“What to Do if You Still Love Your Abusive Ex” by Catherine Liu

“Weeping Woman” by Arnoldus Borret (c. 1880), Leiden University Library/Royal Netherlands Institute of Southeast Asian and Caribbean Studies (Accession No. 36A221), (PD)

We cling to bad relationships for any number of reasons.  

Sometimes we assume the time we have invested in a destructive relationship is too substantial to relinquish.  But that is merely grief distorting our reason.  The loss of a year — or a decade — does not justify the loss of another.

Sometimes we believe the passion we feel — unreciprocated as it may be — is the only thing that gives our lives significance.  But that is false.  Our lives derive significance (and joy) from many sources:  faith, nature, children, family, friends, work, charity, and creativity to name a few.

Ultimately, what gives our lives meaning is the fact that we are children of God, made in His image.  Nothing and no one can deprive us of that attribute…though it is all too easy to forget, when we have been subjected to abuse.

This is a helpful article laying out 7 steps for victims to follow, if an abusive ex-lover or spouse still has an emotional hold on them.

“1.   Acknowledge that he Never Loved You

No matter how much you try to bargain with yourself, and no matter the lies he told you, people always show you how they feel about you by the way they treat you. Acknowledge that he doesn’t care about your feelings. He doesn’t care about your confidence or self-esteem. He will only flourish when he’s belittling you and you’re suffering for his ego. Screw that! You’re better off without anyone than with someone like that! You deserve someone who can give you support, patience, kindness, empathy and can reciprocate real love…”

TO READ MORE GO TOhttps://stepstowardhealing.wordpress.com/2017/11/28/what-to-do-if-you-still-love-your-abuser-7-truth-bombs-to-get-you-over-him/

Catherine Liu blogs on Improve Your Life After Abuse at https://stepstowardhealing.wordpress.com



Filed under Christianity, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Religion, Violence Against Women

15 responses to ““What to Do if You Still Love Your Abusive Ex” by Catherine Liu

  1. Although the statistics show that men are more “evil”, there is the flipside when women hits the shit out of you and you can’t do nothing since if you do you go to jail.

  2. By the way, loooove ya! Thank you for sticking around to read my dumb things

    • I love your writing, Charly! Like you, it is strong, funny, down to earth, and honest. I’m proud to be both a friend and a fan. I hope it’s a great New Year for you!

      • Thank you very much Anna, you don’t know how much I appreciate that, I spend the Christmas holidays alone, the new year alone, in my little rent room that is freezing cold. No family no friends, a lot of aquaintances but no friends. It’s my fault I realise that because of my previous actions.

      • You have so much to offer, Charly. We all make mistakes. The past does not have to govern the future. May this be the very last time you spend the holidays alone!!!

  3. This is a nice post. The guidelines would definitely be helpful to those who need it. Love is a mystery. Otherwise how do you explain loving an abusive ex?

    • Love is as complex as human beings are. But what we describe as “chemistry” has a psychological basis. Our choice of a beloved is only partly conscious.

      The image we devise of Prince (or Princess) Charming is an outgrowth of the things we have experienced. Maybe he has the same hair as a cartoon hero we thought was wonderful at the age of 5. Maybe he wears the same kind of work shirts our father did. More often the characteristics are subtle, their origins long forgotten.

      Children absorb what is around them without critical analysis. A cruel look between adults need not be understood to be remembered. Grandpa strikes Grandma, Dad makes Mom cry. If these things are normalized, they will be perpetuated.

      What is familiar to us feels “right”. If we have no experience of kindness or respect, those will feel strange to us at first. Thankfully, we can learn to recognize — and respond to — what is less destructive.

  4. Anna, read, after read- your postings, words are a safe haven, a sanctuary for those in need. A guardian of the less fortunate. Absolutely super!

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