Category Archives: Justice

December 21, 2014 · 1:00 am

The Book of Job

For years, I was an atheist, unwilling to believe in or do homage to a God who would allow suffering by the innocent.

My view was a direct result of the abuse I had endured, and the suffering of all kinds I saw around me. I could not reconcile a good and just God with the many injustices in the world.  Faith was a fool’s game.

The Bible’s Book of Job, in particular, revealed the merciless nature of God. So I thought. A devout man is caused to lose his property, his children, and his health. All to demonstrate that his faith in God is not a response to good fortune alone.

I saw the God who would allow this as sadistic. I viewed the Book of Job as an obscenity, and rejected the propositions it put forward. For a long while, I preferred to rage.

When I found the law as a profession, it felt as if a sword had been placed into my hand.

But the Book of Job is a profound study in suffering. It makes the point that God is God. We are merely His creation, dearly though He loves us.

In the end, I came to recognize that we cannot substitute our sense of justice for God’s. We do not have His perspective. We cannot see the end from the beginning.

Christians do not always know why suffering takes place. Ours is a broken world, not the paradise we might wish.

Christians do, however, know the true character of God. He truly is holy, good, just, and merciful. He and only He is the God who suffered as we suffer, even dying for our sakes. Amid the severest of trials, He somehow sustains us. And we have His promise that He will use all things somehow for good.

That promise cannot be applied simplistically. No Christian would contend that good can come to a child from sexual molestation, torture, or neglect. Continue reading →

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November 9, 2014 · 1:00 am

American Horror Story

WARNING:  Graphic Images

A three year old boy was beaten to death by his mother and her boyfriend this week. Prosecutors have called his death an American horror story.

Scotty McMillan was tortured for three days by Jillian Tait and Gary Fellenbaum [1]. The child was hung by his feet, and struck with a whip. He was tied to a chair, punched, and beaten with a metal rod. His head was put through a wall.

The nurses who ultimately saw the little boy’s wounds wept. Scotty was gone by then.

We can discuss statistics. The rate of physical abuse is up. Three quarters of the most seriously abused children seen in hospitals in 2009 were on Medicaid, suggesting that poverty is a major stressor on families [2].

We can discuss failures by the system. Scotty’s six year old brother, also regularly abused, attended school. Despite a legal duty to report suspected abuse, no teacher or school counselor contacted authorities.

We can discuss spirituality and moral responsibility. Surely, this was a violation of the laws of God and man. Any mother’s natural instinct would have been to protect her children, rather than inflict harm on them.

We may never know what led Tait and Fellenbaum to act in this inhuman manner. Were they once abused themselves or witnesses to abuse? Were they psychopaths without empathy or sadists excited by the pain of their victims? Whatever the answer, nothing excuses their actions.

Ultimately, the rest of us must remain vigilant for the signs of abuse in children, even those not our own. We may be their only hope.

A list of 10 frequent signs of child abuse can be found at the Safe Horizon website http://www.safehorizon.org/page/10-signs-of-child-abuse-58.html.
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[1] NBC 10, “Mom, Boyfriend Beat Boy, 3, to Death inside Chester County Home: Prosecutors” by Dan Stamm, 11/6/14, http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/Chester-County-Child-Abuse-Murder-281806151.html.

[2] CBS News, “Serious Injuries from Child Abuse on Rise, Especially in Infants” by Ryan Jaslow, 10/1/12, http://www.cbsnews.com/news/serious-injuries-from-child-abuse-on-rise-especially-in-infants/

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November 2, 2014 · 1:00 am

Legacy

As abuse victims, we choose various means of expressing our pain, and seeking comfort for it.  The one thing victims should not do is attack one another for those choices.

Perhaps the most divisive issue for abuse victims is forgiveness.  Many victims view forgiveness as impossible, and forgiveness by other victims of their own abusers as a betrayal.

But forgiveness is, first and foremost, the decision by an abuse victim not to center his or her life wholly on the violation [1].

Forgiveness does NOT imply approval of the violation. Forgiven or not, the abuser should, if at all possible, be held accountable for the criminal act(s) of which s/he is guilty.  That may involve imprisonment, chemical castration, and lifelong monitoring to prevent a recurrence.

Whatever we do, we cannot fully balance the scales once a child has been violated [2].  In most cases, the child must deal with the scars of abuse for a lifetime.  For that very reason, the decision by a victim whether or not to forgive his or her abuser is entirely personal, not subject to a general critique, even by other victims [3]. Continue reading →

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October 26, 2014 · 1:00 am

Witchcraft: Accusing the Innocent

Reports from England and Africa indicate that children are being accused of witchcraft and demonic possession by African fundamentalist Christian groups [1]. Christian beliefs have apparently been corrupted by the African tribal practices with which they are in direct odds.

Cases involving Hinduism and Islam, have, also, surfaced.

Motivated by greed and a desire for power, exorcists prey on the insecurities of others, charging exorbitant fees for their services. Families can, also, use accusations of witchcraft to dispose of an unwanted child without appearing at fault, themselves.

Complaints as vague as bed wetting, rough play between siblings, and trouble in the parents’ marriage may be considered “evidence” against a child.

Children can be starved, beaten, burned, and otherwise tortured (sometimes to death), in the effort to reclaim their souls. If the process is not considered successful, children may be abandoned to the streets. Estimates are that over 20,000 children, teens, and young adults in Kinshasa, Congo alone are homeless, as a result.

Until now such cases have not received much attention, leaving these children little recourse and less hope.
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[1] NBC News, “Reports of Witchcraft-Related Child Abuse on the Rise in London” by Alexander Smith, 10/11/14, http://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/reports-witchcraft-related-child-abuse-rise-london-n222781.

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October 19, 2014 · 1:00 am

Surviving the Fire

Read the blogs of child abuse victims and those concerned for them.  Somewhere along the line, you will find mention of what the abuse damaged or destroyed outright.

Our innocence.  Our childhood.  Our peace of mind.  Our self-confidence.  Our self-esteem.  Our ability to trust.  Our capacity to select loving partners, and sustain healthy relationships.  Our faith.  Our voice.

And from far too many, the abuse took their very lives.

For many of us, what the abuse left behind was isolation, grief, anxiety, depression, rage, and a permanent sense of violation.

Unfortunately, that we will never be the women (or men) we might have been is not helpful information.  We are who we are…marked by these scars.

In some sense, the scars are our badges – if not of honor exactly, then certainly not of shame.  We were the ones sinned against, not the ones sinning, no matter how we were made to feel about the torture inflicted upon us.

As with the veteran who has lost a limb to war or the woman who has lost a breast to cancer, this is simply our reality now. Continue reading →

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October 5, 2014 · 1:00 am

Imperfection

We burn the eggs, drip salad dressing down the front of a new blouse. We misplace our glasses, and lock our keys in the car. We mistakenly toss our wallets down the garbage chute, along with the trash. We amass fender benders, and parking tickets. We trip with the dog food, and scatter kibble across the kitchen floor.

Human beings are imperfect…as housekeepers, dry cleaners, locksmiths, building superintendents, and highway patrol officers (not to mention our pets) can attest. Minor shortcomings such as these are the least of our failings. For abuse victims, however, even minor imperfections can be deadly.

Abusers will set impossible standards for their victims, and punishment out of all proportion to an infraction. These standards may be the very ones to which the abusers were held in childhood. Not all abusers were though abused. Nor is childhood abuse a license to abuse others in adulthood.

Some individuals will inflict pain or deprivation on their victims from outright sadism or an extreme narcissism. The abused child (or abused adult partner) is viewed as a representative of the abuser before the world. All the abuser’s insecurities are projected onto the victim, who is then seen as deficient, defective.

Often the abuse victim will strive to achieve these unrealistic standards, as much out of love as out of fear. This is not brainless. Human beings are meant to love. Unfortunately, the image we have of love can be distorted.

Victims commonly blame themselves for an abuser’s actions, preserving at all cost the delusion of an ideal parent, caregiver or spouse. For children, in particular, it is terrifying to contemplate a dangerous world without the protection of a loving adult. Easier to shut our eyes on reality, and assume the abuser’s guilt.

To regain control of our lives, we must stop lying to ourselves; must deliberately set aside the futile pursuit of perfection; and – like the rest of humanity – must come to terms with our limitations.

Thankfully, excellence does not require perfection.  Not even God does.

“But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection” (Col. 3: 14).

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September 21, 2014 · 1:00 am

Private Matters

The after effects of the Ray Rice situation continue to be felt. For those who do not follow sports, Rice was discharged by the Ravens after the video of his assault on now wife, Janay Palmer, became public.

To show their support for Rice, many female fans have made it a point to continue wearing Rice jerseys to the game. A group of NFL wives expressed their view that the assault was an isolated incident (highly unlikely) and a private matter, between Rice and Palmer.

Earlier this summer, Greg Hardy of the Panthers was convicted of beating his girlfriend and threatening her life. Ray McDonald of the 49ers has been charged with domestic violence for injuring his pregnant fiancée. After being discharged from two different teams for domestic abuse (slapping one girlfriend, and stalking another), Chris Rainey has been signed by the Cardinals.

Meanwhile, Adrian Peterson of the Vikings has been indicted on child abuse for using a switch to discipline his 4 y.o. son.

Are all these private matters?

Do fame and high salaries – or perhaps the revenue generated for the owners – make sports figures immune from the standards which apply to the rest of us? Should we simply turn away?

Or is there a point at which society should intervene to protect the weak?

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September 14, 2014 · 1:00 am

Respect

“I do deeply regret the role that I played in the incident that night…I love Ray, and I know that he will continue to prove himself not only to you all but the community, and I know he will gain your respect back in due time [1].”
– Janay Palmer Rice

This was the statement Janay Palmer made at the first press conference she and her then fiancé Baltimore Ravens running back, Ray Rice, held after Rice knocked her unconscious in an elevator at the Revel Casino & Hotel in Atlantic City.

The couple were married one day after a grand jury indicted Rice for 3rd degree aggravated assault.

The Ravens released Rice from his contract in response to the public outcry after video of this incident was circulated. Rice is seen delivering a left hook to the smaller and weaker Palmer while the two bickered, then dragging her body carelessly into the hall.

Much has been said about the penalties the team and NFL should have imposed from the outset. Formal standards have now been put in place, regarding domestic violence.

Two questions, however, remain. Why would a successful football player feel the need to coldcock the mother of his child, a woman he claims to love? And why would the victim of his assault feel she should apologize for it? Continue reading →

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September 7, 2014 · 1:00 am

Subjugation

Sadly, the Bible has often been misused to support the subjugation of women. Such abuse is never justified, and is certainly not endorsed by the Bible. It reflects the patriarchal nature of our society (and the sins of individual men), rather than any directive from God.

For those who may wish to challenge this mistaken approach when confronted by it, here are a few observations from the Bible.

In His Image

God created both men and women in His image (Gen. 1: 27). Women are not pets or some lesser form of being, useful only for propagating the species without contributing anything to it.

That woman is described later in Genesis as having been created from the rib of Adam (Gen. 2: 21-22) reinforces, rather than undermines, this equality. Adam describes Eve as flesh of his flesh; marriage is said to require that a man leave his parents, to be joined to his wife as “one flesh” (Gen. 2: 23-24).

Hearts, Minds, and Souls

Both men and women have hearts, minds, and souls with which to love and serve God (Matt. 22: 37). Women have no less an obligation than men to do this. A just and holy God would not have made this command applicable to women, had they not been as capable as men of complying with it.

Equally Responsible

Though the nature of their punishment differed, God punished Adam and Eve to an equal extent for their sin in eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Gen. 3: 16-19).

Whether the story of the Fall is interpreted literally or figuratively, it confirms God’s view of Adam and Eve as equally responsible for their infraction. And it offers an explanation, i.e. sin, for the distortion of the relationship between men and women [1].

Female Role Models

The Old and New Testaments contain a surprising number of female role models, including women in leadership positions and women active in the early church.

Esther was a Jewish queen who saved her people from destruction (Book of Esther). Deborah served as a judge, successfully working with her general, Barak, to defeat the enemies of Israel (Judg. 4: 4-8). Both Jael (Judg. 4: 21) and Judith (Judith 13: 7-8) took it upon themselves to kill enemy commanders. Continue reading →

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August 31, 2014 · 1:00 am

Above Rubies

Cut Ruby Gemstone, Photo by Humanfeather (CC Attribution 3.0 Unported)

Universally, abuse undermines the self-esteem of its victims, often destroying self-worth entirely. This applies whether victims are male or female, children or adults when the abuse takes place.

Erosion

We view ourselves as deficient, defective, often as responsible for the abuse (which we definitely were not), and sometimes as deserving of it (which no one is).

Predators rely on this erosion, actively seeking to engineer it. Damaged self-esteem makes victims more vulnerable, more pliant, increasing a predator’s power over his/her victims.

We may be told that we are “ugly, stupid, worthless turds” and “whores” at the age of 3. Reality has no bearing on the insults and accusations hurled against us. And the closer our relationship is with the abuser (a parent, for instance), the deeper the wound.

Pain and Misperception

The pain can be unbearable, leading many victims to drug and alcohol abuse, cutting, eating disorders, and other self-destructive behaviors. All too often that pain clouds our perception of ourselves. We can see only the negative, our mistakes and shortcomings…even when they are non-existent.

Self-Hatred

Self-loathing will persist long after the physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or neglect has ended. The self-hatred stemming from abuse can interfere with subsequent relationships, and contribute to suicide years later. Continue reading →

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