“Richard Humphreys: The Boxer” by John Hoppner (1778-1788), Metropolitan Museum of Art (Accession No. 53.113), Source/Photographer https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/436691 (Creative Commons CC0 1.0 Universal Public Donation)
“Defensiveness is where you try to convince the other person not to think negatively of you, where you defend yourself, where you try to make sure you don’t get found guilty by the court. Assertiveness is merely stating the truth.”
-Dan Munro [1]
Defensiveness is a psychological defense mechanism which involves justifying our actions when we experience shame, sadness, and/or anger as the result of perceived criticism [2A][3A].
Defensiveness is distinct from assertiveness in the defense of our rights. One is emotion driven, an attempt (conscious or unconscious) to deflect blame to our opponent, and often related to anxiety or low self-esteem. The other is simply a confident and reasoned communication style, which stops short of aggression [4].
Connection to Abuse
Abuse — whether emotional, physical, sexual, or arising from neglect — is a recognized cause of defensiveness [2B][3B][5]. Since we were unable to protect ourselves against abuse as children, it is entirely possible that we may become reflexively defensive as adults.
Domestic abuse can, also, result in defensiveness.
ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse 