Monthly Archives: May 2025

May 25, 2025 · 1:00 am

Trauma Bonding

Cycle of Abuse Chart created by Avanduyn (PD)

A trauma bond is the emotional connection between a victim and perpetrator that arises from cyclical abuse (discussed below) [1A].  Trauma bonds can form in connection with the parent/child relationship, friendships, romantic relationships, sex trafficking, and in other contexts [1B].

Cyclical Abuse 

Cyclical abuse is characterized by increasing tension and placation; an incident of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse; surface reconciliation; then a calm interval (however brief), after which the cycle repeats [2][3A]. 

Trauma Bond Components

Trauma bonds are based on terror, dominance, and unpredictability [1C].  Two main factors contribute to their formation:  a power imbalance, and intermittent reinforcement (reward/punishment) [1D].

Trauma bonds can have multiple components:

  • Love for the abuser (or who the abuser appears to be on a good day). Hope and promises that the abuser will reform feed into this.
  • Compassion for the abuser, if he or she had a difficult past.
  • Fear of escalation, with the victim often receiving death threats, if departure is contemplated. Because of this, many victims conclude it is “safer” to stay with their abuser, despite the abuse.
  • Fear for the safety of loved ones, whose lives may, also, have been threatened.
  • Diminished self-esteem, as a result of the abuse.
  • Lack of financial resources. Victims are commonly deprived of these by their abuser.
  • Shame.  Public opinion is frequently that victims are “weak” to stay with an abuser or “materialistic”, if the abuser is well-off financially.  As a result, victims are likely to hide the abuse from others.  This serves to further isolate them.

The first instance of abuse is often viewed as an anomaly, a one-off [1E].  A profuse apology and professions of “love” lull the victim into a false belief that the abuse will not recur [1F]. 

Repeat instances of abuse generate a cognitive shift, i.e. a belief that preventing (or escaping) the abuse is no longer in the victim’s power [1G].  By this point the trauma bond has been well established [3B]. Continue reading →

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May 18, 2025 · 1:00 am

Healing from Abuse

Flowers growing from cement, Author Frederick Depuydt (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

Healing from child abuse is possible.  But healing is a process [1].  In this regard, healing from domestic abuse is not very different. 

Necessary elements include recognizing the full impact of the trauma we experienced; processing the emotions the trauma generated; developing healthy coping mechanisms; and rebuilding a sense of safety and self-worth. 

Both healing from child abuse and healing from domestic abuse require courage and patience with ourselves.

The Impact of Trauma

The impact of childhood trauma is multi-faceted.  It can range from rage, self-hatred, anxiety, depression, and PTSD (nightmares, flashbacks, emotional detachment, etc.) to sexual addiction, sexual dysfunction, chronic physical ailments (migraines, backaches, etc.), drug or alcohol addiction, and eating disorders [2].  

Similarly, domestic violence can result in anxiety, depression, PTSD, and a host of physical ailments from gastrointestinal and cardiovascular issues to traumatic brain injury [3][4].

It bears mention that child abuse and domestic abuse can both result in death, either at the hand of the abuser or by way of suicide years later.

Professional counseling can be of great assistance to survivors in dealing with trauma, re-establishing necessary boundaries, and developing healthy coping skills [5].

Rebuilding Self-Worth

At the deepest level, victims must reclaim a sense of self-worth.  This is an enormous challenge.  Child victims of abuse are taught from the outset they are dung.  Adult victims (having survived turbulent childhoods) are gradually deprived of their power and self-respect by abusive partners. Continue reading →

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May 11, 2025 · 1:00 am

For Vanity’s Sake

Kim Kardashian (a celebrity who has had multiple cosmetic procedures), Source https://www.flickr.com, Author Love Lira Fashion

We women would do almost anything for men.  We want, of course, to be attractive to them.  And society – through celebrities and influencers – has convinced us that is not possible without radically modifying our bodies, sometimes at the risk of our lives.

Over $16 Billion

Over $16 billion was spent on cosmetic surgery in the United States in 2024 [1].  This included breast augmentation, liposuction, abdominoplasty (the so called “tummy tuck”), and buttock augmentation. 

In 2022 alone, there were 26.2 million surgical and minimally invasive cosmetic and reconstructive procedures performed [2]. 

Women accounted for some 86% of these procedures [3].  While the percentage of exotic dancers who are patients cannot be determined, one club owner estimated that over 90% of his strippers have had surgical enhancement of one kind or another.

Discount Clinics

An increasing number of procedures are performed at discount plastic surgery clinics, where pre-op, surgical, and post-op care are less than optimal [4A].  These clinics target low-income women, particularly those who are Hispanic or African American.  

Physicians who may never have formally trained in the specialty of plastic surgery often perform as many as 10 procedures a day, far in excess of what best medical practice would consider safe.  

Multiple operating rooms – particularly in Florida, which is not well regulated – may be “overseen” by a single physician, while procedures are actually performed by untrained and unlicensed assistants.  Dozens of women have died. Continue reading →

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May 4, 2025 · 1:00 am

Barred from School

Young Afghan girl coloring at Bagram Air Field on International Women’s Day, Source https://www.dvidshub.net/, Author Spc. Kristina Gupton (PD as work of US federal govt.)

Afghanistan is the only nation where women and girls are barred from secondary and higher education. 

According to a January 2025 report by the Afghanistan Centre for Human Rights, Islamic madrasas (which focus on religious education) are being used to indoctrinate the women and girls seeking whatever limited education they may obtain there [1].  Textbooks approved by the Taliban promote its political and military goals, along with enforcing wearing of the hijab. 

A few madrasas do now teach languages, mathematics, geography, chemistry, and physics.  However, all medical training for women has been banned, including midwifery and first aid.

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[1]  BBC, “Teenage Afghan girls were banned from school – now these classes are their only option” by Mahjooba Nowrouzi, 3/24/25, https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c36wyzl3n00o?utm_source=firefox-newtab-en-us.

The “Take It Down” Act has been passed, making the non-consensual publishing or posting of intimate imagery involving deepfakes or revenge porn a federal crime.

See, https://apnews.com/article/take-it-down-deepfake-trump-melania-first-amendment-741a6e525e81e5e3d8843aac20de8615.

…

Actor/comedian/podcaster Brandon Russell has been charged with oral rape, sexual assault, and indecent assault in the UK stemming from incidents involving 4 different women alleged to have occurred between 1999 and 2005. 

A civil suit has, also, been brought against Russell in the US for alleged sexual assault on the set of the film “Arthur” in 2011.

See, https://abcnews.go.com/International/russell-brand-charged-rape/story?id=120485133 and https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2023/nov/04/russell-brand-faces-sexual-assault-lawsuit-in-new-york for details.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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