Tag Archives: stalking

May 5, 2024 · 1:00 am

“Creating a Safety Plan for Leaving an Abusive Relationship” by Ann Bale

File:(2) Cycle of abuse, power & control issues in domestic abuse situations.gif

Cycle of Domestic Abuse, Source https://flickr.com, Author moggs oceanlane, (CC Attribtution 2.0 Generic)

NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 800-799-7233

The post below is by Ann Bale of Don’t Lose Hope, https://sexaddictionpartners.wordpress.com/blog-feed/  .  Ann has an MA in Psychology, and a Diploma in Clinical and Pastoral Counseling.  She is a certified life skills coach.

Suggestions by Women’s Law for safety planning with children, in school, in rural areas, in court, on the internet, and when an abuser is released from jail can be found at:  https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/safety-planning.

Additional safety suggestions by the Domestic Violence Crisis Center of Connecticut covering the home, workplace, and stalking situations can be found at:  https://www.dvccct.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Domestic-Violence-Safety-Plan-DVCC-.pdf.

Victims should be aware that an abuser may become more violent when an abusive relationship ends.

“‘How many scars have we justified because we loved the person who was holding the knife.’

– Unknown

Creating a Safety Plan is a crucial step when leaving an abusive relationship. Below is a general safety plan. However, you may wish to reach out to support organizations for guidance related to your specific situation.

Things you will need to consider/ have in place include:

1. Emergency Contacts

  • Compile a list of trusted safe friends, family members, and local domestic violence hotlines.
  • Share your Safety Plan (a plan you’ve devised using the information below) with your trusted contacts. This will enable them to help you in an emergency.
  • Establish secret words or signals with your support network to alert them, in case of danger.

2. Safe Housing

  • Identify (in advance) a safe place to stay. This might be a friend’s or family member’s home, or a domestic violence shelter.
  • Ensure it’s a location the abuser doesn’t know about, and is unlikely to call at.

3. Important Documents

Gather together essential documents. You should also store additional copies of these in a secure place (perhaps with a friend). These may include:

  • Identification (ID, passport)
  • Birth certificates
  • Social security cards
  • Marriage certificate
  • Driver’s license
  • Bank statements
  • Health insurance information
  • Address book
  • Lease or mortgage documents

4. Financial Resources

  • Open a bank account (in advance) in your name only.
  • Set aside some cash in case you need it.
  • Keep a record of your financial resources, such as credit cards and savings information, and any other sources of income.

5. Emergency Bag

Prepare an emergency bag with the following items:

  • Medication
  • Clothing for a few days
  • Personal hygiene items
  • Cell phone and charger
  • Important documents and copies
  • Spare keys”

Continue reading →

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Filed under domestic abuse, domestic violence, Sexual Assault, Violence Against Women

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January 10, 2021 · 1:00 am

Help Delayed = Help Denied

University of Utah, Author University of Utah (CC 3.0 Unported)

Lauren McCluskey, a 21 y.o. student athlete at the University of Utah, was murdered by a former boyfriend despite having complained to campus and Salt Lake City police over 20 times [1].

Lauren met her murderer, 37 y.o. Melvin Rowland, in a bar.  The co-ed ended their brief, month-long relationship on learning Rowland was a convicted sex offender who had lied about his name and age.

Calls for Help

Over the next two weeks, Lauren reported to police that Rowland was sending her harassing messages and attempting to extort money.  She did, in fact, send him $1000 in the futile hope of securing the return of embarrassing photos.

Lauren’s body was found in the backseat of a car on campus.  She had been shot to death.  Rowland killed himself following a police chase.

Settlement

The University of Utah has settled with McCluskey’s parents for $10.5 million.  A separate $3 million donation will be made to the Lauren McCluskey Foundation, and funds raised for an indoor track to be named after Lauren. Continue reading →

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Filed under Justice, Law, Violence Against Women

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September 8, 2019 · 1:00 am

Obsessive Love

“Romeo and Juliet” by Frank Dicksee (1884), Southampton City Art Gallery, Source http://www.odysseetheater.com (PD-Art, PD-Old-80)

The TLC channel is currently running a series titled “90 Day Fiance:  Before the 90 Days” https://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/90-day-fiance-before-the-90-days/ .   Alternately engaging, appalling, and cautionary, this reality show depicts couples whose relationships began online.

Though most have never met, all program participants feel certain they have found true love.  The question presented is, have they?  A more telling question might be, do they understand the nature of love at all?

The latter is a question abuse victims must confront, themselves, if they are to heal.

Online Relationships

Unfortunately, online relationships are prone to the distortion of projection.  We see what we want to see; hear what we want to hear.  We fill in the blanks with the image of our ideal, hope fueling our fantasies.

Abuse victims are especially vulnerable to this distortion.

Abuse and Our View of Love

Child abuse – whatever form it takes (emotional, physical, sexual, or neglect) – skews our view of love.  Abuse teaches us that love must be earned, and requires sacrifice on our part to the point of self-destruction.

Deprived of real love, we become desperate for it.  This continues to play out in adulthood.  We settle for crumbs, for partners who beat us, rob us, and cheat on us – all the while sure that we cannot live without them.

Destructive Love

No mere post (or reality show, for that matter) can capture all the complexities of love.  We can though clear up a few misconceptions.

A great deal done in the name of love is destructive.  Women are frequently stalked in the name of love.  Murders are regularly committed in the name of love.  Teens, in particular, commit suicide in the name of love.

Obsession is not, however, genuine love.

A.  Stalking

Social media and romantic comedies portray stalking as a compliment to the object of the stalker’s “affection” – something funny, even sweet [1][2].

In reality, over 7 million people are stalked each year, most by a former intimate partner [3].  Many are physically attacked, raped, and/or killed by their stalker.  Others live in fear – their privacy violated, their sense of safety gone, their loved ones placed in jeopardy. Continue reading →

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Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

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September 10, 2017 · 1:00 am

Protective or Not?

Las Vegas Strip, Author David_Vasquez (PD)

Hotel clerk, Danielle Jacobsen, expected a routine shift.  The middle-aged woman approaching her desk looked like any other Vegas tourist.

But Virginia Paris was decidedly out of the ordinary.  Explaining that she had been kidnapped, Paris asked that Jacobsen contact police without alerting her kidnapper who was standing nearby [1A].

“She was like, ‘Uh, I need help.  I’ve been abducted.  I’ve been missing since Friday.  It’s pretty serious, can you please pretend like you’re checking me into a room please and get the cops on the phone and get them here?’ ”

-Danielle Jacobsen on her encounter with kidnapping victim, Virginia Paris [1B]

Despite an Order of Protection, Paris had been kidnapped by her former boyfriend, Joseph Hetzel.  Jacobsen managed to contact Security inconspicuously.  Paris was taken to a room for safety, and Hetzel later arrested.

Orders of Protection

An Order of Protection from Abuse (also, known as a Restraining Order) limits or forbids the subject’s interaction with a particular person.  Such orders commonly arise from allegations of domestic violence, harassment, and/or stalking.

Statistics on Protective Orders have not been publicly available.  But there are thought to be over 1 million in effect in the United States on any given day [2].

Experts disagree on the effectiveness of Protective Orders.  A 2010 analysis in the Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law concluded that they do serve a role in managing threats of violence [3].

However, an earlier analysis had determined that Protective Orders were violated an average of 40% of the time.  Some women maintain they were beaten for having obtained a Protective Order. Continue reading →

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