Category Archives: Religion

Scars and Glory

“I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one’ll love you as you are

But I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know that there’s a place for us
For we are glorious”

“This Is Me” by Justin Paul and Benj Pasek,
Copyright © Kobalt Music Publishing

As abuse survivors, we carry scars – emotional, mental, and physical.  That is a fact of life for us.

To be ashamed of our scars is to be ashamed of who we are and who we were meant to be.  Afraid, we became valiant.  Humiliated, we grew resolute.  Weak and wounded, we found our strength.

Our scars are proof of that.  They are proof of the power with which we held onto life…and the Power that sustained us.

We have been hurt and we have been broken.  But we are still here.  We have been defiled and spat upon, rejected and reviled.  But we are still here.

We may not meet society’s standards for perfection.  We may not fit society’s mold of what it is to be acceptable.  Those standards are a product of ignorance.  That mold was meant to be broken.

Our scars are obvious.  But we are still here.  And our wounds are, also, our glory.

“In my deepest wound I saw Your glory and it astounded me.”

-St. Augustine of Hippo

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Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Restraint

Posey straightjacket, Author Marc NL (PD)

Cornelius Fredericks, 16, started a food fight at a Michigan behavioral treatment facility, and wound up losing his life [1][2].

Lakeside Academy provides services to young adults either placed there by their parents or the foster care system.  Video from Lakeside shows Fredericks being restrained in the cafeteria by staff for around 8 minutes, before being given chest compressions, while unresponsive on the floor.  But portions of the video are missing.

Sequel Youth and Family Services, the owner of Lakeside Academy, admits that staff did not act in accord with the facility’s policy that restraint be employed as an emergency safety measure only when a student exhibits imminent danger to self or others.

Prosecutors say two staff members lay across Fredericks’ torso as they tried to restrain him.  Cornelius went into cardiac arrest, dying two days later at Bronson Methodist Hospital. Continue reading

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Second Chance Adoptions

second chance 2 – Adoption & Birth Mothers*

The Dept. of Health and Human Services estimates that 1% – 5% of the 135,000 adoptions finalized in the US each year are later legally dissolved.

Second Chance Adoptions, a division of Wasatch International Adoption Agency (WIAA), is one agency that offers “second chance” adoptions. [1A].

Reasons for Re-Adoption

An adopted family may put a child up for re-adoption for a variety of reasons.  These can range from financial (involving, for instance, job loss and/or the lack of necessary medical insurance) to emotional (involving, in rare cases, Reactive Attachment Disorder a/k/a RAD).

RAD tends to occur in older children who have been severely neglected, raised in unusual settings such as institutions, or repeatedly deprived of a primary caregiver.  Children with the condition are unable to form a strong attachment to their adoptive parents.

Trauma to the Child

Adoption dissolution is no more difficult, legally speaking, than placing a biological child for adoption.  Without question, however, adoption dissolution places children at significant risk of trauma.

Not only are their lives fundamentally unsettled; these children may be left with lifelong doubts as to their own value.

As a result, children can suffer from depression or mood swings, and may be susceptible to disrupted bonding.  Of course, these are the very children in desperate need of love and stability. Continue reading

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Gatekeepers – Sexual Harassment in the Music Industry

Lady Gaga interviewed for NFL Network (2016), Author SMP Entertainment, Source Vimeo: SB50 Lady Gaga Interview https://vimeo.com/159307047 (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

Noel Fisher a/k/a Detail – a Grammy Award-winning music producer and songwriter who worked with the likes of Beyonce, Maroon 5, Jennifer Lopez, and Nicki Minaj – was last month arrested on 15 charges of sexual assault and 5 additional charges of felony assault [1A].

The charges stem from incidents between 2010 and 2018.  Bail was set at $6.29 million.

In her song “Gatekeeper”, Jessie Reyez (co-author of the hits “One Kiss” and “Promises”) described in graphic terms being harassed by a producer she later identified as Fisher:

“Oh I’m the gatekeeper/Spread your legs/Open up/You could be famous/If you come up anywhere else, I’ll erase you.”

-Jessie Reyez, “Gatekeeper” [2A]

Reyez maintains Fisher disparaged her for not having sex to advance her career.  Singers Bebe Rexha and Tinashe had similar experiences with Fisher [2B].

In 2018, Janae Knox, a Fisher assistant, filed suit alleging he asked her to shower with him and demanded sexual favors [2C].  Isabella Mack, another Fisher assistant, filed suit alleging she was forcefully held against her will while Fisher masturbated [2D].  Fisher, also, demanded Mack pose for nude pictures and videos.

In 2019, model Kristina Buch was awarded $15 million in a suit alleging Fisher raped her [1B].

But allegations of sexual assault in the music industry are nothing new. Continue reading

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Nightmares

“Nightmare in a Mirror” by Terry Marks, Source http://www.stuckism.com/GFDL/Marks.html (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

You have a recurring nightmare.  Perhaps you are being chased by something enormous and faceless, something terrifying.  Perhaps the sight of something innocuous in a dream causes you unexplained anguish or despair.

You wake in a cold sweat (or with tears on your pillow), sure there must be something wrong with you.

Symbolic Imagery and PTSD

The language of our dreams can be puzzling.  Images can be confusing, and are often symbolic.

For abuse survivors, nightmares are a frequent symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) [1].  An estimated 71% – 96% of those with PTSD have nightmares.

Short-Term v. Long-Term Memory

Scientists agree that dreams involve the mind’s transfer of short-term memories to long-term storage.

Continue reading

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Turkish Inequality

Anti-femicide memorial in Chile, Author En.el.cielo.con.diamantes, Source https://www.flickr.com/photos/kamelia/2055714461/ (CC BY-SA 2. 0 Generic)

Women in Turkey have rallied in large numbers due to concerns that country may withdraw from the Istanbul Convention [1].  The Convention deals with systemic violence against women, and the state’s role in preventing domestic abuse.

Citing the erosion of family values and traditional gender roles, a small but determined group has lobbied Turkey’s ruling Justice and Development Party (AKP) to withdraw the country.  What seems behind the effort is an anti-Western sentiment, and the desire to revoke gender-based protections.

Turkey has a long history of femicides, the killing of women and girls by men because of their gender [2A].  Even with the Istanbul Convention in place, 417 Turkish women died as the result of domestic violence last year.  Thus far this year, 205 have been killed.

The murder of 27 y.o. Pinar Gultekin by her former boyfriend ignited the Turkish women’s protests [2B].  Anti-femicide protests have, also, taken place in France, South Africa, Mexico, and Chile in recent years.

Meanwhile, Poland, Serbia, and Croatia are considering abandoning the Convention. Continue reading

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Child Sex Trafficking Online

Graphic for child sex trafficking in the United States, Author Ebrittania (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

Federal authorities have seized and taken down the website CityXGuide.com and its affiliates for advertising illicit sexual services [1].  CityXGuide.com had taken over from the now defunct 1Backpage.com as the internet’s primary source for such ads.

Minors are identified among the victims of CityXGuide.com.

The charges against Wilhan Martono, the owner and operator of CityXGuide.com and its affiliates (Backpage.co, CAPleasures.com, BodyRubShop.com, and others), include money laundering, facilitating prostitution, and the reckless disregard of sex trafficking. Continue reading

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Coronavirus Losses – Ten Million Children

African children with donated school supplies from Develop Africa, Author DevAfrica (CC BY-SA 4.0 International).

According to Save the Children, one billion children worldwide are currently out of school because of coronavirus lockdowns [1A].  Roughly half these do not have access to distance learning.

Children kept home from school are likely to lose learning and fall behind.  They are, also, more vulnerable to abuse, as there is no one to intervene on their behalf.

Expenditures on the coronavirus (and increasing poverty as a result of the lockdowns) are expected to create a $77 billion gap in education funding for the world’s poorest children, over the next 18 months [2A].  Those living in overcrowded migrant camps and conflict zones will be the hardest hit [1B].

As many as ten million children will not return to school at all, forced into the labor market or early marriage [2B].  These will be mostly girls, further deepening the educational divide which already exists along wealth and gender lines.

Teen pregnancy and child marriage are both predicted to increase. Continue reading

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God’s Relationship to Abuse – Fate and Justice, Part 2

Gentian blossoms, André Karwath a/k/a Aka (CC BY-SA 2.5 Generic)

We continue our examination of God’s relationship to fate, justice, and abuse.

Justice

God created human beings in His image.  That is the reason we have a sense of justice at all.  Our sense of justice cannot be greater than God’s, since it derives from His.

Yet, because ours is a fallen world, we do not always see justice done.  The innocent suffer, as abuse victims can attest.  That is deeply disturbing to us…and it should be.  The question is whether we can trust a God who allows innocent suffering.

The answer to that rests with the character of God.  God is love personified.  He is holy beyond all measure, entirely incapable of evil.  And God is all powerful.  He is not, therefore, overcome by evil.

If we trust in Him, God is capable of sustaining us, despite our suffering.  God’s justice, however, plays out on a grand scale, against the backdrop of eternity.  We may not see justice done in our lifetime.  The Jeffrey Epsteins of this world may triumph for awhile.  But, in the long run, they do not escape justice (Gal. 6: 7).

Knowing these things about God, we can fully place our trust in Him.

Continue reading

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God’s Relationship to Abuse – Fate and Justice, Part 1

We abuse victims often rage at God for our circumstances.  Given the pain we endured, that is only natural.  Is it, however, appropriate?  Is God responsible for fate and justice, by inference, for innocent suffering?

Blind Fate

“The Three Fates” by Alexander Rothaug (c. 1910), Currier Museum of Art, Manchester, NH (PD)

The Fates are a common feature in polytheism.  They are often depicted as a group of mythological goddesses weaving the destiny of mortals on a loom.  The ancient Greeks called them the Moirai.  The Norse called them the Norns.  They controlled the thread of life for every mortal from birth to death.

A belief in fate or blind chance can give rise to resignation, a stoic submission to events which largely removes free will from the equation.  This is a way of coping with the gross injustice of abuse.  It eases the pain, but reinforces a hopeless victim mentality.

What such a belief does not do is place responsibility where it truly belongs, i.e. on the predator.  That can be appealing, since we need not confront the excruciating truth that we were not loved as we deserved. Continue reading

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