Individual dressed as character Kratos from PlayStation video game “God of War”, Source https://www.flickr.com, Author Mooshuu, (CC BY-SA 2.0 Generic)
Children imitate the adults around them. It appears that young boys are now becoming as vain and shallow as we have taught young girls to be.
Since far too many are being brought up by the action heroes in films, the player characters in video games, and the “hypermasculine” influencers online instead of parents, boys are now falling prey to a trend called “looksmaxxing” which emphasizes idealized — often unrealistic — male looks [1][2]. Boys who cannot achieve the desired appearance are subject to derision and bullying by peers, depression, and even suicide.
Do we need more evidence that we have abandoned our children? Or is the problem that we lead such empty and self-absorbed lives, ourselves, we cannot tell the difference?
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[1] Wikipedia, “Looksmaxxing”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Looksmaxxing.
[2] Parents Magazine, “Why ‘Looksmaxxing’ Is Putting Teen Boys at Risk” by Ashleigh DeLuca, 6/24/25, https://www.parents.com/why-looksmaxxing-is-putting-teen-boys-at-risk-11756133.
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ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse 
Hi Anna, I trust you are aware that approximately 80% of the links on the https://clcphila.org/ website are not functional. They return a “File Not Found” on this server response, which means that the data for the particular webpage is not mapped correctly. Just saying . . . – Blessings – Bruce
Thank you so much for letting me know, Bruce. I will be sure to call the Administrator in the morning.
My pleasure, Anna. Blessings!
Your words carry the weight of truth we dare not speak aloud. We have indeed abandoned our children – not through absence, but through our own emptiness made manifest in their mirrors.
The boys you describe, chasing shadows of manufactured masculinity, are our sons. They hunger for what we failed to feed them: the knowledge that their worth flows not from jawlines or muscle definition, but from the content of their character. We taught them to measure themselves against impossible standards, then wonder why they break beneath the weight.
This looksmaxxing phenomenon – what cruel irony that we’ve given optimisation a name whilst forgetting to optimise our love. We hand them devices that show them a thousand perfect faces daily, yet forget to show them their own faces are already whole. The hypermasculine influencers you mention have become the fathers we were too busy, too distant, too lost to be ourselves.
But here lies our paradox: in recognising this abandonment, we find our path back. The same culture that creates these impossible standards also gives us the power to reshape them. Every conversation we have with a young person about true strength – the kind that lifts others rather than diminishing them – plants seeds in soil we thought too hardened to grow.
Our children are not lost to us yet. They wait, even now, for adults who will see past their desperate pursuit of external validation to the deeper longing beneath: to matter, to belong, to be enough exactly as they are.
The question you pose haunts because it reveals our collective wound. We cannot heal our children until we heal ourselves. We cannot teach them to reject shallow waters when we ourselves have forgotten how to swim in deeper ones.
This is our call to awakening – not just as parents, but as a community that must choose: Will we continue feeding our young to the machine of artificial perfection, or will we finally offer them something real to hold onto?
The mirror reflects not just our children’s faces, but our own choices. What do we choose to see?
Powerfully expressed, Bob. Thank you for commenting.
just heartbreaking ! Children deserve better than this nonsense!
I fully agree, Cynthia.
As the father of boys, I was exposed to some online dangers parents need to be aware of, but this wasn’t one of them. Granted, mine will obviously be from a male perspective, but male youth today are an impressionable powder keg awaiting a spark. I pray the adults around them recognize this, and can guide them in a healthy direction. Otherwise, toxic influences may likely set the flame to them.
All the best, Anna.
–Scott
It grieves me that boys are at such risk. They need protection and guidance from loving parents, if they are to become good men.
Thank you for your input, Scott.
Well said, Anna!
There can be no doubt about it that we have abandoned our children. When kindergarten and first grade students are handed a tablet and told to occupy themselves instead of mom or dad spending time with them, we have abandoned them to the wiles of Satan.
My daughter teaches first grade, and the results of our abandonment are evident in her students who struggle with the simplest tasks. These kids get no or very little parent time, and even less help with reading and communication skills. I just want to scream “what have we done”!!!!
No technology, no matter how sophisticated, can substitute for a parent.
Absolutely!
Such a poignant question in regard to abandoning the young.
Yes, I believe we need to take responsibility and engage with them. If ever there were a time to connect it must be now.
Thank you Anna for such a timely post.
You are so kind, Ravishank. We are in grave danger of losing this younger generation to darkness. I pray for them — girls and boys alike.
Thank you Anna. Yes, they are our future 🙏
Back in elementary school, I tried something similar to what’s now called ‘looksmaxxing’—basically emulating the most popular classmates, who were probably just mimicking some celebrity or showbiz figure. For me, the results were dismal, after a long and exhausting period of believing I was fitting in. In hindsight, though, it was almost serendipitous. It taught me, the hard way, that I was never meant to impress others—I was meant to be myself.
My boys, fortunately, show no tendency toward anything like ‘looksmaxxing.’ Their proclivity for mischief, however—that’s quite another story. 🙂
An important lesson. I’m sure your children benefit from it, Hubert.