Category Archives: domestic abuse

July 14, 2024 · 1:00 am

Surviving Child Abuse, Part 1 -Impact

File:Child abuse awareness ribbon.jpg

Blue Ribbon for Child Abuse Awareness, Source flickr.com, Author Trauma And Dissociation Project (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

Childhood abuse — whatever form it may take, including exposure to family violence — can have long-term effects ranging from anxiety, depression, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), to eating disorders and more [1A][2A][3A].

Shame and Suicide Risk

Our self-esteem is in tatters.  The shame, itself, can be crippling — no matter how misplaced [4].  The risk of suicide is greatly increased [5A].

Physiological Effects

But not all effects are so obvious.  Child abuse is, for instance, thought to contribute to such chronic health issues as heart disease, as well as such autoimmune disorders as type 1 diabetes, psoriasis, fibromyalgia, inflammatory bowel disease, and rheumatoid arthritis [1B][2B][5B]. Continue reading →

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July 7, 2024 · 1:00 am

Marital Rape

File:West Midlands Police - Rape and Serious Sexual Offences Campaign (8102670311).jpg

Rape and Serious Sexual Offenses Campaign, Source/Author West Midlands Police, UK, (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

Marital rape is rape by a man to whom the victim is married, i.e. sexual intercourse under force, threat, or coercion [1].  Lack of consent is the essential element.  Violence may be present, but is not required for the act to constitute rape.

Marital rape is now recognized by countries around the world.  It is not, however, criminalized everywhere.  Cultural practices, ideas about male and female sexuality, and religious beliefs about the subordination of a wife to her husband all play a part in this.

History

Historically, intercourse within marriage was regarded as an absolute right.

While women were not actually seen as property under English common law, rape was viewed as the theft of a man’s property — not violation of a woman’s right to autonomy [2A][3].  Marital rape was considered a contradiction in terms. Continue reading →

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June 23, 2024 · 1:00 am

Runaways

Each year over 400,000 children under the age of 18 are reported missing [1A].  The vast majority of these are runaways, highly vulnerable to homelessness, sex trafficking, and worse.

Though estimates vary, there may be as many as 2.8 million runaway and homeless youth in the US [2A].

“Half of all runaway minors report that their parents told them to leave or knew they were running away and did not care [3].”

“Runaways” are minors who have left home with the intention not to return.  The category includes children abandoned by the adults who should have cared for them, and teens thrown out of the house.

Risk Factors

According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, risk factors include the following [1B]:

  • Family conflict
  • Physical or sexual abuse
  • Pregnancy
  • Bullying or social rejection
  • Sexual orientation
  • Online enticement
  • Substance abuse
  • Gang activity
  • Mental health issues
  • Developmental issues

Some 47% of runaways report family conflict; 43% report physical abuse in the home; 34% report sexual abuse in the home.  Among girls, the rate of sexual abuse rises to 80%. Continue reading →

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June 16, 2024 · 1:00 am

Twitter and the Mainstreaming of Porn

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0c/Bronze_Satyr_with_Phallus%2C_Naples_Archaeological_Museum.jpg
Satyr with phallus, Naples Archaeological Museum, Italy, Source https://www.flickr.com, Author Tyler Bell (Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic)

Pornography – printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.

–Oxford Dictionary

X, the social media platform f/k/a Twitter, has formally changed its policy to allow so called “adult” content [1].

Actually, Twitter has long tolerated adult content, i.e. pornography and graphic violence.  Reuters reported two years ago that made up fully 13% of the platform’s content [2].

This change is purportedly meant to make the platform’s rules more transparent.  In reality, it is intended to attract more users by attracting more content “creators” (a term which now includes pornographers).

Porn as an Industry

Tragically, X is not alone in mainstreaming the sexual exploitation of women and children.  Once a relatively small niche market, pornography has in recent years become an established, technologically sophisticated, multi‐billion‐dollar industry [3].

The pornography industry is closely related to organized crime, since child pornography is illegal in many countries [4A].  The crimes associated with it can include kidnapping, sexual assault, and murder.

But home video equipment and computers have greatly assisted pedophiles in the production and distribution of child pornography.

A Shift in Values

The growth and acceptance of the pornography industry reflect a serious crisis of values [5].

It used to be that individuals purchasing obscene or salacious material were embarrassed at being seen with it.  No more.  Standards of decency have been radically revised.  Pornography has been normalized, and is discussed openly. Continue reading →

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June 9, 2024 · 1:00 am

BOOK REVIEW: One Petal at a Time

Joni Caggiano who blogs at https://the-inner-child.com/ has written a sensitive and uplifting book of poetry about childhood abuse.

Like 28 million other Americans, Joni is the survivor of parental alcoholism and all that entails [1][2].  Her book is directed to survivors of any form of familial dysfunction.

Titled One Petal at a Time, the book is illustrated by the acclaimed artist Francisco Bravo Cabrera https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbXMBr3Xnic and divided into three parts:  The Beginning, Seedling, and Blooming.  Each part is introduced by a moving essay. Continue reading →

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May 26, 2024 · 1:00 am

Rape as a Weapon II

WARNING: Graphic Images

“‘Neighbourhoods and homes were continuously attacked, looted, burned and destroyed,’ especially those where Masalit and other African communities lived, and their people were harassed, assaulted, sexually abused, and at times, executed [1A].”

The United Nations confirms that rape is being used as a weapon against women and girls in the Sudanese civil war [1B][2A].

NGOs describe rape as an everyday occurrence, with both warring parties participating, and numbers estimated as high as 4,400 during this latest conflict [2B].  But civil war has been ongoing in Sudan (in three stages) since 1955, and rape has been employed from the outset [3].

“…systemic rape in homes, detention facilities, public checkpoints, and interrogation centres…committed mainly by members of the police force, intelligence officers, interrogators and prison guards…[including] forced nudity, [punitive] virginity test, and sexual torture [4A].”

This tactic is not new.  We have seen it used in Iraq; Rwanda; Syria, Egypt, Libya, and elsewhere in the Middle East during the Arab Spring; in India; and most recently against Israel [4B][5][6][7A][8][9].  In Rwanda, between 100,000 and 250,000 women were raped during the three months of genocide. Continue reading →

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May 19, 2024 · 1:00 am

Celebrity Predation

File:Spacey Star.jpg

Kevin Spacey’s star on Hollywood Walk of Fame, Author Mike Crawley of Southampton, UK (CC Attribution 2.0 Generic)

Actor Kevin Spacey — the star of such acclaimed films as LA Confidential, The Usual Suspects, Glengary Glenn Ross, Seven, and Pay It Forward — is not the first celebrity to be accused of sexual assault.

Combs Lawsuits

Five separate lawsuits covering a period of 30 years have been brought by male and female victims (some of them teens) against the rapper and record producer, Sean “Diddy” Combs, for alleged sexual assault, rape, and sex trafficking [1].

Like Spacey, Combs denies the allegations against him.  However, a disturbing 2016 video on YouTube shows him physically assaulting the R&B singer, Cassie Ventura, whose case was settled in 2023 [2].

Spacey Acquittals

Spacey, it should be noted, was the same year acquitted in Britain of sexual assault relative to his interaction with four different men between 2001 and 2013 [3].  A New York jury earlier acquitted Spacey of molesting then 14 y.o. Anthony Rapp in 1986 [4].

More Spacey Accusers

“I take full responsibility for my past behavior and my actions, but I cannot and will not take responsibility or apologize to anyone who’s made up stuff about me or exaggerated stories about me…I never told someone that if they give me sexual favors, then I will help them out with their career, never.”

–Kevin Spacey [5]

A 2-part documentary on YouTube now features ten more men who claim to have been sexually assaulted by Spacey between 1976 and 2013 [6][7].  The stories by these men are nauseatingly familiar, reflecting an abuse of power as much as sexual predation.  Continue reading →

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May 5, 2024 · 1:00 am

“Creating a Safety Plan for Leaving an Abusive Relationship” by Ann Bale

File:(2) Cycle of abuse, power & control issues in domestic abuse situations.gif

Cycle of Domestic Abuse, Source https://flickr.com, Author moggs oceanlane, (CC Attribtution 2.0 Generic)

NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 800-799-7233

The post below is by Ann Bale of Don’t Lose Hope, https://sexaddictionpartners.wordpress.com/blog-feed/  .  Ann has an MA in Psychology, and a Diploma in Clinical and Pastoral Counseling.  She is a certified life skills coach.

Suggestions by Women’s Law for safety planning with children, in school, in rural areas, in court, on the internet, and when an abuser is released from jail can be found at:  https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/safety-planning.

Additional safety suggestions by the Domestic Violence Crisis Center of Connecticut covering the home, workplace, and stalking situations can be found at:  https://www.dvccct.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Domestic-Violence-Safety-Plan-DVCC-.pdf.

Victims should be aware that an abuser may become more violent when an abusive relationship ends.

“‘How many scars have we justified because we loved the person who was holding the knife.’

– Unknown

Creating a Safety Plan is a crucial step when leaving an abusive relationship. Below is a general safety plan. However, you may wish to reach out to support organizations for guidance related to your specific situation.

Things you will need to consider/ have in place include:

1. Emergency Contacts

  • Compile a list of trusted safe friends, family members, and local domestic violence hotlines.
  • Share your Safety Plan (a plan you’ve devised using the information below) with your trusted contacts. This will enable them to help you in an emergency.
  • Establish secret words or signals with your support network to alert them, in case of danger.

2. Safe Housing

  • Identify (in advance) a safe place to stay. This might be a friend’s or family member’s home, or a domestic violence shelter.
  • Ensure it’s a location the abuser doesn’t know about, and is unlikely to call at.

3. Important Documents

Gather together essential documents. You should also store additional copies of these in a secure place (perhaps with a friend). These may include:

  • Identification (ID, passport)
  • Birth certificates
  • Social security cards
  • Marriage certificate
  • Driver’s license
  • Bank statements
  • Health insurance information
  • Address book
  • Lease or mortgage documents

4. Financial Resources

  • Open a bank account (in advance) in your name only.
  • Set aside some cash in case you need it.
  • Keep a record of your financial resources, such as credit cards and savings information, and any other sources of income.

5. Emergency Bag

Prepare an emergency bag with the following items:

  • Medication
  • Clothing for a few days
  • Personal hygiene items
  • Cell phone and charger
  • Important documents and copies
  • Spare keys”

Continue reading →

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April 28, 2024 · 1:00 am

Domestic Violence and Suicide

File:Day 353 - West Midlands Police - Tackling Domestic Violence (8284795632).jpg

West Midlands Police – Tackling Domestic Violence Campaign, Author West Midlands Police, United Kingdom (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

Historically, the focus in suicide prevention has been on men because of their longstanding higher suicide rate [1A].  This has overshadowed the growing rate of attempted suicide and self-harm among women, and the close link with domestic abuse.

“…when a woman presents to [mental health] services in suicidal distress it is likely that she’s a victim of domestic abuse.”

–Sally McManus, Sr. Lecturer in Health at the Violence and Society Centre

A groundbreaking study in the United Kingdom last year found that women subjected to domestic abuse (physical, psychological, or economic) are three times more likely to attempt suicide [2A].

Women who have experienced sexual abuse within their relationship are seven times more likely to self-harm [2B].   And women are ten times more likely to experience sexual abuse by a partner than straight or gay men are [1B].

Intimidation, Threats, and Force

Domestic abusers attempt to control their victims through intimidation, threats, and/or actual force [3A].  Typically, they humiliate their partners; isolate partners from friends and family; rigidly regulate what partners may do; and deny partners access to money or other basic necessities [3B].

Emotional Toll

Fear, shame, learned helplessness, a perceived lack of support by family members and friends, hopelessness, and despair are likely to result [3C][4A].  Intimate partner victimization is associated with an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), in both men and women [4B]. Continue reading →

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March 31, 2024 · 1:00 am

The Mousetrap

File:London-The Mousetrap celebrating 70 years.jpg

“The Mousetrap” at St. Martin’s Theater, London, Author Ji-Elle
(CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

Thousands have enjoyed Agatha Christie’s “The Mousetrap”, the longest running play in the world.  Few realize that the play was inspired by a real life tragedy [1][2].

Fictional Plot

Set in a snowbound manor house, the mystery centers on the strangling death of a woman who mistreated the foster children in her care.  The principal suspect is one of those children, now grown and motivated by revenge.

Factual Basis

Because their parents were deemed unfit, England’s Newport Juvenile Court in May 1944 placed the three O’Neill brothers on whom the play is based under the jurisdiction of the Newport County Council [3].

In July 1944 the Council assigned custody of the two older boys — 12 y.o. Dennis and 9 y.o. Terence — to Reginald Gough and his wife Esther at Bank Farm in Hope Valley, Shropshire.  The youngest boy — 7 y.o. Freddie — was placed nearby.

When a short time later Terence was asked to write a school essay about his homelife, he said his foster mother was good and kind to him.  He said she bought him new clothes and gave him “lots to eat”.

But the name Hope Valley would prove haunting.  Terence later revealed that his essay was written under duress.  He knew instinctively that he would be in “huge trouble” if he told the truth.

Fatal Abuse

On January 9, 1945 Esther Gough phoned a local doctor to say that Dennis was having a seizure.  The doctor arrived to find the boy dead, a victim of severe abuse.  An inquest revealed that he had suffered cardiac arrest, as the result of a brutal beating.  The child was, also, badly undernourished, with painful septic ulcers on his feet. Continue reading →

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