Category Archives: Sexual Assault

September 10, 2023 · 1:00 am

The Twins, Part 1 – Procrastination

File:Twin-tailed Siren or Mermaid, Hortus Sanitatis.jpg

“Twin-Tailed Siren” (c. 1501), illustration from Hortus Sanitatis published by Jacob Meydenbach, Source https://wwportal.com/ (PD)

This post was written in collaboration with Marie Williams whose remarks are highlighted.  Marie, a dear friend, has since gone home to be with the Lord.

“Most of my life has been spent circling or avoiding important things that I need to do and I get very frustrated with myself.  Sometimes, I find myself trying to locate passports or important papers at the 11th hour, when I’ve had ample time to deal with matters like this.”

-Marie Williams

Procrastination and perfectionism are patterns of behavior well familiar to abuse victims, twin destructive forces that have deep meaning for those who have suffered abuse.

We invest the necessary (the “shoulds” and “musts” of life) with the power to annihilate us, or at least demolish the fragile image we have of ourselves.  Then we defer, delay, and defer again – certain that we will fail to meet our own expectations.

Failure is a foregone conclusion, given that our expectations are, by definition, unattainable.

Let’s unpack that dynamic.

Real Deadline/Chaotic Life

“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven…” (Eccl. 3: 1 NKJV).

Federal income taxes are due April 15.  This is a real deadline – not a secret and not a surprise.  Still, we delay gathering our tax receipts and other records together.

“You live in a state of confusion, and therefore mundane ‘every day’ matters become muddled and murky.  You cannot quite get to grips with simple but important tasks.  You know that you have to present your driving licence for identity and you know it’s in a box somewhere, but it really is too much trouble trying to locate it in good time.  So you (at the last minute) hunt around like crazy trying to find it – it happens not to be in the box you thought it was in, and you have to turn everything upside down to find it – and all this adds to the chaos of your already chaotic life.”

-Marie Williams

Created Dilemma

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down…” (Prov. 12: 25 ESV).

We may dither over whether to rely on our long-time accountant; visit a less costly tax preparation agency; or use one of the computer programs which now allow us to do the taxes, ourselves.  We may put off making copies or doing something else insignificant, related to tax preparation.  What that is does not matter.

We, in other words, create the dilemma. Continue reading →

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August 6, 2023 · 1:00 am

Japanese Reforms

File:Flower demo Tokyo 2020-11-11.jpg

Appeal board made by participants in Flower Demo, Tokyo, Japan (2020), Author Breaklily (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

Sexual violence against women has historically been associated with shame and stigma in Japan.  The laws were drawn in such a way as to excuse the behavior of male defendants, while simultaneously disregarding women’s rights.

At last, however, the country has raised the age of consent from 13 to 16 years, and redefined rape to include non-consensual intercourse [1].  Proof of force is no longer a prerequisite to conviction.  Photo voyeurism (including upskirting) has, also, been criminalized.

These long overdue reforms were prompted by Flower Demo, a Japanese movement protesting sexual violence against women [2][3].  Those taking part carried flowers to reflect their empathy for victims.

Several scandalous rape cases brought attention to the issue, drawing public outrage.  One involved a highly intoxicated woman.  Another involved a 15 y.o. her assailant had held pinned to a wall.  Still another involved incest ongoing for a period of years.

Sin Nature

Violence against women is a byproduct of the sin nature of mankind.  It is perpetuated by an attitude that women are mere sex objects, by the use of disparaging sexist language, and by the glorification of sexual assault.

Rape, in this context, is not just a notch on the assailant’s belt.  It is an act of machismo, proof of masculinity (albeit toxic).

Any shame associated with the act is displaced to the victim.

This is not what God intended.  When He created men and women, He created them as equals.

—

[1]  BBC, “Japan redefines rape and raises age of consent in landmark move” by Kelly Ng, 6/16/23, https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-65887198.

[2]  Wikipedia, “Flower Demo”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flower_Demo.

[3]  Zenbird, “Flower Demo, the protests battling Japan’s sexual violence against women” by Kirsty Kawano, 11/25/20, https://zenbird.media/flower-demo-the-protests-battling-japans-sexual-violence-against-women/.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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July 30, 2023 · 1:00 am

Gilgo Beach

File:SCPD Gilgo Death Investigation.jpg

Map indicating location of bodies discovered at Gilgo Beach, Author Atiru
(CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

Gilgo Beach is a quiet stretch of sandy coastline on Long Island, NY, made infamous by the serial killings which have been uncovered there [1].

Shockingly, the remains of up to 18 victims, murdered between 1996 and 2011, have been found in the general area.  For the most part, these victims — the majority of them women — are believed to have been sex workers.

Serial Predator

Rex Heuermann — a 59 y.o. married architect and father of two — has been charged in the murders of three such victims (Melissa Barthelemy, Amber Costello, and Megan Waterman) [2].  He is the prime suspect in the murder of a fourth (Maureen Brainard-Barnes).  There is speculation that he may be responsible for many more.

Investigative Delay

The identification of victims was necessarily a lengthy and complex process.

However, the FBI did not become officially involved in this investigation until 5 years after the first remains were located by Suffolk County Police [3].  For reasons of his own, former Police Chief James Burke is said actually to have blocked that involvement [4].

There is, also, widespread suspicion among family members of the victims that Suffolk Police did not prioritize the investigation because these women were prostitutes, rather than “upstanding” members of the community.

Child Abuse and Prostitution
A. Sexual Abuse

What is particularly tragic about this story is that there is every likelihood the women had already been the victims of childhood sexual abuse. Continue reading →

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May 28, 2023 · 1:00 am

Continuing FLDS Tragedy

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/15/Ira_Eldredge_and_his_three_wives_circa_1864_%28restored%29.png

Retouched portrait of Mormon Bishop Ira Eldredge with his three wives (Nancy, Hannah, and Helvig), (c. 1864)

Public Domain as published before January 1, 1928

An offshoot of the infamous Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS) is carrying on the heinous practices of Warren Jeffs, though Jeffs has now been incarcerated for over a decade [1].

Samuel Bateman, 47 y.o., the leader of this polygamous Mormon sect, claims to be Warren’s legitimate successor and a “prophet” in his own right [2A].

Bateman is alleged to have taken 20 or more wives, some as young as 8 or 9 y.o.  He is said to have traveled through Utah, Arizona, Colorado, and Nebraska in order to have sex with underage girls.  As a result, Bateman is facing state and federal charges which include kidnapping and child abuse.

A total of eleven members of Bateman’s splinter group have now been charged with transporting children across state lines for purposes of sexual activity, recording that activity, destroying evidence, and witness tampering.

Mormon Polygamy Historically

Though it is today prohibited by the mainstream LDS, polygamy was among the original teachings of Mormonism, and practiced till 1890 [2B][3].  Doctrinally, polygamy was actually viewed by Mormons as being essential to Salvation, and more significant than baptism.

Downsides of Polygamy for Women

Polygamy — most recently pitched to the public under the seductive guise of polyamory — necessarily creates tensions and inequities, whether practiced by Mormons, Muslims, or others [4].  Women in such an arrangement do not have equal rights with their male partner.

Some “wives” will be favored over or replaced by others, causing harmful friction not only among these women, but their children.  Emotional abuse, depression, severe financial restrictions (even outright destitution), and ultimate abandonment are not uncommon [5A].

Polygamous relationships are, also, prone to domestic violence and/or sexual abuse, not to mention the negative impact they have on children [5B].

Continue reading →

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March 12, 2023 · 1:00 am

“What Is Toxic Shame?” by Ann Bale

While the following post by Ann Bale was directed to those harmed through a partner’s sexual addiction, it applies to all those suffering from toxic shame, therefore, all abuse victims.

Ann blogs at Don’t Lose Hope https://sexaddictionpartners.wordpress.com.

“…Toxic shame is the feeling that you’re worthless at your core – so you deserve to be rejected, mistreated and ignored, despised and punished by the people in your life. These are damaging, erroneous beliefs.

Shame develops in response to being abused and unloved, especially by the people who are close to you.

Toxic shame often takes the following forms:

1. Feeling bad (utterly shameful) about something terrible that was done to you.

2. Feeling bad (utterly shameful) about choices and actions that belong to someone else. Here, the shame is “guilt by association” – even where the choices and behaviours have nothing at all to do with you.

3. Feeling stigmatized, or experiencing some form of prejudice, where you feel judged and less than other people. Here, the shame generally relates to feelings of inadequacy related to something beyond your control.

4.  Experiencing shame in response to the way someone else sees and judges you.

5. Experiencing shame because you have different outlooks and values from someone else.

6. Feeling awful (and wrong) because you have set and/ or enforced appropriate and healthy boundaries – boundaries which another individual isn’t happy with (usually because they want to control you and the situation).

7. Feeling ashamed of having and expressing emotions, and especially intense and/ or negative emotions.

8. Feeling ashamed of having and expressing legitimate needs, and asking for those needs to be met.

How to Cope with Toxic Shame

Self-compassion is the key to getting free of toxic shame.  It is making the choice to show compassion to yourself in situations where you feel like a failure, or inadequate, or where you hurt, or are suffering, or are struggling, or weak. It is making every effort to be kind to yourself, and being gentle, understanding and patient with yourself.

Something to Think About

‘Having compassion starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourself.’ – Pema Chodron

Could you start to show this compassion to yourself [1]?”

—
[1]  Don’t Lose Hope, “What Is Toxic Shame?” by Ann Bale, 3/4/23, https://sexaddictionpartners.wordpress.com/2023/03/04/what-is-toxic-shame/.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT:  https://alawyersprayers.com

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July 31, 2022 · 1:00 am

Internet Safety Tips for Teens

File:Social media.jpg

Typical social media sites, Source Flickr, Author Automotive Social
(CC BY 2.0 Generic)

The following safety tips were supplied by a child advocacy center all too familiar with child abuse in its many forms.  Please, discuss them with the teens in your life.

Personal Safety 

Never share your personal information with others online unless you already know them offline, and they have good reason for needing to know.

Before sharing the following information with ANYONE, always check with a trusted adult first:  last name, address, phone number, date of birth, school name, social security number, passwords.

Social Media

Many social networking websites (e.g. Facebook/Meta, Twitter, and Instagram) have minimum age requirements for signing up.  These requirements are there to protect you!  Never accept a “friend request” from someone you do not already know offline.  Again, never share personal information with others. Continue reading →

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July 10, 2022 · 1:00 am

PTSD and Grief – Healing Through Nature

File:Early Fall in Sierra Nevada Range, CA 9-16 (29957191822).jpg

Early Autumn in the Sierra Nevada, Author Don Graham of Redlands, CA (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul alike.”

– John Muir

The respected naturalist and environmental philosopher, John Muir, believed that nature offers the body and mind opportunities to heal themselves [1].

Muir tirelessly hiked the Sierra Nevada, writing extensively about his experiences and ultimately co-founding America’s premier conservation organization, the Sierra Club.  His activism helped to preserve both Yosemite and Sequoia National Parks.

Mission Outdoors https://missionoutdoors.org/ and Hometown Hero Outdoors https://hometownherooutdoors.org/ are two small non-profits which share Muir’s view.

They afford military service members and veterans a temporary escape from the stress of combat or the difficulties of transitioning to civilian life through hunting, fishing, and other outdoor activities.  Hometown Hero Outdoors is open to law enforcement personnel, as well.

PTSD

Many of these individuals suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder – an illness to which victims of childhood abuse and domestic abuse are, also, prone. Continue reading →

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July 3, 2022 · 1:00 am

Tess of the D’Urbervilles

Image courtesy of CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Published in 1891, Thomas Hardy’s novel Tess of the D’Urbervilles is now considered a masterpiece [1].  In its day, however, the book was seen as shocking.

Plot

An early examination of rape and domestic abuse, Tess of the D’Urbervilles is the story of Tess Derbeyfield, a simple country girl.

After a series of misfortunes, Tess is hired by the wealthy D’Urberville family but raped by their son Alec.  The following summer she delivers a sickly infant who dies shortly after.

Tess later finds employment as a milkmaid.  She falls in love with a farmer, Angel Clare, who is unaware of her past.

Since Angel confesses on their wedding night that he once had a brief affair, Tess tells him about the rape.  This does not go over well.  Angel views her as “impure”, and abandons her to try farming overseas. Continue reading →

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June 5, 2022 · 1:00 am

Mea Culpa

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/cc/Southern_Baptist_Convention_logo.png

Guidepost Solutions has issued a scathing report accusing leaders of the Southern Baptist Convention, America’s largest Protestant denomination, of routinely stonewalling claims of clergy abuse for the past two decades [1].

Convicted child molesters were allowed to continue in ministry without warning to their current congregations across multiple states.

This revelation is akin to the Catholic Church sex scandal in severity.  It confirms that pride and sexual sin are not limited to a single denomination (or linked to a vow of chastity). Continue reading →

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May 29, 2022 · 1:00 am

Psychedelics for Anxiety, Depression, and PTSD, Part 2

File:FerndalePoliceStop102415.jpg

Drug paraphernalia including marijuana/cannabis and a methamphetamine pipe, following a police stop in Ferndale, CA, Author Ferndale Police Dept., Source https://kymkemp.com
(PD per California Public Records Act)

We continue our discussion of the risks and benefits of a drug-based psychiatric approach utilizing psychedelics to treat anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Despite growing enthusiasm for the use of psychedelics, the evidence is far from in.

LSD

Lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) – one of the most potent hallucinogens – was studied from the 1950s to 1970s in order to assess behavioral and personality changes, as well as relief from psychiatric symptoms [1][2A].

LSD was originally used in the treatment of anxiety, depression, addiction, and psychosomatic illness.  Readers may recall that the US Army and CIA, also, experimented with LSD as a truth serum.  But most early studies were not performed to today’s standards.

Across 11 randomized-controlled studies (involving a combined total of 567 patients) positive outcomes were observed, particularly with regard to alcoholism [2B].

In rare instances, however, psychedelics such as psilocybin and LSD can evoke a lasting psychotic reaction (more frequently in patients with a family history of psychosis) [3A].  Adequate screening of a patient’s vulnerability and prior psychotic episodes before the use of LSD is, therefore, emphasized. Continue reading →

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