July 7, 2024 · 1:00 am

Marital Rape

File:West Midlands Police - Rape and Serious Sexual Offences Campaign (8102670311).jpg

Rape and Serious Sexual Offenses Campaign, Source/Author West Midlands Police, UK, (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

Marital rape is rape by a man to whom the victim is married, i.e. sexual intercourse under force, threat, or coercion [1].  Lack of consent is the essential element.  Violence may be present, but is not required for the act to constitute rape.

Marital rape is now recognized by countries around the world.  It is not, however, criminalized everywhere.  Cultural practices, ideas about male and female sexuality, and religious beliefs about the subordination of a wife to her husband all play a part in this.

History

Historically, intercourse within marriage was regarded as an absolute right.

While women were not actually seen as property under English common law, rape was viewed as the theft of a man’s property — not violation of a woman’s right to autonomy [2A][3].  Marital rape was considered a contradiction in terms. Continue reading →

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June 30, 2024 · 1:00 am

Catfishing – Romance Scams

File:Ameiurus melas by Duane Raver.png

Black Bullhead Catfish (Ameiurus Melas), Source US Fish and Wildlife Service, Author Duane Raver (PD as work product of Federal Govt.)

CBS News is reporting an epidemic of romance scams [1][2].  Losses in  2023 are estimated in the range of $1.3 billion.  The emotional toll is even more devastating.

Victims come in all ages, and are from all walks of life.  Scams are underreported, since victims are often ashamed to admit they have been taken in.

Fake Profiles

Fake profiles can easily be set up on dating sites like Match.com.

A 2019 lawsuit in the US District Court for the Northern District of Dallas by the Federal Trade Commission vs. Match Group Inc. (which operates at least a dozen such sites) alleged that as many as 25-30% of Match members from 2013-2018 were actually using the online dating service to perpetrate fraud.

Exploiting Hope

The modus operandi of scammers is to create a fake persona (attractive image included), gain the trust of their victims, then exploit their hope.

Money is extracted from victims either by way of sob stories (a sudden accident, a sick relative); excuses that the online partner’s funds are temporarily “tied up”; or plans for the fabulous life the online couple is about to share.  These are, of course, fabrications. Continue reading →

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June 23, 2024 · 1:00 am

Runaways

Each year over 400,000 children under the age of 18 are reported missing [1A].  The vast majority of these are runaways, highly vulnerable to homelessness, sex trafficking, and worse.

Though estimates vary, there may be as many as 2.8 million runaway and homeless youth in the US [2A].

“Half of all runaway minors report that their parents told them to leave or knew they were running away and did not care [3].”

“Runaways” are minors who have left home with the intention not to return.  The category includes children abandoned by the adults who should have cared for them, and teens thrown out of the house.

Risk Factors

According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, risk factors include the following [1B]:

  • Family conflict
  • Physical or sexual abuse
  • Pregnancy
  • Bullying or social rejection
  • Sexual orientation
  • Online enticement
  • Substance abuse
  • Gang activity
  • Mental health issues
  • Developmental issues

Some 47% of runaways report family conflict; 43% report physical abuse in the home; 34% report sexual abuse in the home.  Among girls, the rate of sexual abuse rises to 80%. Continue reading →

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June 16, 2024 · 1:00 am

Twitter and the Mainstreaming of Porn

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0c/Bronze_Satyr_with_Phallus%2C_Naples_Archaeological_Museum.jpg
Satyr with phallus, Naples Archaeological Museum, Italy, Source https://www.flickr.com, Author Tyler Bell (Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic)

Pornography – printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.

–Oxford Dictionary

X, the social media platform f/k/a Twitter, has formally changed its policy to allow so called “adult” content [1].

Actually, Twitter has long tolerated adult content, i.e. pornography and graphic violence.  Reuters reported two years ago that made up fully 13% of the platform’s content [2].

This change is purportedly meant to make the platform’s rules more transparent.  In reality, it is intended to attract more users by attracting more content “creators” (a term which now includes pornographers).

Porn as an Industry

Tragically, X is not alone in mainstreaming the sexual exploitation of women and children.  Once a relatively small niche market, pornography has in recent years become an established, technologically sophisticated, multi‐billion‐dollar industry [3].

The pornography industry is closely related to organized crime, since child pornography is illegal in many countries [4A].  The crimes associated with it can include kidnapping, sexual assault, and murder.

But home video equipment and computers have greatly assisted pedophiles in the production and distribution of child pornography.

A Shift in Values

The growth and acceptance of the pornography industry reflect a serious crisis of values [5].

It used to be that individuals purchasing obscene or salacious material were embarrassed at being seen with it.  No more.  Standards of decency have been radically revised.  Pornography has been normalized, and is discussed openly. Continue reading →

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June 9, 2024 · 1:00 am

BOOK REVIEW: One Petal at a Time

Joni Caggiano who blogs at https://the-inner-child.com/ has written a sensitive and uplifting book of poetry about childhood abuse.

Like 28 million other Americans, Joni is the survivor of parental alcoholism and all that entails [1][2].  Her book is directed to survivors of any form of familial dysfunction.

Titled One Petal at a Time, the book is illustrated by the acclaimed artist Francisco Bravo Cabrera https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbXMBr3Xnic and divided into three parts:  The Beginning, Seedling, and Blooming.  Each part is introduced by a moving essay. Continue reading →

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June 2, 2024 · 1:00 am

Rolling Dough

File:Loaf of sourdough bread cooling.jpg
Sourdough bread, Source https://www.flickr.com (CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain Dedication)

In a world where abuse of every kind is far too common and life, itself, often has little value this story of love and compassion stands out.

Brooke and Chris Vaughan of Lubbock, TX are attempting to raise $7000 for the purchase of a postural support seat for their disabled son, Maverick [1A].  The 20 month year old suffers from lissencephaly, a rare brain condition which occurs in 1 of 100,000 infants causing developmental delays, seizures, and other health issues [2].

The couple have been denied coverage for this equipment by their insurance carrier, though the boy’s neurologists, physical therapists, occupational therapist, and speech therapists have all advocated for its use. Continue reading →

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May 26, 2024 · 1:00 am

Rape as a Weapon II

WARNING: Graphic Images

“‘Neighbourhoods and homes were continuously attacked, looted, burned and destroyed,’ especially those where Masalit and other African communities lived, and their people were harassed, assaulted, sexually abused, and at times, executed [1A].”

The United Nations confirms that rape is being used as a weapon against women and girls in the Sudanese civil war [1B][2A].

NGOs describe rape as an everyday occurrence, with both warring parties participating, and numbers estimated as high as 4,400 during this latest conflict [2B].  But civil war has been ongoing in Sudan (in three stages) since 1955, and rape has been employed from the outset [3].

“…systemic rape in homes, detention facilities, public checkpoints, and interrogation centres…committed mainly by members of the police force, intelligence officers, interrogators and prison guards…[including] forced nudity, [punitive] virginity test, and sexual torture [4A].”

This tactic is not new.  We have seen it used in Iraq; Rwanda; Syria, Egypt, Libya, and elsewhere in the Middle East during the Arab Spring; in India; and most recently against Israel [4B][5][6][7A][8][9].  In Rwanda, between 100,000 and 250,000 women were raped during the three months of genocide. Continue reading →

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May 19, 2024 · 1:00 am

Celebrity Predation

File:Spacey Star.jpg

Kevin Spacey’s star on Hollywood Walk of Fame, Author Mike Crawley of Southampton, UK (CC Attribution 2.0 Generic)

Actor Kevin Spacey — the star of such acclaimed films as LA Confidential, The Usual Suspects, Glengary Glenn Ross, Seven, and Pay It Forward — is not the first celebrity to be accused of sexual assault.

Combs Lawsuits

Five separate lawsuits covering a period of 30 years have been brought by male and female victims (some of them teens) against the rapper and record producer, Sean “Diddy” Combs, for alleged sexual assault, rape, and sex trafficking [1].

Like Spacey, Combs denies the allegations against him.  However, a disturbing 2016 video on YouTube shows him physically assaulting the R&B singer, Cassie Ventura, whose case was settled in 2023 [2].

Spacey Acquittals

Spacey, it should be noted, was the same year acquitted in Britain of sexual assault relative to his interaction with four different men between 2001 and 2013 [3].  A New York jury earlier acquitted Spacey of molesting then 14 y.o. Anthony Rapp in 1986 [4].

More Spacey Accusers

“I take full responsibility for my past behavior and my actions, but I cannot and will not take responsibility or apologize to anyone who’s made up stuff about me or exaggerated stories about me…I never told someone that if they give me sexual favors, then I will help them out with their career, never.”

–Kevin Spacey [5]

A 2-part documentary on YouTube now features ten more men who claim to have been sexually assaulted by Spacey between 1976 and 2013 [6][7].  The stories by these men are nauseatingly familiar, reflecting an abuse of power as much as sexual predation.  Continue reading →

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May 12, 2024 · 1:00 am

BOOK REVIEW: Yeshiva Girl

Set in a Jewish household and written in the first person, Yeshiva Girl by Rachel Mankowitz is a novel on the difficult topic of incest.  It is well worth the read.

The book’s main character, Isabel, is a 15 y.o. girl grappling with the range of emotions the trauma of her father’s sexual advances produced in her.  Not surprisingly, the sexual abuse and family dysfunction profoundly impact her sense of self-worth.

Rachel tells this poignant story in a simple, straightforward manner.  We experience Isabel’s isolation, her confusion and inner turmoil.  We come to know her sorrows, anxieties, and disappointments.  We feel her suppressed rage.

What distinguishes this book is the author’s examination through Isabel’s eyes of the place of religion in sexual abuse.  Isabel’s father professes to be an observant Jew, yet clearly feels no compunction about molesting her.  Her mother and grandmother have not rescued her. Continue reading →

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May 5, 2024 · 1:00 am

“Creating a Safety Plan for Leaving an Abusive Relationship” by Ann Bale

File:(2) Cycle of abuse, power & control issues in domestic abuse situations.gif

Cycle of Domestic Abuse, Source https://flickr.com, Author moggs oceanlane, (CC Attribtution 2.0 Generic)

NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 800-799-7233

The post below is by Ann Bale of Don’t Lose Hope, https://sexaddictionpartners.wordpress.com/blog-feed/  .  Ann has an MA in Psychology, and a Diploma in Clinical and Pastoral Counseling.  She is a certified life skills coach.

Suggestions by Women’s Law for safety planning with children, in school, in rural areas, in court, on the internet, and when an abuser is released from jail can be found at:  https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/safety-planning.

Additional safety suggestions by the Domestic Violence Crisis Center of Connecticut covering the home, workplace, and stalking situations can be found at:  https://www.dvccct.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Domestic-Violence-Safety-Plan-DVCC-.pdf.

Victims should be aware that an abuser may become more violent when an abusive relationship ends.

“‘How many scars have we justified because we loved the person who was holding the knife.’

– Unknown

Creating a Safety Plan is a crucial step when leaving an abusive relationship. Below is a general safety plan. However, you may wish to reach out to support organizations for guidance related to your specific situation.

Things you will need to consider/ have in place include:

1. Emergency Contacts

  • Compile a list of trusted safe friends, family members, and local domestic violence hotlines.
  • Share your Safety Plan (a plan you’ve devised using the information below) with your trusted contacts. This will enable them to help you in an emergency.
  • Establish secret words or signals with your support network to alert them, in case of danger.

2. Safe Housing

  • Identify (in advance) a safe place to stay. This might be a friend’s or family member’s home, or a domestic violence shelter.
  • Ensure it’s a location the abuser doesn’t know about, and is unlikely to call at.

3. Important Documents

Gather together essential documents. You should also store additional copies of these in a secure place (perhaps with a friend). These may include:

  • Identification (ID, passport)
  • Birth certificates
  • Social security cards
  • Marriage certificate
  • Driver’s license
  • Bank statements
  • Health insurance information
  • Address book
  • Lease or mortgage documents

4. Financial Resources

  • Open a bank account (in advance) in your name only.
  • Set aside some cash in case you need it.
  • Keep a record of your financial resources, such as credit cards and savings information, and any other sources of income.

5. Emergency Bag

Prepare an emergency bag with the following items:

  • Medication
  • Clothing for a few days
  • Personal hygiene items
  • Cell phone and charger
  • Important documents and copies
  • Spare keys”

Continue reading →

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