“Loneliness” (1880) by Hans Thoma, National Museum in Warsaw (Accession No. 192915/22), Source cyfrowe.mnw.art.pl (PD)
“Turn to me and be gracious to me for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish” (Ps. 25: 16-17).
Loneliness is a feeling of isolation, detachment, and lack of social connection – an emotional state now so common it has its own Wikipedia page [1]. An argument might easily be made that there is, in fact, a loneliness epidemic. Across the globe, there are some 740,000 suicide deaths annually [2].
All human beings experience loneliness, at one time or another, particularly when we have lost someone or ended a relationship. In some sense, loneliness characterizes our species. But the feeling can be particularly intense for abuse victims.
Empty Goals
Part of this is due to the pursuit of empty goals by our culture.
Ours is a materialistic society. We are encouraged to be shallow, to seek fame and wealth above all things. Yet these do not guarantee happiness. In fact, avid pursuit of them may increase our loneliness.
Fame for its own sake is meaningless. And no number of McMansions (or villas on the Riviera, for that matter) can fill an empty heart.
Broken Families
Broken families are another cause for loneliness, and these are endemic in our society.
At least 40% of American children are today born out of wedlock [3A]. The percentage among African Americans is much higher [3B]. This means children do not have the financial support – and regular presence – of both a mother and father. As a consequence, 59% will live in poverty [4].
Half the remaining children will experience divorce, which means that fully 70% of American children will not live in a two parent household, for at least some part of their childhood [5].
The absence of a parent can leave a deep scar [6][7][8]. It impacts a child’s sense of security, identity, and emotional well-being. When abuse enters the picture, those problems worsen. Loneliness is one way they manifest, both in children and adults.
Casual Sex
Our society takes casual sex for granted. Among young people the term is “hook-up”. It is recognized as scratching an itch – no more, no less. There is no judgment attached either to the act or the term (unlike the former “one-night stand” which, to some degree, acknowledged the tawdriness of the situation).
Longing for genuine connection and unable to achieve it, we degrade what should be an act of love, and give away parts of ourselves to virtual strangers. This only amplifies loneliness.
Our culture idolizes romance. But love and romance are not synonymous. Love can be expressed in many ways that are not sexual. A single life need not be fruitless.
We fail to recognize that by living a celibate life, not enslaved to desire, we can actually honor God [9].
Loneliness in the Bible
Loneliness dates as far back as man’s expulsion from the Garden of Eden for his sin. King David was lonely, as the Psalms he wrote reflect. The Prophet Elijah was bitterly lonely, wrongly thinking that he was the sole man still serving God.
God’s Love
“…and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matt. 28: 20).
Loneliness arises from the mistaken belief that no one cares; that we are alone. Yet God is with us always, even in our loneliness [10A].
Experts tell us to read uplifting books, watch inspiring videos, join a gym, join a singles group, join a club, join a self-help group, or volunteer, in order to cope with loneliness [10B]. And these are good ideas.
Above all, however, we need to re-establish our relationship with God. He is always there to listen. And He cares profoundly for us…so much so that He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for us.
God’s love for us is boundless, deep enough even to counter our loneliness.
—
[1] Wikipedia, “Loneliness”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loneliness.
[2] Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation, “Abou 740,000 global deaths from suicide occur annually – that’s one death from suicide every 43 seconds”, 2/19/25, https://www.healthdata.org/news-events/newsroom/news-releases/about-740000-global-deaths-suicide-occur-annually-thats-one.
[3A and 3B] Child Trends, “Dramatic increase in the proportion of births outside marriage in the United States from 1990 to 2016” by Elizabeth Wildsmith, Jennifer Manlove, and Elizabeth Cook, 8/8/18, https://www.childtrends.org/publications/dramatic-increase-in-percentage-of-births-outside-marriage-among-whites-hispanics-and-women-with-higher-education-levels.
[4] Urban Institute, “Poverty among Children Born Outside of Marriage: Preliminary Findings from the National Survey of America’s Families”, December 1999, https://www.urban.org/sites/default/files/publication/69846/409295-Poverty-among-Children-Born-Outside-of-Marriage.PDF#:~:text=Among%20children%20living%20in%20single%2Dmother%20families%2C%2060,37%20percent%20of%20children%20born%20within%20marriage.&text=For%20example%2C%20among%20children%20ages%2012%20to,born%20to%20married%20parents%E2%80%94a%20statistically%20significant%20difference.
[5] Wilkinson & Finkbeiner, “Divorce Statistics: Over 115 Studies, Facts and Rates for 2024”, https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/.
[6] National Institutes of Health, National Library of Medicine, National Center for Biotechnology Information, “The Effects of Parental Absence on Child Development: Evidence from Left Behind Children in China” by Mingzhi Mao et al, 9/17/20, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7559575/.
[7] El Pais, “The absent parent syndrome and its impact on child development” by Carolina Penido, 11/28/23, https://english.elpais.com/lifestyle/2023-11-28/the-absent-parent-syndrome-and-its-impact-on-child-development.html.
[8] LinkedIn, “Understanding the Impact of Absent Parents, Single Parents, and Orphanhood on Children’s Mental Health” by Wellnite, 6/22/23, https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/understanding-impact-absent-parents-single-orphanhood-childrens.
[9] The Spirit’s Call, “What Singleness Reveals about the World to Come” by Danielle Treweek, 3/8/25, https://capost2k.wordpress.com/2025/03/08/what-singleness-reveals-about-the-world-to-come/.
[10A and 10B] Lancaster Farming, “God’s Cure for Loneliness” by Rev. Kathy Brumbaugh, 3/12/21, https://www.lancasterfarming.com/country-life/family/gods-cure-for-loneliness/article_622c1452-9400-5bdb-ad01-899dcdb40925.html.
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com
ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse 
Wonderful post Anna, and one that brought back a flood of memories of a time in my own life when loneliness nearly destroyed me.
Imagine being at a high school football game with 6,000 other people and feeling like you were the only one there. The deep sense of loneliness I felt that night was so great I couldn’t bear it and nearly ran out of the stadium.
But God, who is always faithful, was able to penetrate the cloud that enveloped me and reveal Himself to me in such a way that ever since that night some 30 plus years ago, I have never felt that kind of loneliness again.
Thank you for sharing such a moving experience, Ron.
If this isn’t a series of hard truths I don’t know what is. Well done, Anna!
–Scott
Thank you so much, Scott. I know these views are not popular. But we cannot change, if we do not recognize the problem.
They may be unfortunate and uncomfortable, but it is reality and the truth. Thank you for laying it out!
How convicting, Anna! We often forget the lonely in our midst. Praying now for all those who read your post and are experiencing loneliness, that they may know the love of God in Christ Jesus and know His presence with them, and be comforted by His promise to never to leave or forsake them. 🙏
You have a generous heart, Dora. ❤
I’m so grateful for your blog and the way you tackle tough topics like loneliness with sensitivity and faith.
Thank you so much, Ritish. That means a great deal to me.
I have always been a chronic loner. And I agree: Intimacy without genuine connection feels horrible, even the very thought of it.
Different people need different degrees of connection. We do not all have to be “party people”.
True. In hindsight I’ve come to realize, that much of my loneliness-related suffering was self-inflicted. I was looking for connection, but have always feared one.
I agree, wholeheartedly, that even a lonely life can be fruitful. I’ve been lucky to find out, early in life, that one must think first if their company wouldn’t harm their partner. If staying alone means having avoided harming someone, then alone this is worth to stay alone.
In my case God wished different, but I don’t think, that loners are redundant.
I can’t imagine you harming a partner, Hubert. Clearly, God knew better than you.
A timely reminder on the silent epidemic afflicting contemporary society
What is revealing is the need for spirituality to bring people together
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Thank you for this reblog. Blessings, A.
A friend of mine, a software developer, told me about Dennis Ritchie, another example of an impactful loner.
He created the C-Language, a programming language, which was used to create virtually every operating system or application in existence. Even web browsers or smartphone operating systems owe their existence to the C-Language.
Also every subsequent programming language was created either in C, or its successor, the C++, itself developed using the C-language.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dennis_Ritchie?wprov=sfla1
Clearly, we need not be revelers to contribute to society.
Alan Turing was an outcast. One of the most famous scientists on earth, Albert Einstein was considered an outsider in his youth (or felt like one).
Many writers were shy and reclusive — Emily Bronte, Emily Dickinson, Edgar Allan Poe, and JD Salinger among them.
To be alone is not necessarily to be lonely. We can read; write; paint; listen to or create music while alone. We can engage in any number of hobbies while alone.
We can think deeply while alone, in a way that is not possible in a group setting.
I’m quite certain that a significant share of our civilization’s achievements—often hidden in plain sight—can be attributed to loners. One could easily make a list of inventions and breakthroughs that might not exist at all without their contributions. Perhaps even the Internet itself, along with the very browsers we’re all using now, would still be a distant dream without their efforts.
I agree with you, loneliness is indeed a serious social problem. It has far-reaching effects on mental and physical health. I think it’s important to foster social connections and build support networks to counteract loneliness. This might improve people’s well-being.