Category Archives: Religion

April 6, 2014 · 1:00 am

Shared Suffering

Abuse victims often withdraw into themselves:

• For some, this reflects an understandable mistrust of the world, a common result of abuse. Withdrawal, in this connection, is intended as a self-protective strategy, though at great emotional cost.

• Others may withdraw from close contact, in an effort to keep the abuse secret.

• Many of us view ourselves as damaged in a fundamental way by the abuse. Not just injured, but mutilated.  Defective.  This is not a true assessment of our value, but does express the pain we feel.

Self-protection, secrecy, shame.  We deserve better.

Surprisingly, our suffering may become a means of alleviating the suffering of others. As former abuse victims, we can understand and empathize with fellow victims. Shared experiences may actually help us to heal.

But this is not a hard and fast rule. Wrestling with our own grief, we may find interaction with other victims too painful.

God can still use us in any number of ways unrelated to the molestation. Even in isolation, His love surrounds us. Even in isolation, we can pray for the world.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com

2 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Tagged as , , , , , ,

March 30, 2014 · 1:00 am

Overcoming the World, Part 3 – Pedophilia Redefined

A change in the latest edition of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) heralds a trend towards destigmatizing (and ultimately legalizing) pedophilia.

Those who are sexually attracted to children but have not yet acted on their desires are no longer classified as having a psychiatric condition [1].  Only if such persons prove harmful or dangerous will they be diagnosed as having “pedophilia syndrome”.

This raises the possibility that molested children will soon have the legal burden of proving they suffered any harm from the abuse. In fact, it foreshadows a time, not so far in the future, when child molesters will not be prosecutable at all. The stomach roils in disgust.

Vernon Quinsey (professor emeritus in psychology at Queen’s University, Ontario) and Hubert Van Gijseghem (psychologist and retired professor from the University of Montreal) are two of the “experts” who have advised legislators that pedophilia is a sexual orientation, comparable to heterosexuality and homosexuality [2].

Russia has considered outlawing this reclassification, in an attempt to sidestep the controversy [3]. Iran has meanwhile legalized pedophilia [4]. A new law there permits stepfathers to marry their adopted daughters as young as age 13.

Tragically, this is not the full extent of the evil now taking hold in the world.

Daniel Cohn-Bendit, Co-President of the Greens/European Free Alliance in the European Parliament, is promoting pedophilia as a part of his political agenda. Continue reading →

14 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Law, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Tagged as , , , , , ,

March 23, 2014 · 1:00 am

Overcoming the World, Part 2 – Polygamy as Abuse

The line between right and wrong is rapidly being blurred. Make no mistake.

The Urban Dictionary already defines polygamy favorably:

“A serious trusting relationship with multiple partners…The reason the government rejects polygamy as a way of living now is because…[t]hey are still forcing religious views and beliefs upon all the citizens, to try and keep everyone stupid, unable to think for themselves and unable to act on their own…”

By the time this is posted, TLC will be hosting two so called “reality” series painting a rosy picture of polygamy: “Sister Wives” and “My Five Wives”. The first of these families has four wives and seventeen children; the second has five wives and twenty-four children.

The commercials for these programs suggest there is nothing out of the ordinary about polygamy, and nothing harmful to children.  No mention is made of the frequent expulsion of teenage boys from polygamous sects [1] or the inherent inequity toward women.

Polygamy (primarily expressed as one man with multiple wives) necessarily creates an imbalance in the number of marriageable males versus females.

To decrease the competition between teenage boys and older men for wives, it is not uncommon for such boys to be abandoned: unsupported, uneducated, unskilled, and emotionally traumatized.  Diversity Foundation and New Frontiers for Families are two of the non-profits dealing with these discarded teens. Continue reading →

3 Comments

Filed under Abuse of Power, Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

March 16, 2014 · 1:00 am

Overcoming the World, Part 1 – Fame and Systemic Abuse

What a world it has become.  Headlines scream off the page at us:

Parents Arrested After Allegedly Forcing Girl, 5, to OD on Soda [1].

Doctor convicted of endangering stepdaughter in “waterboarding” Trial[2].

Couple Arrested for Enslaving Teen Girl[3].

FAME

Certainly, fame and affluence do not assure the safety of children.  Melvin Morse – the doctor mentioned above – had appeared on “Oprah” and “Good Morning America”. Fame may, in fact, foster a sense of entitlement on the part of some predators. They come to believe the prohibition against abuse is for lesser mortals.

And fame seems to provide an exemption of sorts from basic standards of morality.

Woody Allen’s adopted daughter, Dylan Farrow, continues to maintain that the filmmaker sexually assaulted her, some two decades ago [4]. Allen was never prosecuted [5A] [5B].

Woody Allen, you may remember, was, also, involved sexually with Soon-Yi Previn, 35 years his junior. Soon-Yi (whom Allen later married) was another adopted daughter of Mia Farrow, a woman with whom Allen had a longterm relationship. Allen has been quoted as saying, “What was the scandal?…There was no scandal…” [6].

Overseas, BBC star Jimmy Savile was repeatedly investigated, but never prosecuted either. Only after his death was it revealed that Savile had abused a staggering 400 children or more, often while they were hospital patients [7].  The possibility of a wider British pedophile ring with influential members protected from prosecution is still being explored.

The California trial of ex-football player Darren Sharper for rape should be instructive. Sharper is under investigation for a total of seven rapes in four states [8]. Assuming the allegations against him to be true, Sharper felt no compunction about drugging women in order to have sex with them.

SYSTEMIC ABUSE

Systemic abuse may be even more appalling. The public is by now familiar with the Catholic Church sex scandal. In “Secrets of the Vatican,” the investigative program, Frontline, recently exposed the culture of corruption which allowed sexual perversion to flourish [9]. But the Catholic Church is not alone in this.

Continue reading →

7 Comments

Filed under Abuse of Power, Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

March 9, 2014 · 1:00 am

In Esther’s Shoes

“ ‘For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise… from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?’ ” (Esther 4: 14).

The historic events on which this passage from Scripture is based exemplify courage for me. The verses have been an inspiration, over the years, helping me to overcome real and imagined shortcomings.

Esther, you may remember, was a young Jewish woman selected to marry Persian King Xerxes. When an order for the destruction of the Jews came down, Esther was urged by her cousin Mordecai to ask the king that it be rescinded. Though fearing for her life, Esther did speak out. Her intervention saved the Jewish people [1].

As child abuse victims we were powerless. Even as adults, we cannot help but recall the traumatic experiences we were forced to endure.  That fear is, in some sense, still with us.

Rather than a mark of shame, however, the scar is a mark of courage. At our most vulnerable, we somehow survived. That is an enormous achievement.

We stand today in Esther’s shoes.  We have the right to speak out; the right to tell our story, even shout it from the rooftops, if we like.  Secrecy be damned.

We have the right to take back our lives.
—
[1] Purim, the holiday celebrating Esther’s courage and the triumph of her people, falls on March 14 this year.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com

3 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Tagged as , , ,

March 2, 2014 · 1:00 am

Fate of the Predator

“Well, I was there and I saw what you did.
I saw it with my own two eyes.
So you can wipe off the grin. I know where you’ve been.
It’s all been a pack of lies…
Well, I remember. I remember, don’t worry.
How could I ever forget?…
The hurt doesn’t show; but the pain still grows.
It’s no stranger to you or me.”

– In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins

Justice demands that predators – those who harm children for their own pleasure – be punished for their crimes, and prevented from harming additional victims.  But the justice system necessarily has limitations.

Proof can be difficult to come by.  A child may not survive the abuse or may not be able to speak of a violation for years.  Parents may choose that their child not undergo the rigors of a trial.  Predators may be institutionally shielded (as by the Roman Catholic Church), may relocate, assume a new identity, or even pass away, in the intervening years.  Supportive evidence can be lost.

This does NOT warrant vigilantism.  Whatever the temptation, we cannot ally with evil. The end does not justify the means.

What then is the fate of pedophiles? Recidivism is a grave concern.  There are predators whose conscience is seared to such an extent that it no longer functions.  One study, however, found that suicide among non-violent child sex offenders is 183 times more common than in the general public [1].  There are, of course, victims who commit suicide, as well.

In the end, our fate is not dependent on the fate of the predator.  That bears repeating.  Justice matters.  But our fate is not dependent on the fate of the predator.

Whatever the outcome in a particular case, we can trust that there will be perfect justice in the next world, if not in this. “He is the Rock, His work is perfect; for all His ways are justice…” (Deut. 32: 4).
—
[1]  National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI), US National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health, “Differential suicide rates in typologies of child sex offenders in a 6-year consecutive cohort of male suicides” by C. Pritchard and E. King, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16040578.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

2 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Justice, Law, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Tagged as , , ,

February 23, 2014 · 1:00 am

Not Just Victims

Stamp collecting: magnifying glass shows image of Deutsche Post 1 Reichsmark (postage stamp issued 5/12/46), Author Heptagon (CC BY-SA 4.0 International, 3.0 Unported, 2.5 Generic, 2.0 Generic, 1.0 Generic)

“And if they stare
Just let them burn their eyes
On you moving.
And if they shout
Don’t let it change a thing
That you’re doing.

Hold your head up,
Hold your head up,
Hold your head up,
Hold your head high.”

–        “Hold Your Head Up”, C. White, R. Argent © Marquise Songs

A rock song from the ’70s by Argent has special relevance for abuse survivors.  Called “Hold Your Head Up” it is a reminder that we are more than just victims.

But abuse victims, by whatever name, are not known for valuing themselves highly.  To the contrary, we can barely raise our heads, let alone form a realistic view of ourselves.

The abuse to which we were subjected created a web of lies – that we were worthless, that we were undeserving of love or care.  Trapped in that web, we were denied hope, as the scars (our response to the pain) hardened around us.

Not everything we do, however, will stem from or relate to abuse.  If we focus on that aspect of our experience to the exclusion of all others, we will only enlarge the tragedy, allowing it to engulf our lives [1].

We have relationships, vocations, and beliefs:

  • We are sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews. We are friends, lovers, and spouses. We are students, teachers, and mentors.
  • We are social workers, lab technicians, and police officers. We are doctors, lawyers, dentists, and accountants.
  • We are Democrats, Republicans, and Independents.

We have habits, preferences, interests, skills, and abilities. Some of us are neat-freaks; others do not pick up their socks. Some are dog lovers; others are “cat people”. Some of us are musical; others cannot carry a tune. A few probably play the banjo. Continue reading →

1 Comment

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Tagged as , , , , ,

February 16, 2014 · 1:00 am

Grace

“Do not be discouraged. You…[may] not have the power to relieve yourself of sorrow or grief or pain. But Our Lord did [have that power] on the Cross. He could have turned the crown of thorns into a garland of rosebuds…He was tempted to shorten His agony, as those at the foot of the Cross taunted [Him]…But He did not come down. It is human to come down, but it is divine to hang there.”

Our Grounds for Hope, Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

Jesus suffered and died to restore the relationship between God and man for us, a relationship sin in its many forms had fractured [1].  His sacrifice bought our freedom from sin. We can throw those shackles down.

But believing ourselves included in Jesus’ work on the cross can be a special challenge for the victims of abuse.  Often, we mistakenly take on the abuser’s guilt – feeling “unworthy” of Salvation, as if we had somehow brought on the molestation or “deserved” the abuse.

Many of us are prone to workaholism.  We strive past the point of exhaustion, in the belief our best efforts would not suffice.  It never occurs to us that Salvation might not be dependent on our efforts, but rather Christ’s.

“For if by the one man’s offense death reigned…much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ” (Romans 5: 17).

There is no qualification standard for Salvation in Christ.  He meets us where we are, even if we are broken and lost.  It was for the broken and lost He came.

—
[1] This is not, in any way, to suggest that the victims of child abuse sinned by the abuse.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com

Leave a comment

Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Tagged as , , , ,

February 2, 2014 · 1:00 am

Hydra

Guilt — true guilt — is the emotional and spiritual weight we bear as a result of the sins or infractions we, ourselves, commit [1]. The false “guilt” which plagues abuse victims is a result of sins by another.

Though misplaced, such false guilt can be accompanied by deep feelings of self-condemnation. These are not relieved by a victim’s repentance – no matter how frequent or sincere – since we cannot atone for the sins inflicted upon us.

Our best recourse with false guilt is to lay our pain and self-condemnation at the feet of the Lord, and seek His healing. This may be a lifelong process. It has been for me.

Tragically, the violation to which victims were subjected is likely to have left behind as many deep-seated scars as the Hydra had heads. That mythical beast, you may remember, regrew two heads for every one severed.

Ultimately, the Hydra was defeated. Survivors may carry lifelong scars of the abuse they suffered. They need not, however, be defeated by those scars.

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit” (Rom. 8: 1).

—
[1] This is not, in any way, to suggest that the victims of child abuse sinned by the abuse.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com

Leave a comment

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse

Tagged as , , ,

January 26, 2014 · 1:00 am

No Fairy Tale

The AP is reporting that Pope Francis defrocked some 400 priests in the last two years for raping and molesting children [1].

During the same period, an international alliance of police agencies traced and demolished a global child pornography ring. Over 300 arrests were made in Canadian-directed Operation Spade.  ABC.net quoted police spokesperson, Joanna Beaven-Desjardins, as saying, “It is alleged that officers located hundreds of thousands of images detailing horrific acts against young children, some of the worst that they have ever viewed,”[2].  More than 350 victims were, also, rescued.

Sadly, this is what passes for good news among abuse survivors.  And it is good news. Do not misunderstand.

The hours police spent on thankless, but necessary, tasks – the careful forensic analysis; the endless review of films depicting torture and violation; the phone calls traced; the witnesses interviewed; the false leads explored – not to mention the disappointments; the cold cups of coffee; and the peace of mind forever lost, were well worth the effort.

The 350 or more lives saved by police cannot be over-valued. Even one life saved would have been priceless. And vindication for the victims abused by priests is long overdue.

But this is no fairy tale. The benefit to victims is only prospective, not retroactive. Their scars remain.

—
[1] AP, NewsBreak: Pope defrocked 400 priests in 2 years, by John Heilprin and Nicole Winfield, 1/17/14, http://www.nbcnews.com/id/54101969#.UtmHqrTTncs.

[2] ABC.net, 66 Australians arrested as Canadian police smashed ‘horrific’ child abuse sex ring, 11/15/13, http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-11-15/global-child-pornography-ring-smashed-by-canadian-and-australia/5093498.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: http://www.alawyersprayers.com

2 Comments

Filed under Child Abuse, Christianity, Justice, Law, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Slavery

Tagged as , , , ,