Category Archives: Religion

Shame and Our Response to Trauma

Public shaming: “For being born somewhere else” by Francisco Goya (1810-1811), part of a series about victims of the Inquisition, Museo del Prado (Accession No. D04052), Madrid Spain, (PD)

Many of us who suffered through childhood emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, and/or neglect carry a great deal of shame.  This is, in part, because we feel on some level that we deserved the abuse; in part, because of our reaction to it.

There are numerous articles explaining that the abuse was the fault of our abuser; that we were wholly innocent victims.  We may accept that, at least intellectually.  There are fewer articles, however, addressing our response.  So the shame lingers.

An Impossible Standard

As adults, we look back and hold ourselves to an impossible standard.  Whatever our response may have been as children, we feel it was insufficient.  We should have known enough to avoid the situation.  Somehow, we should have gained control, found a way out.

  • We should have screamed, never mind that we were so confused, stunned, or terrified we could not speak and did not think anyone would help us.
  • We should have run, never mind that there was no means of escape.
  • We should have fought back, never mind that the abuser was more than three times our size and had the power either to end our lives or abandon us.
  • We should have told someone, never mind that we had no way to describe what was going on, that are loved ones were threatened, that we were actually concerned for the abuser, and/or that we did not expect to be believed.
  • We should have left home, never mind that we were too young to live on our own, had no ability to support ourselves and nowhere to go.

We should have ____ .  You fill in the blank.

Limitations

None of this self-criticism takes into account two vital things: 

  • First, that we were children with limited means, if any, of confronting such evil.
  • Second, that the human body is only engineered for a limited number of responses to trauma. Those are fight, flight, freeze, and surrender [1].

Continue reading

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Passage to Marseille

“Passage to Marseille” film poster, Copyright believed owned by Warner Bros. which produced and distributed the film, Source=http://www.dvdbeaver.com/FILM/DVDReviews25/passage_to_marseille.htm |Portion=All |Low_resolution=Yes |Purpose=Used i

There is an old Humphrey Bogart movie called Passage to Marseille. Set in WWII, the film was released in 1944, when the outcome of the war was still in doubt.  France, at the time, was still under the Vichy government which had collaborated with the Nazis.

The character Bogie plays – a journalist imprisoned for opposing the Nazis, who later becomes an airman fighting them – dies at the end.  But a moving letter written to his young son is read beside his grave.  This is the letter.

“My dear son, today you are five years old, and your father has never seen you.  But someday, in a better world, he will.  I write you of that day. 

Together we walk, hand in hand.  We walk, and we look.  Some of the things we see are wonderful, and some are terrible.  On a green stretch of ground are 10,000 graves, and you feel hatred welling up in your heart.  This was.  But it will never be again. 

The world has been cured since your father treated that terrible abscess on it with iron and fire.  And there were millions of healers who worked with him to make sure there would be no recurrence.  That deadly conflict was waged to decide your future. 

Your friends did not spare themselves, and were ruthless to your foes.  You are the heir of what your father and your friends won for you with their blood.  From their hands you have received the flag of happiness and freedom. 

My son, be the standard bearer of the great age they have made possible.  It would be too tragic if the men of good will should ever be lax or fail again to build a world where youth may love without fear, and where parents may grow old with their children who are men who will be worthy of each other’s faith. 

Take care of your mother, Jean.  I hold you in my arms.  I kiss you both.  May God keep you and love you, as I do.  Good night and au revoir, til our work is finished.  And until I see you remember this:  France lives.  Vive la France!”

We are supposed to have built that better world.  But the sin nature of mankind never changes.  Darkness is again rising.  And evil takes many forms.

For the sake of our children and grandchildren, we must not give up the fight.  It may not require iron and fire of us.  While we have breath, however, we must strive with all our might to teach them right from wrong, and truth from lies.  Flawed as we all are.

Only when Christ returns will the work be finished.

[1]  Wikipedia, “Passage to Marseille”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passage_to_Marseille

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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Theybies

Image in Public Domain as work prepared by an officer or employee of the US Govt.

There is a tragic new parenting trend:  parents who raise their children without identifying the children’s gender, even to the children [1][2]. 

Such parents view gender as entirely fluid, divorced from biological sex, and something a child should choose later in life.  They use the gender-neutral pronouns “they/them” when referring to their children; use gender-neutral clothing for their children; and buy their children gender-neutral toys.

There are multiple videos on YouTube praising this approach.  Brands, in fact, are marketing to this trend [3].

Undoubtedly, these parents believe they have their children’s best interests at heart.  Many view the “assignment” of a child’s gender at birth (the terminology now applied to identifying a child by his or her biological sex) as presumptuous. 

They want to offer their children the broadest possible range of opportunities in life (something gender linked to biological sex is seen as restricting). Continue reading

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Skin Suit

“Female Nude in a Landscape” by Hans Heyerdahl (1857 -1913), Location/Source National Museum of Art, Architecture and Design (Accession No. NG.M.03536), Oslo, Norway (PD)

WARNING: Graphic Images

This skin suit that surrounds me, more wrinkled now than any “lawyer suit” I ever owned, is no longer smooth, no longer supple.  It is marred by scars and stretch marks, like the tributaries of some ancient river; has been visited by varicosities, by callouses, hives, rashes, and eruptions too often to count.

But once this skin knew the joy of raindrops.  Once it knew the fever that passion evokes.

This skin suit that envelopes me has been bruised, pierced, incised, and sutured; has been burned by the sun to a poison apple red.

This skin has been stroked and patted, been tenderly groomed, oh so tenderly violated, again and again and again and again – each cell silently screaming in protest, recoiling in horror.

This skin suit of mine has served as a witness to all the best and worst aspects of my life, to the weakness and the strength, the failures and the triumphs; has lain prostrate with pain, overcome by grief, yet risen to see the glory of a new dawn, and lived to praise God for His deliverance.

And after my skin is destroyed, this I know,
That in my flesh I shall see God…” (Job 19: 26).

Originally posted 3/5/17

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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Depravity II

File:Cooling Off - 7583784354.jpg

Source https://www.flickr.com, Image Author Bob Haarmans (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

Depravity has risen to a new high.

Psychologist Christopher Ryan, the author of Sex at Dawn proposes that human beings are sexual omnivores, designed and entitled to have sex with anyone, at any time, in any way, anywhere [1][2].  In fact, there are those who advocate sex with children and with animals [3][4].

There is no guilt, no shame associated with this.  Morality is an illusion.  There should be no artificial restrictions placed on human behavior.  

After all, human beings are just animals, themselves, only slightly more evolved than apes.  Unrealistic expectations that they exhibit loyalty, trustworthiness, and commitment are the real reason relationships fail.  According to Ryan, at any rate.  

Unfortunately, Ryan is not alone in his belief [5].  Well known celebrities and influencers are taking up the cause.  These individuals are being hailed for their courage in “changing the conversation” [6].

A Sordid Lie

That we are sexual omnivores is a sordid lie about human nature, a rationalization for sin. Continue reading

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Rom-Coms

“In Rapture” by Franciszek Zmurko (c. 1900), National Museum in Warsaw (Accession No. MP 3946), Source/Author cyfrowe.mnw.art.pl/pl/zbiory/453259, (PD)

“Rose Castorini:  Listen, Johnny.  There’s a question I want to ask.  I want you to tell me the truth, if you can.  Why do men chase women?

Johnny Cammareri:  Well, there’s the Bible story.  God.  God took a rib from Adam and made Eve.  Now, maybe men chase women because they want the rib back.  When God took the rib, He left a big hole there, a place where there used to be something.  And the women have that.  Now maybe, just maybe, a man isn’t complete as a man without a woman.”

Moonstruck

Many of us enjoy romantic comedies or rom-coms as they are called.  Moonstruck happens to be a favorite of mine.  Boy meets girl.  Boy loses girl.  Boy gets girl.  And they both live happily ever after.

Trite as many rom-com plots are, they contain a kernel of truth about the importance and the power of love.  At some level we all recognize that.  It is the reason we find the boy’s pursuit of the girl engaging.

Sadly, as survivors of childhood abuse, we may settle for unresponsive partners or avoid relationships entirely.  We may not, therefore, have known the sweetness of courtship.  Or perhaps courtship was followed by the horrors of domestic violence. 

How much more meaningful then is God’s pursuit of us?  That pursuit began in the Garden, when sin first separated man from God.

Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, ‘Where are you?’” (Gen. 3: 9).

Continue reading

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In the Company of the Elite

Jeffrey Epstein mugshot (2013), Source https://offender.fdle.state.fl.us/offender/CallImage?imgID=1665905 (PD as work product of the State of Florida)

The scandal involving Jeffrey Epstein, the disgraced former financier and convicted sex offender, has broadened to include a large number of powerful and well-known individuals [1].  Epstein (who trafficked young girls with the help of Ghislaine Maxwell) regularly kept company with politicians, filmmakers, journalists, scientists, comedians, intellectuals, and royalty.

We may be shocked to learn these names, and appalled at the behavior exhibited.  We should not be surprised that the so called “elite” suffer from the very same sin nature common to all mankind.  Wealth may disguise that fact; power may effectively keep secrets from the public.  But the stain remains.

Undoubtedly, there are varying degrees of guilt.  Some will claim they never knew what went on.  Others will claim they knew, but did not participate.  Still others will simply deny everything.

God knows the whole story, whether we ever will or not.

[1]  The Guardian, “Epstein scandal broadens as trove of letters from famous figures published” by Anna Betts, 8/5/25, https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/aug/05/jeffrey-epstein-letters-photos.

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Nudify Apps and the Road to Destruction

Actress/Director Scarlett Johansson, Source https://www.flickr.com/photos/15512543@N04/2185543324/, Author John Harrison at https://www.flickr.com/photos/15512543@N04/, Permission Creative Commons Attribution Sharealike (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

A new word has entered our vocabulary.  To “nudify” is to use Artificial Intelligence (AI) to create deepfake images which appear to show the individuals depicted as naked [1]. Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson have been among those famously victimized.

Thousands of nudify apps exist to accomplish this, and have rapidly gained popularity [2][3].  Many work only on images of women.  And, as might be expected, many use social media for marketing purposes.

Thus far, victims have typically been school girls who posted innocent photos of themselves online [4].  However, anyone of any age can use these apps to convert harmless online images into what appear to be embarrassing photos and videos of children, teens, teachers, parents, police officers, pastors, or others in the nude. 

Once the nude images have been created, they can circulate on all the digital platforms commonly used for messaging today. 

Impact

Such images are often used as revenge porn with a deliberate intent of humiliating and degrading the individual pictured.  Whatever the intent, the impact on victims is overwhelmingly negative.  Not only embarrassment, but anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation can result. Continue reading

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Poor Pitiful Me – The Victim Mentality

“Screaming and Watercolors” by Teresa Wong, Source The Walrus https://thewalrus.ca/good-mom-on-paper/

Whether we have been the victims of trauma or not, some of us adopt a victim mentality. 

We view the whole world as against us, and our “luck” as consistently bad [1][2].  We see ourselves as constantly wronged or treated unfairly.  We avoid taking personal responsibility, instead blaming our life choices (and their consequences) on others.  We have difficulty with change.  We can reject helpful suggestions outright.

Like toddlers, we may throw a tantrum, if our victimhood is challenged.

This is learned helplessness.  It results in frustration, resentment, and loneliness.

Maladaptive Coping

Self-pity as expressed in a negative view towards life is a maladaptive coping mechanism.  Meant to protect us against further disappointment, it is, in the long run, emotionally crippling. 

While adopting a “poor, pitiful me” attitude can generate sympathy, it does little or nothing to build character or promote personal growth.  The attitude is closely linked to self-sabotage, and not uncommonly associated with a narcissistic personality focused on entitlement. 

We may think we are avoiding risk.  But we are actually avoiding life, and all it has to offer.  Indeed, the chances are that we will attract only those with the same propensity for self-pity and complaint. Continue reading

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Gnosticism and Pedophilia

Ancient Greek pederast kissing a young boy (4th Century BC), Louvre Museum (Accession No. G 278), Author Marie-Lan Nguyen (PD)

Many today are adherents of a pernicious philosophy, a false religion, whose name they do not know [1].  It masquerades as ancient wisdom, secret knowledge, a path to self-fulfillment.  But it incorporates Satan’s oldest and most effective lies.

Gnosticism is a heresy that seeks to undermine Christian doctrine.  It promises that men can become godlike, and exalts inner “perception” over outer reality.  Its beliefs are at the root of the Transgender Movement, and are paving the way for the normalization of pedophilia [2][3][4].

This is not to say that Gnostics are pedophiles or even aware of the connection to pedophilia.  Most Gnostics would undoubtedly dispute the connection.  Not that pedophiles need much help in normalizing their perversion.

Legitimizing Pedophilia

B4U-ACT is part of a growing movement to legitimize sexual attraction to children [5].  Founded by social worker Russell Dick and convicted child sex offender Michael Melsheimer, this Maryland group maintains that sexual attraction to children is not a psychiatric disorder, but an identity to be affirmed. 

A list of pedophilia advocacy groups can be found on Wikipedia [6].  Like B4U-ACT, they hold that attempts to reduce or control pedophiles’ attraction to children through cognitive behavior therapy or drugs are not only pointless, but unethical.

Never mind the lasting harm pedophiles do to children. Continue reading

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