As abuse victims, we will often minimize our pain. We may downplay our pain out of fear, guilt, or a desperate need to believe that the parent/caregiver or partner who caused that pain “deep down” loves us.
This is a short-term coping mechanism, a way of assuring ourselves that we will survive the harm done to us.
It is, also, a way of minimizing the responsibility of those who inflicted that harm on us (and avoid or defer dealing with the anger and grief their betrayal caused us).
Denial v. Reality
Both the victims of childhood abuse and the victims of domestic abuse may employ this coping mechanism, sometimes despite clear evidence to the contrary [1]. A woman whose partner blackened her eyes and knocked her teeth out may, nonetheless, seek to assure concerned family members, “Really, it’s not so bad.”
The problem with this coping mechanism is that it does not address the abuse. The victim denies the reality that he or she has been seriously harmed; may fail to obtain necessary medical treatment; and continues to remain in the abusive situation. Continue reading
A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse and More 