Wildflowers, Peridot Mesa, AZ, Source Arizona Wildflowers, Author Alan Stark of Goodyear, AZ (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)
“Denying or shutting down feelings — emotions, pains, etc. — usually blocks people’s energy or blinds them to important warnings [1].”
The instinctive coping mechanisms for child abuse are repression, denial, and dissociation [2]. These survival mechanisms protect us against the painful truth of the abuse, but tend to maintain the abuse secret. They are, in the long run, maladaptive.
Therapy, Loving Friends, Self-Care, and Stress Reduction
While there is no single approach proven to be universally successful, there are helpful coping strategies for dealing with the long-term effects of childhood abuse [3A][4A].
These include cognitive behavioral therapy; the support of loving friends and family members; a healthy daily routine of self-care; and stress reduction activities like mindfulness, exercise, and prayer [3B][4B][5][6A].
Supportive and trusting relationships allow us to explore and express our feelings in a safe setting.
Medication can, at times, be useful, as well.
Creativity (Self-Expression)
Creativity is another outlet for expressing our feelings . We may blog or keep a journal, snap photos, take up amateur dramatics, draw, paint, sculpt, learn to throw pottery or arrange flowers [7][8]. It makes no difference.
Nor does it make a difference whether our efforts meet some ideal standard or not. The act of self-expression can help us expel the poison and reclaim our joy.
Music
Music touches the soul in ways that words alone cannot [9]. We can experience the positive effect music has whether we compose, play an instrument, dance, sing, or simply listen to music.
Laughter
It may seem counterintuitive to suggest laughter as a coping strategy for abuse. Perhaps we feel we will never laugh again. Laughter has, however, been medically documented to relieve stress whether we read joke books, watch funny movies, or simply play with our children [10].
Nature
The contemplation of nature can be surprisingly soothing [11]. We are able – at least momentarily – to forget our cares. As a result, our anxiety lessens.
Shifting the focus away from ourselves gives the body a chance to recuperate. Nature not only takes us out of ourselves, but reminds us that we have a place in God’s grand scheme.
Work
Work can be therapeutic, so long as we do not fall into the trap of workaholism — the attempt to deaden our pain by running ourselves into the ground. Exhaustion is not a way to live. We deserve better than that.
Service to Others
Serving others in some capacity — for instance, at a soup kitchen — can, also, shift the focus away from ourselves. There is, however, the same temptation here as with work.
We must not throw ourselves into service to the point of prostration. Service is no substitute for coming to terms with our trauma.
Abuse victims may feel the need to serve other victims, specifically. This should not, however, be viewed as an obligation. Nor is it for everyone. We should beware of retraumatization [11].
Self-Compassion
Self-compassion, though not easily achieved, can be key [12]. This requires acceptance of our limitations.
Resilience
That we feel fragile does not mean we are.
The qualities which contribute toward resilience include gratitude that we have, in fact, survived; self-confidence, i.e. recognition that we have already endured the worst; courage in the face of new challenges; and empathy for others who have suffered [6B].
Healing from abuse can be a lifelong process. But it is never too late to begin.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jer. 29: 11).
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[1] The Co-Intelligence Institute, “Working Through Feelings”, https://www.wd-pl.com/background/this-pattern-language/overview-v1-0-2016/patterns-by-name/working-through-feelings/.
[2] Dr. Martin Klein PhD, “Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse – The Pain of Silence”, https://www.drmartinklein.com/survivors-of-childhood-abuse.html.
[3A and 3B] National Institutes of Health (NIH), “Multi-type Childhood Abuse, Strategies of Coping, and Psychological Adaptations in Young Adults” by Kristina Sesar et al, October 2010, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2969135/.
[4A and 4B] Medical News Today, “What ways can childhood trauma affect people?” by Janet Brito PhD, 10/5/23, https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/effects-of-childhood-trauma.
[5] Psychology Today, “How to Cope Following Sexual Abuse” by Elizabeth Leglic PhD, 9/24/21, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/protecting-children-sexual-abuse/202109/how-cope-following-sexual-abuse.
[6A and 6B] Psychology Today, “Surviving Childhood Trauma” by Gina Schneider PhD, 4/21/22, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/frazzlebrain/202204/surviving-childhood-trauma.
[7] Psychology Today, “How and Why Writing Heals Wounds of Child Abuse” by Catherine McCall, 9/28/12, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/overcoming-child-abuse/201209/how-and-why-writing-heals-wounds-child-abuse.
[8] Baltimore’s Child, “How Art Can Offer Healing for Survivors of Child Abuse” by Adam Rosenberg, 3/21/23, https://www.baltimoreschild.com/how-art-can-offer-healing-for-survivors-of-child-abuse/.
[9] Help for Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (HAVOCA), “Songs of Healing: How Music Therapy Can Help Survivors of Abuse Find Closure” by Kylee Johnson, 11/11/20, https://www.havoca.org/songs-of-healing-how-music-therapy-can-help-survivors-of-abuse-find-closure/.
[10] Mayo Clinic, “Stress relief from laughter? It’s no joke”, https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456.
[11] Wellview Counseling, “Exploring Nature Therapy and Trauma: A Fresh Start in the Great Outdoors for Trauma Survivors” by Ashley Bobo, 1/25/24, https://wellviewcounseling.com/exploring-nature-therapy-a-fresh-start-in-the-great-outdoors-for-trauma-survivors/.
[12] Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSHA), “Tips for Survivors of a Disaster or Other Traumatic Event — Coping with Retraumatization”, 2017, https://store.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/sma17-5047.pdf.
[13] Psychology Today, “Healing the Shame of Childhood Abuse Through Self-Compassion” by Beverly Engel LMFT, 1/15/15, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-compassion-chronicles/201501/healing-the-shame-of-childhood-abuse-through-self-compassion.
The long-term impact of child abuse was discussed in Part 1
The Rose Garden — A Daughter’s Story
Will Be Serialized Here Beginning 8/18/24
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com
ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse 
Music and creativity in many ways help a lot to cope with problems. LG M.
Yes, that’s true. With love, A. ❤
I’m reading more and more about the benefits of immersing oneself in nature periodically, if not daily. God has provided. Let us make use of His provision.
God made such a beautiful world for us. ❤
I am gratified to see in this article that we have done the right thing in my school. We provided CBT, music therapy, art therapy, and, of course, every day started with a prayer. We also took the students to visit local adult residence facilities, to perform little skits, sing for the residents, and talk to them. That worked wonders for the kids!
How wonderful to hear this, Dolly! It is not surprising that someone as warm and sensitive as you clearly are would have found effective ways to reach wounded children.
With love,
A. ❤
Thank you for the vote of confidence, dear Anna.😻
I am deep into therapy from a abusive home life as a child and as a young women had to deal with my husband with people at night after world had girlfriends. He drank. But it was years late while serving on the mission field he found out he had two children a boy and girl by two different women.
Sitting in hot uncomfortable on the island of Papua New Guinea came this overwhelming truth that I had to deal with. With no help around really, we just absorbed the pain, both of us, especially me who felt insignificance by even though we told the story to because he was in a leadership role. People were more concern about him because I chose to stand strong behind him for the sake of our children, they just figures I had my thinking under contro. It happens such a long time ago with knowledge of the two children came years late, over 40 years ago. I buried my hurt by trying to make sure everyone else was doing ok with this knowledge. I am now 77 years old and in therapy for the second time in my life. Since 73 and making a major move my health went downhill to the point I could die. All that drama brought out in me so many things, especially my wrong thinking on the past. All this to say I realize to help me. I feel compelled to share my heart of this. My goal and feel like goal is for me is to have the most loving relationship with my husband in our winter years and a loving relationship with myself most of all. How we think about what happened to us makes or breaks my thinking of what is of a good report, to think kindly on others with tons of grace, especially with myself. I love you posts, your honestly and that you still are healing until Jesus comes. That me, healing takes courage, time put into it and acceptance of what God teaches through it. Wow, I can ‘believe how much I have written to you. Thank you for listening. Blessings.
Dear Betty —
Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone, not by a long shot. This is a broken world. My belief though has always been that it is better to get the poison out.
So often we attempt to cope by ignoring intolerable situations and tamping down painful emotions, all the while pretending for the world’s sake that everything is fine. Unfortunately, that only does more damage to us.
I hope and pray that therapy helps you, and that God restores your health and strength. You may bear scars. No one escapes this life without them. But I am certain you have been a blessing to all those around you, especially your husband.
Your friend,
A. ❤
"We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed — always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body” (2 Cor. 4: 8-10).
I just re-read what I wrote, and it was without checking it afterwards. So many grammar mistakes, spelling, word choice, etc. When I decide to write or talk about it memories filled with pain come tumbling out and there you have the mistakes. i can talk about it easier than write about, crazy. Thank you for the kind words, I know I am not alone in this. I sense God through the pain and when the lights break on the habit in. Even though I was not a Christian when I was little I felt God with me. As a grown women so many times He protected me so many times. Bless you for your encouragement. Betty
I did not notice any “mistakes”, Betty. Your pain was simply spilling out. No one would critique a 911 call for grammar. You are far too hard on yourself.
Many victims rush toward forgiveness without first acknowledging their own hurt and betrayal. Legitimate anger is then turned inward, becoming depression.
I do believe that God is w/ you. Let Him lead you toward healing.
Blessings,
A.
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