Relapse

Foot-race at the Panathenaea (c. 800 BC – 480 BC), reverse of an ancient Greek vase, Source Encyclopædia Britannica (11th ed.), (PD)

Despite decades of counseling, abuse victims may struggle with the scars of their trauma for a lifetime.  This is a discouraging truth whether applicable to alcohol or drug abuse, eating disorders, cutting, or other self-destructive behaviors stemming from the abuse.

When we do relapse the shame returns full force.  But the conclusions we draw from our relapse are important.

Not Worthless or Hopeless

That we have relapsed does not mean that we are worthless and our situation hopeless.  It simply means that we are human beings who have been deeply wounded.

Survival Skills

Nor does relapse mean that the survival skills we struggled to acquire have been proven useless.  We have simply set them aside, in favor of more familiar and more damaging behaviors [1].

Stages of Relapse

Psychologists recognize 3 stages of relapse:  emotional, mental, and physical [2].

A. Emotional Stage

In this first stage, we do not manage our emotions well.  We may give the appearance of control.  But we do not practice self-care and do not seek the support of others, instead bottling up our anxieties.

Our hold on the success we have achieved at conquering our demons feels tenuous, insecure.  We “know” ourselves to be undeserving of it.  Fundamentally, we believe that any success has been illusory, that relapse is inevitable.

Such flawed thinking is, of course, a byproduct of our abuse.  The experience of abuse taught us — inaccurately — that we were inherently deficient and undeserving.  Therefore, we sabotage our own efforts.

B. Mental Stage

This stage in relapse is characterized by intense physical and/or psychological cravings for the self-destructive behavior.

We may fantasize about our self-destructive behavior, as if it were beneficial, or frequent the people, places, and things associated with that behavior.  This only increases the temptation to relapse.

The power of our particular temptation is directly related to our abuse.  We believe that we should be punished, so we engage in self-destructive behavior.  Whatever temporary relief the self-destructive behavior may provide, the toxic shame it produces in us recreates the experience of our abuse.

C. Physical Stage

This stage involves a choice to go forward with the self-destructive behavior.  We purchase the alcohol, drugs, high calorie food, cutting implements, etc. and relapse.

All the while the thought torments us that we have nullified our hard-won progress, and failed anyone who may have encouraged us along the way.  Discouragement and self-condemnation are Satan’s stock in trade, tools he uses to oppress us.

But our relapse need not be final.

Freed to Fight Imperfectly

“…let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us” (Heb. 12: 1).

None of us is perfect [3].  Though we may stumble and fall at times, our race is not over.  In Christ, we are freed to fight the good fight, imperfect as we are [4].

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[1]  Study.com, “Self-Destructive Behavior:  Signs and Examples”, https://study.com/academy/lesson/self-destructive-behavior-signs-causes-effects.html.

[2]  Alcohol Rehab Guide (ARG), “The Three Stages of Relapse” by Legacy Healing Center, https://www.alcoholrehabguide.org/blog/three-stages-relapse/.

[3]  Got Questions, “What does the Bible say about perfectionism?”, https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-perfectionism.html.

[4]  Desiring God, “Lay Aside the Weight of Perfection”, 6/9/17, https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/lay-aside-the-weight-of-perfection.

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