Showerhead, Author DO’Neill (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported, GNU Free Documentation License)
- You are scrupulous about personal hygiene.
- You change clothes frequently. You cannot bear to wear the same shirt or blouse a second time before washing it. This has nothing to do with vanity.
- Your clothes fade quickly from overwashing.
- You change the sheets whether they need changing or not.
- The hamper fills up constantly. You do laundry several times a week, though you live alone.
- In the shower, a feeling of relief washes over you, along with the water. A sense that you are clean again, restored. But the relief does not last long.
If any of this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing a little known symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
The sensation of “feeling dirty” – a sense of self-disgust – is now recognized as a result of sexual abuse or sexual assault [1]. The feeling of uncleanliness produces an urge to wash in the absence of physical contaminants. Rape victims have been known to scrub their skin raw, in an effort to remove any last taint of their assailant [2].
But that taint has been internalized. We, ourselves, are the source of contamination. We, ourselves, have become impure.
This is a measure of our violation.
It is not, of course, true that we are any less pure or any less worthy than before we were violated. But we do feel that way, and desperately want to rid ourselves of the literal and figurative filth to which we were subjected. Desperately want to restore our own integrity.
The overwhelming urge to wash is not foolish or irrational. Our struggle reflects the fact that human beings are a unique combination of body and mind. What happens to the body necessarily impacts the mind, and vice versa. This fact is at the root of spiritual cleansing rituals [3].
We cannot simply talk ourselves out of trauma, or pretend it did not happen. We cannot even scour it away, much as we may try. But we can grow beyond it.
We did not bring this evil upon ourselves. Nor do we bear the guilt for it. Our physical integrity may have been encroached, but our moral integrity was never actually impaired. No cleansing – ritual or otherwise – is necessary.
“Do you not perceive that whatever enters a man from outside cannot defile him, because it does not enter his heart…What comes out of a man, that defiles a man” (Mark 7: 18-20).
—
[1] National Institutes of Health, National Library of Medicine, National Center for Biotechnology Information, “Disgust, Mental Contamination, and Posttraumatic Stress: Unique Relations following Sexual versus Non-Sexual Assault” by Christal Badour, et al, 12/10/12, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3577979/.
[2] Loyola University Counseling Center, “Common Reactions to Sexual Assault, https://www.loyola.edu/department/counseling-center/services/students/concerns/sexual-assault/reactions.html.
[3] Wikipedia, “Ritual purification”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ritual_purification.
The US Supreme Court has upheld state bans against hormone treatments and puberty blockers for minors with gender dysphoria.
See, https://www.npr.org/2025/06/18/nx-s1-5421276/scotus-transgender-kids-decision for details.
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com
ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse 
Thank you for sharing this, Anna. This makes a lot of sense, but I’ve never heard this before. Keep up the good work! God bless!
Thank you, Amber. You are very kind. ❤
Thank you for sharing this, Anna. So many of your posts introduce new concepts to me I was unaware of. I never realized how this urge to over-wash could be connected to trauma. I always appreciate how your words offer so much understanding and grace to those who have suffered. I’m grateful for the education you provide me as well, and hope it results in my being able to better support others.
Have a blessed week, Anna!
–Scott
I hardly deserve such praise, Scott. But I am truly gratified if even some of what I write has been useful to you.
Blessings,
A.
What a powerful reminder Anna that while terrible things may be done to us, they do not define us nor do they control us. Victims do not have to remain victims, for we are created with a powerful inner strength to overcome.
Yes, in all things Christ sustains us. But abuse can have a shattering impact, effecting victims in many different ways.
That we still bear the scars of our abuse does not mean we are somehow weak or deficient. Just the opposite. The scars of our abuse are war wounds, the evidence of our survival.
Throughout my life, I’ve carried a quiet fear of making things dirty—of leaving traces where I shouldn’t. I tend to use protective covers for just about everything. My wife occasionally suggests I might benefit from talking to someone about it, but I’ve managed to avoid that so far… mostly because I’ve never quite found the courage to take that first step.
Thank you Anna for sharing your article.
I have wrestled, myself, w/ many of the issues I write about, Hubert. This is one.
It has taken me a long time to realize that the behaviors others may view as “strange” are actually the scars of child abuse. My goal is to share that information in the hope of relieving pain.
You are a fine man, Hubert, and far stronger than whatever the trauma you experienced. Only you can decide whether or not to pursue therapy. Either way, however, it is an honor to know you.
You’ve helped many people, Anna, and keep helping many with your articles. Also the accompanying discussions are helpful, extremely so even.
That sense of self-disgust at the body our Heavenly Father gave us is hard to overcome when it has been abused by others as if it were theirs to abuse. To embrace the truth that our bodies are not anyone’s but belong to God, that they are “temples of the Holy Spirit” (I Cor. 6:19), is to be free to love the purity, yes, the God-given purity, of our bodies. As our Lord Jesus, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Only Christ can do this for us because we are bought/cleansed by his blood. How good and gracious He is who gave His own body so that ours may be made holy. Hallelujah! What a Savior!