The Rose Garden, Chapter 1 – The Giant

File:Statue of an athlete, from Hadrian's Villa, from AD 160, British Museum (16113067990).jpg

Statue of an Athlete from Hadrian’s Villa (160 AD), Source British Museum, Author Carole Raddato of Frankfurt, Germany (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

I might with the words of angels be able to reconstruct the landscape of my childhood; portray in all their complexity the most important people in my life, laying bare their hidden motives.  Instead, I am left to grasp at straws, and wonder how the paths we take are determined [1].

In the end, we walk by faith, trusting that Providence has a purpose for our lives.

There were giants on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of men and they bore children to them” (Gen. 6: 4).

There is a public space in the northeast corner of the Bronx known as Pelham Bay Park.  Irregular in shape, the park nestles against the less affluent (some would say forgotten) end of Long Island Sound, covering more than 2700 acres.

Unlike most urban parks, Pelham Bay does not consist largely of pavement.  The park offers locals both grassy vistas and wooded areas.  As the result of recent civic improvements, Pelham Bay is today reasonably well groomed.  Due to budgetary constraints, however, the park was for many years left by the City of New York to fend for itself.

Pelham Bay represented wilderness to me as a girl.  In my young mind, the park was vast and uncharted, holding an irresistible appeal. My father and I would drive to the park, and walk in the woods there.  Once I learned to bike without supervision, Pelham Bay Park — some five or six miles from our home — was within my own range.

It was, in fact, at Pelham Bay that my father taught me how to ride a bike.  As with most children, that moment is etched indelibly in my mind.  The event took place in the paved lot behind what my father called “The Giant.”

The Giant was just that, the stone figure of an athlete approximately eighteen feet tall, farther elevated above the nearby park grounds by a small concrete stadium.  This vantage afforded the Giant and those moved to climb the full height of the stadium a bird’s-eye-view of the surrounding countryside and a feeling of great, if temporary, self-satisfaction.

Though fond of the view, I rarely experienced that feeling since my father was always insistent on climbing to the Giant not by way of the steps provided, but by the concrete risers comprising the stadium seats.

“Keep up, Annie,” he would call.  But this route posed a formidable challenge to my much shorter legs, requiring complete concentration and leaving me breathless by the time I finally reached the top.

My father seemed a giant to me as a child.  He would dominate dinner conversation; his personality, fill a room.  He could do no wrong.  Anxious to please him, I routinely made the ascent at Pelham Bay, but regularly experienced the effort as a failure on my part. Continue reading

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Medea – Child Murder as Revenge

File:Medea - A. Gentileschi.jpg

“Medea” by Artemisia Gentileschi (c. 1620), Private Collection, Source https://www.conceptualfinearts.com, Author Stephano Pirovano (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

In Greek mythology, Medea infamously kills her children in order to hurt her unfaithful husband Jason [1][2].  The play by that name was first produced in 431 BC, and has more recently been viewed through a feminist lens [3A].

But child murders are not a thing of the past, and not limited to the stage.

Partner Revenge

“Filicide” is the deliberate killing of a son or daughter for any reason [4A].  A special category of filicide involves the killing of one’s children as revenge on a partner or spouse [5].  Often, such murders are occasioned by infidelity or suspected infidelity.

Those who murder their children out of a desire to harm the other parent view children as mere objects, the means to an end [4B][6A].  Mothers are more likely to kill children during infancy; fathers, more likely to kill children aged 8 y.o. and above [4C]. Continue reading

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The Toxic Workplace

File:Workplace Bullying.jpg

Workplace bullying image, Author GwenFord (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

The victims of childhood abuse may remain vulnerable to abuse as adults in a variety of circumstances.  Domestic abuse is one example.  Workplace abuse is another.

Hostile Workplace

Abusive conduct in the workplace can range from insults or derogatory statements, humiliating public censure, bullying and threatening remarks, to sabotage of an employee’s work product/professional growth/reputation, sexual harassment, and blatant discrimination [1][2][3][4]. 

Actions that intimidate, belittle or degrade individuals, foster a toxic environment.  They often occur as part of a pattern of behavior.

Dangers of Workplace Abuse

Aside from the psychological impact negative behaviors like these have, they can lead to injuries on the job and outright violence — the third leading cause of occupational fatalities, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics [5]. 

Legal Rights

Employees are entitled under the law to a workplace free of harassment and hostile conduct.

Unfortunately, some employers turn a blind eye to such behavior, rather than actively discouraging it.  As a result, employees in a certain category (for example, Hispanics or young women) may routinely be targeted for abuse.

While this can expose an employer to legal liability, the more important question is how an employee should respond. Continue reading

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Children of the Damned

File:Views around the old city of Mosul in 2019 during the summer, following war with the Islamic State 29.jpg

View of Mosul in 2019, following war with ISIS, Author Levi Clancy (CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain Dedication)

In 27 prison camps and detention centers across Syria, some 50,000 of the most dangerous ISIS members and their families are being held indefinitely.  CNN was recently accorded rare access, and found these locations a spawning ground for ISIS [1].

Five years after the caliphate was defeated, the ISIS ideology lives on here.

Though ISIS is known for rape and brutality toward women, the women who defected to ISIS came from over 60 countries.  They complain of the conditions in these camps, but radiate hostility toward the outside world and continue to profess loyalty to ISIS.

Unauthorized training sessions are conducted to prepare child soldiers for conflict.  Young boys are married off to produce the next generation of ISIS fighters.  Some 60 births occur each month.

In an effort to counter this, the Syrian Democratic Forces (SDF) remove adolescent boys from their families, so that they are not further radicalized by their mothers.

Conditions in the SDF rehabilitation centers are somewhat better.  But the number of beds there is limited.

Condemned from Birth

These are children of the damned — condemned from birth to lives constrained by their parents’ choices.

Unlike the children in a 60’s science fiction film by the same name, they are not harbingers of peace [2].  Not only are they confined to detention camps by no fault of their own.  They are fed hate with their mother’s milk, and raised on a diet of lies.

Statements of moral superiority and contempt for others form the basis of the ISIS ideology [3].  Religious reasoning is used to justify criminal actions.  Violent behavior is normalized.  Personal grievances are blamed on others.

And so blood begets blood (Ezek.35: 6; Matt. 26: 52).

Continue reading

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Surviving Child Abuse, Part 2 – Coping Strategies

File:Arizona Wildflowers (47287023152).jpg

Wildflowers, Peridot Mesa, AZ, Source Arizona Wildflowers, Author Alan Stark of Goodyear, AZ (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

Denying or shutting down feelings — emotions, pains, etc. — usually blocks people’s energy or blinds them to important warnings [1].”

The instinctive coping mechanisms for child abuse are repression, denial, and dissociation [2].  These survival mechanisms protect us against the painful truth of the abuse, but tend to maintain the abuse secret.   They are, in the long run, maladaptive.

Therapy, Loving Friends, Self-Care, and Stress Reduction

While there is no single approach proven to be universally successful, there are helpful coping strategies for dealing with the long-term effects of childhood abuse [3A][4A].

These include cognitive behavioral therapy; the support of loving friends and family members; a healthy daily routine of self-care; and stress reduction activities like mindfulness, exercise, and prayer [3B][4B][5][6A].

Supportive and trusting relationships allow us to explore and express our feelings in a safe setting.

Medication can, at times, be useful, as well.

Creativity (Self-Expression)

Creativity is another outlet for expressing our feelings .  We may blog or keep a journal, snap photos, take up amateur dramatics, draw, paint, sculpt, learn to throw pottery or arrange flowers [7][8].  It makes no difference.

Nor does it make a difference whether our efforts meet some ideal standard or not.  The act of self-expression can help us expel the poison and reclaim our joy.

Music

Music touches the soul in ways that words alone cannot [9].  We can experience the positive effect music has whether we compose, play an instrument, dance, sing, or simply listen to music.

Continue reading

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Surviving Child Abuse, Part 1 -Impact

File:Child abuse awareness ribbon.jpg

Blue Ribbon for Child Abuse Awareness, Source flickr.com, Author Trauma And Dissociation Project (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

Childhood abuse — whatever form it may take, including exposure to family violence — can have long-term effects ranging from anxiety, depression, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), to eating disorders and more [1A][2A][3A].

Shame and Suicide Risk

Our self-esteem is in tatters.  The shame, itself, can be crippling — no matter how misplaced [4].  The risk of suicide is greatly increased [5A].

Physiological Effects

But not all effects are so obvious.  Child abuse is, for instance, thought to contribute to such chronic health issues as heart disease, as well as such autoimmune disorders as type 1 diabetes, psoriasis, fibromyalgia, inflammatory bowel disease, and rheumatoid arthritis [1B][2B][5B]. Continue reading

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Marital Rape

File:West Midlands Police - Rape and Serious Sexual Offences Campaign (8102670311).jpg

Rape and Serious Sexual Offenses Campaign, Source/Author West Midlands Police, UK, (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

Marital rape is rape by a man to whom the victim is married, i.e. sexual intercourse under force, threat, or coercion [1].  Lack of consent is the essential element.  Violence may be present, but is not required for the act to constitute rape.

Marital rape is now recognized by countries around the world.  It is not, however, criminalized everywhere.  Cultural practices, ideas about male and female sexuality, and religious beliefs about the subordination of a wife to her husband all play a part in this.

History

Historically, intercourse within marriage was regarded as an absolute right.

While women were not actually seen as property under English common law, rape was viewed as the theft of a man’s property — not violation of a woman’s right to autonomy [2A][3].  Marital rape was considered a contradiction in terms. Continue reading

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Catfishing – Romance Scams

File:Ameiurus melas by Duane Raver.png

Black Bullhead Catfish (Ameiurus Melas), Source US Fish and Wildlife Service, Author Duane Raver (PD as work product of Federal Govt.)

CBS News is reporting an epidemic of romance scams [1][2].  Losses in  2023 are estimated in the range of $1.3 billion.  The emotional toll is even more devastating.

Victims come in all ages, and are from all walks of life.  Scams are underreported, since victims are often ashamed to admit they have been taken in.

Fake Profiles

Fake profiles can easily be set up on dating sites like Match.com.

A 2019 lawsuit in the US District Court for the Northern District of Dallas by the Federal Trade Commission vs. Match Group Inc. (which operates at least a dozen such sites) alleged that as many as 25-30% of Match members from 2013-2018 were actually using the online dating service to perpetrate fraud.

Exploiting Hope

The modus operandi of scammers is to create a fake persona (attractive image included), gain the trust of their victims, then exploit their hope.

Money is extracted from victims either by way of sob stories (a sudden accident, a sick relative); excuses that the online partner’s funds are temporarily “tied up”; or plans for the fabulous life the online couple is about to share.  These are, of course, fabrications. Continue reading

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Runaways

Each year over 400,000 children under the age of 18 are reported missing [1A].  The vast majority of these are runaways, highly vulnerable to homelessness, sex trafficking, and worse.

Though estimates vary, there may be as many as 2.8 million runaway and homeless youth in the US [2A].

“Half of all runaway minors report that their parents told them to leave or knew they were running away and did not care [3].”

“Runaways” are minors who have left home with the intention not to return.  The category includes children abandoned by the adults who should have cared for them, and teens thrown out of the house.

Risk Factors

According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, risk factors include the following [1B]:

  • Family conflict
  • Physical or sexual abuse
  • Pregnancy
  • Bullying or social rejection
  • Sexual orientation
  • Online enticement
  • Substance abuse
  • Gang activity
  • Mental health issues
  • Developmental issues

Some 47% of runaways report family conflict; 43% report physical abuse in the home; 34% report sexual abuse in the home.  Among girls, the rate of sexual abuse rises to 80%. Continue reading

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Twitter and the Mainstreaming of Porn

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0c/Bronze_Satyr_with_Phallus%2C_Naples_Archaeological_Museum.jpg
Satyr with phallus, Naples Archaeological Museum, Italy, Source https://www.flickr.com, Author Tyler Bell (Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic)

Pornography – printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.

–Oxford Dictionary

X, the social media platform f/k/a Twitter, has formally changed its policy to allow so called “adult” content [1].

Actually, Twitter has long tolerated adult content, i.e. pornography and graphic violence.  Reuters reported two years ago that made up fully 13% of the platform’s content [2].

This change is purportedly meant to make the platform’s rules more transparent.  In reality, it is intended to attract more users by attracting more content “creators” (a term which now includes pornographers).

Porn as an Industry

Tragically, X is not alone in mainstreaming the sexual exploitation of women and children.  Once a relatively small niche market, pornography has in recent years become an established, technologically sophisticated, multi‐billion‐dollar industry [3].

The pornography industry is closely related to organized crime, since child pornography is illegal in many countries [4A].  The crimes associated with it can include kidnapping, sexual assault, and murder.

But home video equipment and computers have greatly assisted pedophiles in the production and distribution of child pornography.

A Shift in Values

The growth and acceptance of the pornography industry reflect a serious crisis of values [5].

It used to be that individuals purchasing obscene or salacious material were embarrassed at being seen with it.  No more.  Standards of decency have been radically revised.  Pornography has been normalized, and is discussed openly. Continue reading

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