“Creating a Safety Plan for Leaving an Abusive Relationship” by Ann Bale

Cycle of Domestic Abuse, Source https://flickr.com, Author moggs oceanlane, (CC Attribtution 2.0 Generic)

NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 800-799-7233

The post below is by Ann Bale of Don’t Lose Hope, https://sexaddictionpartners.wordpress.com/blog-feed/  .  Ann has an MA in Psychology, and a Diploma in Clinical and Pastoral Counseling.  She is a certified life skills coach.

Suggestions by Women’s Law for safety planning with children, in school, in rural areas, in court, on the internet, and when an abuser is released from jail can be found at:  https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/safety-planning.

Additional safety suggestions by the Domestic Violence Crisis Center of Connecticut covering the home, workplace, and stalking situations can be found at:  https://www.dvccct.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Domestic-Violence-Safety-Plan-DVCC-.pdf.

Victims should be aware that an abuser may become more violent when an abusive relationship ends.

“‘How many scars have we justified because we loved the person who was holding the knife.’

– Unknown

Creating a Safety Plan is a crucial step when leaving an abusive relationship. Below is a general safety plan. However, you may wish to reach out to support organizations for guidance related to your specific situation.

Things you will need to consider/ have in place include:

1. Emergency Contacts

• Compile a list of trusted safe friends, family members, and local domestic violence hotlines.
• Share your Safety Plan (a plan you’ve devised using the information below) with your trusted contacts. This will enable them to help you in an emergency.
• Establish secret words or signals with your support network to alert them, in case of danger.

2. Safe Housing

• Identify (in advance) a safe place to stay. This might be a friend’s or family member’s home, or a domestic violence shelter.
• Ensure it’s a location the abuser doesn’t know about, and is unlikely to call at.

3. Important Documents

Gather together essential documents. You should also store additional copies of these in a secure place (perhaps with a friend). These may include:

• Identification (ID, passport)
• Birth certificates
• Social security cards
• Marriage certificate
• Driver’s license
• Bank statements
• Health insurance information
• Address book
• Lease or mortgage documents

4. Financial Resources

• Open a bank account (in advance) in your name only.
• Set aside some cash in case you need it.
• Keep a record of your financial resources, such as credit cards and savings information, and any other sources of income.

5. Emergency Bag

Prepare an emergency bag with the following items:

• Medication
• Clothing for a few days
• Personal hygiene items
• Cell phone and charger
• Important documents and copies
• Spare keys”

“6. Safety at Home

• Change locks or install a security system, if necessary.
• Consider getting a restraining order or protection order.

7. Communication

• Get a new, private phone number and email address.
• Adjust your social media privacy settings.
• Avoid sharing your location or plans on social media.

8. Transportation

• Plan your transportation (for example, to and from work and/ or school) in advance.
• Avoid predictable routines.
• If possible, use public transportation or arrange for rides from people you trust, and who understand your situation.

9. Children and Pets

• Have a plan in place in advance which addresses their care and custody.
• Always know where your children are.  Always know who your children will be with, and how they will travel between home, school, and extra-curricula activities.

10. Legal Consultation

Consult a lawyer or legal aid clinic in advance to know what your rights are with respect to separation, divorce, custody, and other legal matters.

11. Safety in Public

• Stay alert in public spaces.  Try to vary your daily routines and routes as much as you can.
• If possible, inform your workplace of your situation.

12.  Protect Your Digital Presence

• Change passwords and use strong, unique ones for all online accounts.
• Keep your devices secure, and be cautious about using public computers.

Remember, your safety is paramount.  Trust your instincts.  If you ever feel you are in immanent danger, call the police, and seek help immediately.”

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