We continue this series on abuse in Christian marriage with a few more of Satan’s lies.
“Abuse in a Marriage Is the Woman’s Fault, a Result of Her Sin”
Not only are women frequently blamed for the abuse to which they are subjected. A Christian woman may be told that, as a sinner herself, she cannot criticize her husband’s behavior. If anything, it is her duty to reform him.
While a clever way of shifting blame, this is circular logic. It has no basis either in fact or Scripture.
Abuse – physical, emotional, financial, or sexual – is a deliberate act by the abuser. It is not the woman’s fault, and not her sin. No one deserves to be abused – not a “witch”, not a “nag”, not a “pig”, not an “old bag”, or any other offensive term the abuser may devise to excuse his reprehensible behavior. No one.
True, a sinner will reap what he sows (Gal. 6: 7). However, it is the abuser – not the victim – who has sown the wind, and will reap the whirlwind (Hosea 8: 7).
As for reform, it may take criminal liability – if that – for an abuser to change his lifestyle.
“Abuse Ultimately Works to Improve a Woman’s Character”
While the Bible teaches us to bear our trials patiently, it does not require us to tolerate evil [1]. The Bible consistently opposes injustice.
The Old Testament prophets repeatedly preached against cruelty toward widows and orphans (Ex. 22: 22-23; Deut. 27: 19; Ps. 10: 17-18; Ps. 68: 5; Is. 1: 17). This theme continues into the New Testament (1 Tim. 5: 1-16; James 1: 27).
Does it make sense that the Bible would require men to care for the widows and orphans of strangers, yet allow abuse of their own wives and children?
“If a Woman Has Sufficient Faith, the Abuse Will Stop”
Women who have been sold this bill of goods believe themselves responsible, if the abuse continues. But the women murdered by their partners do not die for lack of faith. As we have said, abuse is an intentional act by the abuser.
Again, these are LIES and half-truths – Scripture distorted, nothing more. We must not be deceived. To do so is to risk our faith, our sanity, and our lives.
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[1] The promise that God will not allow a woman to be tempted beyond her capacity to endure (1 Cor. 10: 13) relates to a woman’s ability to resist the temptation to sin – not her ability to endure abuse.
This series will continue next week with Part 3 – Forgiveness
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ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse 
Pingback: Christian Marriage and the Misuse of Scripture, Part 2 – Faith and Fault | justiceforkevinandjenveybaylis
My own opinion,and that’s all it is,is that no man who has descended to the level of the types of abuse you describe here can change himself,nor do I believe any sort of criminal reform can break this cycle. I think the percentage of repeat offenders bears this out as well.
I do believe people can change, but where abuse is the normative behavior there is no felt need to change so long as the abused remains in the situation. There is something sick and twisted about a person that takes pleasure in inflicting pain and suffering on another person,and to twist the scriptures in such a way as to justify this behavior is sicker still.
How anyone can get around the fact that God commands us to love and not hurt is beyond me. For a man to ignore the command that husbands are to love their wives even as Christ loved the church so that he may abuse his spouse,is clear evidence that he does not know Christ as his Lord and Savior.
I hurt for any woman trapped in a cycle of abuse and encourage every pastor to speak out against this atrocity. Abuse is not at all uncommon in the church,in fact it is alarming to hear just how prevelent it is.
Keep up the good work Anna. We need a whole lot more people like you to bring these things out in the open so they can be effectively dealt with.
Eloquently expressed. Thank you for the encouragement, Ron. I do what little I can.
“If a Woman Has Sufficient Faith, the Abuse Will Stop” I hung on to this belief all through the abuse. It made me doubt God and my obedience to him. I kept thinking I must not be pleasing to God either or my life would not be so bad. I have since learned better. Continue to keep us thinking.
Satan uses ploys like this because they’re effective. Remember, he’s had a lot of practice. That you were fooled is no reflection on your faith, Joyce. If anything, you were sincerely trying to serve God, in some of the most painful and discouraging circumstances anyone can experience.
Thanks Anna!