Monthly Archives: November 2023

November 26, 2023 · 1:00 am

Reckless Disregard

File:The Children of Odin The Book of Northern Myths 18.jpg

“The Children of Odin” from The Book of Northern Myths (1917), Author Padraic Colum, Illustrator Willy Pogany (PD)

WARNING:  Graphic Images

  • In New York, a 1 y.o. boy, two 2 y.o. boys, and a 7 month old girl are believed to have consumed or been exposed to fentanyl at a daycare center [1].   The youngest boy, Nicholas Dominici, died as a result.  The others had to be hospitalized.  A trap door and hidden drugs were subsequently discovered [2].  The daycare provider Grei Mendez, 36 y.o., her husband Felix Herrera Garcia, 34 y.o., and his cousin Carlisto Brito, 41 y.o., have been indicted for second degree murder and manslaughter.
  • In South Carolina, daycare workers, Serena Caldwell, 56 y.o., and Ericka Jones, 27 y.o, have been charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor for urging the 3 y.o. and 4 y.o. youngsters in their care to fight one another [1].  Some fourteen children were involved.  Thankfully, none sustained serious injury.  The two women were terminated after security footage was reviewed.

This is depravity of the highest order, and reckless disregard for human life.  There is no other way to describe it.  Even wolves do not treat their young like this.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?” (Jer. 17: 9).

—

[1]  Fox News, “New York City daycare children possibly consume fentanyl, 1 dead,  3 hospitalized:  Report” by Sarah Rumpf-Whitten, 9/16/23, https://www.foxnews.com/us/new-york-city-daycare-children-possibly-consumer-fentanyl-1-dead-3-hospitalized-report.

[2]  CNN, “Bronx day care provider and two others indicted on murder charges in 1 year old’s death.  The boy’s father gives a gut wrenching statement” by Rob Frehse, Jason Hanna, and Holly Yan, 10/6/23, https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/05/us/bronx-day-care-fentanyl-state-charges/index.html.

[3]  Fox News, “‘Rogue’ daycare workers busted for allegedly running child fight ring” by Christina Coulter, 10/11/23, https://www.foxnews.com/us/rogue-daycare-workers-busted-allegedly-running-child-fight-ring.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

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November 19, 2023 · 1:00 am

Full and Satisfying

File:Harvest Still (126163195).jpeg

Harvest Still, Source https://500px.com, Photographer Nicu Buculei
(CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

Can the victims of abuse ever lead full and satisfying lives?  That depends, to a large extent, on how we define “full and satisfying”.

There is no question that abuse can kill.  Those of us who survive may be left with lifelong physical and emotional scars.  Abuse can leave victims struggling with depression, anxiety, and PTSD.  Abuse can turn sex into a weapon, in the desperate search for love.  Abuse can lead to self-medication, with drugs or alcohol.

But that is not the whole story.  Not by a long shot.

“…even the helpless victim of a hopeless situation facing a fate he cannot change, may rise above himself, may grow beyond himself, and by so doing change himself. He may turn a personal tragedy into a triumph.”

– Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

The psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning described his experiences as a prisoner at Auschwitz concentration camp.  He concluded that human beings strive for purpose, and that – whatever our circumstances – we have the ability to give life meaning through love, work, and suffering.

At first glance, that may not make sense.  Oh, most of us would agree that life can be given meaning by romantic love, perhaps brotherly love.  After some thought, we might be persuaded that life can be given meaning by work – even tedious or menial work, if done to support the ones we love.

Yet suffering?  Not such a stretch as it might seem.  We recognize the concept of sacrifice in a noble cause (love of God, love of country, etc.), and sacrifice for the sake of a beloved.  Mothers who have lost a child will understand that their grief is, in part, a testament to that child.

How does this relate to abuse victims?  Well, we have certainly suffered.  That our suffering was not to any purpose makes it all the more cruel.  We were innocent victims.  Blameless.

And that is the place to start… Continue reading →

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November 12, 2023 · 1:00 am

Passed Over at the Dance – Love and Failure

File:Rose by manuel gegenhuber.jpgImage by Manuel Gugenhuber (CC BY-SA 3.0 Unported)

Many of us feel that we failed at love.  We were passed over at the dance.  We picked the wrong partners — those who did not or could not love us, those who loved us once but no longer care.  Those who raised our hopes, then shattered our dreams.  Those who simply walked away.

There are countless reasons for this.  It may be that childhood abuse colored our choices.  It may be that those choices were limited by our circumstances.  It may be that a partner changed over the years…or that we changed.  It may be that a partner was equally wounded from the start.

Rejection is heartbreaking.  The end of love is heartbreaking.  We think the years we invested were wasted, that our lives were wasted.  That our love was poured out on sand.

But heartbreak and failure are not one and the same.  Nearly everyone alive has experienced heartbreak, at one time or another.  Sad love songs are more popular than upbeat ones.

God, Himself, is love (1 John 4: 16).  He created us to know, love, and serve Him.  We do that by obeying His laws (1 John 5: 2), and serving others (Eph. 2: 10).

None of us live up to God’s standards — not as we should, not on a constant basis.  We stray.  We make mistakes, despite our good intentions.  But if we pour out our love, as best we can — whether on spouses, lovers, siblings, friends, children, or strangers — we have fulfilled the central purpose for which we were created (Luke 7: 47).

That is not failure.  Whatever the outcome, that is not failure.

FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com

 

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November 5, 2023 · 1:00 am

“Stages of Trauma Bonding” by Cynthia Bailey Rug

7 Stages Of Trauma Bonding explained on a dark navy background

Image courtesy of Sandstone Care

Below is a post by the Christian author, Cynthia Bailey Rug.  While this post is specifically directed toward the victims of narcissism, it is highly relevant to the victims of childhood abuse and/or domestic violence who are particularly vulnerable to trauma bonding.

Cynthia Bailey Rug blogs at https://cynthiabaileyrug.wordpress.com  .  The full text of this post dated 10/14/23 can be found there.

“Trauma bonding, also known as Stockholm Syndrome, is a common & strange phenomenon among victims of ongoing abuse [1][2].  It happens when abusers aren’t abusive all of the time, & show their victims random kindnesses.  Those kindnesses seem to prove to victims that their abuser isn’t all bad, & they really do care for their victim.  That thinking bonds the victim to their abuser & makes them more willing to tolerate abuse.

Narcissists are exceptionally good at trauma bonding their victims to them.  It happens very subtly & in gradually increasing stages of toxicity.  Trauma bonding is much like the story of putting a frog in a pot of water.  If the water is boiling when he goes in, he recognizes the danger & hops out immediately.  But, if it’s warm & gradually the temperature increases to boiling, he won’t notice he’s in danger until it’s too late…

The first stage of trauma is love bombing.  This is when the narcissist [or other abuser] showers you with love, praise & adoration.  You can do no wrong.  You are absolutely perfect!…Gifts can be a part of love bombing too…” Continue reading →

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