“Narcissus” by Caravaggio (c. 1596), Galleria Nazionale d’Arte Antica, Rome (PD-Art, PD-Old-100).
Narcissists are known for extreme self-absorption and a glorified sense of self.
The victims of their manipulation can suffer life-long, crippling consequences [1]. These may include a mistrust of loved ones, severe self-doubt, depression, and an obsession with supposed faults.
For the victims of narcissistic abuse, I highly recommend the website of Cynthia Bailey-Rug https://cynthiabaileyrug.wordpress.com/ .
Her post titled “Warning Signs of Those You Shouldn’t Tell about the Abuse in Your Past” clearly identifies those individuals whom abuse victims should not trust with information about their abuse history. I have excerpted the warning signs below.
The full post can be found at: https://cynthiabaileyrug.wordpress.com/2019/06/09/warning-signs-of-those-who-you-shouldnt-tell-about-the-abuse-in-your-past/.
“…Below are some warning signs that someone is not safe to tell your story to.
If someone refers to your relationship as one where both you & your abuser are at fault for its demise, this person isn’t safe. We all know that no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. However, when a person is abusive, it’s not an innocent mistake. It’s a deliberate choice to harm another person. Any functional person should recognize that!
All victims need understanding & empathy. Even if a person hasn’t been in an abusive relationship, anyone should be able to grasp that it’s not a pleasant experience & feel badly that anyone experienced that. Someone who can’t clearly lacks empathy & is a toxic person.
Avoid anyone who trivializes the abuse. One of my aunts once referred to the abuse I experienced as, ‘childhood hurts.’ That truly hurt me & it destroyed our relationship. Luckily, it happened well into my healing journey. If it happens to someone new to their healing, an invalidating comment like this can be devastating!
Those who make excuses for abusers should be avoided. People who do this are as toxic as the abuser! They invalidate the victim’s pain & suffering, & even make the victim feel ashamed for not being understanding, or being too sensitive & such. The truth is there is NO good reason to abuse, period.
People who judge a person’s healing are toxic. Everyone heals differently & at a different pace. Many toxic people try to rush a victim along with comments like, ‘You need to let this go.’ ‘It’s been how many months since you left him?’ ‘You told me this already.’ This does no good! To process & heal from abuse, it takes a lot of time, energy & sometimes even telling the same story over & over in an attempt to make some sense of it. A person who doesn’t understand that is toxic.
Anyone who uses a person’s faith as a reason they should tolerate abuse is incredibly toxic & should be avoided at all costs. While God didn’t promise this life would be easy, He never said anywhere in the Bible that tolerating abuse is good & holy. Yet, there are many who think it is the ‘good Christian’ thing to do, tolerating abuse. I’m no theologian, but I do recognize that tolerating & enabling abuse is not only wrong, it’s not God’s will.
If you come across these kinds of people, remember, not everyone needs to know your story. Refuse to discuss it with them. You don’t need to be abused even more than you already have been!”
—
[1] PsychCentral, “Narcissistic Abuse and the Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome” by Dr. Athena Staik, 11/17, https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2017/03/narcissistic-abuse-and-the-symptoms-of-narcissist-victim-syndrome/.
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com
ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse 
I had a friendship with a narcissist once. He never admitted fault for anything, and frequently insulted me. It is important to recognize that not everything narcissistic people say is true.
Speak the truth in love, not with hate or contempt.
An excellent point, Chris.
This resonates so strongly with me, my mom has never been a safe place for me to be vulnerable. These are very accurate.
I am sorry to hear this about your mother. However, trust your instincts.
Invaluable information Anna. I will definitely check out Cynthia’s blog.
Outstanding article. Thank you for publishing.
The credit, of course, goes to Cynthia Bayley-Rug. Unfortunately, narcissists can do enormous harm.
Excellent article, dear Anna, and very timely. Thank you for finding and sharing it!
Thank you, Dolly.
My pleasure, dear Anna.
This is such good information. Thank you for sharing it.
I am glad you found it helpful. ❤
A Very good share from Your side, my Dear Anna! The world is So full of these N people. So Many in authority; Teachers, Priests, Counsellors, politicos. …Those affected should learn to become Wise. …Love and Regards.
You are so right, Swami. When such people assume positions of authority, they cannot tolerate opposition.
And SO much depends upon the Quality of the Common man. Who, Most of ‘Mankind’ is SO reluctant, even Lazy, about Changing.
I thought writing here would be good on my journey to healing. Rather than hate or focus on revenge, I would like to help prevent another innocent person from entering a relationship that will destroy them.
You have the right attitude. Bitterness and hatred only serve to consume us.
Well said. Narcissists are fakes. They are extremely toxic and manipulative.
What about email communication with long-distance family member who may very well be a narcissist? I wish someone would do a youtube video addressing this.
Imagine writing an email to “the narcissist” and when you get your email reply:
1. 60% of what you asked or brought up in your email is completely ignored. Totally! Absolutely UN-addressed, as if you never wrote it…..or—
2. Your response is a 4 or 5 word one sentence “robot” answer….or—-
3. The reply is some off-topic side issue you never even mentioned and you find yourself asking what on earth does this have anything to do, with what I was talking about?!?…or
4, Your original comments/email is minimized or ridiculed as rediculous and then the narcissist goes on to “educate” you with some snobbish “I-know-better” type of reply.
This happens! So i have decided to stop communicating by email with that person, but still allow communication by PHONE. In email, the narcissist will argue tooth-m-nail as if they are determined to prove you wrong—BUT—-as soon as you have a point they cant disprove, THEN all of a sudden they want to “take the high ground” and they then say “well, we could analyze it to death but i dont want to argue anymore”. How slick. They didnt mind ONE BIT when they thought they had the upper hand or were “winning”.
But the big thing is the simple NOT responding AT ALL to about 60% of what was said in the original email. Do they really read it? ASk 10 people—how would most of them feel, if they got email responses like those? I wish Dr. Les Carter would address this. His youtube videos are awesome!
Great post! I quite agree…very valuable information. Thank you so much!
Greetings and all the best,
FBC
Thank you for your interest.