Mimi & Eunice Cartoon: “Posture”, Source https://mimiandeunice.com/2011/10/20/posture/, Author Nina Paley, (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)
“Ugh. I hate the sight of your ugly face.”
“I wish I’d never had you. I should have gotten an abortion.”
“You’re useless. You’ll never amount to anything.”
“How can you be so stupid? No wonder you have no friends.”
“Now, look what you made me do. It’s all your fault.”
“No one could love you. No one ever will.”
Emotional abuse leaves no visible scars. But the wounds go deep. We may as well have scalding water dumped over us.
Emotional abuse is often mischaracterized as a less damaging form of child abuse. To the contrary, the American Academy of Pediatrics calls it, “the most challenging and prevalent form of child abuse and neglect” [1A].
Such abuse can carry over into adult relationships [2]. We settle for what we think we deserve. There is, therefore, a clear link to domestic abuse [3].
Emotional abuse of children may be accompanied by physical neglect, physical abuse, or sexual abuse.
However, there is credible evidence that the victims of emotional abuse and emotional neglect exhibit equal or worse immediate and long-term effects than the survivors of other forms of maltreatment and violence [1B].
Types of Emotional Abuse
A. Cruelty
Emotional abuse can involve name calling; constant criticism; negative remarks about a child’s (or later an adult partner’s) appearance, intellect, abilities, hopes, and dreams; cruel jokes at a child’s (or later an adult partner’s) expense; deliberate humiliation; and threats of violence or abandonment [4A].
A parent may permanently damage a child’s self-esteem simply by withholding all kind and encouraging remarks [4B].
B. Manipulation
There are other varieties of emotional abuse, no less harmful to a child. These can range from manipulating or scapegoating a child; failing to promote a child’s social development by forbidding friends, and forcing isolation on a child; to making a child the parent’s emotional partner (covert incest); or exposing a child to traumatic events like domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse [4C].
C. Excessive Control
Children can be damaged if they are pushed too hard, in order to fulfill a parent’s own ambitions, or controlled so closely that they have no lives of their own [4D].
D. Emotional Neglect
At the other extreme, children can be emotionally harmed, if they are regularly ignored [4E].
Failure by a parent to interact at all with a child is known as emotional neglect. This can occur if, for instance, a parent suffers from serious mental illness. It can be devastating for the child, even if he or she is otherwise fed and clothed.
E. Domestic Abuse
In the context of domestic violence, emotional abuse is often accompanied by extreme jealousy; isolation; enforced dependence; and coercive control by the abusive partner over money, travel, and communication with family and friends [5A]. Continue reading →
A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse and More 