“Garden of Deception” by Andrew Blucha (2022), Courtesy of https://www.reddit.com/r/ImaginaryHorrors/comments/uyxcoo/the_garden_of_deception_andrew_blucha_2022/
Grooming refers to the deliberate process by which an abuser builds a relationship with a child for the purpose of manipulating, exploiting, and abusing that child [1A][2A]. It involves gaining the victim’s trust over time while desensitizing the child to abusive behaviors, so that the child is less likely to reject them and report the abuser to authorities.
Significantly, grooming can take place both in person and online. It can take place at home, at school, in clubs, on teams, in religious settings, and elsewhere [2B]. Online, it can involve social media (Instagram, Tik Tok, Snapchat, etc.) or gaming platforms (PlayStation Network, Xbox Live, Discord, etc.) [2C].
Dynamic
Grooming is the result of a power differential within the relationship, which the abuser uses for his/her own gratification [1B]. Authority can create such a differential, for instance, where the abuser is a teacher, coach, or physician. But age, itself, can create a power differential.
Most caring adults will be sensitive to the fact children are easily influenced. Predators, by contrast, use this vulnerability to their advantage, coupling it with appropriately tailored lies. “This is how all Daddies teach their little girls about sex.” “This will make Uncle Frank very happy. You want to make him happy, don’t you?” “This is what big boys do.”
Grooming Situations
Grooming is most commonly employed in cases of child sexual abuse. Even adults, however, can be groomed [1C]. That may be the case where the abuser is a family “friend” (a charming predator with whom parents are led to believe their child will be safe), or where an adult victim comes under the sway of a narcissistic partner [3][4].
Children old enough to flee physical or sexual abuse at home will find it brutally hard to live on the streets. Not surprisingly, they, too, are susceptible to grooming which is precisely why pimps and sex traffickers rely on the tactic. A homeless young person offered “free” room and board will find it difficult to refuse sex in exchange.
Impact
A child’s feelings about his or her abuser may be mixed [1D]. Children are likely to be thrilled at apparent affection from an adult, especially if they have been lonely or excluded. Attention and compliments will go a long way with such children. Money, gifts, and favors can create a sense of obligation on their part [2D].
Abusers will often allow a child to do things other adults would not, e.g. have junk food for dinner or stay up past bedtime. Gradually, insidiously, inappropriate topics and actions are introduced [2E]. Predators are likely to portray indoctrination into a “hidden world” like pornography as a privilege or a rite of passage.
As a result, children may be reluctant to lose the “special relationship” with their abuser, even when they have been violated [1E]. Moreover, they may feel complicit, therefore, ashamed [1F].
That self-blame makes the abuse extremely difficult for them to talk about. However, children are incapable of consent to sexual abuse. Moreover, the subterfuge inherent in grooming undermines any suggestion of it.
Signs of Grooming
Not all kindly adults are, of course, predators. But the motive for money or gifts to a child not on a birthday or holiday, and favors for a child not approved by a parent should be carefully examined [2F]. Even requests from an adult for small favors from a child can be a way of testing boundaries [2G].
Isolation of a child from family and friends, and the keeping of secrets by a child from trusted adults are definite danger signs [2H]. The introduction of sexual content with a child (for example, by way of dirty jokes) is another [2I].
Precautions
All online use by children should be closely monitored. Predators can pose as anyone.
Children old enough to understand should be warned against adults or teens who are overly personal or message them privately online; adults or teens who insist that conversations be kept private or a relationship kept secret; adults, teens, or online “friends” whatever their age who request personal photos, supposedly “just for fun”; and “friends” known only online who ask to meet in person secretly [2J].
They should be assured that threats and blackmail by a predator will not result in their own punishment, when reported to parents or other trusted adults.
“‘But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea’” (Mark 9: 42).
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[1A through 1F] Survivors UK, “Grooming: Common Feelings & Effects that Survivors Experience – What is grooming?”, https://www.survivorsuk.org/resource_articles/grooming/.
[2A through 2J] First Light, “Grooming: What It Is, How to Spot It, and What to Do”, 2/17/25, https://www.firstlight.org.uk/what-is-grooming/.
[3] PsychCentral, “How Victims are groomed by Abusive Predators” by Dr. Sharie Stines, LPCC, 9/29/18, https://psychcentral.com/pro/recovery-expert/2018/09/how-victims-are-groomed-by-abusive-predators.
[4] Surprisingly, narcissists and other domestic abusers often target women who appear strong, successful, and vibrant as this apparently heightens their satisfaction when such women are subjugated. See, https://mentalzon.com/en/post/3379/do-abusers-really-target-the-weak-unmasking-their-true-tactics.
Chinese national Guo Hua Ping a/k/a Alice Guo has been sentenced by the Philippines to life imprisonment for human trafficking, in connection with a scam center she owned there. Guo is believed to have connections to Chinese criminal syndicates.
See, https://www.nbcnews.com/world/asia/philippine-mayor-accused-spying-china-sentenced-life-prison-rcna244924 for details.
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com
ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse and More 
By chance, I have been reading a biography of Prince Charles (now King Charles III), a book that found its place rather late in my reading pipeline. What struck me was how neglected he seems to have been by his parents, with much of his emotional well-being left in the hands of his uncle, Lord Mountbatten — a man who apparently took pity on the boy’s emotional starvation. Although, right now, some questions have arisen about the uncle’s motives, which casts a slightly different light on that relationship.
Though, I keep trying to believe, that his uncle was merely a man of compassion, as most people are.
I had not heard this. I certainly hope for King’s sake that the motivation was compassion.
A closer look at their relationship paints a far more grounded picture. His great-uncle Louis appears, above all, as a man whose long life had furnished him with both experience and a certain human gentleness — traits that Charles, a sensitive child destined for enormous expectations, clearly needed. Prince Philip, for all his strengths, struggled to understand his son’s temperament, leaving a gap that Mountbatten naturally stepped into.
It is a natural instinct of people of character to pass their hard-won wisdom to the younger generation, especially to those they genuinely care for. In that sense, Uncle Louis was no exception. After reading more on the matter, I feel convinced that his motivations were rooted in affection, duty, and ordinary human compassion rather than anything darker.
Louos coached Charles on:
* speaking confidently
* building rapport with people
* handling press pressure
* developing a purposeful identity within the monarchy
He was the first adult in Charles’s circle to treat him as someone who would one day carry extraordinary responsibility, not simply as a boy who needed hardening.
You explained grooming beautifully. It’s so insidious & can be so hard to spot. I hope anyone reading this immediately recognizes the signs if it happens to them or someone close to them.
Thank you, Cynthia. It is important those victimized in this way recognize that they were not at fault.
It really is. Grooming can be so subtle it’s hard to recognize. People need all the information on it they can get!
I’ve been involved in coaching youth sports for several years. Year after year, I am snowed under in mandatory classes addressing behavior, being a mandatory reporter, clues of abuse, and on and on. I’ll be honest: at first, it felt insulting; I began by volunteering to help, and immediately it’s being implied that I could be an offender, right?
Once I got into the work, however, it quickly became clear how necessary awareness of these issues are. For example (just one of many), I noticed how certain kids–coincidentally, often ones with a bad environment at home–would be desperate for approval and get much more attached to our coaches than others. It was exactly the kind of dynamic that, I think, you’re describing that can be manipulated, and the kids victimized.
I really wish discussions like these weren’t necessary. Parents, be aware, and do right by your children!
Thank you so much for the time you’ve devoted to children, Scott. Like you, I have on occasion felt the instructions on abuse tiresome and unnecessary. Child molesters are hardly likely to be persuaded by them. But the rest of us need to remain sensitive to the children w/ whom we come in contact. Their behavior can signal to caring adults that others are taking advantage of them. As you say, parents above all must remain alert and aware.
Grooming is one of the most diabolical behaviors that humans have come up with.
Child abuse has existed as long as mankind has. There are those who revel in robbing the young of their innocence. The rest of us must take all possible measures to prevent that, and help heal and restore the innocent victims.
EXACTLY!!!
This is so boring post but a much-needed topic that needs to be covered
Great warning Anna..
Sadly, many parents do not monitor their children.
I hope you have been well.
God Bless
Thank you, Mary. You are the personification of kindness. May God send you all His best. ❤
Thank you for shining a light on this evil. So many either know nothing about this crime or pretend it doesn’t happen. I continue to pray God ends this horrific crime and deals with those who commit this crime.
If not in this world, then surely in the next, Julie.
Amen 🙏
Thank you for creating such an important blog, your words are truly inspiring. Wishing you a wonderful weekend, Anna!
Thank you for saying so, Anna. You are very kind. Wishing you wonderful travels!
I used to wonder when I would offer a simple “hello” or a “how was your day at school” to the kids I would see on my walks why they almost never responded to me, but looked at me with suspicion. I mean, it’s just my nature to smile and greet people. It took my daughter, a 1st grade teacher to explain to me that kids are being taught not to interact with strangers for the very reasons you point out in this post. Imagine my shock at finding out I was viewed as a potential predator! So, now I simply keep silent and move along. What a world we have built for ourselves.
Yes, as you say, it is terribly sad.
Anna, I don’t think I’ve ever read such a clear explanation of what grooming entails and the subtlety of this evil. May we be alert to those who prey in such a way on children and be sensitive to the signs of such victimization. May God help the helpless and bring healing to the survivors in the light of His loving presence. ❤️🩹
I wholeheartedly join in your prayer, Dora. We must not view children as complicit in the evil inflicted on them.
God have mercy.
On Sun, Nov 30, 2025, 12:02 AM ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving
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