Category Archives: Violence Against Women

May 25, 2025 · 1:00 am

Trauma Bonding

Cycle of Abuse Chart created by Avanduyn (PD)

A trauma bond is the emotional connection between a victim and perpetrator that arises from cyclical abuse (discussed below) [1A].  Trauma bonds can form in connection with the parent/child relationship, friendships, romantic relationships, sex trafficking, and in other contexts [1B].

Cyclical Abuse 

Cyclical abuse is characterized by increasing tension and placation; an incident of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse; surface reconciliation; then a calm interval (however brief), after which the cycle repeats [2][3A]. 

Trauma Bond Components

Trauma bonds are based on terror, dominance, and unpredictability [1C].  Two main factors contribute to their formation:  a power imbalance, and intermittent reinforcement (reward/punishment) [1D].

Trauma bonds can have multiple components:

  • Love for the abuser (or who the abuser appears to be on a good day). Hope and promises that the abuser will reform feed into this.
  • Compassion for the abuser, if he or she had a difficult past.
  • Fear of escalation, with the victim often receiving death threats, if departure is contemplated. Because of this, many victims conclude it is “safer” to stay with their abuser, despite the abuse.
  • Fear for the safety of loved ones, whose lives may, also, have been threatened.
  • Diminished self-esteem, as a result of the abuse.
  • Lack of financial resources. Victims are commonly deprived of these by their abuser.
  • Shame.  Public opinion is frequently that victims are “weak” to stay with an abuser or “materialistic”, if the abuser is well-off financially.  As a result, victims are likely to hide the abuse from others.  This serves to further isolate them.

The first instance of abuse is often viewed as an anomaly, a one-off [1E].  A profuse apology and professions of “love” lull the victim into a false belief that the abuse will not recur [1F]. 

Repeat instances of abuse generate a cognitive shift, i.e. a belief that preventing (or escaping) the abuse is no longer in the victim’s power [1G].  By this point the trauma bond has been well established [3B]. Continue reading →

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May 11, 2025 · 1:00 am

For Vanity’s Sake

Kim Kardashian (a celebrity who has had multiple cosmetic procedures), Source https://www.flickr.com, Author Love Lira Fashion

We women would do almost anything for men.  We want, of course, to be attractive to them.  And society – through celebrities and influencers – has convinced us that is not possible without radically modifying our bodies, sometimes at the risk of our lives.

Over $16 Billion

Over $16 billion was spent on cosmetic surgery in the United States in 2024 [1].  This included breast augmentation, liposuction, abdominoplasty (the so called “tummy tuck”), and buttock augmentation. 

In 2022 alone, there were 26.2 million surgical and minimally invasive cosmetic and reconstructive procedures performed [2]. 

Women accounted for some 86% of these procedures [3].  While the percentage of exotic dancers who are patients cannot be determined, one club owner estimated that over 90% of his strippers have had surgical enhancement of one kind or another.

Discount Clinics

An increasing number of procedures are performed at discount plastic surgery clinics, where pre-op, surgical, and post-op care are less than optimal [4A].  These clinics target low-income women, particularly those who are Hispanic or African American.  

Physicians who may never have formally trained in the specialty of plastic surgery often perform as many as 10 procedures a day, far in excess of what best medical practice would consider safe.  

Multiple operating rooms – particularly in Florida, which is not well regulated – may be “overseen” by a single physician, while procedures are actually performed by untrained and unlicensed assistants.  Dozens of women have died. Continue reading →

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April 27, 2025 · 1:00 am

Techno Fantasies

“Sandy” (realistic sex doll created by DS Doll Robots), (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

Even those of us in relationships suffer from loneliness (or dissatisfaction) at times. 

Abuse victims are especially vulnerable to this emotion.  Often, we do not feel that we are deserving of love, so we self-isolate.  Or – repeating old patterns – we choose partners who are unable to provide love and support.

But all human beings were made for connection.  We may, therefore, be tempted to use technology to ease our loneliness. 

Recognizing that technology can provide only a simulation (not an actual relationship), we may, nonetheless, develop an unhealthy reliance on the technology which has made our fantasies seem to come true.

AI Partners

The possibility of computer users becoming emotionally attached to the chatbots they have created using AI is no longer science fiction. 

Multiple apps like ChatGPT, Replika, Flipped.chat, and CrushOn.AI now generate technology enabled fantasies [1].  These chatbots are enhanced by digital avatars.  Their onscreen appearance and responses can be tailored to suit.  Depending on the app, premium tiers may be available (“partner”, “friend”, “sibling”, or “mentor”). 

Some apps routinely direct the conversation toward emotional subjects, building a false sense of intimacy (and presumably storing the information for access by the manufacturer and other unknown parties).  Other apps actively prompt sexual interaction.

In the film Blade Runner 2049 an AI generated partner appears in the form of a three-dimensional hologram.  Holograms are already used in healthcare, education, entertainment, and retail [2].  It is not unreasonable to expect that they will be used to intensify the experience with (and expand the market for) AI partners.

If all this seems seedy or farfetched, it is worth noting that a 14 y.o. Florida boy, Sewell Setzer, fell in love with a Character.AI chatbot and wound up taking his own life [3].  A study at the University of Surrey has shown that such apps can cause addictive behavior [4A].  The teen’s mother is now suing the app manufacturer.

Meanwhile, Replika user Jaswant Singh Chail was encouraged by his chatbot to assassinate the Queen of England, prosecuted, and jailed when his attempt failed [4B][5].  The chatbot had promised they would be together forever in death.

Continue reading →

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April 20, 2025 · 1:00 am

Fighting Demons

Black Demons, Author Ramya srivastav, (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

Fighting the demons of anxiety, depression, and PTSD or trauma-related addictions and eating disorders is a little like playing football [1][2].  We make headway then lose ground.  But the fight never really ends, not the way a game of football does.  There is no score.

We win by surviving another day.

Across Decades

It can be enormously discouraging to wrestle with the scars of abuse, sexual assault, or other trauma, decade in and decade out.  Surely, we must after all this time have made progress.

But progress is not linear.  Despite the passage of time, and an extensive list of medications – not to mention therapy – familiar demons can resurface.

Factors Impacting Our Success

So, are anxiety, depression, and PTSD or trauma-related behaviors ever really “conquered”?  Can they, at least, be fought to a standstill?  The answer depends.

The factors include the length and severity of the trauma we sustained; our particular genetics; the quality and extent of our medical treatment; our psychological and spiritual resources; the emotional support we have available; and the other stressors to which we are subjected.

None of these can be quantified.  Most such demons can and do vary over the course of a lifetime.

The Struggle

Why not just throw in the towel (to mix sports metaphors)?  After all, the struggle is exhausting.  The struggle, however, is life. Continue reading →

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April 6, 2025 · 1:00 am

Light from Darkness, Part 2

“One Spring, Gurs Camp” (1941) by Karl Robert Bodek and Kurt Low, Yad Vashem Museum, Israel, Image courtesy of Yad Vashem Collection

WARNING:  Graphic Images

Abuse comes in many forms.  From 1933 to 1945 in Nazi Germany it was governmental, with the goal being complete extermination of the Jews [1].

The artworks comprising the Yad Vashem Collection were created by artists (Jewish and non-Jewish) between 1939 and 1945 to provide a living testament of the Holocaust [2A].  A hundred works from the collection were exhibited in Germany in 2016, just three years after the Alternative for Germany (AfD) was founded – a far Right party whose leader, Björn Höcke denigrated the Memorial to Murdered Jews of Europe [3][4].

Art in the concentration camps served simultaneously as a witness, a means of self-assertion, and an expression of optimism [2B].

The works are both heart wrenching and awe inspiring.  In “One Spring, Gurs Camp” (above), the barbed wire depicts imprisonment and loneliness.  The butterfly and the mountains in the background, however, suggest hope. 

One of the two artists who collaborated on “One Spring”, 28 y.o. Kurt Low, was released and able to flee to Switzerland.  The other, 37 y.o. Karl Bodek, was ultimately murdered at Auschwitz. Continue reading →

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March 30, 2025 · 1:00 am

Light from Darkness, Part 1

Margeaux Gray, Image courtesy of The Pixel Project

Margeaux Gray is a survivor of childhood sex trafficking, having been sold into slavery at the age of 5 [1][2][3].  She is, also, an artist who uses her talent both to convey the trauma of abuse and to honor the individual, no matter how broken. 

Ms. Gray advocates against all forms of abuse.  She mentors at-risk youth, speaks publicly about abuse, and confers with physicians and organizations about improving health care and social services for victims.   

Below are excerpts of an interview with Ms. Gray and images of her work:

“Human trafficking…thrives on the ignorance of family and the community.  I was sexually exploited and sold into sexual slavery by a man who had my trust and the trust of my family…I was not kidnapped or locked away in a basement.  My mom, sister, and aunt did not think twice about the two of us going out and doing things together.”

“Untitled” by Margeaux Gray at age 13, Image courtesy of AMA Journal of Ethics

“At around fourteen years old, I disclosed to a healthcare worker that I was being sexually abused.  This was before human trafficking was a definition.  It was reported to police.  After that the trafficking lessened, but continued.  I had an emotional attachment to the man who trafficked me. This is…referred to as traumatic bonding…It took four years for me to gain a greater understanding of the what had been and was continuing to be done to me.”

“A victim of slavery is a trauma victim and every survivor deals with trauma in different ways…Many victims…suffer with alcohol and drug addiction, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression, and sexually transmitted diseases to name a few.”

“Universal Light, Nurture and Nursing” by Margeaux Gray, Image courtesy of AMA Journal of Ethics

“Art…was a strategic way for me to cope and find some freedom when I had little. Through my healing it has allowed me a way to process my emotions resulting from being trafficked. Today I use it as an extension of my voice.  I have specifically used visual art to educate, inspire, and empower others.”

Not all abuse victims are talented artists.  But the arts — writing, drawing, painting, music, theater — are a way to reveal the pain we have endured while reaching toward something better, something more. 

We need not become professionals to do this.  We need not even share the results of our efforts with others, if that feels too intimidating.  We need only allow the soul to express itself.

Even concentration camp victims have done this [4].  Because light is stronger than darkness.  And love is stronger than hate.

—

[1]  The Pixel Project, “Inspirational Interview:  Margeaux Gray – Part I”, 10/26/14,  https://www.thepixelproject.net/2014/10/26/inspirational-interview-margeaux-gray-part-i/.

[2]  The Pixel Project, “Inspirational Interview:  Margeaux Gray – Part II”, 10/27/14, https://www.thepixelproject.net/2014/10/27/inspirational-interview-margeaux-gray-part-ii/.

[3]  AMA Journal of Ethics, “Out of Darkness, Light:  Drawing and Painting by Margeaux Gray” by Margeaux Gray and Mary Richards, 1/19/17, https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/out-darkness-light-drawing-and-painting-margeaux-gray/2017-01.

[4]  Yad Vashem Collection, “Art from the Holocaust”, January 2016, https://www.yadvashem.org/yv/en/exhibitions/art/index.asp.

This series will conclude next week.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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March 23, 2025 · 1:59 am

Loneliness

“Loneliness” (1880) by Hans Thoma, National Museum in Warsaw (Accession No. 192915/22), Source cyfrowe.mnw.art.pl (PD)

“Turn to me and be gracious to me for I am lonely and afflicted.  Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish” (Ps. 25: 16-17).

Loneliness is a feeling of isolation, detachment, and lack of social connection – an emotional state now so common it has its own Wikipedia page [1].  An argument might easily be made that there is, in fact, a loneliness epidemic.  Across the globe, there are some 740,000 suicide deaths annually [2].

All human beings experience loneliness, at one time or another, particularly when we have lost someone or ended a relationship.  In some sense, loneliness characterizes our species.  But the feeling can be particularly intense for abuse victims.

Empty Goals

Part of this is due to the pursuit of empty goals by our culture. 

Ours is a materialistic society.  We are encouraged to be shallow, to seek fame and wealth above all things.  Yet these do not guarantee happiness.  In fact, avid pursuit of them may increase our loneliness.  

Fame for its own sake is meaningless.  And no number of McMansions (or villas on the Riviera, for that matter) can fill an empty heart.

Broken Families

Broken families are another cause for loneliness, and these are endemic in our society. 

At least 40% of American children are today born out of wedlock [3A].  The percentage among African Americans is much higher [3B].  This means children do not have the financial support – and regular presence – of both a mother and father.  As a consequence, 59% will live in poverty [4]. 

Half the remaining children will experience divorce, which means that fully 70% of American children will not live in a two parent household, for at least some part of their childhood [5]. Continue reading →

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February 16, 2025 · 1:00 am

Cyber Harassment and the Death of Bianca Devins, Part 2

Japanese girl group 9nine, Author Hitoshi 061311 (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

Cyber harassment, like that involving the online influencer Bianca Devins and her family, is defined as the use of electronic technologies (computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices) to distress, stalk, or threaten someone [1][2][3][4A].  

“The common factor is the use of technology to establish power and control by causing fear and/or intimidation [4B].”

Online harassment can range from ridicule (cyber bullying, trolling, and dogpiling), the spreading of rumors, and racist rant (hate speech), to the exposure of victims to unwanted sexual or other offensive content (sexual harassment), the dissemination of confidential information or imagery without consent (doxing, sextortion, and revenge porn), impersonation with malicious intent (deepfake), and prolonged surveillance with the intent to intimidate, injure, or kill (cyberstalking). 

Victims may experience stress (severe embarrassment, humiliation, etc.), anxiety, hypervigilance, feelings of powerlessness, and fear for their own safety or the safety of loved ones.  Performance in school and work suffers.  Suicide can result. 

The public can protect itself against cyber harassment by using current security software; strong passwords; and regularly updated privacy settings.   Personal and location information should never be shared online.

Offenses should be reported to the social media platform, the educational institution or employer (as applicable), and police. Continue reading →

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February 9, 2025 · 1:00 am

Cyber Harassment and the Death of Bianca Devins, Part 1

Illustration of dogpiling, a form of cyber harassment, Source https://www.flickr.com/photos/23963249@N02/2314383724, Author J_O_I_D (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

Bianca Devin’s, a 17 y.o. online influencer with a small following, was brutally murdered in 2019 by a fan with whom she had become familiar [1].  Her murderer, Brandon Clark, researched beforehand the “best” ways to kill people and livestream the event [2].

Suffering from anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder, and PTSD, Bianca reached out for friends online, but was harassed by “incels” – an online subculture of aggrieved and angry men who despise and revile women because they are unable to make a romantic connection [3][4][5].

That was not the end of the tragedy.  Bianca’s death went viral, with graphic images of her body circulating online for years.  The murder was discussed on social media in offensive and misogynistic terms.  Bianca’s family members were repeatedly exposed to bloody images of their daughter, as well as being told she deserved to die.

The Devins family ultimately lobbied for the passage of a law protecting families against this type of violation [6].  “Bianca’s Law”, as it is known, makes it a crime in New York to post graphic personal images online of those involved in traumatic situations, and creates a private right of action for victims [7].

—

[1]  Wikipedia, “Murder of Bianca Devins”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Bianca_Devins.

[2]  Syracuse, “More horrific details come out in Bianca Devins murder that was shared online to the world” by Elizabeth Doran, 2/14/20 (updated 11/7/23), https://www.syracuse.com/crime/2020/02/more-horrific-details-come-out-in-bianca-devins-murder-that-was-shared-online-to-the-world.html.

[3]  Wikipedia, “Incel”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incel.

[4]  Syracuse, “How Bianca Devins, Brandon Clark moved in online worlds of vanity and abuse”, 7/17/19 by Patrick Lohmann and Samantha House, https://www.syracuse.com/crime/2019/07/bianca-devins-online-vanity-harassment-and-memes-shaped-victim-and-suspects-identities.html.

[5]  These men do not seem to realize a major reason they cannot make a romantic connection may be they are so hate-filled.

[6]  YouTube, “Crime Weekly News:  Kim Devins Discusses Bianca’s Law”, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkFNO90mrXw.

[7]  Spectrum News 1, “Hochul signs ‘Bianca’s Law’, making illegal posting of graphic images of crime victims online” by Luke Parsnow, 12/30/22, https://spectrumlocalnews.com/nys/central-ny/politics/2022/12/30/hochul-signs–bianca-s-law—making-illegal-posting-graphic-images-online.

Part 2 in this series will be posted next week.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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February 2, 2025 · 1:00 am

Dreadful Sins

Portrait of Gisèle Pelicot by Ann-Sophie Qvarnström as an illustration for Wikipedia (CC BY-SA 4.O International)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

“Madam, we the women of East London feel horror at the dreadful sins that have been lately committed in our midst.”

–Petition to Queen Victoria by 4000 impoverished women of Whitechapel

In fear for their lives, the women of London’s Whitechapel petitioned Queen Victoria for relief when Jack the Ripper was at large [1][2].  The Ripper is known to have murdered 5 women, but the exact number of his victims is uncertain [3].  These women were all characterized as prostitutes, though they may simply have been destitute women.

Serial Killings

Despite his infamy, Jack the Ripper was not the first serial killer of women.  Nor will he be the last.  The savagery of such attacks will not be addressed here. 

There are, however, men who have no compassion for women — whether they ever become serial killers or not.  They do not recognize women as human beings, and feel entitled to use and degrade them.  A few celebrity predators come to mind, though fame is not a prerequisite.

Sex Trafficking

Worldwide, of course, there are sex traffickers who exploit women by force, fraud, and coercion for their own financial gain.  Drugs are commonly employed to secure control over women in the sex trade. 

Rape by Proxy

Dominique Pelicot, aged 71, went a step further.  Pelicot was recently convicted in France of repeatedly drugging Gisele (his wife of 50 years), then recruiting 50 different men to rape her over a 10 year period [4A].  The men (who, themselves, ranged in age from 26 to 68) were likewise convicted, though some claim they believed they were taking part in an erotic game [5].

Pelicot took thousands of videos of these men abusing his unconscious wife.  Though she was asleep during the assaults, Gisele Pelicot suffered large gaps in memory, hair and weight loss, as side effects of the drugs her husband was surreptitiously administering to her [4B].  She feared she was developing Alzheimer’s Disease or a brain tumor. Continue reading →

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