Tag Archives: self-care

Surviving Child Abuse, Part 2 – Coping Strategies

File:Arizona Wildflowers (47287023152).jpg

Wildflowers, Peridot Mesa, AZ, Source Arizona Wildflowers, Author Alan Stark of Goodyear, AZ (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

Denying or shutting down feelings — emotions, pains, etc. — usually blocks people’s energy or blinds them to important warnings [1].”

The instinctive coping mechanisms for child abuse are repression, denial, and dissociation [2].  These survival mechanisms protect us against the painful truth of the abuse, but tend to maintain the abuse secret.   They are, in the long run, maladaptive.

Therapy, Loving Friends, Self-Care, and Stress Reduction

While there is no single approach proven to be universally successful, there are helpful coping strategies for dealing with the long-term effects of childhood abuse [3A][4A].

These include cognitive behavioral therapy; the support of loving friends and family members; a healthy daily routine of self-care; and stress reduction activities like mindfulness, exercise, and prayer [3B][4B][5][6A].

Supportive and trusting relationships allow us to explore and express our feelings in a safe setting.

Medication can, at times, be useful, as well.

Creativity (Self-Expression)

Creativity is another outlet for expressing our feelings .  We may blog or keep a journal, snap photos, take up amateur dramatics, draw, paint, sculpt, learn to throw pottery or arrange flowers [7][8].  It makes no difference.

Nor does it make a difference whether our efforts meet some ideal standard or not.  The act of self-expression can help us expel the poison and reclaim our joy.

Music

Music touches the soul in ways that words alone cannot [9].  We can experience the positive effect music has whether we compose, play an instrument, dance, sing, or simply listen to music.

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Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Compassion and Contempt

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Image by U3190523 (CC BY-SA International)

Those of us who somehow managed to survive childhood abuse and/or domestic violence may actually have contempt for our fellow survivors.

Why is this?  Certainly, compassion would seem more natural.  After all, we know the pain of those who shared the same experience.

The answer is surprisingly simple.  We project onto others the contempt we feel for ourselves.

Weakness

They were weak, at least we think they were.  We do not want to be associated with weakness.  That might imply we were once weak, too.

It would dredge up the fear and vulnerability — the trauma — of childhood abuse or domestic violence.  It might imply that we were powerless in the face of abuse or domestic violence.  That knowledge is too distressing for us.  Better to hold others in contempt.

That we still have such intense feelings suggests we have not fully come to terms with our experience. Continue reading

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Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse