Category Archives: Physical Abuse

July 7, 2013 · 1:00 am

In the Aftermath of Abuse, Part 2 – Guilt and Shame

Sexually abused child (1910), Author Dr. P. Langenscheidt, Source “Der Sexualverbrecher” [“The Sexual Criminal”], (PD, published before 1/1/23)

“ ‘If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in Me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea’ ” (Matt. 18: 6).

It is easier for children to believe they “deserve” the evil done to them, than to take in the fact an adult who should care for them actually has little or no regard for their well-being.

The Statute of Limitations and other obstacles can make it difficult to hold child abusers and molesters accountable legally.  Even with a conviction, however, the feeling of “sinfulness” may rebound from an abuser to his victims.

This in no way implies that they were at fault. Victims, however, relive the trauma of having been treated as worthless. They are often left with a vague sense of unworthiness that can permeate their lives, and undermine subsequent relationships.

Though this feeling of their own “sinfulness” can be overwhelming to abuse victims, the conclusions they draw from it are not accurate.  Victims did not warrant or invite the abuse.  They remain deserving of love.

The feeling of “sinfulness” is just one of the scars left in the wake of abuse.  Other symptoms can include anxiety, depression, alcohol or drug addiction, eating disorders, and sexual dysfunction.  These behaviors either stem from the pain or are attempts to numb it.  All of them “punish” the victim, who was never at fault in the first place!

The symptoms of abuse may, themselves, become a cause of shame to victims.  Self-destructive behaviors shift the focus away from the abuse, while silently declaring it to the world.  Imperfect as coping mechanisms, these behaviors can have dire consequences but are, in effect, a cry for help.

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June 30, 2013 · 3:27 pm

In the Aftermath of Abuse, Part 1 – Victims and Predators

” ‘Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father…’ ” (Matt. 18: 10).

Each year, some six million children in the United States are sexually or physically abused.

This 6-part series will explore the emotional and spiritual ramifications of abuse, with a view toward assisting the survivors of abuse and those who care for them in dealing with its long-term effects.

Those of us who have decades of experience with abuse and its aftermath are all too familiar with these details.  But for each new generation of victims, these truths must be restated.

It must be said at the outset that children are NEVER responsible for the abuse inflicted upon them. The idea of a “bad” or “seductive” child is a lie perpetrated by child molesters, a rationale to excuse their heinous actions.

Predators are often manipulative, convincing child victims that they brought on the violation; consented to the violation; will not be believed, if the violation is reported; will be sent away from home, if the violation is reported; will place their parents (or pets) in danger, if the violation is reported, etc.  Some of these same arguments are made to women by the husbands and boyfriends who perpetrate violence against them.

As a consequence, victims often experience a misplaced sense of guilt and shame.  This will be further discussed in our next segment.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT:  http://www.alawyersprayers.com

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June 26, 2013 · 6:48 am

The Least of These

Earlier this month, Texas pageant mom, Tori Hensley, acknowledged giving her toddler daily caffeine to boost the child’s energy.

Last week, an Ohio day care worker was charged with drugging the youngsters entrusted to her. Tammy Eppley is said to have sprinkled Benadryl and melatonin into the children’s food with the goal of getting them to sleep all day. Eppley had bragged of her success to friends.  She now contends she was merely joking.

Hopefully, these situations have not yet resulted in permanent injury to the youngsters involved.  They do, however, illustrate the vulnerability of children .

We will be held to account both for what we inflict on these little ones, and for what we deny them that is necessary for their proper growth and development.

“…’Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me‘ ” (Matt. 25: 40).

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT:  http://www.alawyersprayers.com

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April 21, 2013 · 7:07 pm

Even Solomon

New Jersey police recently found two children, aged 5 and 10, living in an unheated storage unit. The situation came to light when the boys’ mother was arrested for allegedly slashing her boyfriend’s tires.

How are those of us concerned with the welfare of children to respond?  If these children are placed into the foster system, we cannot be sure of the quality of care they will receive.  Clearly, their mother would benefit from counseling – not to mention employment training.  And what of their father?  Does he bear no responsibility?

Social workers wrestle with such imponderables daily.  Solomon would be at a loss to supply an answer. All the rest of can do is support programs that benefit abused and neglected children, in the hope one life may be salvaged at a time.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT:  http://www.alawyersprayers.com

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September 21, 2012 · 7:03 pm

Boundary Violation

No matter how far we may have come in our recovery, as abuse victims we retain scars.  Many of us, for instance, are vulnerable to boundary violation.

Since our boundaries were not respected, the ability to defend ourselves (especially against someone who “should” be trustworthy) may be diminished.  When that line is crossed – even in adulthood, even in a non-sexual context – we are often flooded with shame for having “failed” to protect ourselves…as if the fault were ours.

It is worth reminding ourselves that we live in the shell crater, the aftermath.  The scars we retain are evidence of that – not evidence of our supposed defects.

But we need not let that reality defeat us.  We have value and purpose.  And lives yet to live to the fullest.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT:  http://www.alawyersprayers.com

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September 12, 2012 · 6:49 pm

Abuse and Murder

Last October, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court affirmed a stay of execution for death row inmate Terry Williams, the childhood victim of severe physical and sexual abuse, acknowledged to have killed two of his abusers as a teen.

The Williams case raises questions about the death penalty, because of prosecutorial misconduct. It, also, illustrates the complexity of issues facing jurors in cases of abuse.

No one has argued for Williams’ release, merely that he be shown the mercy his abusers failed to exercise toward him.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT:  http://www.alawyersprayers.com

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March 9, 2012 · 1:00 am

Feral

Outside Houston, two children – a 5 year old boy and 11 year old girl – have been found living in an abandoned school bus.  The bus is fitted with running water, heat, electricity, and plumbing. It sits on property covered in garbage.

The children were left in the care of an aunt more than a year ago, when their parents were convicted of fraud. It is unclear whether this aunt shared the bus, or merely stopped by with food. The children seem never to have been schooled, and have no shoes.

Psychologists call a child isolated from human contact from a young age a feral or wild child. Such children are deprived of loving care and exposure to ordinary social behavior.  Many experience severe abuse before being discarded.

The terms “feral” and “wild” are an insult to animals everywhere. Only humans would do this to their children.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT:  http://www.alawyersprayers.com

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February 16, 2012 · 1:00 am

Crimes Against Children

There are multiple stories of child abuse in the news, almost too painful to address.

Three children testified their grandfather denied them food and water, choked, and kicked them during a 19-mile hike in the Grand Canyon with temperatures over 100 degrees.

A two year old Wisconsin boy died after being thrown to the ground by his adult sitter. Another Wisconsin couple starved their daughter, allowing her to be molested from the age of ten by her brother. Child protective services were several times alerted, for all the good that did.

Here in Pennsylvania, Msgr. William Lynn is being charged with clerical abuse for his failure to turn multiple pedophile priests over to police.

We cannot alter these crimes, but we can bear witness to them and seek whatever redress is still possible. Our children deserve no less.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT:  http://www.alawyersprayers.com

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