Tag Archives: self-pity

“Screaming and Watercolors” by Teresa Wong, Source The Walrus https://thewalrus.ca/good-mom-on-paper/

Whether we have been the victims of trauma or not, some of us adopt a victim mentality. 

We view the whole world as against us, and our “luck” as consistently bad [1][2].  We see ourselves as constantly wronged or treated unfairly.  We avoid taking personal responsibility, instead blaming our life choices (and their consequences) on others.  We have difficulty with change.  We can reject helpful suggestions outright.

Like toddlers, we may throw a tantrum, if our victimhood is challenged.

This is learned helplessness.  It results in frustration, resentment, and loneliness.

Maladaptive Coping

Self-pity as expressed in a negative view towards life is a maladaptive coping mechanism.  Meant to protect us against further disappointment, it is, in the long run, emotionally crippling. 

While adopting a “poor, pitiful me” attitude can generate sympathy, it does little or nothing to build character or promote personal growth.  The attitude is closely linked to self-sabotage, and not uncommonly associated with a narcissistic personality focused on entitlement. 

We may think we are avoiding risk.  But we are actually avoiding life, and all it has to offer.  Indeed, the chances are that we will attract only those with the same propensity for self-pity and complaint. Continue reading →