportunities for women. She believes that this approach will for cultural reasons accomplish more good than a women’s shelter would. Berivan is, also, planning a crafts market for women’s handmade goods.

An act of courage saved a life, and is today changing other lives for the better.

—

[1] NBC News, “Turkish Teen Bride Divorces and Blazes Trail to Politics” by Emily Feldman, 6/5/14, http://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/turkish-teen-bride-divorces-blazes-trail-politics-n123611.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com

3 Comments

Filed under Christianity, Justice, Politics, Prostitution, Religion, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , ,

July 6, 2014 · 1:00 am

Breached Defenses

Do a search on variations of the title to this piece, and you will be directed to instructions on how to breach the defenses of various video games, and a few posts on breach of contract. Those are not what concern abuse survivors.

Property

Oh, our defenses were most definitely breached. Whatever meager defenses we had as children – whatever protests we made or attempted to make or wanted to make but were too confused and frightened or too young to make – were ignored and overridden as if our bodies, our souls, were the property of someone else.

Silenced

That is, in fact, how our voices were silenced. Protest was so clearly useless, what would have been the point?

Ongoing Vulnerability

But breach is one of those wounds that keep on giving. Years later, we may tolerate the unexpected groping by an older boy at the beach, the fumblings of a middle-aged optician in a darkened exam room, and despise ourselves for it, when the fault is not ours. Was never ours.

Boundaries are meant to protect us. When they have been violated physically, sexually or emotionally, we become vulnerable to further violation.

This is not an indictment against us, not a sign of weakness on our part. The fact that wounds leave scars is simply proof that we are human.  And we were, after all, children. We never had a real choice; were forced to submit to violation of the most profound kind. Continue reading →

6 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

June 22, 2014 · 1:00 am

Focus

Reports have been made of abuse by priests, abuse in residential boys’ schools, abuse in church-operated Magdalene laundries, abuse by pediatricians, abuse by police, abuse by politicians shielded by police, abuse by the committees formed to investigate abuse.  The list goes on and on.

Abuse is widespread, generational; the number of victims, staggering.

It is essential that light be shed on this perverted behavior.  It is not necessarily wise, however, that victims focus on the reports of abuse. The sheer numbers can be overwhelming.

We have enough reminders of our brush with evil. The scars of abuse may include perfectionism (and the reaction to it, workaholism), anxiety, depression, sexual difficulties, and weight issues. These pose challenges to many of us on a daily basis. Continue reading →

3 Comments

Filed under Abuse of Power, Child Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , ,

May 18, 2014 · 1:00 am

Abuse-Related Advocacy

Those of us committed to raising awareness of child abuse and violence against women often invest emotionally in the task. Since many of us are abuse survivors, we have a personal stake in bringing public pressure to bear on issues like the funding and oversight of foster care programs.

This is all to the good.

But the problem of abuse has long and pernicious roots. Neither child abuse nor violence against women is a new phenomenon. Both have been present throughout history, can be found worldwide, and are actually tolerated in certain cultures, if not encouraged. That makes the fight to abolish them or at least seek justice for victims extremely difficult.

Our goal is to do nothing less than change the world.

There are pitfalls associated with this fight. To begin with, depending on the cultural setting, advocacy can be dangerous. Readers will remember Malala Yousafzai, the young Pakistani girl attacked by the Taliban in 2012 for a blog post in support of women’s education.

Continual exposure to the ugly details of abuse can be disheartening. In March 2014, federal investigators shut down a global child pornography ring with over 27,000 predators [1]. Victims (mostly male) ranged in age from 3 y.o. and younger to 17 y.o.

Contact with such horrors may cause early burnout, a well recognized risk among social workers.  At a minimum, it can rob us of desire and our capacity to trust the opposite sex. Continue reading →

Leave a comment

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Terrorism, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , ,

May 11, 2014 · 1:00 am

Happy Endings

Americans love a happy ending. We cheer for the good guy. The hero overcomes every obstacle; walks away with barely a scratch. Our movies, our theater, our music all reflect that.

Oh, we can tolerate an occasional film noir or song in a minor key. Just for the change it makes. But, in the end, we want the good guy to win.

All too often, life does not work out that way. The good guy is beaten or at least beaten down. Some of us have to climb the same hill every day. So have we failed? Have abuse victims let down the audience?

No, we have not. We may have internalized an unrealistic standard, may believe we have come up short if our lives are not lived with Prince (or Princess) Charming in a rose covered cottage. But the reality is that it takes enormous courage and enormous strength simply to survive abuse.

We bear the wounds of a combat between the armed and unarmed, a war to which we were subjected before the age of consent.  The physical and psychological scars can last a lifetime. To have endured is to have won.

So, go ahead. Cheer for the good guy. We know what you mean, even if your image of a winner is not exactly the same as ours.

We make our own happy endings.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com

2 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , ,