Tag Archives: scars of abuse

March 29, 2026 · 1:00 am

Sins Against Self, Part 2

“Jesus of the Stripped Loyalty with Green Tunic” (10th Station of the Cross), Source/Author Aendomekio3 (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

We continue our examination of sins against the self to which abuse victims are prone [1].

Self-Pity/Self-Hatred/Self-Harm

We hate ourselves not only for the sins against us, but for the sins we have committed, and the mistakes we have made – sometimes wallowing in self-pity, sometimes consumed with self-contempt [2][3].  This manifests as a harshly self-critical inner dialog or continuous stream of negative thoughts.  We may even contemplate self-harm [4].

Self-Reliance

In fleeing from a God we hold responsible for our abuse or believe abandoned us, we may choose extreme self-reliance [5].  This is a brittle defense which fails to take into account the fact that all we are, and all we have, is from God.  Endurance, itself, is a form of His grace.

Suffering as a Gift

Whether we realize it or not, we are engaged in a lifelong spiritual battle.  Not because we were once victimized, but because Satan wants all of us (abuse victims or not) to feel victimized for the rest of our lives.  He wants us focused inward on ourselves and our wounds, rather than outward toward God and others.

That is not, however, God’s plan for us.  Which is why He sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for us – for our sins, the whole long list.  And to offer us instead an abundant life. Continue reading →

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March 22, 2026 · 8:48 am

Sins Against Self, Part 1

Medieval flagellants as pictured in Nuremberg Chronicle by Hartmann Schedel (1440-1514) (PD)

As abuse victims, we are, for the most part, more sinned against than sinning.  Abuse leaves a devastating scar across our lives.  About that there is no doubt.

That does not, however, mean we do not sin, ourselves.  Many of our own sins are against the self, a direct result of the abuse we suffered [1][2].  And God loves us so much He wants better for us than that.

Low Self-Esteem

Believing ourselves worthless, we treat ourselves that way.  We view any kindness toward ourselves as undeserved, and turn aside those who would love us (sometimes causing unintended pain to others, in the process).

Disordered Sexuality

In a desperate effort to find the love we were denied, we seek it in all the wrong places.  Far too often, we are drawn to partners who re-enact the abuse so familiar to us.  Or we settle for less than we deserve, giving ourselves away to any comers, rather than respecting our own bodies. 

A few of us take the other direction, and forego the sexuality with which God endowed us or reject the gender God assigned us.  That is no wiser, though it may temporarily feel safer.

We may assume this does not grieve God, but it does [3].  He suffers with us, and weeps for us. Continue reading →

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May 18, 2025 · 1:00 am

Healing from Abuse

Flowers growing from cement, Author Frederick Depuydt (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

Healing from child abuse is possible.  But healing is a process [1].  In this regard, healing from domestic abuse is not very different. 

Necessary elements include recognizing the full impact of the trauma we experienced; processing the emotions the trauma generated; developing healthy coping mechanisms; and rebuilding a sense of safety and self-worth. 

Both healing from child abuse and healing from domestic abuse require courage and patience with ourselves.

The Impact of Trauma

The impact of childhood trauma is multi-faceted.  It can range from rage, self-hatred, anxiety, depression, and PTSD (nightmares, flashbacks, emotional detachment, etc.) to sexual addiction, sexual dysfunction, chronic physical ailments (migraines, backaches, etc.), drug or alcohol addiction, and eating disorders [2].  

Similarly, domestic violence can result in anxiety, depression, PTSD, and a host of physical ailments from gastrointestinal and cardiovascular issues to traumatic brain injury [3][4].

It bears mention that child abuse and domestic abuse can both result in death, either at the hand of the abuser or by way of suicide years later.

Professional counseling can be of great assistance to survivors in dealing with trauma, re-establishing necessary boundaries, and developing healthy coping skills [5].

Rebuilding Self-Worth

At the deepest level, victims must reclaim a sense of self-worth.  This is an enormous challenge.  Child victims of abuse are taught from the outset they are dung.  Adult victims (having survived turbulent childhoods) are gradually deprived of their power and self-respect by abusive partners. Continue reading →

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March 30, 2025 · 1:00 am

Light from Darkness, Part 1

Margeaux Gray, Image courtesy of The Pixel Project

Margeaux Gray is a survivor of childhood sex trafficking, having been sold into slavery at the age of 5 [1][2][3].  She is, also, an artist who uses her talent both to convey the trauma of abuse and to honor the individual, no matter how broken. 

Ms. Gray advocates against all forms of abuse.  She mentors at-risk youth, speaks publicly about abuse, and confers with physicians and organizations about improving health care and social services for victims.   

Below are excerpts of an interview with Ms. Gray and images of her work:

“Human trafficking…thrives on the ignorance of family and the community.  I was sexually exploited and sold into sexual slavery by a man who had my trust and the trust of my family…I was not kidnapped or locked away in a basement.  My mom, sister, and aunt did not think twice about the two of us going out and doing things together.”

“Untitled” by Margeaux Gray at age 13, Image courtesy of AMA Journal of Ethics

“At around fourteen years old, I disclosed to a healthcare worker that I was being sexually abused.  This was before human trafficking was a definition.  It was reported to police.  After that the trafficking lessened, but continued.  I had an emotional attachment to the man who trafficked me. This is…referred to as traumatic bonding…It took four years for me to gain a greater understanding of the what had been and was continuing to be done to me.”

“A victim of slavery is a trauma victim and every survivor deals with trauma in different ways…Many victims…suffer with alcohol and drug addiction, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression, and sexually transmitted diseases to name a few.”

“Universal Light, Nurture and Nursing” by Margeaux Gray, Image courtesy of AMA Journal of Ethics

“Art…was a strategic way for me to cope and find some freedom when I had little. Through my healing it has allowed me a way to process my emotions resulting from being trafficked. Today I use it as an extension of my voice.  I have specifically used visual art to educate, inspire, and empower others.”

Not all abuse victims are talented artists.  But the arts — writing, drawing, painting, music, theater — are a way to reveal the pain we have endured while reaching toward something better, something more. 

We need not become professionals to do this.  We need not even share the results of our efforts with others, if that feels too intimidating.  We need only allow the soul to express itself.

Even concentration camp victims have done this [4].  Because light is stronger than darkness.  And love is stronger than hate.

—

[1]  The Pixel Project, “Inspirational Interview:  Margeaux Gray – Part I”, 10/26/14,  https://www.thepixelproject.net/2014/10/26/inspirational-interview-margeaux-gray-part-i/.

[2]  The Pixel Project, “Inspirational Interview:  Margeaux Gray – Part II”, 10/27/14, https://www.thepixelproject.net/2014/10/27/inspirational-interview-margeaux-gray-part-ii/.

[3]  AMA Journal of Ethics, “Out of Darkness, Light:  Drawing and Painting by Margeaux Gray” by Margeaux Gray and Mary Richards, 1/19/17, https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/out-darkness-light-drawing-and-painting-margeaux-gray/2017-01.

[4]  Yad Vashem Collection, “Art from the Holocaust”, January 2016, https://www.yadvashem.org/yv/en/exhibitions/art/index.asp.

This series will conclude next week.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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November 25, 2018 · 1:00 am

Unbiblical, Part 2 – Sin Nature v. Abuse-Related Guilt

Woman with a broken heart, Author Nevit Dilmen, Source Sunset 02459.jpg and Broken Heart symbol.svg (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

Christians speak regularly about the “sin nature” of mankind, the inclination by human beings to do wrong, as illustrated by wars and crime.

The following verses on the topic are typical:

“…[T]he imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth…” (Gen. 8:21).

“ ‘The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked…’” (Jer. 17:9).

“ ‘Then I will…take the stony heart out of their flesh, and give them a heart of flesh that they may walk in My statutes…’ ” (Ezek. 11: 19-20).

“ ‘For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies’ ” (Matt. 15: 19).

If anyone has experienced that sin nature, abuse victims have.  Victims, however, have been more sinned against than sinning.

Unfortunately, the continuous emphasis on sin is likely to sound like condemnation to victims, when what they need is love, encouragement, and hope.

Christians should remember that abuse leaves behind deep scars.  Victims of abuse may struggle with gender identification, sexual addiction or dysfunction, self-neglect, anxiety, depression, dissociation and related amnesia, drug or alcohol addiction, cutting, anorexia, bulimia, bingeing, and other issues.  The majority of prostitutes are thought to be runaways, with a history of abuse.

Dealing with major problems like these is not for the faint of heart.  Nor is it for the self-righteous.  Merely living ordinary lives can take enormous effort and enormous courage by abuse victims.  That victims, for the most part, accomplish this is amazing.

Victims should not be made a topic of gossip.  Nor should they be subjected to snap judgments, whether about their morality or mental state.

Above all, victims should be reassured that they were not the guilty party in abuse; that, as children, they were wholly incapable of consent to whatever was done to them; and that God still loves them, despite all they have been through.

Originally posted 3/15/15

This series will continue next week with Humility v. Lack of Worth

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

 

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March 15, 2015 · 1:00 am

Unbiblical, Part 2 – Sin Nature v. Abuse-Related Guilt

Christians speak regularly about the “sin nature” of mankind, the inclination by human beings to do wrong, as illustrated by wars and crime.

The following verses on the topic are typical:

“…[T]he imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth…” (Gen. 8:21).

“ ‘The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked…’” (Jer. 17:9).

“ ‘Then I will…take the stony heart out of their flesh, and give them a heart of flesh that they may walk in My statutes…’ ” (Ezek. 11: 19-20).

“ ‘For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies’ ” (Matt. 15: 19).

If anyone has experienced that sin nature, abuse victims have. Victims, however, have been more sinned against than sinning.

Unfortunately, the continuous emphasis on sin is likely to sound like condemnation to victims, when what they need is love, encouragement, and hope.

Christians should remember that abuse leaves behind deep scars. Victims of abuse may struggle with gender identification, sexual addiction or dysfunction, self-neglect, anxiety, depression, dissociation and related amnesia, drug or alcohol addiction, cutting, anorexia, bulimia, binging, and other issues. The majority of prostitutes are thought to be runaways, with a history of abuse.

Dealing with major problems like these is not for the faint of heart. Nor is it for the self-righteous. Merely living ordinary lives can take enormous effort and enormous courage by abuse victims. That victims, for the most part, accomplish this is amazing.

Victims should not be made a topic of gossip. Nor should they be subjected to snap judgments, whether about their morality or mental state.

Above all, victims should be reassured that they were not the guilty party in abuse; that, as children, they were wholly incapable of consent to whatever was done to them; and that God still loves them, despite all they have been through.

This series will continue next week with Humility v. Lack of Worth

 FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com

 

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June 22, 2014 · 1:00 am

Focus

Reports have been made of abuse by priests, abuse in residential boys’ schools, abuse in church-operated Magdalene laundries, abuse by pediatricians, abuse by police, abuse by politicians shielded by police, abuse by the committees formed to investigate abuse.  The list goes on and on.

Abuse is widespread, generational; the number of victims, staggering.

It is essential that light be shed on this perverted behavior.  It is not necessarily wise, however, that victims focus on the reports of abuse. The sheer numbers can be overwhelming.

We have enough reminders of our brush with evil. The scars of abuse may include perfectionism (and the reaction to it, workaholism), anxiety, depression, sexual difficulties, and weight issues. These pose challenges to many of us on a daily basis. Continue reading →

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