WARNING: Graphic Images
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Tag Archives: PTSD
Feeling Dirty
Showerhead, Author DO’Neill (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported, GNU Free Documentation License)
- You are scrupulous about personal hygiene.
- You change clothes frequently. You cannot bear to wear the same shirt or blouse a second time before washing it. This has nothing to do with vanity.
- Your clothes fade quickly from overwashing.
- You change the sheets whether they need changing or not.
- The hamper fills up constantly. You do laundry several times a week, though you live alone.
- In the shower, a feeling of relief washes over you, along with the water. A sense that you are clean again, restored. But the relief does not last long.
If any of this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing a little known symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
The sensation of “feeling dirty” – a sense of self-disgust – is now recognized as a result of sexual abuse or sexual assault [1]. The feeling of uncleanliness produces an urge to wash in the absence of physical contaminants. Rape victims have been known to scrub their skin raw, in an effort to remove any last taint of their assailant [2].
But that taint has been internalized. We, ourselves, are the source of contamination. We, ourselves, have become impure.
This is a measure of our violation.
It is not, of course, true that we are any less pure or any less worthy than before we were violated. But we do feel that way, and desperately want to rid ourselves of the literal and figurative filth to which we were subjected. Desperately want to restore our own integrity. Continue reading
Healing from Abuse
Healing from child abuse is possible. But healing is a process [1]. In this regard, healing from domestic abuse is not very different.
Necessary elements include recognizing the full impact of the trauma we experienced; processing the emotions the trauma generated; developing healthy coping mechanisms; and rebuilding a sense of safety and self-worth.
Both healing from child abuse and healing from domestic abuse require courage and patience with ourselves.
The Impact of Trauma
The impact of childhood trauma is multi-faceted. It can range from rage, self-hatred, anxiety, depression, and PTSD (nightmares, flashbacks, emotional detachment, etc.) to sexual addiction, sexual dysfunction, chronic physical ailments (migraines, backaches, etc.), drug or alcohol addiction, and eating disorders [2].
Similarly, domestic violence can result in anxiety, depression, PTSD, and a host of physical ailments from gastrointestinal and cardiovascular issues to traumatic brain injury [3][4].
It bears mention that child abuse and domestic abuse can both result in death, either at the hand of the abuser or by way of suicide years later.
Professional counseling can be of great assistance to survivors in dealing with trauma, re-establishing necessary boundaries, and developing healthy coping skills [5].
Rebuilding Self-Worth
At the deepest level, victims must reclaim a sense of self-worth. This is an enormous challenge. Child victims of abuse are taught from the outset they are dung. Adult victims (having survived turbulent childhoods) are gradually deprived of their power and self-respect by abusive partners. Continue reading
Fighting Demons
Black Demons, Author Ramya srivastav, (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)
Fighting the demons of anxiety, depression, and PTSD or trauma-related addictions and eating disorders is a little like playing football [1][2]. We make headway then lose ground. But the fight never really ends, not the way a game of football does. There is no score.
We win by surviving another day.
Across Decades
It can be enormously discouraging to wrestle with the scars of abuse, sexual assault, or other trauma, decade in and decade out. Surely, we must after all this time have made progress.
But progress is not linear. Despite the passage of time, and an extensive list of medications – not to mention therapy – familiar demons can resurface.
Factors Impacting Our Success
So, are anxiety, depression, and PTSD or trauma-related behaviors ever really “conquered”? Can they, at least, be fought to a standstill? The answer depends.
The factors include the length and severity of the trauma we sustained; our particular genetics; the quality and extent of our medical treatment; our psychological and spiritual resources; the emotional support we have available; and the other stressors to which we are subjected.
None of these can be quantified. Most such demons can and do vary over the course of a lifetime.
The Struggle
Why not just throw in the towel (to mix sports metaphors)? After all, the struggle is exhausting. The struggle, however, is life. Continue reading
Light from Darkness, Part 1
Margeaux Gray, Image courtesy of The Pixel Project
Margeaux Gray is a survivor of childhood sex trafficking, having been sold into slavery at the age of 5 [1][2][3]. She is, also, an artist who uses her talent both to convey the trauma of abuse and to honor the individual, no matter how broken.
Ms. Gray advocates against all forms of abuse. She mentors at-risk youth, speaks publicly about abuse, and confers with physicians and organizations about improving health care and social services for victims.
Below are excerpts of an interview with Ms. Gray and images of her work:
“Human trafficking…thrives on the ignorance of family and the community. I was sexually exploited and sold into sexual slavery by a man who had my trust and the trust of my family…I was not kidnapped or locked away in a basement. My mom, sister, and aunt did not think twice about the two of us going out and doing things together.”
“Untitled” by Margeaux Gray at age 13, Image courtesy of AMA Journal of Ethics
“At around fourteen years old, I disclosed to a healthcare worker that I was being sexually abused. This was before human trafficking was a definition. It was reported to police. After that the trafficking lessened, but continued. I had an emotional attachment to the man who trafficked me. This is…referred to as traumatic bonding…It took four years for me to gain a greater understanding of the what had been and was continuing to be done to me.”
“A victim of slavery is a trauma victim and every survivor deals with trauma in different ways…Many victims…suffer with alcohol and drug addiction, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression, and sexually transmitted diseases to name a few.”
“Universal Light, Nurture and Nursing” by Margeaux Gray, Image courtesy of AMA Journal of Ethics
“Art…was a strategic way for me to cope and find some freedom when I had little. Through my healing it has allowed me a way to process my emotions resulting from being trafficked. Today I use it as an extension of my voice. I have specifically used visual art to educate, inspire, and empower others.”
Not all abuse victims are talented artists. But the arts — writing, drawing, painting, music, theater — are a way to reveal the pain we have endured while reaching toward something better, something more.
We need not become professionals to do this. We need not even share the results of our efforts with others, if that feels too intimidating. We need only allow the soul to express itself.
Even concentration camp victims have done this [4]. Because light is stronger than darkness. And love is stronger than hate.
—
[1] The Pixel Project, “Inspirational Interview: Margeaux Gray – Part I”, 10/26/14, https://www.thepixelproject.net/2014/10/26/inspirational-interview-margeaux-gray-part-i/.
[2] The Pixel Project, “Inspirational Interview: Margeaux Gray – Part II”, 10/27/14, https://www.thepixelproject.net/2014/10/27/inspirational-interview-margeaux-gray-part-ii/.
[3] AMA Journal of Ethics, “Out of Darkness, Light: Drawing and Painting by Margeaux Gray” by Margeaux Gray and Mary Richards, 1/19/17, https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/out-darkness-light-drawing-and-painting-margeaux-gray/2017-01.
[4] Yad Vashem Collection, “Art from the Holocaust”, January 2016, https://www.yadvashem.org/yv/en/exhibitions/art/index.asp.
This series will conclude next week.
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Vigilance, Part 3 – Physical Abuse
“Dr. Payne’s Electroshock Apparatus” (2022) by Tania Love Abramson and Paul R. Abramson, Image courtesy of AMA Journal of Ethics https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/
Physical abuse is the form of child abuse most frequently reported by the media and most familiar to the public. It is, also, the form most frequently fatal.
Children can and do sustain bumps and bruises, in the course of ordinary play. Physical abuse, however, is deliberate harm by a parent or caregiver.
An abuser may characterize physical abuse as punishment for a perceived infraction. But such punishment is out of all proportion to the infraction, and severe beyond a child’s capacity to understand or endure it.
The warning signs of physical abuse include the following [1][2]:
- A child who has unexplained burns, bruises, bite marks, or broken bones.
- A child who has fading bruises after an absence from school, particularly patterned injuries (in the shape of a belt buckle or stove burner, for example) or injuries in normally protected areas of the body like the genitals, inner arms, back, or buttocks.
- A child who shrinks from adults, as if fearful of being struck.
- A child who seems reluctant to go home after school, and/or frightened of his/her parents.
- A child with mental health issues such as PTSD, anxiety, and/or depression.
- A child who says his/her injury was caused by a parent or caregiver.
Children subjected to physical abuse like “Shaken Baby” Syndrome during the early years of life can experience brain damage, loss of hearing, injury to the spinal cord, and death.
The parent responsible for inflicting injury on a child – or attempting to “cover” for an offending partner – may offer inconsistent (or unconvincing) explanations for that child’s injuries.
Such a parent may describe his/her child as “evil” or in other highly negative terms. The parent may use (or recommend that a teacher use) harsh physical discipline on his/her child.
Other potential danger signals include a prior history of abuse by the parent with the same or another child, and/or physical abuse of that parent as a child.
—
[1] Prevent Child Abuse America, “Recognizing Child Abuse: What Parents Should Know”, https://preventchildabuse.org/resource/recognizing-child-abuse-what-parents-should-know/.
[2] First Cry – Parenting, “Neglect – Causes, Effects, and Prevention” by Romita P, 2/12/18, https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/child-neglect-causes-effects-and-prevention/.
Originally posted 1/19/20
This series will conclude next week with Part 4 – Sexual Abuse
30 Los Angeles detention officers have been charged with child abuse for staging at least 69 “gladiator fights” between minors at Los Padrinos Juvenile Hall in 2023. Some 143 children and teens were involved.
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com
Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse
Surviving Child Abuse, Part 1 -Impact
Blue Ribbon for Child Abuse Awareness, Source flickr.com, Author Trauma And Dissociation Project (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)
Childhood abuse — whatever form it may take, including exposure to family violence — can have long-term effects ranging from anxiety, depression, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), to eating disorders and more [1A][2A][3A].
Shame and Suicide Risk
Our self-esteem is in tatters. The shame, itself, can be crippling — no matter how misplaced [4]. The risk of suicide is greatly increased [5A].
Physiological Effects
But not all effects are so obvious. Child abuse is, for instance, thought to contribute to such chronic health issues as heart disease, as well as such autoimmune disorders as type 1 diabetes, psoriasis, fibromyalgia, inflammatory bowel disease, and rheumatoid arthritis [1B][2B][5B]. Continue reading
Domestic Violence and Suicide
West Midlands Police – Tackling Domestic Violence Campaign, Author West Midlands Police, United Kingdom (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)
Historically, the focus in suicide prevention has been on men because of their longstanding higher suicide rate [1A]. This has overshadowed the growing rate of attempted suicide and self-harm among women, and the close link with domestic abuse.
“…when a woman presents to [mental health] services in suicidal distress it is likely that she’s a victim of domestic abuse.”
–Sally McManus, Sr. Lecturer in Health at the Violence and Society Centre
A groundbreaking study in the United Kingdom last year found that women subjected to domestic abuse (physical, psychological, or economic) are three times more likely to attempt suicide [2A].
Women who have experienced sexual abuse within their relationship are seven times more likely to self-harm [2B]. And women are ten times more likely to experience sexual abuse by a partner than straight or gay men are [1B].
Intimidation, Threats, and Force
Domestic abusers attempt to control their victims through intimidation, threats, and/or actual force [3A]. Typically, they humiliate their partners; isolate partners from friends and family; rigidly regulate what partners may do; and deny partners access to money or other basic necessities [3B].
Emotional Toll
Fear, shame, learned helplessness, a perceived lack of support by family members and friends, hopelessness, and despair are likely to result [3C][4A]. Intimate partner victimization is associated with an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), in both men and women [4B]. Continue reading
Filed under domestic abuse, domestic violence, Rape, Sexual Assault, Violence Against Women
Abuse and Defensiveness, Part 2
Depiction of Final Judgment on the facade of Amiens Cathedral, France, Author Savant-fou (CC BY- SA 3.0 Unported)
We continue our discussion of defensiveness with an examination of the impact of this psychological defense mechanism on relationships, and the tactics abuse victims can use to stop relying on it.
Impact of Defensiveness
When defensiveness is frequently employed by partners (romantic and otherwise), it is likely to become a vicious cycle with both parties critical and entrenched in their positions before any real discussion of an issue can take place [1A][2A].
Situations easily become tense and hostile. Everything seems to escalate into a fight [2B]. Issues are never resolved.
In a business context, this is likely to cause isolation from colleagues, and may put a job in jeopardy [2C][3A]. In a romantic context, it will interfere with empathy and intimacy, ultimately becoming destructive to the relationship [1B][3B].
Tactics to Overcome Defensiveness
Professional counseling is one technique for overcoming defensiveness (along with underlying mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and PTSD), particularly as such counseling will increase our awareness of the problem [1C][4A]. Journaling can, also, assist, in this regard [4B].
Acknowledging (rather than attempting to deflect) our feelings can help validate them, and defuse a situation before it gets out of hand [4C]. This allows us to remain calm, listen, express empathy, and focus on the issue at hand without rushing to judgment [2D][4D].
Taking responsibility for something we may truly have done wrong is an opportunity for growth, not a sign of weakness [4E].
Other tactics include building self-esteem, and learning more beneficial communication skills [1D]. Assertiveness training is, for instance, available [5].
Once we recognize the triggers for our defensiveness and understand what may be prompting it, we can more readily ask ourselves what behaviors might be more effective in achieving the specific outcomes we desire while preserving the relationships we value [1E].
Recognition and Eternal Rewards
“And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ” (Col. 3: 23-24).
This is a flawed and broken world. We will not always receive from it the justice we believe we deserve or the recognition we desire. As followers of Christ, we will, in fact, be rejected, reviled, and persecuted (1 Peter 4: 12).
God, however, knows our hearts, as well as our failings. He knows the experiences, positive and negative, which have shaped our lives. He knows our pain, and our good intentions, whether we can fully express them or not.
Since He sees and knows all things — but loves us immeasurably, despite that — excuses before God are worthless (Luke 8: 17). Imperfect as we are, He purchased us at the price of His blood. This makes defensiveness with Him unnecessary, reducing the pressure on us to employ it with others.
God alone is the final Judge, in any case, the only One whose opinion of us really matters in the end.
—
[1A through 1E] Healthy Love & Money, “What Is Defensiveness and How It Becomes a Vicious Cycle” by ED Coambs MBA, MA, MS, LMFT, 10/20/22, https://www.healthyloveandmoney.com/blog/what-is-defensiveness-and-how-it-becomes-a-vicious-cycle.
[2A through 2E] Verywell Mind, “How to Stop Being Defensive” by Sanjana Gupta, https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-defensive-7187366.
[3A and 3B] Wikipedia, “Defensive communication”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defensive_communication.
[4A through 4E] Verywell Mind, “What Is Defensiveness?” by Arlin Cuncic MA, https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-defensiveness-5115075.
[5] Wikipedia, “Assertiveness”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assertiveness.
Part 1 in this series was posted last week.
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com
Abuse and Defensiveness, Part 1
“Richard Humphreys: The Boxer” by John Hoppner (1778-1788), Metropolitan Museum of Art (Accession No. 53.113), Source/Photographer https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/436691 (Creative Commons CC0 1.0 Universal Public Donation)
“Defensiveness is where you try to convince the other person not to think negatively of you, where you defend yourself, where you try to make sure you don’t get found guilty by the court. Assertiveness is merely stating the truth.”
-Dan Munro [1]
Defensiveness is a psychological defense mechanism which involves justifying our actions when we experience shame, sadness, and/or anger as the result of perceived criticism [2A][3A].
Defensiveness is distinct from assertiveness in the defense of our rights. One is emotion driven, an attempt (conscious or unconscious) to deflect blame to our opponent, and often related to anxiety or low self-esteem. The other is simply a confident and reasoned communication style, which stops short of aggression [4].
Connection to Abuse
Abuse — whether emotional, physical, sexual, or arising from neglect — is a recognized cause of defensiveness [2B][3B][5]. Since we were unable to protect ourselves against abuse as children, it is entirely possible that we may become reflexively defensive as adults.
Domestic abuse can, also, result in defensiveness.
ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse and More 