All of us were children once. What we survived over the years shaped our character and our lives.
At Christmas we celebrate the birth of another child, a Savior who came into this broken world for our sakes. We were not all rescued, but we can — because of Him — be redeemed.
Wishing All of You a Merry Christmas!
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com
Flag of US Secretary of Health and Human Services, Author Dept. of Health and Human Services (PD)
A proposed regulation by the US Dept. of Health and Human Services (HHS) would prohibit foster families from any attempt to “undermine, suppress, or change” the gender identification of children in their care [1].
Biblical Values Mischaracterized
Couched as “protection” for children suffering from gender dysphoria, i.e. gender identification at variance with their biological sex, the proposed regulation effectively equates the expression of biblical values vis a vis sexuality with child abuse [2].
It should be emphasized that there is no evidence to suggest that foster children in Christian homes have in any way been harmed.
Foster Parents Disqualified
Apart from interfering with religious freedom, the new regulation is likely to deprive the foster care system of thousands of willing foster parents who do not believe children should be chemically or surgically mutilated before they are old enough to purchase alcohol or vote. Continue reading
Filed under Abuse of Power, Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Law, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse
Sennheiser HD-25-1 headphones, Author Bizzarle (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)
WARNING: Graphic Images
Eight Las Vegas teens have been charged with murder, in connection with the beating death of a classmate widely distributed on social media [1]. The assailants range in age from 13 y.o. to 17 y.o. Their victim, Jonathan Lewis Jr., was 17 y.o. The altercation was apparently about headphones and a vape pen.
It is difficult to say which aspect of this crime is most disturbing: the age of the victim whose life was taken, the age of his assailants and their relationship to him, the trivial cause for this violence, or the fact the crime was shared on social media.
Causes of Violence
Most of us assume that children are incapable of violence, certainly incapable of murder. We are shocked when confronted with the facts.
In 2020, there were 930 arrests made nationally for murder or manslaughter where the perpetrator was 17 y.o. or younger [2A]. There were 19,140 arrests made for aggravated assault in that age range, and another 70, 940 made for simple assault [2B].
Gang dynamics, the psychology of crowds, and peer pressure all have bearing on the crime here. Abuse is likely, also, to have played a role.
A. Gangs
Gang violence in the United States emerged as early as 1783. In New York City, in particular, gangs were well organized by 1826 [3].
Dangerous street gangs, outlaw motorcycle clubs, organized crime (once actually termed gangland), and drug cartels are all representative of this underworld culture. Little has changed with time, except that drugs have been added to the mix.
Teens and young men are known to have been participants from the start (though girls and young women are not immune to the lure). Depending on age, young people serve as messengers, look-outs, bagmen, thieves, and thugs (some later specializing as enforcers or hitmen).
Although gangs may thrive on violence, they provide a sense of acceptance, security, inclusion, and identity to their members [4]. In effect, they substitute for the family structure many young people lack.
B. Crowds and Peer Pressure
It is well recognized that human beings will do in a crowd what they might never do alone [5]. The bounds of acceptable behavior are more easily transgressed in a group. Personal responsibility is abandoned. Morals are swept aside in the frenzy of the moment.
This applies to young people even more so than adults. Still trying to decide who they are, anxious to fit in, teens and pre-teens are more susceptible than adults to peer pressure. Continue reading
Image by Paul Nguyen, Source https://500px.com (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)
There is a secret some victims of childhood sexual abuse will take to their graves, even if they are otherwise able as adults to the discuss the abuse to which they were subjected. This is sexual dysfunction.
Two Types of Scars
Childhood sexual abuse can distort sexual expression in one of two principal ways [1]. Each type of scar negatively impacts victims’ lives.
A. Promiscuity
Many victims will become sexually promiscuous. This demonstrates how little value the abuse taught them they had. The large number of prostitutes who were sexually abused as children illustrate that.
For some of these victims, promiscuous behavior is an attempt to barter for love, since sex is the only medium of exchange they had available. For others, it is an attempt to reclaim ownership of their bodies.
B. Sexual Dysfunction
A smaller percentage of victims will develop sexual dysfunction. This was, in the past, disparagingly termed frigidity, particularly as applied to women [2]. But the problem can afflict both men and women. Desire, arousal, and orgasm can all be impacted.
Sexual dysfunction can range from a decreased interest in sex to the inability to experience sexual pleasure with a partner, pain during intercourse, and outright sexual aversion [3][4][5].
Wherever victims fall in the range, there is great shame associated with the problem. Continue reading
“The Children of Odin” from The Book of Northern Myths (1917), Author Padraic Colum, Illustrator Willy Pogany (PD)
WARNING: Graphic Images
This is depravity of the highest order, and reckless disregard for human life. There is no other way to describe it. Even wolves do not treat their young like this.
“The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?” (Jer. 17: 9).
—
[1] Fox News, “New York City daycare children possibly consume fentanyl, 1 dead, 3 hospitalized: Report” by Sarah Rumpf-Whitten, 9/16/23, https://www.foxnews.com/us/new-york-city-daycare-children-possibly-consumer-fentanyl-1-dead-3-hospitalized-report.
[2] CNN, “Bronx day care provider and two others indicted on murder charges in 1 year old’s death. The boy’s father gives a gut wrenching statement” by Rob Frehse, Jason Hanna, and Holly Yan, 10/6/23, https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/05/us/bronx-day-care-fentanyl-state-charges/index.html.
[3] Fox News, “‘Rogue’ daycare workers busted for allegedly running child fight ring” by Christina Coulter, 10/11/23, https://www.foxnews.com/us/rogue-daycare-workers-busted-allegedly-running-child-fight-ring.
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com
Filed under Abuse of Power, Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Law, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion
Harvest Still, Source https://500px.com, Photographer Nicu Buculei
(CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)
Can the victims of abuse ever lead full and satisfying lives? That depends, to a large extent, on how we define “full and satisfying”.
There is no question that abuse can kill. Those of us who survive may be left with lifelong physical and emotional scars. Abuse can leave victims struggling with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Abuse can turn sex into a weapon, in the desperate search for love. Abuse can lead to self-medication, with drugs or alcohol.
But that is not the whole story. Not by a long shot.
“…even the helpless victim of a hopeless situation facing a fate he cannot change, may rise above himself, may grow beyond himself, and by so doing change himself. He may turn a personal tragedy into a triumph.”
– Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
The psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning described his experiences as a prisoner at Auschwitz concentration camp. He concluded that human beings strive for purpose, and that – whatever our circumstances – we have the ability to give life meaning through love, work, and suffering.
At first glance, that may not make sense. Oh, most of us would agree that life can be given meaning by romantic love, perhaps brotherly love. After some thought, we might be persuaded that life can be given meaning by work – even tedious or menial work, if done to support the ones we love.
Yet suffering? Not such a stretch as it might seem. We recognize the concept of sacrifice in a noble cause (love of God, love of country, etc.), and sacrifice for the sake of a beloved. Mothers who have lost a child will understand that their grief is, in part, a testament to that child.
How does this relate to abuse victims? Well, we have certainly suffered. That our suffering was not to any purpose makes it all the more cruel. We were innocent victims. Blameless.
And that is the place to start… Continue reading
Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse
Image by Manuel Gugenhuber (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)
Many of us feel that we failed at love. We were passed over at the dance. We picked the wrong partners — those who did not or could not love us, those who loved us once but no longer care. Those who raised our hopes, then shattered our dreams. Those who simply walked away.
There are countless reasons for this. It may be that childhood abuse colored our choices. It may be that those choices were limited by our circumstances. It may be that a partner changed over the years…or that we changed. It may be that a partner was equally wounded from the start.
Rejection is heartbreaking. The end of love is heartbreaking. We think the years we invested were wasted, that our lives were wasted. That our love was poured out on sand.
But heartbreak and failure are not one and the same. Nearly everyone alive has experienced heartbreak, at one time or another. Sad love songs are more popular than upbeat ones.
God, Himself, is love (1 John 4: 16). He created us to know, love, and serve Him. We do that by obeying His laws (1 John 5: 2), and serving others (Eph. 2: 10).
None of us live up to God’s standards — not as we should, not on a constant basis. We stray. We make mistakes, despite our good intentions. But if we pour out our love, as best we can — whether on spouses, lovers, siblings, friends, children, or strangers — we have fulfilled the central purpose for which we were created (Luke 7: 47).
That is not failure. Whatever the outcome, that is not failure.
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com
Image courtesy of Sandstone Care
Below is a post by the Christian author, Cynthia Bailey Rug. While this post is specifically directed toward the victims of narcissism, it is highly relevant to the victims of childhood abuse and/or domestic violence who are particularly vulnerable to trauma bonding.
Cynthia Bailey Rug blogs at https://cynthiabaileyrug.wordpress.com . The full text of this post dated 10/14/23 can be found there.
“Trauma bonding, also known as Stockholm Syndrome, is a common & strange phenomenon among victims of ongoing abuse [1][2]. It happens when abusers aren’t abusive all of the time, & show their victims random kindnesses. Those kindnesses seem to prove to victims that their abuser isn’t all bad, & they really do care for their victim. That thinking bonds the victim to their abuser & makes them more willing to tolerate abuse.
Narcissists are exceptionally good at trauma bonding their victims to them. It happens very subtly & in gradually increasing stages of toxicity. Trauma bonding is much like the story of putting a frog in a pot of water. If the water is boiling when he goes in, he recognizes the danger & hops out immediately. But, if it’s warm & gradually the temperature increases to boiling, he won’t notice he’s in danger until it’s too late…
The first stage of trauma is love bombing. This is when the narcissist [or other abuser] showers you with love, praise & adoration. You can do no wrong. You are absolutely perfect!…Gifts can be a part of love bombing too…” Continue reading
Alfred Kinsey, Author Mondadori Publishers (specific photographer unknown) (PD in Italy)
WARNING: Graphic Images
“More than half a century after the publication of his landmark study, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, Alfred C. Kinsey remains [controversial]…Though some hail him for liberating the nation from sexual puritanism, others revile him as a fraud whose ‘junk science’ legitimized degeneracy…One independent scholar has even accused him of sexual crimes… [1A]”
The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University has encoded the 7,985 sex histories Alfred Kinsey collected, along with another 10,000 his team collected [1B][2].
This source material and Kinsey’s methodology have never been made public [1C][3A]. Consequently, they have not been subject to critical peer review. That has not diminished their influence.
Kinsey is infamous for having met in June 1944 with Rex King — a deviant whose sexual encounters with men, women, boys, girls, animals and family members took 17 hours to record [1D].
Both before and after meeting with King, Kinsey encouraged him to share the details of his perversion. Kinsey wrote, “I rejoice at everything you send, for I am then assured that that much more of your material is saved for scientific publication [1E].” Continue reading
Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Law, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse
Foot-race at the Panathenaea (c. 800 BC – 480 BC), reverse of an ancient Greek vase, Source Encyclopædia Britannica (11th ed.), (PD)
Despite decades of counseling, abuse victims may struggle with the scars of their trauma for a lifetime. This is a discouraging truth whether applicable to alcohol or drug abuse, eating disorders, cutting, or other self-destructive behaviors stemming from the abuse.
When we do relapse the shame returns full force. But the conclusions we draw from our relapse are important.
Not Worthless or Hopeless
That we have relapsed does not mean that we are worthless and our situation hopeless. It simply means that we are human beings who have been deeply wounded.
Survival Skills
Nor does relapse mean that the survival skills we struggled to acquire have been proven useless. We have simply set them aside, in favor of more familiar and more damaging behaviors [1]. Continue reading
A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse and More 