Tag Archives: healing from trauma

Climbing Gear

Open crevasse, Tangra Mountains, Antarctica, Author Apcbg, (CC BY-SA 4.0 International)

A chasm opens up again.  Depression yawns before us once more, sucking us in despite our best efforts.

It may be that something reminded us of our earlier trauma.  It may be that regret over an old loss or error in judgment morphed from sadness into despair.  Whatever the cause, as abuse victims we can suddenly find ourselves falling headlong into darkness. 

Consumed with self-loathing, we may feel achingly alone in a crowd, strangers in a strange land while at a local mall or familiar church service.  The greetings, compliments, and good wishes of loved ones – however many, however sincere – are dismissed as undeserved.  Life loses its savor.  Even prayer seems stale.

Surprisingly, the skills and equipment necessary to alpine rescue have bearing on this.

Fatal Self-Isolation

Engulfed by depression, our instinct will likely be to self-isolate.  But this can be a fatal mistake, effectively putting us at risk of hypothermia from the cold of the mountain crevasse into which we have fallen.  It can take a rescue team and specialized equipment to pull a climber who has fallen into such a crevasse back to safety.

Climbing Team

It is essential to remember that none of us really climbs the mountains of life alone.  We are all linked to others – to family, friends, roommates, neighbors, teachers, classmates, coaches, teammates, co-workers, health care providers, crisis hot lines, and God, Himself.  These are vital resources. Continue reading

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Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Christianity, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, Religion, Sexual Abuse, Sports

Trauma Bonding

Cycle of Abuse Chart created by Avanduyn (PD)

A trauma bond is the emotional connection between a victim and perpetrator that arises from cyclical abuse (discussed below) [1A].  Trauma bonds can form in connection with the parent/child relationship, friendships, romantic relationships, sex trafficking, and in other contexts [1B].

Cyclical Abuse 

Cyclical abuse is characterized by increasing tension and placation; an incident of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse; surface reconciliation; then a calm interval (however brief), after which the cycle repeats [2][3A]. 

Trauma Bond Components

Trauma bonds are based on terror, dominance, and unpredictability [1C].  Two main factors contribute to their formation:  a power imbalance, and intermittent reinforcement (reward/punishment) [1D].

Trauma bonds can have multiple components:

  • Love for the abuser (or who the abuser appears to be on a good day). Hope and promises that the abuser will reform feed into this.
  • Compassion for the abuser, if he or she had a difficult past.
  • Fear of escalation, with the victim often receiving death threats, if departure is contemplated. Because of this, many victims conclude it is “safer” to stay with their abuser, despite the abuse.
  • Fear for the safety of loved ones, whose lives may, also, have been threatened.
  • Diminished self-esteem, as a result of the abuse.
  • Lack of financial resources. Victims are commonly deprived of these by their abuser.
  • Shame.  Public opinion is frequently that victims are “weak” to stay with an abuser or “materialistic”, if the abuser is well-off financially.  As a result, victims are likely to hide the abuse from others.  This serves to further isolate them.

The first instance of abuse is often viewed as an anomaly, a one-off [1E].  A profuse apology and professions of “love” lull the victim into a false belief that the abuse will not recur [1F]. 

Repeat instances of abuse generate a cognitive shift, i.e. a belief that preventing (or escaping) the abuse is no longer in the victim’s power [1G].  By this point the trauma bond has been well established [3B]. Continue reading

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Filed under Child Abuse, Child Molestation, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse, sex trafficking, Sexual Abuse, Violence Against Women