Category Archives: Child Abuse

Depression Rules

Dark Sky, Photo by Antero Pires, Source flickr (CC A-SA, 2.0 Generic)

O my God, my soul is cast down within me…” (Ps. 42: 6).

There is as yet no known cure for depression, a mood disorder from which many abuse victims suffer.

Depression is a serious medical condition, and potentially fatal, as the recent death of comedian, Robin Williams illustrates.  Depression sufferers should be under the care of a medical professional.

That said, here are a few practical suggestions for coping. I cannot take credit for having developed these, but I have employed them.  I hope they may assist you, as well.

Whatever has caused or contributed to your depression, you are not alone. There is help available. There are people who will understand. Reach out. You are worth the effort.

1. Have a medical work-up.

Depression can be caused by a large variety of factors. Rule out such physical causes as heavy metal exposure, hypoglycemia, and drug side effects.

2. Be kind to your body.

Eat nourishing meals at regular intervals. Go to bed and rise at regular hours (even if you’re tempted to stay up all night, and wander the house). The patterned behavior will help your body (and mind) regain health.

3. Make sure of daily human contact.

The tendency will be to self-isolate. Let friends know you may not have the energy to call them. Ask that they call, text or email you. If nothing else, chat briefly with the mail carrier or store clerk.

4. Exercise.

Research increasingly points to exercise as an antidote for depression. This can involve a walk around the block or something more vigorous. As a secondary benefit, exercise will aid with sleep. Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

All the Jenises

The Lord is good, A stronghold in the day of trouble; And He knows those who trust in Him” (Nahum 1: 7).

A little girl named Jenise died this week [1]. Just six years old, Jenise was raped and murdered by a seventeen year old neighbor in the Washington trailer park where she lived. The teen accused of the crime has been arrested.

But Jenise was not the only child in jeopardy in recent weeks. Around the globe, children’s lives have been at risk from factors equally beyond their control.

  • Shrapnel-torn corpses rained from the sky, after Malaysian Airlines Flight 17 was shot down by separatists in the Ukraine [2]. The belongings of children were randomly scattered across the debris field.
  • Children in Gaza are dying as a by-product of Israel’s ground war there [3]. Both sides have blood on their hands. The practice by Hamas of shielding military operations by civilian targets has contributed to the death toll. Misdirected fire by Hamas has, also, resulted in the death and injury of children. As of this writing, the rocket bombardment by Hamas which initiated the conflict continues.
  • In Iraq, some quarter million refugees have fled in advance of the Islamic militant group ISIS [4]. Some 40,000 of these (including 25,000 children) from a Kurdish religious sect that predates Islam have been under siege on Mt. Sinjar without supplies. The United States is now providing aid and cover on a limited basis.
  • The world’s worst Ebola outbreak is raging in West Africa, with fears it will spread [5]. The disease has a fatality rate as high as 90%. Over 900 deaths have occurred to this point. Children who have not themselves contracted the disease may still lose one or both parents to it.

Few things drive home our crushing limitations more so than the death of children does. War, crime, and illness pull back the curtain on a painful reality, and we see clearly how little control we have over our lives. That information can rock us to our core.

We may never understand, on an emotional level, why God allowed Jenise’s suffering. We can be sure, however, her suffering pained Him, more even than it does us.

God hears the cries from Gaza and Mt. Sinjar, as He does those from Nigeria, Guinea, Sierra Leone, and Liberia. He knows all the Jenises.

At a time like this – when lights seem to be going out across the world – it is more urgent than ever we keep faith and bear witness to the truth. God is not impotent. Nor has He abandoned us. To the contrary, He gave His life for ours.

Men and women of goodwill play a vital role in sharing the love of God with the world, and spreading the Good News of Salvation. We must not permit what appears the increasing presence of evil to undermine our resolve. Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Justice, Politics, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Terrorism

Dry Bones

“Prophet Ezekiel” by Michelangelo, Sistine Chapel (1510), Author/Source Web Gallery of Art (PD-Art, Old-100)

Therefore prophesy and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord God: “Behold, O My people, I will open your graves and cause you to come up from your graves, and bring you into the land of Israel” ‘ “ (Ezek. 37: 12).

The Old Testament prophet, Ezekiel had a widely known vision in a valley of dry bones.

The corpses there had been scorched by the sun, picked over by vultures and jackals.  God spoke to Ezekiel and asked if the bones could live again, to which Ezekiel replied that only God knew the answer.  God then instructed Ezekiel to prophecy, and life was restored to what was a vast army.

Though Bible commentators agree that the bones were a symbol of Israel, this passage has a highly personal meaning for me.

Many times in my life I have been at the end of my strength.

As an abuse survivor, I have walked lonely beaches at night, and cursed hope for drawing me forward toward another dawn.  As an advocate for the poor and a lawyer responsible for the welfare of clients and staff, I have fought many a losing battle.  As a woman with chronic health problems, I have sat in emergency rooms at 3AM, and more than once lain prostrate in public restrooms, unable even to call for help.

Rarely did God make Himself known to me, in these circumstances.  Unlike Ezekiel, I saw no visions, heard no voices.  But at all times God was present.  It was from God my strength derived, and He that carried me through the worst ordeals. Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Law, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Mercy

Replica of the Ark of the Covenant showing the Mercy Seat, Indonesia, Author Suseno (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

WARNING: Graphic Images

“The quality of mercy is not strained. It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath.”

– Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice

  • Myl Dobson, 4 y.o. was hideously tortured by New York caretaker, Kryzie King, during the final months of his life [1]. The youngster had been left with King by his incarcerated father, Okee Wade, whose custody of the boy was actually subject to court ordered supervision. Caseworkers visited the home 9 times without recognizing that the father was absent.
  • In Pennsylvania, a 7 y.o. boy was nearly starved and beaten to death by his mother, Mary Rader, and grandparents, Dennis and Deana Beighley [2]. Weighing only 25 pounds, the child was desperate enough to eat insects on the porch where he was sometimes kept. Dr. Jennifer Wolford of the Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh Child Advocacy Center characterized the boy as “the worst case of medical neglect that I have ever seen…” Two of the boy’s sisters appeared healthy. A 9 y.o. brother was underweight, but not to the same extent.
  • Raymond Frolander’s life was saved by the 11 y.o. boy he molested [3]. The Florida boy’s father walked in on the sexual battery in progress. He beat the predator severely, then went to the kitchen for a butcher knife. According to the father, he would have killed Frolander, if his young son had not at that point intervened.

It is not unusual for victims to exhibit more concern – more mercy, if you will – for their abusers, than those abusers do for them.

What though are we to make of predators such as these? Our first instinct is to draw back in horror, to conclude that these were not human beings at all. These were wolves. Devourers. Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Bitter Pill

“‘…and the truth shall make you free‘” (John 8: 32).

One particularly tenacious scar of abuse is the vicious criticism victims direct at themselves. In most cases, this criticism continues long after the abuse, itself, has ended. It undercuts our relationships, our endeavors, and our peace of mind.

Because the rationale behind self-criticism is not immediately clear, victims are tempted to take the criticism at face value. This can be a crippling mistake (even a fatal one, if the criticism feeds depression).

When those who preyed on us expressed their criticism of us – our behavior, our hopes and dreams, our very being – verbally, it does not require a great leap of faith to draw the conclusion that our critical inner voice is actually theirs.

What of those among us who were not verbally abused? Abuse by any other name remains abuse. Victims are not unfeeling lumps of clay. They know what is being done to them is wrong, whatever blandishments accompany the violation, whatever labels are applied.

As Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes famously put it, “Even a dog distinguishes between being stumbled over and being kicked.”

Why then is it so difficult for victims to still that inner critic?

The truth at the very heart of abuse, the reason we continue to excoriate ourselves long after the abuser has gone, is that we would rather destroy ourselves than believe we meant so little to someone who should have loved us.

That is a bitter pill to swallow. But it is the medicine we need to heal from this scar.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com

11 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Breached Defenses

Do a search on variations of the title to this piece, and you will be directed to instructions on how to breach the defenses of various video games, and a few posts on breach of contract. Those are not what concern abuse survivors.

Property

Oh, our defenses were most definitely breached. Whatever meager defenses we had as children – whatever protests we made or attempted to make or wanted to make but were too confused and frightened or too young to make – were ignored and overridden as if our bodies, our souls, were the property of someone else.

Silenced

That is, in fact, how our voices were silenced. Protest was so clearly useless, what would have been the point?

Ongoing Vulnerability

But breach is one of those wounds that keep on giving. Years later, we may tolerate the unexpected groping by an older boy at the beach, the fumblings of a middle-aged optician in a darkened exam room, and despise ourselves for it, when the fault is not ours. Was never ours.

Boundaries are meant to protect us. When they have been violated physically, sexually or emotionally, we become vulnerable to further violation.

This is not an indictment against us, not a sign of weakness on our part. The fact that wounds leave scars is simply proof that we are human.  And we were, after all, children. We never had a real choice; were forced to submit to violation of the most profound kind. Continue reading

6 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Dead Babies

They even sacrificed their sons and their daughters to demons, and shed innocent blood, the blood of their sons and daughters, whom they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan; and the land was polluted with blood” (Ps. 106: 37-38).

This seems to be the season for dead babies. That is not intended as a callous remark, merely a sad observation.

• A 15 month old Georgia baby named Emily somehow crawled 300 yards from her home through woods to the edge of a nearby highway [1]. Thankfully, she was rescued in time by a passing motorist. Although the baby had fallen down an embankment, she was unharmed.

• Another Georgia baby, 22 month old, Cooper, was left by his father for 7 hours to die in a hot car. A troubling search was conducted on the family computer re: how long it would take for an animal to die in similar circumstances. The father is said to have gone out to the car at lunch without assisting the child [1A].

• Anna Marie was not lucky either. The 9 month old was left for nearly 4 hours by her father in the back of his truck [2]. The baby’s core temperature was 109 degrees when examined by Florida emergency personnel. She was long dead by that point.

• In Iowa, a 4 month old boy named Gabriel was found dead after having been left for an hour with his 17 y.o. father [3]. The baby had been adopted but returned to his 16 y.o. birth mother, at her request.

Last year, 44 babies died of heatstroke. So far, 12 have died this year. A parent or guardian is charged with neglect in about half such cases.

Most of us find events like this shocking. But these numbers do not begin to scratch the surface. Some 1600 children will die from abuse in the USA this year [4]. Another million will be denied life while still in the womb [5].

How is it we cannot manage to take better care of our children? Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Law, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion

Focus

Reports have been made of abuse by priests, abuse in residential boys’ schools, abuse in church-operated Magdalene laundries, abuse by pediatricians, abuse by police, abuse by politicians shielded by police, abuse by the committees formed to investigate abuse.  The list goes on and on.

Abuse is widespread, generational; the number of victims, staggering.

It is essential that light be shed on this perverted behavior.  It is not necessarily wise, however, that victims focus on the reports of abuse. The sheer numbers can be overwhelming.

We have enough reminders of our brush with evil. The scars of abuse may include perfectionism (and the reaction to it, workaholism), anxiety, depression, sexual difficulties, and weight issues. These pose challenges to many of us on a daily basis. Continue reading

3 Comments

Filed under Abuse of Power, Child Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Toxic Families

Since this is Father’s Day, many will be spending time with their families of origin. Not all families, however, are healthy and supportive.

This is a short excerpt from an insightful post on dysfunctional families at KerriChronicles titled “Toxic Family Members – 10 ways to Rescue & Save Yourself”.  You can find the full article at: http://kerrichronicles.com/toxic-family-member-10-ways-to-rescue-save-yourself/#more-6976.  Many thanks to Kerri McKenna!

“…[N]ot every family is built on love, support, and stability. Sometimes family simply means that you share a bloodline…

A family member making you feel unloved, unwelcome, and ashamed for someone else’s behavior towards you, like rape (child molestation\sexual abuse\incest), is not acceptable treatment. Rejection, abandonment, someone…trying to diminish your accomplishments, or someone who is hypercritical of you…

These negative experiences can and will jade you for a lifetime, ruining your life, shifting your existence, changing the way you walk in the world, haunting your days, sometime even making you a product of their environment, repeating these toxic behaviors so it’s a must that you do whatever it takes to get yourself into a positive, nurturing environment, surrounded by loving, affirmative, true God-fearing people…

1. If it’s possible, move out and move on without them… Toxic people share the characteristics…of essential dishonesty and unwillingness to accept any responsibility for their behavior, therefore repairing relationships with toxic people is challenging at best, and often impossible…

2. Forgive. This is not for them, it’s for you. Don’t give them anymore of your life than they’ve already taken.

3. Accept your parents and family members for who they are and accept limitations. Know that you don’t have to repeat their behavior…

4. Allow yourself to get angry… Anger is…a part of the healing process so be angry at your losses but don’t seek revenge, God handles that for us…

7. Set healthy boundaries and stop pretending their toxic behavior is okay and hold them accountable… Constant drama and negativity is never worth putting up with…

10. Take charge of your life and your happiness. Do good things for you and speak up… Do things that build your self-esteem. Do things you enjoy, things that make you feel good and things that you can be proud of. Invite others that love you along and allow them to share in your new experiences and happiness…”

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com

2 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse

In Plain Sight

Earlier this year, Brian Fanelli, a 54 y.o. suburban police chief, was charged with distributing child pornography [1]. While the charges are being contested, the prosecutor indicates over 800 pages of evidence have been obtained, as well as several videos with sexually explicit images of underage girls.

Fanelli, who is married, is alleged to have confessed that he was first drawn to child pornography while doing research on sexual abuse. The former police chief at one time taught abuse awareness to children. Fanelli was initially suspended from his post. He has since resigned.

The lesson is one we have encountered before. Predators are not easily identified. They do not all wear dirty raincoats. Too often, they can be respected members of the community, hiding in plain sight…priests, police officers, politicians.

We must be vigilant in guarding our children, yet not give way to paranoia. Unfortunately, there is no formula for this.  All we can do is remain attentive to our children’s needs, and sensitive to changes in their behavior.  And love them.

[1] CBS NEW YORK, “Former Mount Pleasant Police Chief Faces 10 Years on Child Porn Charges,” 5/20/14, http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2014/05/20/former-mount-pleasant-police-chief-faces-10-years-on-child-porn-charges/.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com

3 Comments

Filed under Abuse of Power, Child Abuse, Justice, Law, Sexual Abuse