Tag Archives: beauty

Ugliness, Part 1

Classic Comics, No. 18, “Hunchback of Notre Dame” (PD)

In the Dumas classic The Hunchback of Notre Dame, the hunchback (chosen the ugliest man in Paris) does not get the girl.  The pair do not live happily ever after, though they are eventually united in death. This is no real surprise. In fact, it is the tragedy on which the story hinges.

Kindness and Beauty

Both mistreated and physically deformed, Quasimodo is drawn to kindness and beauty as a moth is drawn to flame.

We sympathize with, even admire him. Our hearts are stirred.  But we do not root for the hunchback, not in the same way we root for the prince to rescue Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. Quasimodo is never seriously considered a romantic partner for Esmeralda. His love is doomed from the outset.

That fact tells us more about ourselves than it does about Quasimodo.

Exclusion

In the same way that Quasimodo was excluded from normal human society, abuse victims often feel themselves ostracized, outside the very definition of “human”. How does this happen and, equally important, how we can counteract it?

There seems a tendency by infants to favor symmetrical faces – possibly an inborn preference for the genetic “norm”. For the most part, however, we are taught the meaning of ugliness and beauty by the comments and actions of others.

First as infants then children, we see ourselves reflected in a parent or caregiver’s eyes, and are defined by that reflection. Ugliness on our part (assuming it has any basis at all) is likely to come as a surprise. It does not occur to us that we may be ugly, until others point that out.

Not infrequently, those who believe themselves ugly and worthy only of rejection are not ugly at all. Would not be considered ugly by strangers – only by the so called “loved ones” who should have been able to see past any obvious flaws. Continue reading

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Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Spoons

Soup spoon, Author Donovan Govan (CC BY-SA-3.0 Unportedl GFDL).

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal” (1 Cor. 13: 1).

Whether as abuse victims made the object of unfair comparisons or as men and women raised in a materialistic culture, we have a tendency to compare ourselves to others. The comparison nearly always overlooks our real gifts.

Not many of us are fashion models or world class chefs. Few are sports icons, movie stars, or billionaires. None at all can stay eighteen forever. We play different parts, in the course of a lifetime – some more humble than others, but no less important.

Spoons may be less glamorous than swords or scepters. But they fill an essential role. You cannot scoop pudding for a child with a saber, or feed the hungry of the world with a magic wand. Ask any farmer.

Love, above all else, is what the world needs. Not “love” as portrayed by Hollywood. Real love – the kind that takes sweat and sacrifice. The kind that involves wiping noses and kissing boo-boos; standing on an assembly line, day in and day out, to make sure the bills get paid.

If we can manage that without having known it ourselves, we have achieved something close to miraculous.

A SPOON IS NOT A HAMMER

A spoon is not a hammer
A knife is not a glove
To warm a heart near frozen
From simple lack of love

So strike a blow for freedom
Cut through red tape and lies
Or lift the spoon to a child’s lips
A tender look in your eyes

We each have different talents
And different roles to play
A candle will light the darkness
A match can start a blaze

So raise a cry for justice
And hold that banner high
Or wrap your arms round a baby
And sing a lullaby

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com

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Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Sports, Violence Against Women