Rape and Serious Sexual Offenses Campaign, Source/Author West Midlands Police, UK, (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)
Marital rape is rape by a man to whom the victim is married, i.e. sexual intercourse under force, threat, or coercion [1]. Lack of consent is the essential element. Violence may be present, but is not required for the act to constitute rape.
Marital rape is now recognized by countries around the world. It is not, however, criminalized everywhere. Cultural practices, ideas about male and female sexuality, and religious beliefs about the subordination of a wife to her husband all play a part in this.
History
Historically, intercourse within marriage was regarded as an absolute right.
While women were not actually seen as property under English common law, rape was viewed as the theft of a man’s property — not violation of a woman’s right to autonomy [2A][3]. Marital rape was considered a contradiction in terms.
In the United States, the 19th Century Suffrage Movement, along with seeking votes for women, challenged the right of men to force or coerce their wives into sex. Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucy Stone considered a woman’s right to decline marital relations as a “core component of equality”.
Past arguments against the criminalization of marital rape included the unfitness of the criminal law for settling marital disputes; the difficulties of proof; the possibility of malicious prosecution; the possibility of reconciliation after the rape; and the existence of family law remedies [2B].
None of these arguments justified exempting a husband from accountability for his brutality. Few legal systems anywhere, however, allowed the prosecution of rape within marriage before the 1970s.
Psychological Damage
Marital rape can be more damaging than rape by a stranger [4]. It is rarely a one-time event, and frequently occurs in the context of an abusive relationship. The victim cannot remove herself from the rapist, and is forced to go on interacting with him.
Marital rape runs counter to the very concept of conjugal rights — legal rights a husband and wife each have not only to sexual relations but companionship, support, comfort, and affection [5].
Biblical Viewpoint
“And rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times” (Prov. 5: 18-19).
While this verse from the Bible has been misinterpreted to suggest that a woman must submit to her husband’s desire for sex at any and all times, that is a gross error. Read in context, the verse is actually a prohibition against adultery.
“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Cor. 7: 3-4).
These verses describe the beauty of the conjugal bond which is not limited to sex. In a loving relationship, the man and wife give to each other reciprocally. Kindness and understanding are meant to be the guides.
It is not, therefore, immoral for a wife to say “no” to her husband’s advances from time to time. Often, she has an entirely valid reason for doing this.
In fact, husbands are directed to love and care for their wives as they do their own bodies (Eph. 5: 28). That command is, for all practical purposes, a prohibition against marital rape. But it should be unnecessary.
We ought to realize that love and rape are mutually exclusive.
—
[1] Wikipedia, “Marital rape”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marital_rape.
[2A and 2B] US Dept. of Justice, NCJRS Virtual Library, “But If You Can’t Rape Your Wife, Who(m) Can You Rape?” by MD Freeman, Spring 1981, https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/if-you-cant-rape-your-wife-whom-can-you-rape-marital-rape-exemption.
[3] Women (at least white women) could not legally be bought/sold, gifted, inherited, seized in satisfaction of a judgment, or destroyed under English common law, as other property could. Married women in the 18th Century could not though own property, sign a contract, make a will, sue or be sued.
For more information, see: https://muse.jhu.edu/pub/1/article/789413/pdf; https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/1754-0208.12796; https://www.lancaster.ac.uk/law/blog-archive/student/reconsidering-the-contractual-capacity-of-married-women-in-the-long-18th-century/; and https://www.familysearch.org/en/wiki/Marriage_Settlements_in_England_and_Wales.
[4] Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN), “Intimate Partner Sexual Violence”, https://www.rainn.org/articles/intimate-partner-sexual-violence.
[5] Cornell Law School, “conjugal rights”, https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/conjugal_rights.
Transcripts have been released showing that Florida prosecutors were fully aware Jeffrey Epstein raped teenage girls before giving him a “sweetheart” plea deal. See, https://www.yahoo.com/news/florida-prosecutors-knew-jeffrey-epstein-215900674.html.
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com
A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse and More 
this is a lot more common than people think! Thanks for highlighting this Anna! X
Thank you for reading and commenting, Carol Anne. ❤
There is nothing that enrages me as much those who (mis)interpret the Bible to justify abuse or the demeaning of women and children in any way. How they claim to follow Jesus in doing so is evidence of their depravity and the wrath of God that awaits them. May they repent!
I wholeheartedly agree!
Ein sehr schwieriges Thema. Manche Männer denken, dass sie mit der Eheschließung auch die Rechte an der Frau haben, leider. LG Marie
Ich möchte die vielen, vielen guten Männer auf der Welt nicht übersehen. LG, A. ❤
Thank you for shedding light on this crime. Many do not understand that it is a crime. As one who has suffered various sexual abuse and my mother too was a victim of this crime, I appreciate you letting the world know it is real and should never be allowed.
I am deeply sorry for the pain you and your mother experienced, Julie.
Education is an important element in preventing rape (marital and otherwise). We need to teach our children that this is unacceptable behavior, that this is not love.
Of course, there will always be some who choose evil. For them, society must enforce legal consequences.
Amen!
I have encountered several men who believe it is the wife’s “duty” to submit to her husband at all times. And yes, these are supposed “Christian” men. What this has taught me is that while people can read their Bible, including the verses mentioned in this post, that doesn’t mean they will apply them to their own lives.
It is a tragedy that men will cherry pick scripture to justify their actions, not caring at all about the pain those actions inflict upon their families. Just yesterday, in fact, I was told by a lady in the church of the lifetime of abuse from her “Christian” husband, and how it has destroyed her and her children. How does one continue to place one foot in front of the other, knowing there is no escape?
Thank you for shedding light on this subject Anna. I just wish more pastors and teachers had the intestinal fortitude to teach it in their churches.
I know of a devout Christian woman who endured two abusive marriages involving not only physical violence but incest. Both she and her children bear the scars. The church must speak out against this.
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Hi Anna,
Forgive me if this is a double post somewhere but I cannot see where my comment posted.
I wanted to say “thank you” for the boldness and love and faithfulness to bring this out into the light.
I am embarrassed to admit I never thought about this as a real issue… hard to imagine this reality at first pass, until I stop to think on how much this world needs healing, forgiveness and the Love of God to penetrate out hearts.
This angered me more than I knew was inside me. Thank you as always, Anna for being a Voice for those who do not yet have one.
Your brother, always,
D~
You are always so kind to me, David.
I apologize if any of your comments were inadvertently lost to my spam folder which always contains dozens more pornographic and other unsolicited ads than comments by legitimate readers.
It does not surprise me that the topic of marital rape would not have been on your radar. Rape (marital or otherwise) is not something a good man often contemplates, since it is not something he would undertake.
Unfortunately, there are men in the world who have less regard for the women in their lives than for their trucks, their tools, or their pets.
This is a broken world. As Christians, all we can do is share in this pain, and try to repair a single life at at time.
Healing is through Christ, and not through us. But He is sometimes gracious to use us. And He sustains us against what often feels an onslaught of evil.
May He keep you in His care, dear brother.
Your sister,
A.