Category Archives: Violence Against Women

November 30, 2025 · 1:00 am

Grooming – The Manipulation of Children

“Garden of Deception” by Andrew Blucha  (2022), Courtesy of https://www.reddit.com/r/ImaginaryHorrors/comments/uyxcoo/the_garden_of_deception_andrew_blucha_2022/ 

Grooming refers to the deliberate process by which an abuser builds a relationship with a child for the purpose of manipulating, exploiting, and abusing that child [1A][2A].  It involves gaining the victim’s trust over time while desensitizing the child to abusive behaviors, so that the child is less likely to reject them and report the abuser to authorities. 

Significantly, grooming can take place both in person and online.  It can take place at home, at school, in clubs, on teams, in religious settings, and elsewhere [2B].  Online, it can involve social media (Instagram, Tik Tok, Snapchat, etc.) or gaming platforms (PlayStation Network, Xbox Live, Discord, etc.) [2C].

Dynamic

Grooming is the result of a power differential within the relationship, which the abuser uses for his/her own gratification [1B].  Authority can create such a differential, for instance, where the abuser is a teacher, coach, or physician.  But age, itself, can create a power differential. 

Most caring adults will be sensitive to the fact children are easily influenced.  Predators, by contrast, use this vulnerability to their advantage, coupling it with appropriately tailored lies.  “This is how all Daddies teach their little girls about sex.”  “This will make Uncle Frank very happy.  You want to make him happy, don’t you?”  “This is what big boys do.”

Grooming Situations

Grooming is most commonly employed in cases of child sexual abuse.  Even adults, however, can be groomed [1C].  That may be the case where the abuser is a family “friend” (a charming predator with whom parents are led to believe their child will be safe), or where an adult victim comes under the sway of a narcissistic partner [3][4].

Children old enough to flee physical or sexual abuse at home will find it brutally hard to live on the streets.  Not surprisingly, they, too, are susceptible to grooming which is precisely why pimps and sex traffickers rely on the tactic.  A homeless young person offered “free” room and board will find it difficult to refuse sex in exchange. Continue reading →

23 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Prostitution, Religion, sex trafficking, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

November 16, 2025 · 1:00 am

Wounds

Colored stipple etching of a forearm with three open wounds, WOUNDS by J. Stewart after J. Bell (c. 1826), Wellcome Collection (Library Reference ICV No 9908), Source/Photographer https://wellcomeimages.org/indexplus/obf_images/b3/e5/19f609d2570b60390b8f1a0e2f55.jpg, (Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International)

When sex is viewed merely as another human appetite – powerful perhaps, but devoid of emotional content; when it is shared with any number of casual strangers, rather than with the beloved in a lifelong committed relationship as intended by God, then it is devalued and we with it. 

Instead, a profound wound is created, a wound that reaches to the soul.

We may deny the existence of this wound.  Certainly, our culture does.  But the wound is a reality, nonetheless, a gaping void no substitute can fill. 

We may try to fill that void by increasing the number of our sexual partners, a fruitless exercise.  We may try to fill it with food, alcohol, or drugs in an effort to numb the pain.  The effort, itself, can become a compulsion.  But the wound remains. 

For the victims of abuse, sexual or otherwise, the very same wound is created.  We know at the deepest level that we were seen as worthless by the parents or guardians who should have loved us.  The grief and shame are overwhelming, and can last a lifetime.

Christ is familiar with wounds.  He, too, bore them.  Not due to His own fault, but for our sakes.  And He can heal them.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

12 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

November 2, 2025 · 1:00 am

Tiger Widows

File:THE CLOSE-UP.jpg

Tiger hiding in Bandavgarh National Park, India, Author Amitban77 (Creative Commons Atribution 4.0 International)

“…The Sundarbans [is] a vast mangrove forest straddling the border of India and Bangladesh…

In the coastal villages of the Sundarbans, many women have lost their husbands to tiger attacks.  These men — fishermen, honey collectors, and woodcutters — venture into the forest’s treacherous depths to earn a living.  When they don’t return, their wives are left to face not only grief but also a cruel and unjust blame.  They are branded as Apia (inauspicious) or even “husband-eaters.”

Branded as Cursed:  A Life of Blame and Ostracism

Superstition dictates that when a man enters the forest, his wife must observe strict rituals and vows for his safety.  However, if her husband falls prey to a tiger, the community immediately presumes that the wife must have failed in her duties or is inherently unlucky.  The responsibility for his death is placed squarely on her shoulders.

This social condemnation is just the beginning.  The women, now known as tiger widows, face severe ostracism.

  • Villagers may stop interacting with them.
  • They are refused work in agricultural fields or community fishing.
  • They are barred from attending social and religious ceremonies.

Forced into isolation, these women must raise their children alone, often in a separate hut on the outskirts of the village.  Crippled by poverty, many are forced to pull their children from school and send them to cities to work as child laborers. Worse still, their vulnerability is often exploited, and if a tiger widow is sexually assaulted, the finger of blame is, yet again, pointed at her…”  [Continued at:  https://shobdoneerin.com/2025/09/04/sundarbans-tiger-widows-blamed-for-the-kill-shunned-by-society/comment-page-1/?unapproved=79&moderation-hash=3fc82dcecf5c5cbb795093646fb5cb61#comment-79 ]

This post is courtesy of Samiran Mandal who blogs at https://shobdoneerin.com.

The Franciscan Sisters have returned land to the Lac du Flambeau tribe in an effort to repair the painful Native American boarding school legacy.  This is the first time a Catholic institution has returned Wisconsin tribal land as an act of reparation.

See, https://waow.com/news/top-stories/a-historic-first-catholic-institution-returns-tribal-land-back-to-lac-du-flambeau-tribe/article_0f59e30d-b3cb-4381-becd-959559d2ef3a.html.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

9 Comments

Filed under Community, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Poverty, Rape, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , ,

October 19, 2025 · 1:00 am

Mercy, Justice, and the God of the Old Testament, Part 2

“Padre Eterno (The Eternal Father)” by Giovanni Bellini (1500-1505), Civic Museums of Pesaro, Italy, Source https://www.pesaromusei.it, (PD)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

The relationship abuse victims have with God is, as they say, complicated.  Since we see God through the filter of our own experience (a lens which can be distorted), victims both of childhood abuse and domestic violence tend to view Him as harsh and punitive [1]. 

Though God does not cause evil, we may well blame Him for our pain.  There are those who have rejected Him because of that. 

In considering the nature of God, however, we must not overlook the fact that He is forgiving.  That idea may seem at odds with the picture of God presented in the Old Testament.  But it is central to God’s character.

Forgiveness

Out of His great love, God created a world in which His children are given freedom to sin.  They are not, in other words, required to love Him.  The Old Testament tells the story of how Israel repeatedly abandoned God, repented, and was forgiven.  

“But You are God, Ready to pardon, Gracious and merciful, Slow to anger, Abundant in kindness, And did not forsake them” (Neh. 9: 17).

The Book of Hosea brings this down to a personal level.  The prophet is instructed by God to take a wife who is a harlot.  She betrays him with other men.  Yet he takes her back and treats her kindly.

Many, of course, point to the people God instructed the Israelites to kill.  These critics conclude God must be an angry and heartless god.  But God’s motives should be considered.  This is where His justice comes in.

A.  Egyptians

The ancient Egyptians worshiped a vast number of gods, i.e. demons (1 Cor. 10: 20), estimated to be over 2000 [8].  During the 400 years the Israelites were enslaved in Egypt, they served as witnesses to the Egyptians concerning the one true God.  God then gave the Egyptians 10 more chances (the biblical plagues) to turn away from idols.  They chose not to do that.

B.  Canaanites

The Canaanites (among them the Perizzites, the Hivites, the Jebusites, and the people of Ai) were involved in practices abominable to God, including child sacrifice and sexual immorality. 

  • Children were burned alive to the Canaanite god (demon) Molech to ensure their parents’ prosperity [2A].  Music was used to drown out the pitiful screams.
  • The Canaanite goddess (demon) Ashtoreth (known as Ishtar in Mesopotamia, and Astarte in Phoenicia) had male and female prostitutes who performed erotically, and engaged sexually with worshipers [2B]. 
  • Gender-bending was one of Ashtoreth’s characteristics [2C][3].  So parades in honor of the goddess (demon) not only featured temple prostitutes, but lesbians, homosexuals, and transvestites (sexual orientations and gender identity not in accord with God’s intention for humanity) [2D][4].  
  • The goddess (demon) Ashtoreth was, also, deeply involved with magic, the occult, and the casting of spells (practices abhorrent to God) [2E][5]. 
  • Mind altering substances like opium, cannabis, and the blue water lily are thought to have been used in worship [2F][6].

Idolatry is not harmless.  It corrupts the heart [7].

Canaanite children who were not sacrificed themselves would have been brought up in this depraved culture, and have followed in their parents’ footsteps.  Such indoctrination could, itself, be considered a form of child abuse.

The Canaanites were given ample time to repent, as an earlier Scriptural reference to the sin of the Amorites (another Canaanite group) not yet being “full” (Gen. 15: 16) implies. Like the Egyptians, they chose not to do that.

God wanted to prevent the Israelites from adopting similar idolatrous practices (Lev. 20: 1-8; Deut. 18: 9-11), and He wanted to protect their children (Lev. 18: 21). 

C.  Ninevites (Assyrians)

The Assyrians in Ninevah (notorious for violent and terroristic tactics like torture, dismemberment, and decapitation) repented after hearing the word of God from the prophet Jonah, and God stayed His hand of judgment [9].  God then explained to Jonah that His forgiveness was motivated by love even for these wicked people (Jonah 4: 10-11). Continue reading →

19 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

October 12, 2025 · 1:00 am

Mercy, Justice, and The God of the Old Testament, Part 1

“Moses Receiving the Tablets of the Ten Commandments” by Gebhard Fugel (c. 1900), Source https://freechristimages.com/bible-stories/ten-commandments.html, (PD)

While it may be surprising to find the Old Testament discussed on a blog about abuse, spirituality and abuse are closely entwined. 

Satan attempts to use the abuse we suffered as a weapon to destroy victims’ faith.  Many of us do lose our faith as a result, seeing God as harsh and cruel, if we continue to believe in Him at all.

Even those who were never victimized may have difficulty reconciling the God of the Old Testament with the God of the New Testament.  God, of course, has never changed.

Because of this confusion, it is worth examining God’s true nature.

Mercy and Justice

God described Himself to Moses in this way:

“And the Lord passed before him and proclaimed, ‘The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation'” (Ex. 34: 6-7).

God is, therefore, both merciful and just.  These two qualities are in tension with one another in human beings.  Not so with God.

  • The Hebrew word translated as “mercy” or “merciful” is associated with the love of a mother, with compassion from the very womb [1A]. 
  • Graciousness refers to undeserved favor or grace [1B].
  • Longsuffering refers to patience with our mistakes and sins [1C]. Indeed, God is not only willing to forgive our sins, but desires to take them upon Himself [1D].

The phrase “visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children” will have special resonance for abuse victims, since it conveys the idea of generational sin or abuse.   Children are not punished by God for the sins of their parents [2].  Patterns of sin often, however, continue from one generation to the next. Continue reading →

13 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , ,

August 31, 2025 · 1:00 am

Skin Suit

“Female Nude in a Landscape” by Hans Heyerdahl (1857 -1913), Location/Source National Museum of Art, Architecture and Design (Accession No. NG.M.03536), Oslo, Norway (PD)

WARNING: Graphic Images

This skin suit that surrounds me, more wrinkled now than any “lawyer suit” I ever owned, is no longer smooth, no longer supple.  It is marred by scars and stretch marks, like the tributaries of some ancient river; has been visited by varicosities, by callouses, hives, rashes, and eruptions too often to count.

But once this skin knew the joy of raindrops.  Once it knew the fever that passion evokes.

This skin suit that envelopes me has been bruised, pierced, incised, and sutured; has been burned by the sun to a poison apple red.

This skin has been stroked and patted, been tenderly groomed, oh so tenderly violated, again and again and again and again – each cell silently screaming in protest, recoiling in horror.

This skin suit of mine has served as a witness to all the best and worst aspects of my life, to the weakness and the strength, the failures and the triumphs; has lain prostrate with pain, overcome by grief, yet risen to see the glory of a new dawn, and lived to praise God for His deliverance.

“And after my skin is destroyed, this I know,
That in my flesh I shall see God…” (Job 19: 26).

Originally posted 3/5/17

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

24 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

August 24, 2025 · 1:00 am

Depravity II

File:Cooling Off - 7583784354.jpg

Source https://www.flickr.com, Image Author Bob Haarmans (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

Depravity has risen to a new high.

Psychologist Christopher Ryan, the author of Sex at Dawn proposes that human beings are sexual omnivores, designed and entitled to have sex with anyone, at any time, in any way, anywhere [1][2].  In fact, there are those who advocate sex with children and with animals [3][4].

There is no guilt, no shame associated with this.  Morality is an illusion.  There should be no artificial restrictions placed on human behavior.  

After all, human beings are just animals, themselves, only slightly more evolved than apes.  Unrealistic expectations that they exhibit loyalty, trustworthiness, and commitment are the real reason relationships fail.  According to Ryan, at any rate.  

Unfortunately, Ryan is not alone in his belief [5].  Well known celebrities and influencers are taking up the cause.  These individuals are being hailed for their courage in “changing the conversation” [6].

A Sordid Lie

That we are sexual omnivores is a sordid lie about human nature, a rationalization for sin. Continue reading →

10 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 17, 2025 · 1:00 am

Rom-Coms

“In Rapture” by Franciszek Zmurko (c. 1900), National Museum in Warsaw (Accession No. MP 3946), Source/Author cyfrowe.mnw.art.pl/pl/zbiory/453259, (PD)

“Rose Castorini:  Listen, Johnny.  There’s a question I want to ask.  I want you to tell me the truth, if you can.  Why do men chase women?

Johnny Cammareri:  Well, there’s the Bible story.  God.  God took a rib from Adam and made Eve.  Now, maybe men chase women because they want the rib back.  When God took the rib, He left a big hole there, a place where there used to be something.  And the women have that.  Now maybe, just maybe, a man isn’t complete as a man without a woman.”

—Moonstruck

Many of us enjoy romantic comedies or rom-coms as they are called.  Moonstruck happens to be a favorite of mine.  Boy meets girl.  Boy loses girl.  Boy gets girl.  And they both live happily ever after.

Trite as many rom-com plots are, they contain a kernel of truth about the importance and the power of love.  At some level we all recognize that.  It is the reason we find the boy’s pursuit of the girl engaging.

Sadly, as survivors of childhood abuse, we may settle for unresponsive partners or avoid relationships entirely.  We may not, therefore, have known the sweetness of courtship.  Or perhaps courtship was followed by the horrors of domestic violence. 

How much more meaningful then is God’s pursuit of us?  That pursuit began in the Garden, when sin first separated man from God.

“Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, ‘Where are you?’” (Gen. 3: 9).

Continue reading →

7 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 3, 2025 · 1:00 am

Nudify Apps and the Road to Destruction

Actress/Director Scarlett Johansson, Source https://www.flickr.com/photos/15512543@N04/2185543324/, Author John Harrison at https://www.flickr.com/photos/15512543@N04/, Permission Creative Commons Attribution Sharealike (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

A new word has entered our vocabulary.  To “nudify” is to use Artificial Intelligence (AI) to create deepfake images which appear to show the individuals depicted as naked [1]. Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson have been among those famously victimized.

Thousands of nudify apps exist to accomplish this, and have rapidly gained popularity [2][3].  Many work only on images of women.  And, as might be expected, many use social media for marketing purposes.

Thus far, victims have typically been school girls who posted innocent photos of themselves online [4].  However, anyone of any age can use these apps to convert harmless online images into what appear to be embarrassing photos and videos of children, teens, teachers, parents, police officers, pastors, or others in the nude. 

Once the nude images have been created, they can circulate on all the digital platforms commonly used for messaging today. 

Impact

Such images are often used as revenge porn with a deliberate intent of humiliating and degrading the individual pictured.  Whatever the intent, the impact on victims is overwhelmingly negative.  Not only embarrassment, but anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation can result. Continue reading →

22 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, Cyber Harassment, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Law, Religion, sex trafficking, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

July 27, 2025 · 1:00 am

Invisible Wounds – Emotional Abuse

Mimi & Eunice Cartoon:  “Posture”, Source https://mimiandeunice.com/2011/10/20/posture/, Author Nina Paley, (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

“Ugh.  I hate the sight of your ugly face.”

“I wish I’d never had you.  I should have gotten an abortion.”

“You’re useless.  You’ll never amount to anything.”

“How can you be so stupid?  No wonder you have no friends.”

“Now, look what you made me do.  It’s all your fault.”

“No one could love you.  No one ever will.”

Emotional abuse leaves no visible scars.  But the wounds go deep.  We may as well have scalding water dumped over us.

Emotional abuse is often mischaracterized as a less damaging form of child abuse.  To the contrary, the American Academy of Pediatrics calls it, “the most challenging and prevalent form of child abuse and neglect” [1A]. 

Such abuse can carry over into adult relationships [2].  We settle for what we think we deserve.  There is, therefore, a clear link to domestic abuse [3].

Emotional abuse of children may be accompanied by physical neglect, physical abuse, or sexual abuse. 

However, there is credible evidence that the victims of emotional abuse and emotional neglect exhibit equal or worse immediate and long-term effects than the survivors of other forms of maltreatment and violence [1B].

Types of Emotional Abuse

A. Cruelty

Emotional abuse can involve name calling; constant criticism; negative remarks about a child’s (or later an adult partner’s) appearance, intellect, abilities, hopes, and dreams; cruel jokes at a child’s (or later an adult partner’s) expense; deliberate humiliation; and threats of violence or abandonment [4A]. 

A parent may permanently damage a child’s self-esteem simply by withholding all kind and encouraging remarks [4B].

B. Manipulation

There are other varieties of emotional abuse, no less harmful to a child.  These can range from manipulating or scapegoating a child; failing to promote a child’s social development by forbidding friends, and forcing isolation on a child; to making a child the parent’s emotional partner (covert incest); or exposing a child to traumatic events like domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse [4C].

C. Excessive Control

Children can be damaged if they are pushed too hard, in order to fulfill a parent’s own ambitions, or controlled so closely that they have no lives of their own [4D].

D. Emotional Neglect

At the other extreme, children can be emotionally harmed, if they are regularly ignored [4E]. 

Failure by a parent to interact at all with a child is known as emotional neglect.  This can occur if, for instance, a parent suffers from serious mental illness.  It can be devastating for the child, even if he or she is otherwise fed and clothed.

E. Domestic Abuse

In the context of domestic violence, emotional abuse is often accompanied by extreme jealousy; isolation; enforced dependence; and coercive control by the abusive partner over money, travel, and communication with family and friends [5A]. Continue reading →

23 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , ,