Category Archives: Violence Against Women

October 20, 2013 · 1:00 am

Normal

Whatever our life experience, nearly all of us wonder at some time or other whether we are normal.  Those of us bearing the physical and emotional scars of child abuse or domestic violence are especially sensitive on this topic.  We feel responsible for the scars, as if they were somehow character flaws.

The term “normal” suggests that differences from average are defects, even the scars resulting from trauma.  In reality, “normal” covers an enormously wide range of behavior, differing from culture to culture, and age to age.

Chances are that all the following would view themselves as normal:  polygamists, monks, strippers, con men, psychics, lion tamers, astrologers, tattoo artists, arms dealers, cave divers, UFO enthusiasts, and Wall Street bankers.

We have different tolerances for risk from one another. We have different appetites from one another. We have different aptitudes and interests from one another.  And we adhere to different moral standards from one another.

The test for hospital release is posing no reasonably foreseeable risk of harm to self or others.  A more relevant inquiry for abuse victims might be whether a particular behavior is effective for achieving their intended goals or not.

If it is done or conceived of by humans, it is human.  Not necessarily laudable or even legal, but human.

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October 13, 2013 · 1:00 am

Modern Slavery

Incomprehensible as it may be, millions today live out a modern version of slavery.  Men, women, and children are sold as if they were brute animals or inanimate objects, forced to work for little or nothing, and subjected to physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. 

Human trafficking for sexual exploitation focuses heavily on women and girls.  Children (some as young as 5 or 6) may, also, labor as domestic or agricultural workers.  As many as 53 million children under the age of 15 routinely perform extremely hazardous tasks.

William Wilberforce, an English politician, philanthropist, and abolitionist, spearheaded the parliamentary campaign against the British slave trade for over twenty five years, until passage of the Slave Trade Act in 1807.  Wilberforce then continued his efforts for over twenty five additional years, ultimately achieving passage of the Slavery Abolition Act of 1833.  His health had by then entirely failed, but his devotion takes one’s breath away.

That we are still addressing fundamental questions of liberty, justice, and equality nearly two centuries later – some 3500 years after they were first addressed in the Bible – is a reflection of what Christians would call the “sin nature” of man.  Our flawed human nature does not change from one generation to the next.  The same problems recur, albeit in different guise, one generation after another.

This might seem discouraging to non-believers, an argument for complacency.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  These are the front lines of the battle between good and evil, a battle each generation must fight for itself.  Christians know something that non-believers do not.  Though the battle may rage on, the war has been won.  It was won for us by Jesus’ death and resurrection.

Even the battle is not fought by our strength, but His.  That knowledge is empowering.  It carries us forward to accomplish the impossible.

Make no mistake.  This remains a tragedy.  We should be moved.  We should weep for these children, should pray, advocate, and fight for them.  We may not win the battle.  But our empathy, our common humanity, should be yet more threads drawing us together.

— Excerpt from Connecting Threads

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October 6, 2013 · 1:00 am

Poison

“Their wine is the poison of serpents, and the cruel venom of cobras”(Deut. 32: 33).

Across time and across the globe, women have been harassed, threatened, imprisoned, violated, and put to death for seeking equality with their male counterparts.

There have been political, cultural, and religious reasons given for this inequality.  But at heart is the matter of poison.  Not a chemical or biological agent of warfare (though there is a kind of war being fought), this is instead an insidious poison of the mind.

Simply put, many consider half the population of the earth – the female half, the very mothers who bore them – less worthy than the other, male half.  This toxic belief corrodes nations and cultures, along with relationships and individuals.  It establishes and enforces a power differential in favor of the male members of society which is a temptation toward abuse.

More than that, the inequality violates the laws of God.

“So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Gen. 1: 27).  

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28).

Sin has, throughout history, distorted the relationship between men and women.

Though the Old Testament prophetess, Deborah, more than capably judged Israel; though women were faithful at the cross, and the first to arrive at the empty tomb; though Mary, Persis, Priscilla, Tryphena, and Tryphosa were just a few of the women who ministered in the early church; and though God pours out His spirit on sons and daughters alike (Joel 2: 28-29; Acts 2: 17-18), Christianity has not been immune to this distortion.

There has been a great deal of emphasis on the submission of wives to their husbands (Eph. 5: 22-24; Col. 3: 18), and very little on the requisite love by husbands for their wives (Eph. 5: 25-26, 28-29, 31; Col. 3: 19, 1 Pet. 3: 7).

This skewed emphasis by the church has done greatest damage – both spiritually and physically – in regard to abuse.  Over the centuries, women have again and again been counseled by their priests and ministers to remain in abusive marriages, even at the risk of their lives.  For many of these women, the poisonous belief that they were of less value than men proved lethal.

Abuse is, of course, biblically prohibited.  Submission to another flawed human being was never intended to supersede the right of self-defense [1].

Nor does forgiveness by the victim necessarily restore trust.  That may be lost forever.  Certainly, an abused woman is not required to return to a situation she perceives as dangerous.

Christianity is the antidote to this and other poisons like it.  Male and female, let us live our faith as Christ would have us do.  Let us treat one another with kindness and respect that the warfare between the sexes may end, and the world may see in us — men and women alike — the image of Christ.

_____

[1] The Christian concept of “headship” (Ephesians 5: 22-33) is best assessed vis a vis the servant leadership modeled by the Lord (Mark 10: 42-45).

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September 22, 2013 · 1:00 am

To Match the Blood – Part 2

A purple ribbon to promote awareness of Interpersonal Violence and Abuse Prevention, Author MesserWoland (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

At the conclusion of one of my abuse shelter talks, the women there presented me with a notebook of handwritten thanks they had put together for me.  I cherish that memento, but the thanks were unnecessary.  It has been my honor to speak to and for these women.

Inadequate Legal Relief

The legal system provided inadequate relief.  [According to the women I met, it] could be life-threatening for…[an abused] woman to contact police.  Too often, police treated the call for help as a routine squabble.  Protective Orders could be obtained through the courts, but were not always enforced.

Family Court

Though not a domestic relations attorney, I had been to Family Court for the legal clinic.  It reminded me of nothing so much as an ancient bazaar, merchants haggling.

The rooms were packed with unrepresented women and their children, all supplicants waiting their meager share of justice.  Some judges welcomed the few attorneys present; others seemed to despise attorneys.

The teenage son of one of my clients was…determined to become a lawyer, himself.  At age fourteen, he was already jaded by the system, sure that he could master it.  Certain he could do no worse.

— Excerpt from Like Rain on Parked Cars by Anna Waldherr

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September 15, 2013 · 1:00 am

To Match the Blood – Part 1

Photo for USS Theodore Roosevelt’s Coalition of Sailors Against Destructive Decisions, Author Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Sean Hurt, Source Flickr (PD as work product of federal govt.)

As a lawyer, I spoke from time to time with small groups of other lawyers or lay people about the law.  Several times such talks found me at a Philadelphia shelter for battered and abused women.   I was deeply moved by the experience.

Initially, I did not know what to expect.  I assumed, if anything, that I would pity these women. That was not, however, the case.

Instead, I was in awe.

All Colors, Shapes, and Sizes

The women, themselves, came in all colors, shapes and sizes. Those I met ranged in age from their early twenties to mid-sixties. Some were pretty and petite, others statuesque Amazons.

Some could barely make eye contact, were hesitant to speak.  Others had acquired a hardened demeanor or false bravura to hide their pain.

All were deeply concerned for the welfare and safety of their children.

We spoke about the fact that battered women constitute 25% of the women attempting suicide, and 23% of the women seeking prenatal care at any given time.  We spoke about the fact that children raised in abusive households are as many as many as ten times more likely than normal to become abusive adults (or, themselves, become involved with abusive partners).

We spoke about the spiritual issues faced by domestic abuse victims, and the practical difficulties of making a new life.  We spoke about rebuilding self-esteem, and the lure of false hope that the abusive partner would “change.”

Beaten, Stabbed, and Burned

But above all, we spoke about the lives of these women.

They had been beaten, stabbed, burned, locked in, tied up, and chained down.  They had been criticized for being attractive and criticized for being unattractive, instructed what to wear, then punished for wearing it.  They had been struck by tire irons, and thrown out windows.  They had suffered broken hearts, broken dishes, and broken bones. Continue reading →

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August 4, 2013 · 1:00 am

Not Democracy

“Then Tamar put ashes on her head, and tore her robe of many colors that was on her, and laid her hand on her head and went away crying bitterly” (2 Sam. 13: 19).

For those who may not be familiar with the Bible story, Tamar, a daughter of King David, was raped by her brother, Amnon.  She was denied justice.

Not a great deal of progress has been made in the Middle East since then.  Over 180 rapes have taken place in Tahrir Square while the world watches.  The possibility of justice for these victims remains remote.

As many as 30 to 100 men will isolate a woman, then violate her with their hands, literally tearing the clothing off her back.  Women may be beaten with chains, chairs, and other objects while being raped.  The genitals of some women have been cut.

Public violence against women has been a problem in Egypt before.  Foreign journalists, including Lara Logan and Sonia Dridi, have been assaulted and raped.  Even more disturbing perhaps, a UN survey on gender equality reported that 99% of the Egyptian women responding had been subjected to some form of sexual violence in their lives.

The message being sent is that women have no place outside the home.

A large part of the problem is the fact that sexual abuse is not a crime in Egypt.  Sexual violence may be committed without fear of reprisal.  Police treat rape victims as if they were the culpable party.

Tahrir Square is no Tiananmen Square.  Whatever else the protests ongoing in Tahrir Square may be, they are certainly not democracy, and should not be mistaken for some fledgling version of it.   We should not delude ourselves.

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July 28, 2013 · 1:00 am

Monster

A monster pled guilty to his despicable acts in open court this week.

To avoid the death penalty, Ariel Castro – the man who held three young women in Cleveland captive for 10 years, who brutally beat, raped, and starved them, killing one of his children in the womb – pled guilty to 977 counts.  Castro was sentenced to life in prison plus 1000 years.  The plea deal spares the women from testifying at trial.

Castro attempted to lay the blame for a decade of voluntary, heinous acts on supposed sexual abuse in his own past and an addiction to pornography.  This was nothing less than slander against the many child abuse survivors who would give their lives rather than harm a child.

According to Childhelp[i], about 30% of child abuse and neglect victims abuse or neglect their children.  This tragic figure tends to mask the fact that 70% of victims do not abuse or neglect their children.

Evil is, in other words, a result of choice.

The Abel study of non-incarcerated sex offenders (those offending against both child and adult victims) found individuals from every walk of life, and all levels of education; 80% between the ages 20 – 49; 53% married, formerly married, or at some point in a partner relationship; and the majority employed[ii].  In some 59% of cases, intense interest in sex with a non-consenting person (child or adult) began in adolescence[iii]  apparently without a trigger.

In studies of juvenile sex offenders, Johnson and Schreir reported prior physical or sexual abuse by 66%; Longo reported prior abuse by 47%[iv].  To the extent these figures are accurate, they suggest 34% – 53% of juvenile sex offenders were never themselves abused.

Admittedly, many factors influence our choices.  But the choices remain in our control.  Monsters make themselves.

[i] Childhelp, National Child Abuse Statistics, http://www.childhelp-usa.com/pages/statistics.

[ii] The Future of Children, Judith V. Becker, PhD, Princeton University http://www.princeton.edu/futureofchildren/publications/docs/04_02_09.pdf.

[iii] As above.

[iv] As above.

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July 25, 2013 · 1:00 am

Attacked at School

Nearly 100 Afghan school girls are believed to have been the victims of gas attacks last month.

In Faryab Province, a man was spotted running toward the school’s orchard at the time of the attack.  In Wardak Province, police found nothing at the school which might have caused the problem. They could not rule out heat and a lack of hygienic conditions. One of the stricken girls, however, reported a “bad smell” and defended her school’s cleanliness.

These were just the latest in a series of incidents involving school girls. In May of this year, 80 girls were taken ill in Faryab Province; another 150, in Balkh Province.  Gas was suspected. In April, 74 girls fell victim in Takhar Province. The odor of gas was present.

The Taliban denies responsibility for these cowardly attacks. There is, however, great fear that the attacks will accelerate once Western forces are withdrawn from Afghanistan.

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July 9, 2013 · 1:45 pm

Through Hell and Back

 

Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus, and Michelle Knight, the three women held captive for a decade in a Cleveland home by Ariel Castro, have spoken publicly thanking God and all those who have extended a helping hand to them.

Amanda says, “I am getting stronger each day.”

Michelle declares, “I may have been through hell and back.  But I am strong enough to walk through hell with a smile on my face, and with my head held high…I will not let the situation define who I am.  I will define the situation…I don’t want to be consumed by hatred…We need to take a leap of faith and know that God is in control…”

Nothing more need be added.

Contributions to assist the women in rebuilding their lives can be made through the Cleveland Courage Fund at:

Cleveland Courage Fund

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June 30, 2013 · 3:27 pm

In the Aftermath of Abuse, Part 1 – Victims and Predators

” ‘Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father…’ ” (Matt. 18: 10).

Each year, some six million children in the United States are sexually or physically abused.

This 6-part series will explore the emotional and spiritual ramifications of abuse, with a view toward assisting the survivors of abuse and those who care for them in dealing with its long-term effects.

Those of us who have decades of experience with abuse and its aftermath are all too familiar with these details.  But for each new generation of victims, these truths must be restated.

It must be said at the outset that children are NEVER responsible for the abuse inflicted upon them. The idea of a “bad” or “seductive” child is a lie perpetrated by child molesters, a rationale to excuse their heinous actions.

Predators are often manipulative, convincing child victims that they brought on the violation; consented to the violation; will not be believed, if the violation is reported; will be sent away from home, if the violation is reported; will place their parents (or pets) in danger, if the violation is reported, etc.  Some of these same arguments are made to women by the husbands and boyfriends who perpetrate violence against them.

As a consequence, victims often experience a misplaced sense of guilt and shame.  This will be further discussed in our next segment.

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