“Cain After Killing His Brother Abel”, Tuilleries Garden, Paris, France, Author Joe deSousa (CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain Dedication)
WARNING: Graphic Images
“And Cain said to the Lord, ‘My punishment is greater than I can bear!’ ” (Gen. 4: 13).
Though there are some hideous punishments inflicted on children, I will not be focusing on those here. I want instead to talk about the punishment we inflict on ourselves. The two are linked.
As abuse victims, we come to believe ourselves deficient, sinful, unworthy of love.
We may be told this directly by curses, blows, and cigarette burns, or indirectly by food, warmth, and shelter denied; by affection, comfort, and encouragement withheld; by the absence of laughter, except at our expense; by the absence of protection from sexual predation; and, above all, by the absence of hope.
Whatever the details in our case, we come to see ourselves as guilty. We may not be able to name the sins we committed to “deserve” our abuse. But we are certain of our guilt.
It is as if we bear the mark of Cain without ever having committed the crime.
Punishment and Deprivation
“My soul has been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is” (Lam. 3: 17).
Those of us who were deprived of the basic necessities as children may deprive ourselves the same way as adults.
We cannot keep the refrigerator full or the pantry stocked. We have difficulty using the new sheets, and may prefer sleeping on the couch or floor. We resist purchasing a favorite food or appealing item of clothing for ourselves. We take time off from work only reluctantly for a vacation.
Collateral to this, abuse victims who were physically and/or emotionally starved may hide food (or money and valuables) in secret spots around the house or yard.
While it may be painful to us, none of this behavior is a sign of “insanity” on our part. It is simply a residual scar of the abuse inflicted on us, the rational response to irrational circumstances.
Punishment and Numbness
“You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead…” (Lev. 19: 28).
Sadly, abuse victims may go to further extremes and use self-harm (“cutting”) to overcome a sense of numbness or emotional deadening, in the aftermath of abuse. Some victims, also, cut in an attempt to cope with powerful emotions like loneliness, emptiness, rejection, sorrow, and rage.
For yet other victims, the pain is so great they will do anything to block it out – even if that means destroying themselves, in the process. This is where illegal drugs come into the picture.
Drugs at best provide temporary anesthesia. Abuse victims quite literally lose themselves, albeit at the risk of their lives. Since victims already feel worthless, that can seem like a fair trade.
Originally posted 10/1/17
This series will conclude next week with “Punishing Ourselves, Part 2 – Emotional Hunger”
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com
ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse 
Ich finde es sehr wichtig, dass den Opfern sexuellen Missbrauchs klargemacht wird, dass sie es nicht sind, die eine Schuld abzutragen haben, sondern dass es die Täter sind, die diese Qualen verursacht haben und zur Rechenschaft gezogen werden müssen. LG, M.
Du hast so recht, Marie. Leider tragen wir diese fehlgeleitete Schuld oft jahrelang mit uns herum. LG, A. ❤
Anna, This is why we have to love instead of judge those that are numbing. We don’t know what they have endured. I see myself if some of these, and also others that I know. Love the scriptures you used. May we have compassion on those who are suffering and don’t know that Jesus can give them hope so they don’t have to numb. Thank you for using your story to help others.
You are exactly right, Mary. Love is the key.
I had used drugs in my teen years to my very early 20’s to numb myself from feeling anything until I was visited by God in a motel room on PCH where I was staying. I heard a voice as I entered my room (no one was physically there) HE said ‘Why are you letting them continue to hurt you?’ I must be crazy because I answered, ‘Nobody is hurting me anymore.’ He continued, ‘As long as you are doing what you are doing, you are letting them hurt you by what you are doing’. Standing in front of the mirror in my room alone hearing a voice from someone I could not see, I knew that they were right. I made a choice then and there and quit cold turkey, and detoxing by myself was no fun, but by trying not to feel anything I was only hurting myself. I had to learn to deal with the pain of what had been done to me and stop hurting myself. I appreciate that you wrote this post.
What a powerful statement, Julie. I thank God that He intervened in your life. There are so many abuse victims who do not know that He longs to do the same for them. ❤ ❤ ❤
Thank you Anna