Category Archives: domestic abuse

May 26, 2024 · 1:00 am

Rape as a Weapon II

WARNING: Graphic Images

“‘Neighbourhoods and homes were continuously attacked, looted, burned and destroyed,’ especially those where Masalit and other African communities lived, and their people were harassed, assaulted, sexually abused, and at times, executed [1A].”

The United Nations confirms that rape is being used as a weapon against women and girls in the Sudanese civil war [1B][2A].

NGOs describe rape as an everyday occurrence, with both warring parties participating, and numbers estimated as high as 4,400 during this latest conflict [2B].  But civil war has been ongoing in Sudan (in three stages) since 1955, and rape has been employed from the outset [3].

“…systemic rape in homes, detention facilities, public checkpoints, and interrogation centres…committed mainly by members of the police force, intelligence officers, interrogators and prison guards…[including] forced nudity, [punitive] virginity test, and sexual torture [4A].”

This tactic is not new.  We have seen it used in Iraq; Rwanda; Syria, Egypt, Libya, and elsewhere in the Middle East during the Arab Spring; in India; and most recently against Israel [4B][5][6][7A][8][9].  In Rwanda, between 100,000 and 250,000 women were raped during the three months of genocide. Continue reading →

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May 19, 2024 · 1:00 am

Celebrity Predation

File:Spacey Star.jpg

Kevin Spacey’s star on Hollywood Walk of Fame, Author Mike Crawley of Southampton, UK (CC Attribution 2.0 Generic)

Actor Kevin Spacey — the star of such acclaimed films as LA Confidential, The Usual Suspects, Glengary Glenn Ross, Seven, and Pay It Forward — is not the first celebrity to be accused of sexual assault.

Combs Lawsuits

Five separate lawsuits covering a period of 30 years have been brought by male and female victims (some of them teens) against the rapper and record producer, Sean “Diddy” Combs, for alleged sexual assault, rape, and sex trafficking [1].

Like Spacey, Combs denies the allegations against him.  However, a disturbing 2016 video on YouTube shows him physically assaulting the R&B singer, Cassie Ventura, whose case was settled in 2023 [2].

Spacey Acquittals

Spacey, it should be noted, was the same year acquitted in Britain of sexual assault relative to his interaction with four different men between 2001 and 2013 [3].  A New York jury earlier acquitted Spacey of molesting then 14 y.o. Anthony Rapp in 1986 [4].

More Spacey Accusers

“I take full responsibility for my past behavior and my actions, but I cannot and will not take responsibility or apologize to anyone who’s made up stuff about me or exaggerated stories about me…I never told someone that if they give me sexual favors, then I will help them out with their career, never.”

–Kevin Spacey [5]

A 2-part documentary on YouTube now features ten more men who claim to have been sexually assaulted by Spacey between 1976 and 2013 [6][7].  The stories by these men are nauseatingly familiar, reflecting an abuse of power as much as sexual predation.  Continue reading →

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May 5, 2024 · 1:00 am

“Creating a Safety Plan for Leaving an Abusive Relationship” by Ann Bale

File:(2) Cycle of abuse, power & control issues in domestic abuse situations.gif

Cycle of Domestic Abuse, Source https://flickr.com, Author moggs oceanlane, (CC Attribtution 2.0 Generic)

NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 800-799-7233

The post below is by Ann Bale of Don’t Lose Hope, https://sexaddictionpartners.wordpress.com/blog-feed/  .  Ann has an MA in Psychology, and a Diploma in Clinical and Pastoral Counseling.  She is a certified life skills coach.

Suggestions by Women’s Law for safety planning with children, in school, in rural areas, in court, on the internet, and when an abuser is released from jail can be found at:  https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/safety-planning.

Additional safety suggestions by the Domestic Violence Crisis Center of Connecticut covering the home, workplace, and stalking situations can be found at:  https://www.dvccct.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Domestic-Violence-Safety-Plan-DVCC-.pdf.

Victims should be aware that an abuser may become more violent when an abusive relationship ends.

“‘How many scars have we justified because we loved the person who was holding the knife.’

– Unknown

Creating a Safety Plan is a crucial step when leaving an abusive relationship. Below is a general safety plan. However, you may wish to reach out to support organizations for guidance related to your specific situation.

Things you will need to consider/ have in place include:

1. Emergency Contacts

  • Compile a list of trusted safe friends, family members, and local domestic violence hotlines.
  • Share your Safety Plan (a plan you’ve devised using the information below) with your trusted contacts. This will enable them to help you in an emergency.
  • Establish secret words or signals with your support network to alert them, in case of danger.

2. Safe Housing

  • Identify (in advance) a safe place to stay. This might be a friend’s or family member’s home, or a domestic violence shelter.
  • Ensure it’s a location the abuser doesn’t know about, and is unlikely to call at.

3. Important Documents

Gather together essential documents. You should also store additional copies of these in a secure place (perhaps with a friend). These may include:

  • Identification (ID, passport)
  • Birth certificates
  • Social security cards
  • Marriage certificate
  • Driver’s license
  • Bank statements
  • Health insurance information
  • Address book
  • Lease or mortgage documents

4. Financial Resources

  • Open a bank account (in advance) in your name only.
  • Set aside some cash in case you need it.
  • Keep a record of your financial resources, such as credit cards and savings information, and any other sources of income.

5. Emergency Bag

Prepare an emergency bag with the following items:

  • Medication
  • Clothing for a few days
  • Personal hygiene items
  • Cell phone and charger
  • Important documents and copies
  • Spare keys”

Continue reading →

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April 28, 2024 · 1:00 am

Domestic Violence and Suicide

File:Day 353 - West Midlands Police - Tackling Domestic Violence (8284795632).jpg

West Midlands Police – Tackling Domestic Violence Campaign, Author West Midlands Police, United Kingdom (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

Historically, the focus in suicide prevention has been on men because of their longstanding higher suicide rate [1A].  This has overshadowed the growing rate of attempted suicide and self-harm among women, and the close link with domestic abuse.

“…when a woman presents to [mental health] services in suicidal distress it is likely that she’s a victim of domestic abuse.”

–Sally McManus, Sr. Lecturer in Health at the Violence and Society Centre

A groundbreaking study in the United Kingdom last year found that women subjected to domestic abuse (physical, psychological, or economic) are three times more likely to attempt suicide [2A].

Women who have experienced sexual abuse within their relationship are seven times more likely to self-harm [2B].   And women are ten times more likely to experience sexual abuse by a partner than straight or gay men are [1B].

Intimidation, Threats, and Force

Domestic abusers attempt to control their victims through intimidation, threats, and/or actual force [3A].  Typically, they humiliate their partners; isolate partners from friends and family; rigidly regulate what partners may do; and deny partners access to money or other basic necessities [3B].

Emotional Toll

Fear, shame, learned helplessness, a perceived lack of support by family members and friends, hopelessness, and despair are likely to result [3C][4A].  Intimate partner victimization is associated with an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), in both men and women [4B]. Continue reading →

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March 31, 2024 · 1:00 am

The Mousetrap

File:London-The Mousetrap celebrating 70 years.jpg

“The Mousetrap” at St. Martin’s Theater, London, Author Ji-Elle
(CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

Thousands have enjoyed Agatha Christie’s “The Mousetrap”, the longest running play in the world.  Few realize that the play was inspired by a real life tragedy [1][2].

Fictional Plot

Set in a snowbound manor house, the mystery centers on the strangling death of a woman who mistreated the foster children in her care.  The principal suspect is one of those children, now grown and motivated by revenge.

Factual Basis

Because their parents were deemed unfit, England’s Newport Juvenile Court in May 1944 placed the three O’Neill brothers on whom the play is based under the jurisdiction of the Newport County Council [3].

In July 1944 the Council assigned custody of the two older boys — 12 y.o. Dennis and 9 y.o. Terence — to Reginald Gough and his wife Esther at Bank Farm in Hope Valley, Shropshire.  The youngest boy — 7 y.o. Freddie — was placed nearby.

When a short time later Terence was asked to write a school essay about his homelife, he said his foster mother was good and kind to him.  He said she bought him new clothes and gave him “lots to eat”.

But the name Hope Valley would prove haunting.  Terence later revealed that his essay was written under duress.  He knew instinctively that he would be in “huge trouble” if he told the truth.

Fatal Abuse

On January 9, 1945 Esther Gough phoned a local doctor to say that Dennis was having a seizure.  The doctor arrived to find the boy dead, a victim of severe abuse.  An inquest revealed that he had suffered cardiac arrest, as the result of a brutal beating.  The child was, also, badly undernourished, with painful septic ulcers on his feet. Continue reading →

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February 18, 2024 · 1:00 am

Compassion and Contempt

File:Compassion holding hands.jpg

Image by U3190523 (CC BY-SA International)

Those of us who somehow managed to survive childhood abuse and/or domestic violence may actually have contempt for our fellow survivors.

Why is this?  Certainly, compassion would seem more natural.  After all, we know the pain of those who shared the same experience.

The answer is surprisingly simple.  We project onto others the contempt we feel for ourselves.

Weakness

They were weak, at least we think they were.  We do not want to be associated with weakness.  That might imply we were once weak, too.

It would dredge up the fear and vulnerability — the trauma — of childhood abuse or domestic violence.  It might imply that we were powerless in the face of abuse or domestic violence.  That knowledge is too distressing for us.  Better to hold others in contempt.

That we still have such intense feelings suggests we have not fully come to terms with our experience. Continue reading →

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February 4, 2024 · 1:00 am

Imperfection

File:Hand Pinted Kintsugi Pottery Bowl.jpg

Hand-painted Kintsugi pottery bowl by Artist Ruthann Hurwitz, Author Ruthann Hurwitz, (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

One of the greatest challenges for those of us who have lived through abuse is coming to terms with our own imperfections.

Not Unworthy of Love

We were taught — endlessly, often by the most brutal means — that our imperfections made us unlovable, unworthy of love.

That, of course, was a lie.  However, it left us believing that any imperfection at all was unacceptable, in effect, that it disqualified us from membership in the human race.

Yet, humanity is defined by imperfection.  We may strive for excellence — at times even achieve it.  But all human beings are by nature flawed. Continue reading →

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January 28, 2024 · 1:00 am

Enslaved 2024 – Part 3

File:Human Trafficking.jpg

Human Trafficking, concept image by Tapas Kumar Halder, Author Tapas Kumar Halder, (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

We conclude our discussion of the blight of human trafficking with suggestions as to how the public can prevent and respond to this profound evil [1].

What You Can Do

Concerned as they may be, most people are overwhelmed by the magnitude of human trafficking — at a loss for how they can make a difference.  But there are things the average person can do [2]:

  • Become educated about human trafficking, and stay alert to the situations people may be experiencing.
  • Share information about human trafficking with family, friends, neighbors, business associates, and fellow bloggers.
  • Support local anti-trafficking organizations, either financially or by volunteering.  Pro bono attorneys are especially needed.  An online directory of community organizations is available here:  https://humantraffickinghotline.org/en/find-local-services.
  • Buy with care.  Consider where (and by whom) food, clothing, jewelry, electronics, and other items were produced.  An extensive list of items made by forced labor or child labor can be found here:  https://www.dol.gov/agencies/ilab/reports/child-labor/list-of-goods.
  • Get help for a family member, co-worker, student, tenant, patient, or someone else in need.  The National Human Trafficking Hotline https://humantraffickinghotline.org/en/contact provides free confidential support, 24/7.  Call 1-888-373-7888 or text HELP to 233733 (BEFREE).
  • Partner with the schools, healthcare providers, and other institutions and professionals serving those experiencing human trafficking.  Together with them, craft student safety programs for children at risk, fair workplace protocols, and ethical procurement practices at places of employment.  Work for safe and affordable housing, and accessible healthcare.
  • Speak out.  Inquire what elected representatives are doing about human trafficking.  Urge that trafficking be made a priority.

Continue reading →

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January 21, 2024 · 1:00 am

Enslaved 2024 – Part 2

As discussed in Part 1 of this series, human trafficking is the form slavery takes today [1].

Red Flags

The red flags for trafficking include the following [2]:

A.  In the Workplace, Generally

  • A job offer that seems to be too good to be true.
  • A job offer that requires a move far from family and friends, where the recruiter or prospective employer declines to provide detailed information about the job.
  • A prospective employer who refuses to provide a signed contract, or asks employees to sign a contract in a language they cannot read.
  • A prospective employer who collects fees from a potential employee for the mere “opportunity” to work at a particular job.
  • Promised pay withheld by a recruiter or employer after work has been done.
  • Dangerous work conditions without training, adequate breaks, safety gear, or other protections.
  • Inhumane living conditions provided by an employer.
  • Monitoring by an employer of all interaction with others.
  • Isolation by an employer from support systems.
  • Pressure by an employer to stay on the job.
  • Control by an employer of a passport and identity documents.
  • Threats of deportation or other harm by an employer.

Continue reading →

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January 14, 2024 · 1:00 am

Enslaved 2024 – Part 1

File:ValentinGalochkin 1965 Slavery.jpg

“Slavery – A Study in Marble” by Valentin Galochkin, Author Valentin Galochkin, (PD)

The White House has proclaimed January as Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month [1].

Scope

Over 40 million people are trafficked worldwide [2A].  Women and girls constitute about 71%  of all human trafficking victims [2B].  In fact, one in every four victims of modern slavery is a child [2C].

Geographic Distribution

Trafficking centers around areas with international travel hubs (airports and seaports), access to highways, seasonal work, a hospitality industry (often associated with tourism), a sharp disparity between rich and poor, and a large immigrant population [3A][8].

A. Overseas

According to the International Labor Organization, Asia and the Pacific region have the highest incidence of forced labor and forced marriages [5].

B. United States

In our country, experts estimate that there are over 199,000 instances of human trafficking (which includes sex trafficking) annually [4A].

The top ten states for trafficking in 2022 were Mississippi, Nevada, Missouri, Nebraska, Florida, Texas, California, Arkansas, Oregon, and Georgia [2D]. Continue reading →

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